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Thread: How would sir like his steak?

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    master of the pwniverse Member Fragony's Avatar
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    Default How would sir like his steak?

    Now something important.

    How to make that perfect steak? First of all, it seems to be impossible to order a good steak unless you are either in the netherlands or the good old US of A, the only countries where it is understood that a true steak needs to be 60% raw (yet warm), 20% 'cooked' and and crispy from the outside. Furthermore, the meat needs to be either from Argentina(very very good), or Ireland (best meat ever and ever and ever). Mushrooms are essential, but before you bake them, make sure they have been sucking up delicious sause with garlic/lemon and fresh chivs. Black pepper, and seasalt should of course be added afterwards, and the meat should be baked 2 minutes on each side max, or it will become the sort of thing lesser people eat, a medium steak. The steak should be baked in 80% salted butter, preferably from the scandinavian countries, and 20% olive oil that doesn't need to be of the finest quality per se, but it helps

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    Bringing down the vulgaroisie Member King Henry V's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would sir like his steak?

    Mmmm, my mum and grandma make excellent steak, in a delicious sauce made with beef goulash stock cubes, tomatoes, mushrooms, onions, garlic and a touch of cream.
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    Member Senior Member Proletariat's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would sir like his steak?

    Irish beef? Huh. Learn something new everyday... I knew the South Americans do beef alright, but it's really Austrailia or the States where you need to do serious steak.. I'm a bit skeptical about that Irish thing...

    No idea if you can get it way out there, Frag, but Kobe beef pwns.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kobe_beef

    Edit: Oh yeah, take butter, white wine, garlic (lil salt and pepper) and cook some of those baby white mushrooms in a seperate skillet and put them on top of the finished product.
    Last edited by Proletariat; 10-14-2006 at 15:19.

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    Old Town Road Senior Member Strike For The South's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would sir like his steak?

    Get beef from TEXAS and taters from TEXAS and BBQ suace from TEXAS and corn from TEXAS and beer from TEXAS. Then and only then you will have a meal
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    master of the pwniverse Member Fragony's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would sir like his steak?

    You can get it at the japanese restaurants, but they tend to screw it up with too much oistersause. Japanese screw everything up with too much oistersause, still, it's a sight to behold to see them screw things up with too much oistersause. Always good fun eating japanese.

    and beer from TEXAS

    Oh noes, monthy python said it all, drinking american beer is like making love in a boat, it's *beep* close to water.
    Last edited by Fragony; 10-14-2006 at 15:34.

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    Second-hand chariot salesman Senior Member macsen rufus's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would sir like his steak?

    Nah, the only place to eat steak is in Argentina, straight off the barbeque, blood dribbling down your chin.... Damn, I was vegetarian 15 years til I went to Buenos Aires. I'd also been faithful to my partner for ten years. Man, what a great city
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    probably bored Member BDC's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would sir like his steak?

    If it doesn't give you tape worms, it's too heavily cooked.

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    Member Member Kanamori's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would sir like his steak?

    I like them medium rare with some cooked mushrooms and onions on top. If it is too rare, the texture and blood start to bother me; blood is too rich.

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    Oni Member Samurai Waki's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would sir like his steak?

    Medium Rare with Mushrooms cooked in Butter and Seasoned with Garlic. The best steaks I've had are in the South West, although Montana does a pretty good job. Ironically, Cattle Ranchers don't seem to grasp how to cook a good steak, the best ones I've had are either home cooked, or at a Restraunt, off the Ranch Steaks always seem to be tough and chewy.

  10. #10
    Probably Drunk Member Reverend Joe's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would sir like his steak?

    RARE/RAW MEAT IS GROTESQUE BEYOND BELIEF. IT IS SQUISHY AND DISGUSTING.

    I had to say it. As loudly as possible. For me the perfect steak is well done, brown to the center, NO PINK WHATSOEVER. And **** mushrooms. No mushrooms.

    Except if they are psilocybin.

    Edit: I just want to expand on my point, because the bourbon is running strong. Eating raw beef is the most horrendous thing anyone can do and is an offense to humanity as a whole. Our ancestors invented fire so we would not die from eating meat. You insult all of us by ignoring this. If you want to eat raw warm beef, you may as well go out and breed a beef-flavored slug and eat it alive. More well-cooked beef for us sane people.
    Last edited by Reverend Joe; 10-15-2006 at 06:17.

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    Bringing down the vulgaroisie Member King Henry V's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would sir like his steak?

    That's strange, considering you were called meatwad before.
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    1000 post member club Member Quid's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would sir like his steak?

    Quote Originally Posted by Zorba
    RARE/RAW MEAT IS GROTESQUE BEYOND BELIEF. IT IS SQUISHY AND DISGUSTING.

    I had to say it. As loudly as possible. For me the perfect steak is well done, brown to the center, NO PINK WHATSOEVER. And **** mushrooms. No mushrooms.

    Except if they are psilocybin.

    Edit: I just want to expand on my point, because the bourbon is running strong. Eating raw beef is the most horrendous thing anyone can do and is an offense to humanity as a whole. Our ancestors invented fire so we would not die from eating meat. You insult all of us by ignoring this. If you want to eat raw warm beef, you may as well go out and breed a beef-flavored slug and eat it alive. More well-cooked beef for us sane people.
    I wouldn't have put it in such strong terms but I wholly agree with Zorba here. I like my steak well done, yet still tender. Hence I usually buy (or order) a filet steak.

    The very best steak I have tasted is indeed from Kobe (whilst travelling Japan). I couldn't get enough of it so I ended up mostly eating Kobe beef in all kinds of variations almost everywhere I went.

    Funnily enough, though, here in my home city, the best steak I have had is from a Fondue restaurant. The cook probably learned to make proper steak when over in the Americas...

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    zombologist Senior Member doc_bean's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would sir like his steak?

    Quote Originally Posted by Fragony
    Now something important.

    How to make that perfect steak? First of all, it seems to be impossible to order a good steak unless you are either in the netherlands or the good old US of A, the only countries where it is understood that a true steak needs to be 60% raw (yet warm), 20% 'cooked' and and crispy from the outside. Furthermore, the meat needs to be either from Argentina(very very good), or Ireland (best meat ever and ever and ever). Mushrooms are essential, but before you bake them, make sure they have been sucking up delicious sause with garlic/lemon and fresh chivs. Black pepper, and seasalt should of course be added afterwards, and the meat should be baked 2 minutes on each side max, or it will become the sort of thing lesser people eat, a medium steak. The steak should be baked in 80% salted butter, preferably from the scandinavian countries, and 20% olive oil that doesn't need to be of the finest quality per se, but it helps
    The general rule of baking steak is 1 minute per cm (1/2.6 inch for those who haven't discovered the metric system) per side, turn the fire up before you put in the steak in so it scorches a bit and turn it down when the steak is in. My mom often wraps steak in aluminum foil for a while after it's baked so the warmth spreads to the center without making the steak all chewy, the result is usually very good

    Also putting (garlic) butter on the steak (on top after you've turned it) and letting it melt is delicious ! (We need a drooling smiley !)
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    Default Re: How would sir like his steak?

    Seared on the outside, bloody on the inside, with soy sauce and rice vinegar on the side.
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    Probably Drunk Member Reverend Joe's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would sir like his steak?

    Quote Originally Posted by King Henry V
    That's strange, considering you were called meatwad before.
    Meatwad is a character in a frighteningly surreal cartoon (that is also funny as hell.) I would not want to eat Meatwad.

    (Not least because he rolls around everywhere and he is full of hair and dirt. But also because he is made of raw meat.)

  16. #16
    The Usual Member Ice's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would sir like his steak?

    I enjoy my steak cooked medium. I'm not hard to please.



  17. #17
    American since 2012 Senior Member AntiochusIII's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would sir like his steak?

    Quote Originally Posted by Zorba
    Meatwad is a character in a frighteningly surreal cartoon (that is also funny as hell.) I would not want to eat Meatwad.

    (Not least because he rolls around everywhere and he is full of hair and dirt. But also because he is made of raw meat.)
    ...

    You're the first person I've ever read that says ATHF is surreal. I'd call it dada if I have to call it anything.

    I don't like meadwad, though; too dumb, takes a kids' role. It has to be Frylock. You can't beat French fries with lighting eyes and beards.

    Now, on topic: I like my steak cooked well enough, but not so much it's tough. And I love mushrooms to death. Mushrooms = yum. Kobe steak is God's gift to man, though I'm fine with any.

  18. #18
    The Black Senior Member Papewaio's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would sir like his steak?

    Australian or New Zealand steak.

    I like medium rare... brown on the outside with black seared grill marks (if thick enough it should be crosshatched for visual pleasure), red but with a grain showing on the inside and slightly bloody... viscosity of water but with a nice red claret.

    Condiments should not be required only added for variety and to enhance the flavour.

    I love being able to eat a steak with just a fork... something that is so soft and juicy the ony thing lighter is fairy floss.

    As for the amount of time on the grill... that is highly dependent on the cut used... thickness \, any bone (T-bone) and fat content being the things to consider.
    Last edited by Papewaio; 10-16-2006 at 04:48.
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    Nobody Important Member Somebody Else's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would sir like his steak?

    I like it to moo when I stick my fork in.
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    Grand Patron's Banner Bearer Senior Member Peasant Phill's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would sir like his steak?

    Quote Originally Posted by Fragony
    Now something important.

    How to make that perfect steak? First of all, it seems to be impossible to order a good steak unless you are either in the netherlands or the good old US of A.
    That's a first. Saying that the Netherlands are the best for cooking something. That from a country where they mix Frech (Belgian) fries with peanut butter.
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    Yesdachi swallowed by Jaguar! Member yesdachi's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would sir like his steak?

    At a restaurant I order my steak medium, hoping that it is just close to not being over or under cooked, I am soooo not sending it back.

    At home I like it a good medium rare to medium depending on the cut (I am a total carnivore and will eat practically any meat from brats to filet). On my grill (and most others I have used) 2 minutes per turn (4 turns total, 2 on each side) will create a perfect steak. I like mine with “Montreal Seasoning” and no sauce but maybe some mushrooms or corn.


    Meat shouldn’t be baked unless it is a Wellington or perhaps a “pig in a blanket” .
    Last edited by yesdachi; 10-16-2006 at 14:42.
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  22. #22
    master of the pwniverse Member Fragony's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would sir like his steak?

    Quote Originally Posted by Peasant Phill
    That's a first. Saying that the Netherlands are the best for cooking something. That from a country where they mix Frech (Belgian) fries with peanut butter.
    That is indonesian satesause you heathen, it's beautiful. And our fries are french nor Belgium, french fries are very thin and belgium frites very thick. Here we eat dutch fries.

    And good steak.

  23. #23
    Grand Patron's Banner Bearer Senior Member Peasant Phill's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would sir like his steak?

    Quote Originally Posted by Fragony
    That is indonesian satesause you heathen, it's beautiful. And our fries are french nor Belgium, french fries are very thin and belgium frites very thick. Here we eat dutch fries.

    And good steak.
    Apparently I stand corrected. I never had the heart to try it. But it is made out of peanuts?
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  24. #24
    master of the pwniverse Member Fragony's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would sir like his steak?

    Quote Originally Posted by Peasant Phill
    Apparently I stand corrected. I never had the heart to try it. But it is made out of peanuts?
    Indeed, but it doesn't taste like it, it's very good. I am a bit surprised, you don't know sate in Belgium? It's very common here, maybe because Indonesia was a dutch colony?


  25. #25
    Liar and Trickster Senior Member Andres's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would sir like his steak?

    Ordering a "medium" steak... Barbarians!

    "Bleu", "saignant", "à point" and "bien cuit" are the proper terms.
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    Standing Up For Rationality Senior Member Ronin's Avatar
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    Thumbs up Re: How would sir like his steak?

    getting the perfect steak is a simple matter...

    you simply go to your local airport and buy a ticket to Lisbon, Portugal,

    when you get here you hail down a cab and tell the fellow you want to go to the " cervejaria Portugalia" beer house, once you get there you ask for their special house stake with a fried egg over-easy and french fries.

    It´s served in a pot dish and absolutely swimming in the house´s special sauce


    ....be prepared to go on a diet for the next few days.....you´re gonna need it to get over the cholesterol intake
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  27. #27
    Probably Drunk Member Reverend Joe's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would sir like his steak?

    Quote Originally Posted by AndresTheCunning
    Ordering a "medium" steak... Barbarians!

    "Bleu", "saignant", "à point" and "bien cuit" are the proper terms.
    ME WANT NOT RAW STEAK!!!


  28. #28
    Medical Welshman in London. Senior Member Big King Sanctaphrax's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would sir like his steak?

    Quote Originally Posted by Fragony
    That is indonesian satesause you heathen, it's beautiful. And our fries are french nor Belgium, french fries are very thin and belgium frites very thick. Here we eat dutch fries.

    And good steak.
    Haha, I've never heard Satay called peanut butter before.
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  29. #29
    Liar and Trickster Senior Member Andres's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would sir like his steak?

    Nothing beats a filet pur avec sauce aux deux poivres, saignant bien sûr.

    Satésaus on a steak Damn Dutch!
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  30. #30
    master of the pwniverse Member Fragony's Avatar
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    Default Re: How would sir like his steak?

    Quote Originally Posted by AndresTheCunning
    Satésaus on a steak Damn Dutch!
    Whoever does that should be euthanised without a second opinion, we put it on fries.

    patatje oorlog, satesause + mayonaise. But someone thought such a name could lead to social tensions so know we have to call it patatje pret

    no that is not a joke.

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