The Trading Republic of Kart-Hadast. (AAR)

**Aenos** · 10-26-2006, 17:18

I'll be off till sunday so it will be a few days until I'll be able to do another update.

**Aenos** · 10-29-2006, 16:02

I'm back. Anyway, whilst I was away, I was able to take a look at what I had written till now and I erm.. changed quite some things whilst rewritting it. I'll post what I have for by now and then ask you, the readers, to tell me which way you prefer. The style of the rewritten way or the old style. The idea of the 'new style' is to give more depth to the story by adding more details. However, I know myself to not be very good in writing detailed stories.. Therefore I ask your opinions.
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The Trading Republic of Kart-Hadast.
Introduction.

As traders sailed closer to their destination, Kart-Hadast, the first thing they noticed were the great walls. Impressive, even from many miles at sea, it was a clear sign that no one could oppose them and hope to win. Stone after stone, carefully placed with masterful craftsmanship, meters thick. A few hours from the moment that they first saw the magnificent walls, the traders would start hearing the sounds of a bustling city. Traders pricing their goods, the whip as it clashed on the backs of the slaves, the sound of a jar as it burst into pieces on the ground. When they finally reached the port and docked, they became part of the live of this gigantic city. A city that ruled the world, through trade.

However, though it was certain that anyone foolish enough to attack Kart-Hadast itself would perish, there were raids on other towns of this great empire. Small bands of bandits and raiders, mainly Numidians, that rampaged across the countryside. Ambushing merchants as they traveled from town to town. Emptying their pockets before murdering them. A few hours, or days depending on the place where it occurred, later another merchant would find the corpses laying on the road. Rumours spread quickly through the many towns of the Qarthadastim and eventually reached the capital. Of course such a clear opposition of their power could not be tolerated and as such the council met to discuss a means of stopping this scum.

The Council meets.

As the councilors entered the hall in which they had their meetings, many conversations between the various colleagues were taking place. If one listened carefully one could pick up parts of what was said before the meeting officially started. Councilor Hasdrubal: 'It is outrageous! More then ten merchants dead in but two weeks time, if we cannot protect the traders then what is to become of Kart-Hadast.. I say…’ Somewhere else in the hall, Councilor Hamalcar: ‘If this riffraff wants to meet us in battle, then we shall meet them! It’ll be like crushing a bug! What do you…’ Slowly the councilors began to take their places in the hall, with the economical side on the left and the warlike side on the right. Then, as shophet Mago arrived, all the conversations died down and silence fell.

Shophet Mago walked to the slightly heightened stand at the far side of the hall. As he reached it, he took a scroll, bearing the sign of the town of Ippone, and said: ‘Councilors, I assume you have all read the reports from Ippone?’ Most councilors nodded and then Mago continued: ‘Of course we cannot tolerate such an insult to Qarthadastim law! We are a trading nation and yet we allowed our traders to be murdered by these dogs.’ He opened a scroll and said: ‘The governor of Ippone writes: ‘‘I’m sorry to report the loss of twelve merchants in these last two weeks. My soldiers, whom investigated the matter, tell me that these vile acts were done by raiders from Numidia. I fear they will not stop at this and matters will only become worse as time passes.’’ Therefore we meet today to discuss on how to handle these Numidians.’

Councilor Hamalcar, the most influential councilor of the militaristic side, rose from his seat and took the word: ‘It seems clear that the best way to deal with these bastards is to destroy them in battle. My scouts have reported that they are but a few in number and their equipment isn’t even near to the quality of what Kart-Hadast can field. Therefore I think we should send the army of our great capital to put an end to this soon.’

Councilor Hasdrubal, the most influential councilor of the economical side, rose quickly to reply: ‘I agree that we need to stop these raids quickly for the sake of our merchants and our economy. However, as Hamalcar just noted, they are but a minor threat to any military forces from Kart-Hadast. For this reason I’d hardly think we need to send our entire garrison to deal with this rabble. Such an act would not only leave us in a vulnerable position, but it would also put an unnecessary strain on our economy if we were to send such a large force. It would seem more appropriate to send but a few hundred soldiers to reinforce the small band of our Spartan general Xanthippos. This would make him more then able to deal with the matter.’

Shophet Mago saw that most of the councilors seemed share his opinion to agree with Hasdrubal’s plan and said: ‘Hmm.. That seems a sound plan Hasdrubal. All in favour?’ Nearly all councilors nodded and Mago continued: ‘Then it is agreed, Xanthippos will be send part of our garrison before he is to march on the Numidians.’

With this matter decided the councilors rose and walked out of the hall. At the same time a messenger arrived in the military camp of Xanthippos, which was a few miles from Kart-Hadast. Upon his arrival, the guards escorted him to the tent where their commander was. There the messenger said with a bow: ‘Hail Xanthippos, commander of the Qarthadastim. I bring orders from the council.’ Then the messenger opened his bag, took a scroll out of it and gave it to Xanthippos.

Xanthippos carefully opened the scroll and read:

Xanthippos of Sparte,

By noon part of the garrison of Kart-Hadast
will arrive in your encampment. You are to
take them and the forces currently under
your command to the lands of the Numi-
dians. Make an end to their pathetic
raids and you’ll be well paid.

Signed,

Shophet Mago.

After he had read it he said to his men: ‘So the council wishes us to march to that piece of empty desert and destroy an army of simple spear-throwers?’ He laughed and continued: ‘Well, then we shall.’ Then he turned to the messenger and ordered him to go. A few hours later the army from Kart-Hadast arrived and they started their march to the well known Numidian stronghold, Kirtan.

---

Edit: Removed the Numidian campaign part and added it in the next update.

**Spendios** · 10-29-2006, 20:31

Very nice AAR Aenos !

**Aenos** · 10-29-2006, 20:32

Come on people! I want to know if you prefer this new style over the old one or not! Otherwise I'll be wasting my time to rewrite it! Come on!

Oh and thank you for the compliment Spendios, but which style do you prefer?

**Tellos Athenaios** · 10-30-2006, 00:03

Well, here you are, then. This is all just my opinion, and as I'm not an expert writer myself you may want not to value it really much. Anyway here it is...

Originally Posted by Aenos

The Trading Republic of Kart-Hadast.
Introduction.

As traders sailed closer to their destination, Kart-Hadast, the first thing they noticed were the great walls. Impressive, even from many miles at sea, it was a clear sign that no one could oppose them and hope to win. Stone after stone, carefully placed with masterful craftsmanship, meters thick. A few hours from the moment that they first saw the magnificent walls, the traders would start hearing the sounds of a bustling city. Traders pricing their goods, the whip as it clashed on the backs of the slaves, the sound of a jar as it burst into pieces on the ground. When they finally reached the port and docked, they became part of the live of this gigantic city. A city that ruled the world, through trade.

First paragraph is a bit too much details, without really saying anything. Also, it doesn't fit within the broader structure of the AAR, due to the posts prior to this one.

However, though it was certain that anyone foolish enough to attack Kart-Hadast itself would perish, there were raids on other towns of this great empire. Small bands of bandits and raiders, mainly Numidians, that rampaged across the countryside. Ambushing merchants as they traveled from town to town. Emptying their pockets before murdering them. A few hours, or days depending on the place where it occurred, later another merchant would find the corpses laying on the road. Rumours spread quickly through the many towns of the Qarthadastim and eventually reached the capital. Of course such a clear opposition of their power could not be tolerated and as such the council met to discuss a means of stopping this scum.

Second paragraph is fine. It has lots of detail, but that's clearly part of the story, and not just a story within a story.

The Council meets.

As the councilors entered the hall in which they had their meetings, many conversations between the various colleagues were taking place. If one listened carefully one could pick up parts of what was said before the meeting officially started. Councilor Hasdrubal: 'It is outrageous! More then ten merchants dead in but two weeks time, if we cannot protect the traders then what is to become of Kart-Hadast.. I say…’ Somewhere else in the hall, Councilor Hamalcar: ‘If this riffraff wants to meet us in battle, then we shall meet them! It’ll be like crushing a bug! What do you…’ Slowly the councilors began to take their places in the hall, with the economical side on the left and the warlike side on the right. Then, as shophet Mago arrived, all the conversations died down and silence fell.

This is again too much detail to really add to the broader story line.

Shophet Mago walked to the slightly heightened stand at the far side of the hall. As he reached it, he took a scroll, bearing the sign of the town of Ippone, and said: ‘Councilors, I assume you have all read the reports from Ippone?’ Most councilors nodded and then Mago continued: ‘Of course we cannot tolerate such an insult to Qarthadastim law! We are a trading nation and yet we allowed our traders to be murdered by these dogs.’ He opened a scroll and said: ‘The governor of Ippone writes: ‘‘I’m sorry to report the loss of twelve merchants in these last two weeks. My soldiers, whom investigated the matter, tell me that these vile acts were done by raiders from Numidia. I fear they will not stop at this and matters will only become worse as time passes.’’ Therefore we meet today to discuss on how to handle these Numidians.’

Councilor Hamalcar, the most influential councilor of the militaristic side, rose from his seat and took the word: ‘It seems clear that the best way to deal with these bastards is to destroy them in battle. My scouts have reported that they are but a few in number and their equipment isn’t even near to the quality of what Kart-Hadast can field. Therefore I think we should send the army of our great capital to put an end to this soon.’

Councilor Hasdrubal, the most influential councilor of the economical side, rose quickly to reply: ‘I agree that we need to stop these raids quickly for the sake of our merchants and our economy. However, as Hamalcar just noted, they are but a minor threat to any military forces from Kart-Hadast. For this reason I’d hardly think we need to send our entire garrison to deal with this rabble. Such an act would not only leave us in a vulnerable position, but it would also put an unnecessary strain on our economy if we were to send such a large force. It would seem more appropriate to send but a few hundred soldiers to reinforce the small band of our Spartan general Xanthippos. This would make him more then able to deal with the matter.’

Shophet Mago saw that most of the councilors seemed share his opinion to agree with Hasdrubal’s plan and said: ‘Hmm.. That seems a sound plan Hasdrubal. All in favour?’ Nearly all councilors nodded and Mago continued: ‘Then it is agreed, Xanthippos will be send part of our garrison before he is to march on the Numidians.’

With this matter decided the councilors rose and walked out of the hall. At the same time a messenger arrived in the military camp of Xanthippos, which was a few miles from Kart-Hadast. Upon his arrival, the guards escorted him to the tent where their commander was. There the messenger said with a bow: ‘Hail Xanthippos, commander of the Qarthadastim. I bring orders from the council.’ Then the messenger opened his bag, took a scroll out of it and gave it to Xanthippos.

Xanthippos carefully opened the scroll and read:

Xanthippos of Sparte,

By noon part of the garrison of Kart-Hadast
will arrive in your encampment. You are to
take them and the forces currently under
your command to the lands of the Numi-
dians. Make an end to their pathetic
raids and you’ll be well paid.

Signed,

Shophet Mago.

After he had read it he said to his men: ‘So the council wishes us to march to that piece of empty desert and destroy an army of simple spear-throwers?’ He laughed and continued: ‘Well, then we shall.’ Then he turned to the messenger and ordered him to go. A few hours later the army from Kart-Hadast arrived and they started their march to the well known Numidian stronghold, Kirtan.

The Numidian campaign, On to Kirtan!

Slowly the army marched across the seemingly empty lands of northern Africa. It was nearly noon and the hot African sun burned the skin of the Iberian and Greek mercenaries. Then, as they reached a small forest in the shade of a hill, Xanthippos ordered the men to make camp, they’d rest for a while during the hottest hours of the day. The men drank water, sat in the shade and tried to make the heat as bearable as they could. Xanthippos and a few of his officers decided to walk to the hill-top and take a look at the surrounding land.

(screenie.. but imageshack isn't helping..)

Suddenly one of his captains noticed something on the mountain to the northeast. He pointed at it and said: ‘Mylord, what can that be?’ All of them looked and after a while the youngest of them said: ‘It looks like the rapid movement of a large band of horses, but what would such a large group be doing all the way out here?’ Xanthippos’s face became grim as he replied: ‘Whom else can it be then the Numidians?’ Turning to the captain who first saw them he said: ‘Captain, go and warn the men! Tell them to line up quickly at the top of this hill, hah! Finally do we meet them in battle!’

The rest is just fine to me.

My opinion therefore is that adding more detail to the story certainly works out well, especially since you already took your very own approach of 'adressing' the strategical decisions you made during your campaign, but you tend to overdo it sometimes as well.

It may be a good thing to reduce the details in those parts of your story intended as an introduction, painting only the overall picture there. For example: leave out the jar, the whip and especially the stone after stone of magnificent craftmanship parts, and replace them with a more global description. Something like this.

"As traders sailed closer to their destination, Kart-Hadast, the first thing they noticed were the impressive great walls. Even from many miles at sea, they were a clear sign that no one could oppose them and hope to win. A few hours from the moment that they first saw the magnificent walls, the traders would start hearing the sounds of a bustling city. A city that ruled the world, through trade."

This way you leave just a bit more to our (the readers') imagination, and it still paints the picture pretty much 'your way'. In my opinion it's always a good sign if detailed and brief descriptions are mixed together, so as to create a more dynamic story. Like you start reading a brief overview of the city, you encounter a problem (the numidian raids) - nice to see the way introduced the issue with that climax - , you zoom in for a closer look on the issue, you're taken back to the 'here and now' of the council - that should be presented in a bit more brief style -, you zoom in on the meeting as the Sophet enters, and continue to read with that level of detail until the (future?) battle is over.

Then there is still my feeling that the first paragraph doesn't really fit within the broader story line. Maybe you needed to add a clearer connection between your post prior to this one. First of all, you would then have to deal with the question you posed about the Roman stacks. And second, you would need to add a paragraph that transfers the reader from Sicily/southern Italy to Carthage. Maybe some 'first trading vessels from southern Italy that reach Cartage since a long time' would do?

But besides that there may be room for improvement, I really enjoyed reading your AAR, and I'm eagerly awaiting the upcoming battle report. Keep it up!

**Tuuvi** · 10-30-2006, 02:23

I really liked the second way better, it felt as if I were reading a book.

Also, it would be nice if you could make the pics bigger, but other than that, great AAR!

**Warlord 11** · 10-30-2006, 03:21

Then there is still my feeling that the first paragraph doesn't really fit within the broader story line. Maybe you needed to add a clearer connection between your post prior to this one. First of all, you would then have to deal with the question you posed about the Roman stacks. And second, you would need to add a paragraph that transfers the reader from Sicily/southern Italy to Carthage. Maybe some 'first trading vessels from southern Italy that reach Cartage since a long time' would do?

But besides that there may be room for improvement, I really enjoyed reading your AAR, and I'm eagerly awaiting the upcoming battle report. Keep it up!

I think that this is a rewrite, not a continuation of the story...

Edit: Oh, and I like the new way better. Very good!

**Aenos** · 10-30-2006, 06:20

Thank you for the replies. I think I'll stick with the rewritten way then (I'll try to rewrite the rest as soon as possible as well then so you can return to see what happens in Sicily). Anyway, Tellos Athenaios, thank you for the advice. That's what I was afraid of doing, adding way too much details at some places. Thank you for correcting it. And aye, Warlord 11 was right, it's a rewrite. I'll explain. I was away for a few days and had no way to play the game, but I did have a chance to re-read what I had written (and change that). So this last part was again the introduction, the first meeting and the beginning of the first battle in the Numidian campaign. It was never the follow-up of the Roman War, in that case it would be a very odd update indeed. *laughs*

**Aenos** · 10-30-2006, 18:27

Whilst busy rewriting, I decided to play the campaign a little further. And I was quite shocked.. Yes, I'm talking about the war over Sicily now.. I fought a battle were the Romans were so desperate their army consisted mainly of Celtic mercenaries. However, I lost terribly! How could this be?! My four units of cavalry, three of them at half-strength and one of full strength, were destroyed by one tiny band of celts and then routed?! And within moments half of my army routed!

AARGH! Then in the battle were they followed and re-attacked my half-destroyed army.. Hamalcar II died and the Sicilian army lay decimated.. At the moment Hamalcar I has hired as many mercenaries as he could and thinks of attacking the Romans besieging Messana. And aye.. In Messana, Xanthippos of Sparte is trapped..

The war for Sicily may be well lost to the Romans, however, such a defeat does make an AAR much more interesting, can't wait to finish the rewriting. Anyway, should Hamalcar I die, it should prove interesting if Hasdrubal will be able to convince the council of peace with Rome even if it means the loss of Sicily.