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Thread: Top ten fibs

  1. #1
    Clan Clan InsaneApache's Avatar
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    Default Top ten fibs

    The Top Ten white lies are:

    1. Father Christmas *

    2. The Tooth Fairy *

    3. Crusts give you curly hair *

    4. Carrots help night vision *

    5. If the wind changes, your face will stay like that *

    6. The Easter Bunny *

    7. Babies are found under gooseberry bushes (or similar)

    8. If you eat apple pips, they will grow in your tummy *

    9. Picking your nose causes your head to cave in or your nose to fall off *

    10. Lying does something unpleasant to your tongue.
    http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article...466665,00.html

    * denotes ones I've told my kids and grandkids

    I also told my eldest grand-daughter that eating brown bread will put hairs on her chest!

    and that if she sticks her tongue out, a Magpie will swoop out of the sky and peck it off.....

    Any others?
    There are times I wish they’d just ban everything- baccy and beer, burgers and bangers, and all the rest- once and for all. Instead, they creep forward one apparently tiny step at a time. It’s like being executed with a bacon slicer.

    “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.”

    To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticise.

    "The purpose of a university education for Left / Liberals is to attain all the politically correct attitudes towards minorties, and the financial means to live as far away from them as possible."

  2. #2
    Liar and Trickster Senior Member Andres's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top ten fibs

    Quote Originally Posted by InsaneApache
    I also told my eldest grand-daughter that eating brown bread will put hairs on her chest!
    That is so evil



    Btw, did you know that eating mustard will make your beard grow faster? Did you hear about that guy who's finger got stuck in his nose forever because he repeatedly picked his nose? And people who lie, have a black cross on their forehead.
    Last edited by Andres; 11-23-2006 at 10:46.
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  3. #3
    Second-hand chariot salesman Senior Member macsen rufus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top ten fibs

    A young chap can grow his beard faster by putting rabbit droppings in his shoes (Although I never met anyone who believed it enough to actually try.)
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  4. #4
    Tree Killer Senior Member Beirut's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top ten fibs

    When my kid was eight, I told her that when she turned nine her neck muscles would get all soft for about a year and cause her head to hang to one side. Happens to all nine year-olds I said.

    She didn't believe me, so I told her to look at the kids in the grade above her at school and she'd notice that they all hung their heads to one side. That's because they're nine and they're neck muscles go through changes but they get strong again when they hit ten.

    Mrs. Beirut would nearly choke on her food at dinner whenever me and the kid had this discussion. Kid's looking at me with eyes big as silver dollars, "Is that really true?"

    "Sure it is sweetie."
    Unto each good man a good dog

  5. #5
    Member Member Sardo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top ten fibs

    Quote Originally Posted by macsen rufus
    A young chap can grow his beard faster by putting rabbit droppings in his shoes (Although I never met anyone who believed it enough to actually try.)
    Or by applying chicken droppings to his face... Don't ask me how people come up with this stuff.

  6. #6
    Second-hand chariot salesman Senior Member macsen rufus's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top ten fibs

    Don't ask me how people come up with this stuff.
    Me neither, but I think it starts with someone gullible who you really need to humiliate for whatever reason
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    AO Viking's Tactician Member Lucjan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top ten fibs

    If your nose itches you're going to get in a fight.

    If your ears are ringing someone is talking about you.

    Eating pizza gives you pimples.

  8. #8
    zombologist Senior Member doc_bean's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top ten fibs

    Eating crusts gives you breasts (said to girls).
    Yes, Iraq is peaceful. Go to sleep now. - Adrian II

  9. #9
    Liar and Trickster Senior Member Andres's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top ten fibs

    Quote Originally Posted by doc_bean
    Eating crusts gives you breasts (said to girls).
    It only works for girls???

    That explains a lot...
    Andres is our Lord and Master and could strike us down with thunderbolts or beer cans at any time. ~Askthepizzaguy

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  10. #10
    zombologist Senior Member doc_bean's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top ten fibs

    Quote Originally Posted by AndresTheCunning
    It only works for girls???

    That explains a lot...
    it also worked for me

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 


    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    Yes, Iraq is peaceful. Go to sleep now. - Adrian II

  11. #11

    Default Re: Top ten fibs

    My best mate at work told his son (round about the time his milk teeth were dropping out and the tooth fairy was visiting ) that soon it would be time for his baby eyes to drop out, then the eye fairy would come and give him 50p for them whilst his new eyes were growing! ~:D

    This is the same bloke who convinced his co-workers that when he was a student he got a summer job as a civilian contractor clearing landmines on the Falklands... Tall tales are a speciality of his.
    "I request permanent reassignment to the Gallic frontier. Nay, I demand reassignment. Perhaps it is improper to say so, but I refuse to fight against the Greeks or Macedonians any more. Give my command to another, for I cannot, I will not, lead an army into battle against a civilized nation so long as the Gauls survive. I am not the young man I once was, but I swear before Jupiter Optimus Maximus that I shall see a world without Gauls before I take my final breath."

    Senator Augustus Verginius

  12. #12
    Master of Few Words Senior Member KukriKhan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top ten fibs

    Here... pull my finger.
    Be well. Do good. Keep in touch.

  13. #13
    Clan Clan InsaneApache's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top ten fibs

    Quote Originally Posted by KukriKhan
    Here... pull my finger.
    Hahaha....all my grandkids are amazed when I do that.
    There are times I wish they’d just ban everything- baccy and beer, burgers and bangers, and all the rest- once and for all. Instead, they creep forward one apparently tiny step at a time. It’s like being executed with a bacon slicer.

    “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.”

    To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticise.

    "The purpose of a university education for Left / Liberals is to attain all the politically correct attitudes towards minorties, and the financial means to live as far away from them as possible."

  14. #14
    Master of Few Words Senior Member KukriKhan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top ten fibs

    All official Grampas do right? It's in 'the code' I think.

    Another favorite: place both hands aside your nose, and twist (secretly clicking your thumbnail against your teeth, making a "cracking" sound). Kid thinks you can crack your nose, and walks about twisting his own nose for hours, trying to imitate. Tons o' fun.

    When he comes back, frustrated, top it off with a story about how only you can do it, because of an old war injury, from when you and John Wayne fought in the Spanish-American War.
    Be well. Do good. Keep in touch.

  15. #15
    Member Member Avicenna's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top ten fibs

    What about this fib?


    http://www.trautman.net/trautman/ima...CreamMessy.GIF
    "I swear I didn't touch the cake, mummy"

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  16. #16
    Clan Clan InsaneApache's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top ten fibs

    I got another one Kukri. Cup your hands together and hit your knee with them. The sound of the air being expelled sounds just like you have loose change in your hands....when the ankle biters grab your hands there is nothing there!

    Hours of fun bamboozling the young 'uns.
    There are times I wish they’d just ban everything- baccy and beer, burgers and bangers, and all the rest- once and for all. Instead, they creep forward one apparently tiny step at a time. It’s like being executed with a bacon slicer.

    “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.”

    To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticise.

    "The purpose of a university education for Left / Liberals is to attain all the politically correct attitudes towards minorties, and the financial means to live as far away from them as possible."

  17. #17
    Join the ICLADOLLABOJADALLA! Member IrishArmenian's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top ten fibs

    Quote Originally Posted by InsaneApache
    and that if she sticks her tongue out, a Magpie will swoop out of the sky and peck it off.....
    Any others?
    Filthy Gordies...
    Funny lies, though.

    "Half of your brain is that of a ten year old and the other half is that of a ten year old that chainsmokes and drinks his liver dead!" --Hagop Beegan

  18. #18
    Kanto Kanrei Member Marshal Murat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top ten fibs

    A thought the vitamins in carrots were able to improve night vision.
    In Vietnam, during the American war there, the Vietnamese would be easy to ambush, 'cause they couldn't see well in the dark.
    "Nietzsche is dead" - God

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    Have you just been dumped?

    I ask because it's usually something like that which causes outbursts like this, needless to say I dissagree completely.

  19. #19
    Clan Clan InsaneApache's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top ten fibs

    Quote Originally Posted by Marshal Murat
    A thought the vitamins in carrots were able to improve night vision.
    Just to go off topic a bit. This was propaganda put out by the RAF in WWII to disguise the fact that the reason the German raiders were consistently intercepted was because of RDF. They must have had gut ache from laughing at all the Luftwaffe pilots turning orange with all that carotin in their system.
    There are times I wish they’d just ban everything- baccy and beer, burgers and bangers, and all the rest- once and for all. Instead, they creep forward one apparently tiny step at a time. It’s like being executed with a bacon slicer.

    “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.”

    To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticise.

    "The purpose of a university education for Left / Liberals is to attain all the politically correct attitudes towards minorties, and the financial means to live as far away from them as possible."

  20. #20
    Master of Few Words Senior Member KukriKhan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top ten fibs

    Well, that's added to my list of "Things I Never Knew Before".

    ...But this story was a myth invented by the RAF to hide their use of radar, which was what really located the Luftwaffe bombers at night - not human carrot-assisted super-vision...
    From here.
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  21. #21
    Clan Clan InsaneApache's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top ten fibs

    Well my grandad was too old to re-enlist at the outbreak of WWII, (he had been in the Indian Army), so he joined the RAF who weren't as fussy. I think he was about 38 when the 'balloon went up'.

    It was a tale he told me when I was a nipper. Nice to see it's true though, unlike a lot of the stuff he said.

    I once asked him what a particular item was on his mantlepiece....it looked like an animal..with four legs but two tails, both standing upwards...

    "Whats that grandad?"

    "It's a rary"

    "A rary?"

    "Yes"

    "Where's it come from?"

    "It comes from tipper"

    "Where's tipper grandad?"

    *a smirk spreads across his face*

    "It's a long way to Tipperary"

    *me blank*

    I loved that man.
    There are times I wish they’d just ban everything- baccy and beer, burgers and bangers, and all the rest- once and for all. Instead, they creep forward one apparently tiny step at a time. It’s like being executed with a bacon slicer.

    “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.”

    To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticise.

    "The purpose of a university education for Left / Liberals is to attain all the politically correct attitudes towards minorties, and the financial means to live as far away from them as possible."

  22. #22
    Master of Few Words Senior Member KukriKhan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top ten fibs

    "It's a long way to Tipperary"

    *me blank*
    5-6 years later, when you heard the song on TV or in the movies, I'd have paid money to see the look of realization spread on your face. ROFL.

    Yep, we gramppies go for the long joke, too. :)
    Be well. Do good. Keep in touch.

  23. #23
    Medical Welshman in London. Senior Member Big King Sanctaphrax's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top ten fibs

    I think the carrots thing comes from the fact that they contain beta-carotene, which is converted into vitamin A, which is necessary for vision. Any beyond the required amount won't improve it, though.
    Last edited by Big King Sanctaphrax; 11-24-2006 at 00:32.
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  24. #24
    Tree Killer Senior Member Beirut's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top ten fibs

    Quote Originally Posted by Big King Sanctaphrax
    I think the carrots thing comes from the fact that they contain beta-carotene, which is converted into vitamin A, which is necessary for vision. Any beyond the required amount won't improve it, though.
    I heard polar bear liver has a lethal concentration of Vitamin A. That's why the Inuit don't eat it.

    Guess if it kills you it doesn't do much for your vision either.
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  25. #25
    Medical Welshman in London. Senior Member Big King Sanctaphrax's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top ten fibs

    Carotenemia or hypercarotenemia is excess carotene, and unlike excess Vitamin A is non-toxic. Although hypercarotenemia is not particularly dangerous, it can lead to a yellowing of the skin (carotenodermia). It is most commonly associated with consumption of an abundance of carrots, but it also can be a medical sign of more dangerous conditions.
    Yes, an excess of vitamin A will kill you-but according to wikipedia, an excess of carotene can't. So keep on eating those carrots, people!

    Edit-Apparently, it's not only polar bear livers that will give you a fatal does of vitamin a-

    The livers of certain animals, especially those adapted to polar environments, often contain amounts of vitamin A that would be toxic to humans. Thus, vitamin A toxicity is typically reported in arctic explorers and people taking large doses of synthetic vitamin A. The first documented death due to vitamin A poisoning was Xavier Mertz, a Swiss scientist who died in January 1913 on an Antarctic expedition that had lost its food supplies and fell to eating its sled dogs. Mertz consumed lethal amounts of vitamin A by eating the dogs' livers.
    Last edited by Big King Sanctaphrax; 11-24-2006 at 01:14.
    Co-Lord of BKS and Beirut's Kingdom of Peace and Love.

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  26. #26
    Kanto Kanrei Member Marshal Murat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top ten fibs

    But eating carrots, or a good amount of vitamin A (US Soldiers) helped maintain good night vision while the Vietnamese ate rice, and a good amount of it. So they didn't have sufficient Vitamin A to help maintain good eye-sight and night vision. So, it kinda does help your night vision.
    "Nietzsche is dead" - God

    "I agree, although I support China I support anyone discovering things for Science and humanity." - lenin96

    Re: Pursuit of happiness
    Have you just been dumped?

    I ask because it's usually something like that which causes outbursts like this, needless to say I dissagree completely.

  27. #27
    Member Member Del Arroyo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top ten fibs

    The US soldiers also had infrared goggles (even back then).

  28. #28

    Default Re: Top ten fibs

    If you pick your nose too much it causes brain damage

  29. #29
    AO Viking's Tactician Member Lucjan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top ten fibs

    *When nose-picking* somebody says "If you find any gold up there let me know."

    Never really understood that one, it seems to glorify the act rather than discourage it.

  30. #30
    Slain by mafia-implanted bombs Member littlelostboy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Top ten fibs

    When you bite your tongue during a meal, someone's talking behind your back.

    When you shake your leg under the table, loose change will fall out of your pockets.

    Old wives tales.
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