I'd like to have your help with the grammar and wordchoice of this song i wrote. note i wrote it for a girl... which means she has to sing it...

You have the eyes of an angel
and the smile of a god
The voice of a gospel choire
and a perfect body as cherry on top

But when I look into your eyes
There is something I miss
The sparkle is gone
and it seems void of happiness
When I see you smile
There is something I miss
It is not sincere anymore
and it has something forced in it

Longer and longer
Memories fade away
I can barely remember
How it was back in the days

You come home and i see
lipgloss on your shirt
I smell a perfume i didn't buy
I'm sorry baby, you got caught

But when I look into your eyes
There is something I miss
The sparkle is gone
and it seems void of happiness
When I see you smile
There is something I miss
It is not sincere anymore
and it has something forced in it

Longer and longer
Memories fade away
I can barely remember
How it was back in the days

What did you believe I would do
Did you honestly think I had no clue
Honey, it hurts me more than it hurts you

Longer and longer
Memories fade away
I can barely remember
How it was back in the days

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change god to goddess
(british spelling?)

might want to redo this, I'm not sure what you mean.


into

"The sparkle is gone, they seem void of happiness" perhaps

Sincere is the word after putting in through a Dutch to English Translator.
Perhaps... "It is not sincere, but forced"


I hope this helped. If no one has helped you when I get back from class, I'll finish correcting/making suggestion. I have to go to class now, though.

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More Distant and far
The memories become

I can barely remember "anymore"

On her shirt? I don't get it.

buy, not bought

See above


Believe

think

Not bad.
Not bad. Sounds like you have woman problems. It sucks man, good luck.

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You have the eyes of an angel
Good
and the smile of a god
Like Ice said goddess
The voice of a church gospel choire
You don't really need church in there maybe just gospel choir it flows easier
and a perfect body as cherry on top
I don't understand this at all

But when I look in your eyes
When I look in your eyes there is something I miss
The sparkle is gone
Good
and it has no happiness in it
Good
When I see you smile
Good
There is something I miss
Good
It is not ... (oprecht? voor de nederlanders)
I guess what Ice said Sincere
and it has something forced in it
It's something forced

Longer and longer
Good
Memories fade away
Good
I can barely remember
Good
How it was back in the days
back then "in the days" is too complicated you really want to keep it simple
You come home and i see
Good
lipgloss on your shirt
Why would she have lipgloss on her shirt?
I smell a perfume i didn't bought
I didn't buy
I'm sorry baby, you got caught
Good

But when I look in your eyes
There is something I miss
The sparkle is gone
and it has no happiness in it
When I see you smile
There is something I miss
It is not ... (oprecht? voor de nederlanders)
and it has something forced in it

Longer and longer
Memories fade away
I can barely remember
How it was back in the days
already did all that

What did you believed I would do
What did you believe I would do
Did you honestly thought I had no clue
Did you honestly think I had no clue
Honey, it hurts me more than it does you
Good very Good I like it

Longer and longer
Memories fade away
I can barely remember
How it was back in the days
Already changed that before

It sounds like your having girl problem sorry to hear it. Thats my opnion of what should be changed. You should really sing it out loud it'll probably help you figure out what really needs to be changed. Nice to see your a song writer I like writing song too helps express yourself. Well I hope I helped.

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The Stranger, do I understand you that you wrote the song for a girl to sing to another guy?

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YEAH THANX Gregoshi :P

maybe i had to clarify it better. I'm the songwriter of a girl... well not really but since i write quite alot she asked me to write her a song she could sing. so it is eyes of a God and a guy can have lipgloss on his shirt :P

Csar i'll copy everything youve changed, its better now. Only one thing; I did not understand what you tried to say about the last line of my chorus
i thought cherry on top meant something like creme de la creme... what i meant whas and on top of all you have a perfect body etc...

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How it was back then

I changed in the days I took it out I was just trying to make it flow better but its your song you can do it however you want. And the lipgloss I though you were talking about a girl sorry my mistake. Oops

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allright, thank you very much... well it was also my mistake... i didnt clarify it enough

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A cherry on a perfect body is the creme de la creme if you bring cream of course. You are breaking a very important rule though mia muca, never get too close to nother man's meat, only brings trouble trust me. When the 'I can't control myselve no longer' act starts it means you might lose a good friend.

(cherry on top is in english similar to icing on the cake I believe)

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fragony what you talking about... its just a song... and a girl is singing it... not for somebody... she's a singer and she's looking for stuff she can use in her graduation project

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But of course, it isn't like a girl is asking you to write a lovesong for her, you enjoy writing so much after all. If there is no 'someone', think fast. This is good.

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