I did it. I'll be leaving my dad for good.

[Cha]

The problem is that I don't have a job to support myself, and I didn't finish college yet. So I'll have to stay for a few weeks before I move. For now, I'm at a PC cafe typing this.

What happened was that I got tired of my dad threatening me and my mother. No wonder my sister got married (against my dad's wishes) and left us. So I yelled at my dad for the first time in my life. If he hadn't been threatening us, then I wouldn't have yelled at him.

He wanted me to do this job which I did for nearly a month. It was a job where I started doing hard labour, and then I would move up to a more comfortable position. My boss was a friend of my dad. Before I joined this company, my dad told my boss that I never talked to my dad, and that my Korean was terrible. Well, I found it difficult to talk to someone who was prone to anger towards his family. The other people didn't realize this because he was a totally different person when he was outside of the home. My Korean is bad of course because I lived in America and there was no one to teach me Korean. My parents were too busy to teach me. Whenever my dad had the time to teach me, it sometimes involved a beating to my head, so that didn't go too well. (Now going back to the topic of my new job), the hard labour was fine and I worked hard, but I couldn't stand the boss. One of his workers suggested that I live in the company campus because I lived too far. I had to wake up at 5:30 in the morning in order to get to the company by 7:30am. The boss gave me an angry 1 hour lecture about how I deserved to wake up early. He told me to talk to my dad, and said that my Korean was not even in the elementary level. I didn't deserve this so I quit the job. When I went home, my dad said that he would disown me. Apparently, the boss made up stories about how I was lazy, and that he never lectured me. Then my dad started to yell at my mom. I felt sorry for my mom because I was the reason for her going through this. So I told my dad that it was I who would be walking away from him. I'm done with my life with him, and I'm done with my life in South Korea. I'd rather be in America although I won't be having a decent job. My dad was like, "go ahead and leave. I'm sure you'll come back."

I'm sorry for my mom because she was always sweet to me. In Korea, it is the oldest son's duty to take care of the parents. When I find a job in America, I'll take care of my mom. In the meantime, I think she is better off living with dad.

[Fragony]

I am sorry to hear you have such trouble in the family, family should be shelter. I hope it all turns out well, I don't know anything about Korean culture, except that they eat squid alive, maybe it is normal that fathers place such pressure on their sons, I dunno. I hope it all turns out well for you, and your parents.

Good luck

[rory_20_uk]

Commiserations.

I hope your mother is OK.

[Kralizec]

Wow...that's one messed up story.

How are you going to pay for your move to America?

I wish you the best of luck.

[Cha]

Thanks all. Live squid? You know something about Korean culture. :)

Wow...that's one messed up story.

How are you going to pay for your move to America?

I wish you the best of luck.

I worked in another job for six months. I have enough money to move, but I'll have to find another job soon.

[ELITEofWARMANGINGERYBREADMEN88]

Yea Mess up story m8.... But Not to much different then mine :-(

Hope it works out for you :)

[Cha]

Sometimes I wonder about joining the American army. Unfortunately, I failed the physical exam because I can't hear with one of my ear. My dad doesn't know that I attempted to join the army some years ago.

[ELITEofWARMANGINGERYBREADMEN88]

Yea My Dad tried to when he was in his 20's, but he had a speech ploblem, and could not get in, but he said no when the Retruciter said he would try,now he regrets it.

[IrishArmenian]

How old are you? Are you bigger than your father, becuase then you can have a lot of leverage on him. Also hope this turns out for the best. If you get to America though, the Koreans, I hear, I really stick together. If you find some, they will get you a job. Good luck.

[Cha]

@ IrishArmenian,

thanks, I didn't think of that. I'm an American citizen and my English is ok. These things should give me an advantage.

[Fragony]

Cha, if you are serious about his, then you are now without a home, without a college degree, and without a dad. Why not relax a bit and think things over, go to town and have a drink, people overeact when they are angry, and proud as we are we stick with what we do when we are angry, even when we aren't angry anymore. What I mean is, don't do anything stupid.

[Cha]

I'm serious.

I have to find a job soon. Because of the language barrier in Korea, the best place for me would be the US. I don't think my dad will be working forever.

[Kralizec]

I'd keep in touch with both of your parents, people change, perhaps your dad will be less of a dick in a couple of years.

Will you have your degree soon? If so, in what?

[Cha]

When my dad says something, he really means it.
I won't be able to finish college now that I'm no longer supported by my dad.

[Fragony]

When my dad says something, he really means it.
I won't be able to finish college now that I'm no longer supported by my dad.

Bite the dust manos, without your degree you are nothing but cheap labour. You might be able to get a nice place and feel all good about yourselve being independent and all that, but that won't last when the shot piles up. Fix this, not only for you but for your mom's sake as well. At least pretend all is good, a little bit dishonesty for the greater good. Been in a similar situation when I was a bit more quik to react, sleeping here, then there and sometimes having no place at all. It's no fun.

[CrossLOPER]

Cha, I'm afraid you're a bit screwed. Unless you plan to go to a lesser institution and pursue a low-level degree, you won't even be able to go into a business to become manager. I strongly recommend that you listen to other's advice and rethink what you are doing.

Seriously, how old are you? It is possible that you can take some power away from your father. I don't know much about Korean culture, but my father always kicked me about (not physically), but he let me do things for myself. Really, he may just feel power over you because you're unable to find your way in that country.

Yeah, you really need to reexamine your situation.

[Big King Sanctaphrax]

Can't you apply for a hardship grant from your college/university? If I had a huge falling out with my parents and couldn't support myself any more, my university would give me some cash, enough to keep me going until I could make alternative arrangements or get my student loan re-negotiated. They'd prefer to pony up a little money rather than have me drop out, which looks bad and costs them funding. I don't know how it works in Korea, but perhaps you can do a similar thing?

[Crazed Rabbit]

I know in the US Universities you can get scholarships if you're poor and have no parental support, that will pay a lot, if not all of tuition and fees. Also, jobs can always be found near campuses.

The two biggest public Universities in Washington state have said they'll pay all tuition and fees for someone who qualifies for some specific grants - Wa state need grants and federal Pell grants (and maybe others). I think being an American citizen would help.

But like others have said; this is a big thing, and you need to be sure of what you are doing.

Best of Luck,
CR

[Ice]

Can't you apply for a hardship grant from your college/university? If I had a huge falling out with my parents and couldn't support myself any more, my university would give me some cash, enough to keep me going until I could make alternative arrangements or get my student loan re-negotiated. They'd prefer to pony up a little money rather than have me drop out, which looks bad and costs them funding. I don't know how it works in Korea, but perhaps you can do a similar thing?

Yes, he certainly can.

http://www.fafsa.ed.gov/

You will first need a pin number to fill out this application:

http://www.pin.ed.gov/PINWebApp/pinindex.jsp

Fill out those forms and the federal government will tell you what kind of aid, scholarships, and loans it has available for your particular situation. You are not "screwed" at all. Although this won't be easy, you can definately do it.

[yesdachi]

Sorry to hear of the difficult situation you are in. I would definitely speak with the counselor at the college; mine helped me find some extra money. I would hit some temp agencies and restaurants (if you work at a restaurant you always get at least a meal a day ) to find a job. Cheep housing shouldn’t be too much of an issue around a college as long as you don’t mind roommates. Good luck!

[IrishArmenian]

Do you have any friends you can stay with to get back on your feet? I would stay with a friend or his/her family to get enough money to fly to America, preferably a place where there are relatives there. From there, raise enough money to send for your mother. Then, you will have your emotional support as well and can go to school. It will be tough, and you will be working a lot, but it has been used by many in my family. In fact, my brother did this same thing, but he needed to move because his house became a pile of smoldering rubble during a skirmish with Azerbaijan. He decided from there to move to the US and then he sent for his wife. They are now living in Sacramento California.
EDIT: Or move to a place with a Korean Church of some sort. Churches always help people in your condition get a job, get back on their feet, and that sort. The Church is always a good place to get help.

[Del Arroyo]

Dude, you'll be fine.

If you have enough money to come to America, then come on over and find a job. You will find one, it will not be that hard.

In fact, if you wanted to join the Army, I would try-- though if your ear prevents you from getting in, there's nothing you can do about it.

Some of these guys are telling you to rethink things, but I don't think you have anything to worry about. Your parents will come around once you make good as an independent man. I know that's not the way things usually work in Korea-- but you have to do what you have to do.

As far as your college degree, find out how many of your credits will transfer and to where. Once you get stabilized you can start taking classes again and finish it out. People work their way through college all the time-- my father did, while raising his first five children, and he has a PhD. He also had a difficult relationship with his father very similar to the one you have just described.

..

At any rate, I don't find Cha's story particularly surprising and it probably isn't that unusual. From what I understand Korea culture places a very strong emphasis on obedience to superiors, and that they quite frequently beat people. In the classroom, in the dojang, and elsewhere, corporal punishment is very normal. But more importantly, everybody everywhere in the world fights with their parents, so there is really nothing so unusual about Cha's situation at all. In some cases the best solution is to break away and make it on your own, that's what Cha has decided to do, and that's what I think he should do.

[Papewaio]

my father did, while raising his first five children, and he has a PhD.

Your dad has a second set of five children?

====

Seriously, Del Arroyo-sans advice is very good to follow. If you have US citizenship, speak English better then Korean and have been able already to get into college it is the best path to follow. Go back to the US, work smart and hard, and when possible go back to college and finish what you have started.

[CrossLOPER]

Did Cha just walk out?

[Cha]

Thanks for your all your advice. I'm not feeling well at the moment (which is one of the reasons why I stopped working). I haven't left yet. If I can't find a job here, then I think I'll move. Nothing happened much so far.

[Major Robert Dump]

If you are an American citizen you qualify for federal financial aid, you will just need to live here a year before you can get it. If you make a convincing case to the university that you are an "independent student" not supported by your parents, you will get even better financial aid. Otherwise, unless you have a kid, get married or join the military, you will always have to state your parents income until you are 24 (yeah, ridiculous I know)

[Big King Sanctaphrax]

Otherwise, unless you have a kid, get married or join the military, you will always have to state your parents income until you are 24 (yeah, ridiculous I know)

It's like that here, and it is the single biggest problem with the student finance system. As far as I'm concerned, your parents income should make absolutely no difference to how much money you get-you're eighteen, it's your loan.

Me and my friend who also went to university this year were actually thinking of entering into a civil partnership with each other, and then dissolving it after a year or so. Under the rules in the UK, this would make me an independant student, and my loan would thus be assessed on my income, which is zero. It's a shame we didn't get round to it actually, it was a good idea.

[Major Robert Dump]

Yeah, my parents combined income of 70k 12 years ago apparently meant I couldnt recieve grants and could only get loans because, according to the government of some alternate universe, it meant they could afford to put me through a 6k a year university and pay for my room and board. My parents disagreed. I tried every year to file for independent and it was always denied even though the only thing I got from the folks was free meals and laundry when I went home on the weekends, which was hardly ever.

But being in a completely different country than your parents should help you get independent student status, especially if they call your father to talk to him and he doesn't have positive things to say about you.

And at the worst, you can get federal and state loans you wont get interest on until you are out of school. Just pay them back and you will be okay.

[AntiochusIII]

Like others said, I have neither the knowledge nor the authority to somehow judge your actions or their appropriateness -- I myself had similar experiences in the past (if far less drastic) too, even though in my case we reconciled well enough. Moreover, if you choose it so then go for it, come to the USA, find your fortune American Dream style. It's going to be terribly hard, but you chose for it. You might come to regret it or this might be your most important experience, either way. Doesn't matter.

You really must not give up college, however, if you want to be anything in life here in the US. Take full advantage of a multitude of financial resources available. I don't know about your academic levels (which might allow for some merit scholarships) or your Major, but there's a thing for everyone if you try your best.

Now, I hate to hijack other people's thread, especially in such a serious matter as this, but...

MRD: Can you give me a comprehensive advice to make myself look like some sort of independent student?

[Samurai Waki]

Dude, I can relate. Well atleast your father took the time to care about you enough to plug you in with a job, even if his obvious intentions were more for personal benefit than anything... my father didn't really even give a damn weather I existed or not, until shortly before his death.

If your looking for work in the US, it's pretty easy. Especially if you've already lived here before, the immigration process will be a bit more relaxing for you, than never being able to come here at all. If you're born here, then you always have citizenship I think.

...ANYWAYS. The Easiest Places to find a basic job in the US, are places that are experiencing a major labour crunch, while most positions are filled for your basic WAL-MART esque jobs in California by Mexicans, if you don't mind the mild biting chill of the Northern Rockies, then Montana would be one your best bets. Especially Helena or Bozeman, as they have experienced a major growth in business, yet there a more specialists than general labourers so your basic jobs take nothing to get, irregardless of previous work history etc.

The Disadvantage of a place like Montana (it is the poorest state in the Union), You'll take an average of 10,000$ Cut in Pay Every Year, the cost of living is relatively excrutiating, because everything costs the same here as anywhere else in the US. But, you don't have to worry about Sales Tax, and the summers in the Rockies are Breathtaking, and relatively calm and quiet compared to the hustle and bustle of Most other States.