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Thread: Battling nonagenarian grabs burglar by 'nads

  1. #1
    Headless Senior Member Pannonian's Avatar
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    Default Battling nonagenarian grabs burglar by 'nads

    I'm surprised Banquo hasn't yet posted this, or perhaps he already has. Anyway, this is from our favourite IT online newspaper, TheRegister.co.uk.

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    Fighting crime, Lithuanian style

    A battling 93-year-old Lithuanian woman has thwarted an attempted burglary by grasping one of the miscreants by the testicles so hard that the sobbing blagger required hospital treatment, Ananova reports.

    Soja Popova, from Klaipeda, answered the door to two young men who promptly knocked her to the ground. The fighting granny quickly grabbed one of them by the nuts and squeezed "with all my force as hard as I could", as she later told the cops.

    Popova continued: "He started screaming like an animal and his friend was trying to pull him free, but I have a grip like iron." The man's howling and his mate's protestations that the old girl should lay off alerted neighbours who called in law enforcement. The two broke free but were cuffed by police after escaping the attacking nonagenarian through a bedroom window. One was taken to hospital, the other to the lock-up.

    A police officer noted: "They would not have got far, one of them could hardly walk and seemed pleased when he saw the police car. He demanded that he be taken to hospital because he was in so much pain."

    Popova attributes her grip of steel to years of milking goats. They breed their grannies tough out there in Lithuania, make no mistake.

  2. #2
    Nobody expects the Senior Member Lemur's Avatar
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    Default Re: Battling nonagenarian grabs burglar by 'nads

    Quote Originally Posted by Article
    "He started screaming like an animal and his friend was trying to pull him free, but I have a grip like iron."
    That's a very Borat thing to say. You have both of the essential elements: testicles and dubious claims of superpowers.
    "Those are my principles, and if you don't like them ... well, I have others." — Groucho Marx

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    L'Etranger Senior Member Banquo's Ghost's Avatar
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    Default Re: Battling nonagenarian grabs burglar by 'nads

    Excellent find!

    They certainly breed them tough in the former Soviet republics. That's why Don's theory of my marital infidelity is on shaky ground - my wife is Russian, and as this story proves, you don't mess around with a grip like that...

    "If there is a sin against life, it consists not so much in despairing as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this one."
    Albert Camus "Noces"

  4. #4

    Default Re: Battling nonagenarian grabs burglar by 'nads


    Good job!
    Looks like milking goats can save your life.

  5. #5
    Join the ICLADOLLABOJADALLA! Member IrishArmenian's Avatar
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    Default Re: Battling nonagenarian grabs burglar by 'nads

    Quote Originally Posted by Banquo's Ghost
    Excellent find!

    They certainly breed them tough in the former Soviet republics. That's why Don's theory of my marital infidelity is on shaky ground - my wife is Russian, and as this story proves, you don't mess around with a grip like that...

    Hmm. You are the 2nd Irishman to find a wife in the east that I know of. Is this a trend? Will we, the children of said marriages, someday rule the world?
    Very funny article though. I can't stop laughing, it is so bizarre.
    "I have a grip like Iron." Priceless.

    "Half of your brain is that of a ten year old and the other half is that of a ten year old that chainsmokes and drinks his liver dead!" --Hagop Beegan

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    Coffee farmer extraordinaire Member spmetla's Avatar
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    Default Re: Battling nonagenarian grabs burglar by 'nads

    As AC/DC sung "She's got ya by the balls!!!"

    Crazy lithuanian woman, grip like iron, sheesh.

    "Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?"
    -Abraham Lincoln

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    Member Member ZombieFriedNuts's Avatar
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    Default Re: Battling nonagenarian grabs burglar by 'nads

    That’s what I like to hear burglar abuse
    Make Beer Not War

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    Thread killer Member Rodion Romanovich's Avatar
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    Default Re: Battling nonagenarian grabs burglar by 'nads

    mwahahaha! Those believed to be defenseless strike back!
    Under construction...

    "In countries like Iran, Saudi Arabia and Norway, there is no separation of church and state." - HoreTore

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