God's Nipples! (Cool pre-battle speeches)

[Comrade Alexeo]

"And, at the last-GOD'S NIPPLES! Who drank the rest of my ale?"


I got something like that from, I believe, dear Prince Henry in my HRE campaign (he has Social Drinker or something). I don't think I've ever laughed so hard...

Anyone else get some funny stuff from their general's speeches?

[Quillan]

I got one who said something to the effect of "You wanna fight, eh? You and what army?"

[andrewt]

Playing as Venice, I got a bishop named Leonardo di Caprio.

[Antimatter3009]

Well, I had a female Pope...

https://i121.photobucket.com/albums/...emale_pope.jpg

[CountArach]

HAHA! This thread is great!

lol Andrewt, it is things like that that make you laugh, but kill the mood...

[HaroldVonBraver]

Well, I had a female Pope...

https://i121.photobucket.com/albums/...emale_pope.jpg

Lol.

[Kobal2fr]

One of my Venetian ones said something alone the lines of "Men, let's get this done quickly, I don't want to be at this all day. I have other things in mind for my evening : a bottle of wine and a wench, f'r'instance !"

an HRE one went all zealot/preacher on me : "I thought I had died, and went to hell for my sins, as I see nothing but the hideous grins of demons everywhere. Gott sei dank ! It's only the enemy !"

(sorry, playing the French version, so can't tell you what the exact words are)

[FrauGloer]

Well, I had a female Pope...

https://i121.photobucket.com/albums/...emale_pope.jpg

Yep, my current pope is female, too. When he (er... she!) got the trait (he/she was my cardinal) I just couldn't stop laughing, it was so hilarious.

In RTW, there were many references to Monty Python's Life of Brian, such as in the Sewers description. Has anyone found any references to M.P. and the Holy Grail yet?

[Mr Frost]

Click on a Sicilian army when your playing another faction , and sometimes they"ll say "You talking to me ?!" ala Robert De Niro in Taxi Driver .

[clairvaux]

Well, I had a female Pope...

https://i121.photobucket.com/albums/...emale_pope.jpg

Secrety Female or just full out female? Because the Archbishop of Jerusalem in my campaign was also a female.

[slippybee]

Well, I had a female Pope...

https://i121.photobucket.com/albums/...emale_pope.jpg

Apropos of nothing (and not wanting to give any offence to anyone's faith)

There are numerous tales told about a female pope (a male impersonator), pope Joan is the most popular I believe. She gave birth to a son during her term in office and was tied to the tail of a horse and dragged around the papal city until she died as punishment for her heresy. There are numerous other tales told of female popes. You take your pick whether these are myths, half-truths or facts.


Interestingly part of the papal coronation until very recently involved the pope being seated in his papal chair (the throne with holes) and passed over the heads of the electoral cardinals. Some people say that this is so that they could attest that he was a man. Others that the papal seat was originally a Roman bidet (hence the holes).

Either way I think it's rather cool that we can have a secret female pope. Shame that these secrets / vices can't be used to bribe and co-erce the AI into acting in our favour.

[katank]

That would be rather fun. Medieval Total Blackmail, here we come!

[PseRamesses]

My Byzantian heir vs a Venecian army:
"...our dead enemies will be worth looting. Their pockets are always full of money. I don´t belive they´ll leave it at home with their wives"
I guess men having problems with wives spending their earnings are a timeless issue, he he!

[Kraxis]

"And, at the last-GOD'S NIPPLES! Who drank the rest of my ale?"


I got something like that from, I believe, dear Prince Henry in my HRE campaign (he has Social Drinker or something). I don't think I've ever laughed so hard...

Anyone else get some funny stuff from their general's speeches?

Ohh yes.... That one I'm still laughing at.
It just sounds so great with that German accent (though it is obviously not made by a German).

But it is really "And at the last I say to the enemy gen- GOD'S NIPPLES!!! Where is the ale? Is it all gone?"

The first time I got it I was caught between tearing my head off from laughter and trying to understand what was going on.

Another great one comes from the Trait "Bad Speaker". It doesn't do anything really, aside from producing a hilarious speech of the general trying to remember to say something really good but never managing anything to that sort.

My last great one I got from a general I thought was a really brave man. Apparently when he got the negative Trait about Venetians (they were camped far up a mountain with plenty pavise crossbows, impossible to beat, so I withdrew) he also produced a hilarious speech next time he met them.
Something like: "And since I have earned so much respect and honour I think it would be unfair for me to take it from you my brave men. Instead I take the inglorious task of protecting our supplytrain far from the battle. Rest assured that your rear will always be protected."
The greatness come from how valiantly he sacrifices his own chances of glory... and how "he bravely ran away" to quote a certain Monty Python movie.

[Captain Fishpants]

Glad your enjoying the speeches. I think I probably used up a year-and-a-half's worth of insults to co-workers writing some of them.

The quality of the voice acting this time around helped an enormous amount, I think, and I was quite impressed that they managed not to giggle.

[Vlad Tzepes]

Captain Fishpants, Sir, thank you so much for the speeches, they've become one of the main reasons I enjoy this game and the TW series!

To add my contribution to the list of great MTW2 quotes... "I've seen bowel movements with more skill in battle than these guys!"

[R'as al Ghul]

I could swear I've heard on of my Generals conculding his speech with "Gaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!".

Can anyone confirm that?

R'as

[Kraxis]

I could swear I've heard on of my Generals conculding his speech with "Gaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!".

Can anyone confirm that?

R'as

Have CA contracted Vanya for the voiceacting?

The oneliners when the general can't be bothered with a real speech is almost always great. Superb insults most of the time.

I do however detect a little bit of a supressed giggle in the GOD'S NIPPLES speech. After he has said that his voice changes a bit for the next line before returning to normal in the last bit.

[JeromeGrasdyke]

Captain Fishpants, Sir, thank you so much for the speeches, they've become one of the main reasons I enjoy this game and the TW series!

To add my contribution to the list of great MTW2 quotes... "I've seen bowel movements with more skill in battle than these guys!"

The good Captain rightly is one of the pearls in the CA crown.

[AliAS]

little easter egg in MTW2 is El Cid. He is rebel in Valencia.

[Lochar]

Glad your enjoying the speeches. I think I probably used up a year-and-a-half's worth of insults to co-workers writing some of them.

The quality of the voice acting this time around helped an enormous amount, I think, and I was quite impressed that they managed not to giggle.

You sir, are my hero!

Hehe gotta wonder whose wife ya thought about tho on some of the speeches about them and in laws..:)

[Sir SillyDuck]

My diplomat met a Portuguese princess in my game as the Danes. She exclaimed when I finished negotiations that she is 'sometimes called the jewel of the mediterranian'. Which is odd, since 1st: Portugal doesn't have access to that sea (must be the generic accent thing), and 2nd: she had no hearts/charm at all! Which meant that (i dont recall exactly) it is hard to tell her apart from an ugly wrinkled wrench..

[Dr.Acula]

these are really good but how come i dont get these pre battle speeches. the only one i get is when i fought the aztecs for the first time

[PrestigeX]

when playing as the french, the general was saying about the english..

"they have no decent food, no beautiful women, and the devil himself would be ashamed to have them in hell!" ,
it was just funny tho in the french accent and all.. plus it was more too but i forget the rest

[Lord_hazard]

I always half expected the french taunts to be something like this.

"How you English say, 'I one more time, mac, unclog my nose in
your direction', sons of a window-dresser! So, you think you could out-
clever us French folk with your silly knees-bent running about advancing
behavior?! I wave my private parts at your aunties, you cheesy lot of
second hand electric donkey-bottom biters.I burst my pimples at you and call your door-opening request a silly thing, you tiny-brained wipers
of other people's bottoms! And now, remain gone, illegitimate-faced bugger-folk! And, if you think you got a nasty taunting this time, you ain't heard nothing yet, dappy English k-nnniggets! Thpppt!"

[CamelGunner]

Yeah, haven't played with the french, but they definitely needed some "mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries!" quotes...

"Do not come back, or I shall taunt you a second time..ah..."

[Durallan]

these should happen when you are the french and your castle/fortress/citadel is being sieged by the english.









I wish they did :P

[Shahed]

For anyone who's interested there is a 'Xenophobia' mod in the following downloads category:

http://www.twcenter.net/forums/downl...at&id=7&page=3

It uses localised voiceovers from French, German (etc) versions of the game to give you the native language of certain factions in game.

[Vladimir]

I had an interesting speech from my Venetian heir before a battle. The man was clearly frustrated and use the term “Ass weasels” several times, then something about drinking from chamber pots. Finally at the end he said something…”Ass [pause]…” I swear, I thought he was going to use the F word, “Those ass *****” (turned out to be monkeys). I wish he would of, I would have giggle like a little school girl. I don’t remember what his virtues were, but he was clearly frustrated and didn’t like Sicilians .

[Didz]

Has the English Voice Actor been changed for 1.2?

I only asked because I've never noticed before how down right nasty he sounds. In fact, the last English nobleman that landed in Northern Spain was so down right rude and snearing in his responses to my diplomats that it almost became a personal grudge to kill him. There seem to be two voice actors, one upper class type and this bloke who sounds like an egotistical thug.