Funny chat logs thread II

[GoreBag]

The last one got time off for bad behaviour indefinitely, so let's try to keep things at a dull roar this time around. My offering to get things started:

<Hannibal99> i heard the japanese respect gays
<Spartakus> yeh
<Hannibal99> like me
<Hannibal99> errr

I have a feeling that most of these will end up coming from home.

[Ice]

The last one got time off for bad behaviour indefinitely, so let's try to keep things at a dull roar this time around. My offering to get things started:

<Hannibal99> i heard the japanese respect gays
<Spartakus> yeh
<Hannibal99> like me
<Hannibal99> errr

I have a feeling that most of these will end up coming from home.

That's a bit dry, but it is a bit funny.

[edyzmedieval]

Take some from www.bash.org and then you can paste them here so we can laugh.

[ZombieFriedNuts]

form http://www.bash.org/?top
<i8b4uUnderground> d-_-b
<BonyNoMore> how u make that inverted b?
<BonyNoMore> wait
<BonyNoMore> never mind

[ZombieFriedNuts]

just a thought are all the threads from bash.org real?

[LeftEyeNine]

Just a reminder: Be careful with swear words (use full asterisks). Now keep on please, that's quite fun.

[Dutch_guy]

Two good ones...

<Zybl0re> get up
<Zybl0re> get on up
<Zybl0re> get up
<Zybl0re> get on up
<phxl|paper> and DANCE
* nmp3bot dances :D-<
* nmp3bot dances :D|-<
* nmp3bot dances :D/-<
<[SA]HatfulOfHollow> i'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet

--------

t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
BlackAdder> i believe i speak for all of us when i say...
BlackAdder> WRONG ****
BlackAdder> IM SICK OF YOU
BlackAdder> AND YOUR LAME STORIES
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE THINKS YOURE FUNNY
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STORIES
BlackAdder> IN FACT
BlackAdder> IF YOU DIED RIGHT NOW
BlackAdder> I DON"T THINK NOBODY WOULD CARE
BlackAdder> SO WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT ***
*** t0rbad sets mode: +b BlackAdder*!*@*.*
*** BlackAdder has been kicked my t0rbad ( )
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
CRCError> right
heartless> Right.
r3v> right

[ELITEofWARMANGINGERYBREADMEN88]

Two good ones...

<Zybl0re> get up
<Zybl0re> get on up
<Zybl0re> get up
<Zybl0re> get on up
<phxl|paper> and DANCE
* nmp3bot dances :D-<
* nmp3bot dances :D|-<
* nmp3bot dances :D/-<
<[SA]HatfulOfHollow> i'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet

--------

t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
BlackAdder> i believe i speak for all of us when i say...
BlackAdder> WRONG ****
BlackAdder> IM SICK OF YOU
BlackAdder> AND YOUR LAME STORIES
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE THINKS YOURE FUNNY
BlackAdder> NOBODY HERE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STORIES
BlackAdder> IN FACT
BlackAdder> IF YOU DIED RIGHT NOW
BlackAdder> I DON"T THINK NOBODY WOULD CARE
BlackAdder> SO WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT ***
*** t0rbad sets mode: +b BlackAdder*!*@*.*
*** BlackAdder has been kicked my t0rbad ( )
t0rbad> so there i was in this hallway right
CRCError> right
heartless> Right.
r3v> right

lol good ones, funny

[Prodigal]

<WiLdSeXyPrInCeSs> i luv guyz where would they be wifout us gals???
<XeNoX> Still in the Garden Of Eden you gullible *****.

--------------------------------------------------------

<Jesse> hello, I am Jesse, male, 28 years old, caucasian, and am looking for friends to chat with. I hope to see you online
<Amanda`> I HOPE TO SEE YOU FACE-DOWN IN A QUAGMIRE WITH A NINE IRON LODGED BETWEEN YOUR SHOULDER BLADES

[Reenk Roink]

<i8b4uUnderground> d-_-b
<BonyNoMore> how u make that inverted b?
<BonyNoMore> wait
<BonyNoMore> never mind

This is the most ridiculously stupid thing I've ever seen!

[edyzmedieval]

<WiLdSeXyPrInCeSs> i luv guyz where would they be wifout us gals???
<XeNoX> Still in the Garden Of Eden you gullible *****.

LOL, that's so awfully true.

[Sasaki Kojiro]

<fr0k> Methinks Slicey is A) blushing or B) seriously not amused
* fr0k hopes for A
[later]
<Fractal-Coffee> (i think she's just ignoring you fr0k)
<fr0k> (she is)
<Fractal-Coffee> (safer than acknowledging anything you say)
<pineapple_slice> stop talking about me.
<fr0k> (she's telling us to stop talking about her...)
<Fractal-Coffee> (should i say "who said we were talking about you" to her?)
<Fractal-Coffee> (maybe that'll throw her off)
<fr0k> (yeah, let's try that)
<Fractal-Coffee> who said we were talking about you?
<Fractal-Coffee> who said we were talking at all?
<pineapple_slice> ... You and fr0k. I'm not that stupid.
<Fractal-Coffee> were we talking?
<Fractal-Coffee> who's we?
<Fractal-Coffee> oh, right
<fr0k> (I dont' think she's buying it)
<Fractal-Coffee> (foiled)

<rhyann> hey i got a floppy with a virus and i wana now if its ok to put it next to the other floppys or do i gotta wait for it to get better to put it back in the box

<yadrisil> Quit being emo.
<alexsavage> i'm not emo, the glass is half full
<yadrisil> Half full... with tears.
<alexsavage> ;_;

heh

[Csargo]

Pretty good Sasaki

[Sardo]

<Bobo> what's wrong with being a homosexual?
<klong> it's gay

[Marshal Murat]

<jeebus> the "bishop" came to our church today
<jeebus> he was a ***** impostor
<jeebus> never once moved diagonally

<death09>my girlfriend broke up with me and sent me pix of her and her new boyfriend in bed
<ktp753>ouch.
<death09>yeah.i sent them to her dad

<Sonium> someone speak python here?
<lucky> HHHHHSSSSSHSSS
<lucky> SSSSS
<Sonium> the programming language

<DannyB> some girl on the street asked if i was saved yet
<DannyB> i told her i saved at the checkpoint a couple minutes back
<DannyB> and can reload from there if i die
<DannyB> she was confused

<xterm> The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

Every single one made me laugh really hard.
There was another one about A to Z that I couldn't find.

[Csargo]

<jeebus> the "bishop" came to our church today
<jeebus> he was a ***** impostor
<jeebus> never once moved diagonally

<death09>my girlfriend broke up with me and sent me pix of her and her new boyfriend in bed
<ktp753>ouch.
<death09>yeah.i sent them to her dad

<Sonium> someone speak python here?
<lucky> HHHHHSSSSSHSSS
<lucky> SSSSS
<Sonium> the programming language

<DannyB> some girl on the street asked if i was saved yet
<DannyB> i told her i saved at the checkpoint a couple minutes back
<DannyB> and can reload from there if i die
<DannyB> she was confused

<xterm> The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

Every single one made me laugh really hard.
There was another one about A to Z that I couldn't find.

All those made me laugh.

[Craterus]

The A-Z one could be this:

<random-internet-guy> My penis is so long it goes from a to z on the keyboard.
<random-internet-guy> Oh ****...

[Marshal Murat]

yea thats the one.

[Csargo]

<DeadMansHand> haha, last night, me and pete went out to celebrate his engagement and got hugely drunk
<DeadMansHand> we got this great idea to bury eachother in the sand close to the water and see who would chicken out first
<DeadMansHand> took about a half hour, but the water got up to my face so i freaked and got out
<DeadMansHand> i looked around for pete and he must've chickened out before me and stumbled home or something heh
<DeadMansHand> What'd he say when he woke up this morning?
<Thirteen-> uhh.. he hasn't come home yet.. i thought he was staying with you?
<DeadMansHand> holy ****.
<DeadMansHand> i ******* hope im wrong about what im thinking right now
<DeadMansHand> im ******* going back to the beach to make sure
<DeadMansHand> if he gets home, call me, i don't want to be worrying about this
<Thirteen-> will do. you better hope he's not still buried, you'll be in deep ****.
quit: (DeadMansHand)
<Tyran> wtf? pete came home last night you ****. Ken's going to be worrying about this **** all day
<Thirteen-> haha yea, but it will be fun while it lasts
join: (PeteRepeat) (bob@3F8C4655.11D1C8C.18637D35.IP)
<PeteRepeat> ******* ken
<PeteRepeat> ken... that ****** buried me in the sand last night, i ran off about 5 minutes to it, left him there to be an idiot
<quiqsilver> pete, ken didn't come back last night, i thought he was with you.
<PeteRepeat> oh ****.
<PeteRepeat> if ken shows up, make sure he doesn't know that im at the beach digging for his body. i don't want him to think i care or anything.
quit: (PeteRepeat)
<Thirteen-> rofl. Those 2 are going to get a huge surprise when they meet at the beach.
<Tyran> i can't beleive how perfect their timing was



SparTacus (rulimbaww@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined #santcuary
*SparTacus is now known as Betty_Guns
wacko Jacko (lbeedy@1C57684.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined #santcuary
<wacko_Jacko>ok spartacus just came n here i know it. which one of you is that loser?
<hunney> I am spartacus
<ji_pper>no im spartacus
<Betty_Guns>I am spartacus
<mistr andersn>I’m spartacus
<wacko_Jacko>ur all freaks thats what u r

<LordChewy> so my dad found my **** folder
<LordChewy> and he was getting all pissed
<LordChewy> so its all like "does this surprise you? i'm not stupid you know"
<LordChewy> "i know dad"
<LordChewy> "what do you have to say for yourself?"
<LordChewy> at this point i stare at him straight in the eyes and say "C:Documents and SettingsRickyMy Documentsfaxessent faxes"
<LordChewy> and he just shut up
<kingKahn> what is it?
<LordChewy> its his **** folder

<_kr4m3r> so many ******* criminals, its ********
<foniks`> heh, if we sent all the criminals to some empty continent and just left them there to die
<foniks`> and showed up like 50yrs later like, "sup?"
<foniks`> whatd u think they'd say?
<FoSZoR[bg]> something along the lines of, "G`Day mate"


<reo4k> just type /quit whoever, and it'll quit them from irc
* luckyb1tch has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* r3devl has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* sasopi has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* phhhfft has quit IRC (r`heaven)
* blackersnake has quit IRC (r`heaven)
<ibaN`reo4k[ex]> that's gotta hurt
<r`heaven> :(

<DaZE> at my school.. the cop from DARE passed around 3 joints to show everyone... and he said "if i dont get all three of these back this schools getting locked down and everyones getting searched till i find it.." and like 30 minutes later when everyone got to see 'em and they got passed back the cop had 4

[Prodigal]

<kow`> "There are 10 types of people in the world... those who understand binary and those who don't."
<SpaceRain> That's only 2 types of people, kow.
<SpaceRain> STUPID

------------------------------------------------------------

<+NeoHentaiMaster> back in my day we had to manually punch the binary into the circuts using needle pins
<Insane2757> Back in my day, we coded with 2 badgers and a spoon.
<BladeTR> back in my day we had to draw the zeros and ones on the cave wall with clay

[Caius]

<Bobo> what's wrong with being a homosexual?
<klong> it's gay

[Ice]

<death09>my girlfriend broke up with me and sent me pix of her and her new boyfriend in bed
<ktp753>ouch.
<death09>yeah.i sent them to her dad


DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

The first one is just hilarious, and the second one is more fact than funny.

[The Wizard]

I suppose inventive trolling logs from /b/ are disallowed on this fine and civilized forum?

[Mithrandir]

<+kritical> christin: you need to learn how to figure out stuff yourself..
<+Christin1> how do i do that

[Mithrandir]

<XnD> Personally its not God I dislike, its his fan club I cant stand

[The Wizard]

www.chacha.com

Status: Connected to guide: JacquelineC
JacquelineC: Welcome to ChaCha!
You: Hye
JacquelineC: Hi there. I will be helping with your search.
You: Could you pop your head up from your cubicle in India
You: And ask KatherineC if she will marry me?
JacquelineC: You mean Tennessee?
You: How 'bout those Volunteers?
JacquelineC: We work from home
You: Too bad the Gators got them.
JacquelineC: I dont care football sucks
You: You suck
You: I'm sorry
You: I got angry
You: Where in Tennessee?
You: Are you married?
You: What are you into?
JacquelineC: A shack in the hiils
JacquelineC: no electricity
You: You're poor?
You: Do you own slaves?
JacquelineC: and no shoes or teeth
You: Yet own a computer
JacquelineC: they ran away
You: JacquelineC, I have a feeling you're not being honest with me
JacquelineC: it was the slaves computer
You: Jesus woman
JacquelineC: its wireless
You: You allow them a computer?
You: They'll look up pornography!
You: Those negros today.
JacquelineC: they're sneaky
You: Always causing trouble.
JacquelineC: mine were mexican
You: LaRawnda and D'Brickashaw are great slaves.
You: I can recommend you to one.
You: I'm not racist, racism is a crime, and crime is for black people.
You: Jacqs, wanna hear a joke?
JacquelineC: Pedro and Jesus worked pretty hard but boy the taco smell ewwwwwwwwwwwww
You: Don't complain, your taco smells pretty bad too..
JacquelineC: ok over stepping
You: With your lack of running water in the TN hills.
You: Hrm.
JacquelineC: we have a well
You: I make a comment about your personal hygeine, yet we can discuss blatant racism and disenfrancishment? I like ChaCha.
You: A well? Really?
You: Jacqs, did you know I invented the Internet?
You: They used to call me Theadorable.
JacquelineC: You and Al Gore huh?
You: Back in the '70s
You: Before I went to 'Nam
You: Lost some of my best friends in those paddies.
JacquelineC: Vietnam you heathen
You: 'Nam = Vietnam
You: How am I a heathen?
JacquelineC: so you werent there so you dont have the right to call it nam
You: I'm surprised you mustered up the willpower to type out such a lengthy word.
You: I was there.
You: Are you calling me a liar?
JacquelineC: No you werent
JacquelineC: yes
You: I was
You: I got a Congressional Medal of Honor
You: I have a picture
JacquelineC: If you were you would not talk about it
You: I would
JacquelineC: My dad was there
JacquelineC: NO
You: It's ok, Jesus has shown me the light.
You: REPENT, FOR YOU HAVE SINNED JACQUELINEC.
You: And I was in Nam
JacquelineC: I dont believe in organized religion
JacquelineC: Nope
You: Religion?
JacquelineC: what are like 16
You: Try a way of life.
You: I believe you're missing a word in there.
You: Would you like to try that again?
JacquelineC: I dont believe in the easter bunny either
You: How old are YOU Jacqs?
You: May the Lord forgive your sinning soul.
JacquelineC: lmao
JacquelineC: Gotta believe in sin for it to matter man
You: It's is ok
You: I will pray for you.
You: I will pray Jacqueline.
JacquelineC: dont waste your time no need
You: He has commanded me to spread the word.
You: The word of the righteous.
JacquelineC: religion is a mental illness
You: So is mental retardation, but nobody forms a movement about it.
JacquelineC: Crazy people
JacquelineC: big invisable guy in the sky
JacquelineC: lmao
You: OH REPENT.
JacquelineC: funny
You: YOU BLASPHEMER
JacquelineC: no happening
JacquelineC: not*
JacquelineC: I dont care
You: FORGIVE HER LORD, SHE KNOWS NOT WHAT SHE DOES.
JacquelineC: No such thing
You: SHE HAS BEEN TAINTED BY THE DEVIL.
You: HE HAS CORRUPTED HER SOUL.
JacquelineC: no such thing either
You: LORD, FORGIVE JACQUELINEC
JacquelineC: try again
You: OF CHACHA.COM MAKING MINIMUM WAGE
JacquelineC: Nope i make 10 dollars a hour to chat with you
You: And mommy told me I wasn't special!
You: I'm making people money.
JacquelineC: I am top scale
JacquelineC: Gotta go make more money honey
JacquelineC: Thanks for using ChaCha! I hope you had a great search experience!
You: There is no honey here witch woman.
JacquelineC: Thank you for using ChaCha!

How to expertly abuse a search engine using live operators to search for you.

Note: will be deleted if breaching rules. Please notify me ASAP if so.

[CountArach]

HAHAHA! Nice post Baba Ga'on!

[naut]

I'm not racist, racism is a crime, and crime is for black people.

After the 'Nam bit it got crap.

(Crazy) my shampoo is for blonde people :/
(topher) the instructions are in big letters ?

[Kongamato]

Bit of a story behind this one. I had a dream with the non-word "smorching" in it, so I googled the word when I woke up and found the chat logs of an asian stock trading chat room. I don't know if the logs are translated or the people are writing in Engrish, but there are some weird things on there.

I believe it reads bottom to top.

Lilian T: no business when stock market is good. cari makan when stock market is bad. hit and run
Lilian2: missy, that Lilian T is not me la. She where know fengshui.
missy: wats smorching???
polkadot: dont use sk-11 make your skin thin when smorching blood come out
missy: lilian go back to sleep. padan muka. yesterday tell u watch closing u sleep ha. now u go deep sleep.

hotcili60: jz, go watch the last samurai (tom cruise) cd. see if u can find any hidden tots in it or not. Then come back here for yr next session.
bull&bear: MTD will come back , that;s for sure
kiddy: jz, Thanks.
Joey Y: aiyoooooooo....so yellowish underwear. good protection from losses. only little little gain. market cannot go far. earthquake in neighbouring country. falling commodities prices.

escape: bomb. r u targeting that to the people who kill the market?
missy: showtime
kiddy: escape, Do you think Bursa & SC should draw up rules on designation of counters?
BOMB: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMB!!!!!!!
escape: iris designated due speculative without facts n figures to prove. then 90pc of ctrs hv to be designated also.
kiddy: jz, I threw the roses and kept the useless weed in my garden. Keep useless weed!!

[Marshal Murat]

What....the....hell.....