'Cos I'm the kind of guy that goes through 2-3 500 page historical fiction/fantasy novels a week, the lack of character is indeed disappointing. It is very well written, to be sure, but lacks length (Oh, the ) and depth.

I wonder who this character is, where she is from, how old she is, etcetera, etcetera. The beginning would make an awesome start to a lengthy novel, though. You should probably consider that course of action.

Dialog. Interesting, to say the least. The lack of dialog is odd, however, I do not find it desirable. The soldiers would at least say something.

Apart from that, great writing. I hope you pursue this talent further.