Another from the Crazy Files

**Strike For The South** · 12-21-2006, 17:13

I just spen ten minutes looking for the toaster becuase my wonderful mum decided to move it from the cabinet to the pantry. For the first 16 years of the epic tale that is my life the toaster has been in the cabinet. Sure Ive been through tough times but the toaster has always been there a constant in these crazy times. 10 minutes I couldve spent having sex drinking or doing drugs is now lost looking for the toaster. Geez all the woman does is birth me and she thinks she has the right to push me around. /End Rant

**BDC** · 12-21-2006, 17:14

Things like that caused me to move in with my Dad after my parents divorced. Whatever I put down will still be there later (be that 5 minutes or 6 weeks).

Plus it had 2 pubs within 15 seconds of the front door. :)

**Fragony** · 12-21-2006, 17:18

Sad that you have to live with such a mental amputation, one cruel mom you got.

**Banquo's Ghost** · 12-21-2006, 17:37

I'm intrigued.

The house you live in, is it yours or your parents'? I'm assuming your mother must be a lodger in your house for you to get so upset that she moved the toaster that you bought to a pantry that you pay for.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

**yesdachi** · 12-21-2006, 19:14

Originally Posted by Strike For The South

10 minutes I couldve spent having sex drinking or doing drugs

With the toaster?

You make your own toast? That’s something I would have just told my mom to make me, typically followed by the clapping of my hands twice.

**Louis VI the Fat** · 12-21-2006, 19:35

Originally Posted by Strike For The South

I just spen ten minutes looking for the toaster becuase my wonderful mum decided to move it from the cabinet to the pantry. For the first 16 years of the epic tale that is my life the toaster has been in the cabinet. Sure Ive been through tough times but the toaster has always been there a constant in these crazy times. 10 minutes I couldve spent having sex drinking or doing drugs is now lost looking for the toaster. Geez all the woman does is birth me and she thinks she has the right to push me around. /End Rant

Am I the only one who thinks this is hysterical?

It's the best thing I've read since Houllebecq. And in a prose so bad it's second only to, again, Houllebecq.

Still only at the tender age of sixteen, I see a new Jack Kerouac emerge. Please do the world a favour and become a novelist. Surprise and uplift us by one day writing one of that dying breed, a Great american Novel.

**GoreBag** · 12-21-2006, 22:58

Originally Posted by Banquo's Ghost

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

Lame.

**BigTex** · 12-22-2006, 06:32

10 minutes I couldve spent having sex drinking or doing drugs is now lost looking for the toaster.

Sex with the toaster can result in severe 2nd and 3rd degree burns to your genitalea. May I suggest you find a woman. Toaster sex will hurt.

**Strike For The South** · 12-22-2006, 06:41

Originally Posted by BigTex

Sex with the toaster can result in severe 2nd and 3rd degree burns to your genitalea. May I suggest you find a woman. Toaster sex will hurt.

Not after my cousins. The toaster is my Hedi Klum

**Vladimir** · 12-22-2006, 19:23

Originally Posted by Strike For The South

Not after my cousins. The toaster is my Hedi Klum

So you're saying that sex with your toaster won't burn after having sex with your cousins?

**Philippus Flavius Homovallumus** · 12-22-2006, 22:10

Originally Posted by Vladimir

So you're saying that sex with your toaster won't burn after having sex with your cousins?

I think he's saying sex with the Toaster is better.

What bothers me most is that suggests he has experience of both.

On the other hand, yes women move things. It's like men not moving things, it's a balance thing. Without women nothing would get done and without men nothing would ever stay done.

**BigTex** · 12-23-2006, 00:37

Originally Posted by Wigferth Ironwall

I think he's saying sex with the Toaster is better.

What bothers me most is that suggests he has experience of both.

On the other hand, yes women move things. It's like men not moving things, it's a balance thing. Without women nothing would get done and without men nothing would ever stay done.

So true, without women we wouldnt have moved from the Garden of Eden.

**Grey_Fox** · 12-23-2006, 03:15

I hate it when my mother decides to have good ideas like that, or when she decides to leave something, that you may not need right now but will desperately need in a few weeks, 'someplace safe' and then promptly forgets where she left it and no matter how high or low you search it's as if it never existed.

Bloody women and their bloody good ideas...

Course I wouldn't trade her for the world, she's an awesome cook (when I'm home, which isn't often since I've escaped to university).

**Hepcat** · 12-23-2006, 03:36

Sounds like one of my rants at my mother when she cleans my room for me (which she does whenever I am somewhere else for the night since I won't let her when I am in the house). I know where stuff is because I put it on the floor, when it is put away I have no idea where it went and she finds the best places to hide things.