In Times of War You Know You're Screwed When...

[The Spartan (Returns)]

welcome Snite!

[Orb]

When Divinus Arma (aka Eclectic) hands you your inspirational speech.

[Matador]

The master of your supply wagons says "Armour! What armour?"

[Matador]

Your charging the enemy line and the only thought in your head is Did I remember to put out the cook fire in my tent this morning?

[Samurai Waki]

... when your soldiers forget which part of the spear is the pointy end

[Raz]

.... when you discover that the horses can't handle weight.

.... when the senate finds out you've been sleeping with his wife.

.... when the blacksmith says that the armour is supposed to do that.

.... when you read the book on battles and it only explains the use of scare tactics.

.... when the Pope decides to Crusade 'through' your land.

[Somebody Else]

...when your air support has USAF scrawled on it.

...when enemy air support has USAF scrawled on it. (well, they do kinda level everything...)

...when you've just been ordered to retreat from Kabul.

...your general introduces himself as Publius Quinctilius Varus.

[Ludens]

...your general introduces himself as Publius Quinctilius Varus.

I think that is rather unfair. Varus had a good record of duty in Syria, which must have included some campaining, before he was defeated in Teutoberger Forrest, and there he was confronted with an entirely unexpected full-scale rebellion and the betrayal of his local allies. Nobody seems to have expected this, so it is unfair the blame Varus for not taking precautions.

You know you are screwed when...

... You are marching on Moscow and your name isn't Ghengis Khan.

[r johnson]

...your reserves have left for lunch.

...your general has gone on a long holiday

[Orb]

...when Lady Frog wrote the strategy guide for the enemy.

[Celtic_Guardian]

...........You you have an army the AI made

[Caius]

When you say "I am only patrolling, and there are coming 5000 enemy troops"

[The Stranger]

when you are in the Russian Army:

When you slept with the commisars sister
When you forgot your ammo in the camp and have to pass a commisar to get it

...when your weapons say made by Toy's R Us
...when you charge your cav into macedonian phalanx
...when you face RTW Vanilla Archers
...When you face a band of Beirut in open field
...When youre near Dev Dave (that is always bad)
...When DA who was supposed to back you up gets drunk. and youre about to invade a hostile warehouse and he screams WE ARE HERE, WHOS GOING TO ORDER ME A SHOT

[The Spartan (Returns)]

simple!
when your general is drunk like Wardo's friend.

[Orb]

when Abokasee is in charge of relaying your orders.

[Marshal Murat]

You join the Russian Army.
Your squadmate asks "How long is a grenade fuse?"
Your superior says "It'll be a cake-walk."
Your superior says "Intelligence reports low-quality troops"
Your superior says "Mission accomplished!"

You ask for artillery support and they reply "This is logistics, son"
You ask for covering fire and your squad replies "We don't have matches"
You ask for a flame-thrower and one man smirks.
The smirking man was in the circus.

[Mithrandir]

You're the last one to take one step back when the officers are asking for a volunteer...

[The Stranger]

when the army is making cuts... cuts on ammo and heating...
when the army sends you anti-freeze suits while you are in the jungle...

[danfda]

...when your unit of arcanii stop stalking the enemy general and start snacking on your (nicely roasted) flaming war pigs.

[Orb]

... when Mithrandir gives you his all-purpose army list (camels camels camels camels camels camels camels camels camels camels camels camels camels camels camels camels camels camels camels camels camels ) and you meet a schiltrom.

... when you have a nice army made of Arcani, Wardogs and Flaming Pigs and then convert to EB.

[Matador]

When your protecting a hilltop from the Egyptians and once the battle starts it turns out your facing the wrong way (somehow I've actually done this). It is quite the suprise.

[Orb]

When The Grand Mufti: Orb is considered your most loyal ally.

[Andres]

the general says: "Well, we forgot to bring the elephants, but I've got this elephant outfit here that will just fit YOU"

[satchef1]

...you have the whole of western europe + asia minor and are winning against the catholics, then the Mongols turn up

[Conradus]

... you retreat into your castle just to notice the enemy has invented gunpowder.

[satchef1]

...the other side hired Chuck Norris

[Dutch_guy]

...the other side hired Chuck Norris

[Silver Rusher]

when Abokasee is in charge of relaying your orders.

Good one!

[Orb]

When you are told not to worry about walking into that burning city: your uniforms are inflammable.

[Alexios]

… you're outnumbered by the Germans 3 to 1, and the German King offers his 'lovely' daughter, Princess 'BiggenHipsen' to you in holy matrimony as a way to avert the battle.
("Uhhhh... I'd rather you just stick me with your sword.")