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Thread: Software Problem

  1. #1
    Clan Clan InsaneApache's Avatar
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    Default Software Problem

    Cleaning out my inbox I found this from a year or so back.

    Subject: Tech Question
    To: Tech. Support

    Dear Tech Support:

    Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began with unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6.
    I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favourite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please HELP!!!
    Thanks,
    A Troubled User.

    REPLY:

    Dear Troubled User:
    This is a very, very common problem.
    Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
    You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
    The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

    Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance! Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.

    However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1, Hugs 4.3 and Diamonds 5.0 ! !
    WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

    Best of luck.

    There are times I wish they’d just ban everything- baccy and beer, burgers and bangers, and all the rest- once and for all. Instead, they creep forward one apparently tiny step at a time. It’s like being executed with a bacon slicer.

    “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.”

    To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticise.

    "The purpose of a university education for Left / Liberals is to attain all the politically correct attitudes towards minorties, and the financial means to live as far away from them as possible."

  2. #2
    master of the pwniverse Member Fragony's Avatar
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    Default Re: Software Problem

    When I read this the first time people were still using wooden-club 1.0 and an integrated cave system.

    Those were the days.

  3. #3
    Backordered Member CrossLOPER's Avatar
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    Default Re: Software Problem

    System restore! No...REFORMAT!!!!!
    Requesting suggestions for new sig.

    -><- GOGOGO GOGOGO WINLAND WINLAND ALL HAIL TECHNOVIKING!SCHUMACHER!
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    WHY AM I NOT BEING PAID FOR THIS???

  4. #4

    Default Re: Software Problem


    When I saw the title I wondered why it wasn't in the Hard- and Software section. Now I know.

  5. #5
    Senior Member Senior Member naut's Avatar
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    Default Re: Software Problem

    Quote Originally Posted by Hepcat

    When I saw the title I wondered why it wasn't in the Hard- and Software section. Now I know.
    Same.
    #Hillary4prism

    BD:TW

    Some piously affirm: "The truth is such and such. I know! I see!"
    And hold that everything depends upon having the “right” religion.
    But when one really knows, one has no need of religion. - Mahavyuha Sutra

    Freedom necessarily involves risk. - Alan Watts

  6. #6
    Senior Member Senior Member Yeti Sports 1.5 Champion, Snowboard Slalom Champion, Monkey Jump Champion, Mosquito Kill Champion Csargo's Avatar
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    Default Re: Software Problem

    lol
    Quote Originally Posted by Sooh View Post
    I wonder if I can make Csargo cry harder by doing everyone but his ISO.

  7. #7
    zombologist Senior Member doc_bean's Avatar
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    Default Re: Software Problem

    Well you could always just start over and go for Wife 2.0 ...
    Yes, Iraq is peaceful. Go to sleep now. - Adrian II

  8. #8
    L'Etranger Senior Member Banquo's Ghost's Avatar
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    Default Re: Software Problem

    Quote Originally Posted by doc_bean
    Well you could always just start over and go for Wife 2.0 ...
    Yeah, but the license isn't transferable so you'll have to get a completely new one and support the old version. This often produces a lot of system conflicts.
    "If there is a sin against life, it consists not so much in despairing as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this one."
    Albert Camus "Noces"

  9. #9
    zombologist Senior Member doc_bean's Avatar
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    Default Re: Software Problem

    Quote Originally Posted by Banquo's Ghost
    Yeah, but the license isn't transferable so you'll have to get a completely new one and support the old version. This often produces a lot of system conflicts.
    Well you shouldn't just let Wife 1.0 lay around. You'll have to pay licensing forever then. Perhaps some other chap could use Wife 1.0 ? Then he could pay for the license and you'd get off relatively cheap.
    Failing that, you should try and find a good version of the Divorce Lawyer uninstall software, a good version costs a lot of money, but they can make getting ridding of Wife 1.0 so much easier...
    Yes, Iraq is peaceful. Go to sleep now. - Adrian II

  10. #10
    Clan Clan InsaneApache's Avatar
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    Default Re: Software Problem

    You'd have to re-format the hard drive to terminate
    uninstall wife 1.0 before you can even attempt loading wife 2.0
    There are times I wish they’d just ban everything- baccy and beer, burgers and bangers, and all the rest- once and for all. Instead, they creep forward one apparently tiny step at a time. It’s like being executed with a bacon slicer.

    “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.”

    To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticise.

    "The purpose of a university education for Left / Liberals is to attain all the politically correct attitudes towards minorties, and the financial means to live as far away from them as possible."

  11. #11
    zombologist Senior Member doc_bean's Avatar
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    Default Re: Software Problem

    Quote Originally Posted by InsaneApache
    You'd have to re-format the hard drive to terminate
    uninstall wife 1.0 before you can even attempt loading wife 2.0
    Well, there are some special programs like Mormon which allow dual boot(y)ing
    Yes, Iraq is peaceful. Go to sleep now. - Adrian II

  12. #12
    L'Etranger Senior Member Banquo's Ghost's Avatar
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    Default Re: Software Problem

    Quote Originally Posted by doc_bean
    Well you shouldn't just let Wife 1.0 lay around. You'll have to pay licensing forever then. Perhaps some other chap could use Wife 1.0 ? Then he could pay for the license and you'd get off relatively cheap.
    Failing that, you should try and find a good version of the Divorce Lawyer uninstall software, a good version costs a lot of money, but they can make getting ridding of Wife 1.0 so much easier...
    True enough, but you'll need the Pro version of Divorce Lawyer, and that's expensive.

    You also have be careful while planning the changes, because if Wife 1.0 detects any of this activity, there's a good chance of downloading the worm Cuckold-Latino-Lover (or several variants) which will leave you looking exposed and vulnerable. If this happens early enough, you might find your child processes have been compromised and Wife 1.0 will no longer allow you root access.
    "If there is a sin against life, it consists not so much in despairing as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this one."
    Albert Camus "Noces"

  13. #13
    zombologist Senior Member doc_bean's Avatar
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    Default Re: Software Problem

    Quote Originally Posted by Banquo's Ghost
    True enough, but you'll need the Pro version of Divorce Lawyer, and that's expensive.

    You also have be careful while planning the changes, because if Wife 1.0 detects any of this activity, there's a good chance of downloading the worm Cuckold-Latino-Lover (or several variants) which will leave you looking exposed and vulnerable. If this happens early enough, you might find your child processes have been compromised and Wife 1.0 will no longer allow you root access.
    While true, Divorce Lawyer Pro works much better if Wife 1.0 has been infected by such a worm, since it leaves to OS more vulnerable.
    Yes, Iraq is peaceful. Go to sleep now. - Adrian II

  14. #14
    L'Etranger Senior Member Banquo's Ghost's Avatar
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    Default Re: Software Problem

    Quote Originally Posted by doc_bean
    While true, Divorce Lawyer Pro works much better if Wife 1.0 has been infected by such a worm, since it leaves to OS more vulnerable.
    You'd think so, certainly, but this is a common misconception. In practice, Wife 1.0 will be enabled by the worm to run a personal instance of Divorce Lawyer Pro in another partition and the conflict this causes returns the BSOD error message "No Fault".

    Once a "No Fault" divorce is re-booted into safe mode, the worm becomes irrelevant, as does any installation of Secretary in Short Skirt (although the Blonde, Leggy and Tanned mod, if previously used to upgrade SiSS, may still cause problems even in safe mode).

    Wife 1.0 will now be safe to uninstall, but you will lose House 3.2 and Kids - The Revenge 4. You will however be able to keep Mortgage v0.9b (beta) as you won't be done with that for a long time.
    "If there is a sin against life, it consists not so much in despairing as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this one."
    Albert Camus "Noces"

  15. #15
    zombologist Senior Member doc_bean's Avatar
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    Default Re: Software Problem

    Quote Originally Posted by Banquo's Ghost
    You'd think so, certainly, but this is a common misconception. In practice, Wife 1.0 will be enabled by the worm to run a personal instance of Divorce Lawyer Pro in another partition and the conflict this causes returns the BSOD error message "No Fault".
    I heard Divorce Lawyer Pro 1.337 can actually solve this error. It's important to note that 'higher' versions of divorce lawyer can override problems caused by 'lower' versions. Make sure you are yup to date !

    Once a "No Fault" divorce is re-booted into safe mode, the worm becomes irrelevant, as does any installation of Secretary in Short Skirt (although the Blonde, Leggy and Tanned mod, if previously used to upgrade SiSS, may still cause problems even in safe mode).

    Wife 1.0 will now be safe to uninstall, but you will lose House 3.2 and Kids - The Revenge 4. You will however be able to keep Mortgage v0.9b (beta) as you won't be done with that for a long time.
    These last few programs seem to be region specific, Wife 1.0 's access to these programs (or specific a version) is determined by your local Law Server.



    I'm worried about new technology though, I heard Microsoft Genuine Wife Platform automatically detects programs like SiSS and can cause you a hell of lot of trouble !
    Yes, Iraq is peaceful. Go to sleep now. - Adrian II

  16. #16
    Liar and Trickster Senior Member Andres's Avatar
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    Default Re: Software Problem

    You are all wrong.

    Just get Superior Divorce Lawyer 1.0 which will transfer Wife 1.0 to Another Guy 1.0.

    Thanks to Superior Divorce Lawyer 1.0 Another Guy 1.0 will directly or indirectly cover all your expenses for 1) The Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3.1.0, 3.3.1.1 and 3.3.1.2; 2) the support of Wife 1.0; 3) the support of Wife 2.0. 4) the support and maintenance of Children 1.1, 1.2 as well of Children 2.1 and 2.2

    Andres is our Lord and Master and could strike us down with thunderbolts or beer cans at any time. ~Askthepizzaguy

    Ja mata, TosaInu

  17. #17
    L'Etranger Senior Member Banquo's Ghost's Avatar
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    Default Re: Software Problem

    Quote Originally Posted by doc_bean
    I'm worried about new technology though, I heard Microsoft Genuine Wife Platform automatically detects programs like SiSS and can cause you a hell of lot of trouble !
    Of course, all these problems can be avoided by replacing the server software running Man OS Build 3 "Neanderthal". If your hardware supports it, install New Man Ultimate Edition, and Wife 1.0 will purr along with no conflicts. Wife software is simply not vulnerable to worms of the Cuckold or any other class with New Man installed.

    You can even get superuser privileges just by touching a button (no need for the command line, unless you're into that).
    "If there is a sin against life, it consists not so much in despairing as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this one."
    Albert Camus "Noces"

  18. #18
    Clan Clan InsaneApache's Avatar
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    Default Re: Software Problem

    A new plug-in; Divorce 1.4 should help to root out any problems with Wife 1.0. Be aware though this is an extremely expensive solution and should only be used as a last resort.

    Much cheaper to eliminate remove Wife 1.0 from your hard drive by using the Fdisk utility and re-installing girlfriend 7.0.

    Thus bypassing Lawyer 1.2 and Barrister 3.4 (latest edition)
    There are times I wish they’d just ban everything- baccy and beer, burgers and bangers, and all the rest- once and for all. Instead, they creep forward one apparently tiny step at a time. It’s like being executed with a bacon slicer.

    “Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy.”

    To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticise.

    "The purpose of a university education for Left / Liberals is to attain all the politically correct attitudes towards minorties, and the financial means to live as far away from them as possible."

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