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Originally Posted by doc_bean:
ARGH !!!
Not me that's broken hearted but I feel like venting:
A friend of mine recently broke up with his girlfriend of about 2 years, just before the holidays. He was one of my best friends a few years ago, but then he got a job and moved back with his parents and I continued studying, so I haven't seen him in a long time. Still, when i recently thought about who my real friends were his name was on the list (on a side note: i really should see these people I call friends more often, damn).
He met the girl through a mutual friend of ours, who also happens to be my girlfriends brother. He's been terribly heart broken since she broke up with him. He asked me if I wanted to go out tonight (is there a way to say that without making it sound gay btw ?) and I had to decline, and i'm feeling really guilty about that now.
The reason I *had* to decline ? The guy who introduced them to eachother (my brother in law, as we sometimes jokingly put it) seems to be going after his ex, and he didn't waste any time either. I know that if I saw my friend I'd end up telling this OR feeling really guilty about keeping this from him. If I'd tell him I'm not sure what would happen, he'd probably be even more depressed, might get mad at the other guy and have me totally between a rock and a hard place.
Other people's love lives are so complicated
Yes, I know what you mean. Big Big BIG pain in the ass sometimes.ARGH !!!
Not me that's broken hearted but I feel like venting:
A friend of mine recently broke up with his girlfriend of about 2 years, just before the holidays. He was one of my best friends a few years ago, but then he got a job and moved back with his parents and I continued studying, so I haven't seen him in a long time. Still, when i recently thought about who my real friends were his name was on the list (on a side note: i really should see these people I call friends more often, damn).
He met the girl through a mutual friend of ours, who also happens to be my girlfriends brother. He's been terribly heart broken since she broke up with him. He asked me if I wanted to go out tonight (is there a way to say that without making it sound gay btw ?) and I had to decline, and i'm feeling really guilty about that now.
The reason I *had* to decline ? The guy who introduced them to eachother (my brother in law, as we sometimes jokingly put it) seems to be going after his ex, and he didn't waste any time either. I know that if I saw my friend I'd end up telling this OR feeling really guilty about keeping this from him. If I'd tell him I'm not sure what would happen, he'd probably be even more depressed, might get mad at the other guy and have me totally between a rock and a hard place.
Other people's love lives are so complicated
Wow I actually feel better about myself.
And kinda weird about soliciting advice from people whose only relation is a game.
I think I'll get over it.
And kinda weird about soliciting advice from people whose only relation is a game.
I think I'll get over it.
Originally Posted by Marshal Murat:
Argh, I hate my problem. Conundrum?
I like a girl, and we enjoy talking about stuff (politics, my third love after military history, I digress) making snide jokes about said stuff, and I enjoy talking to her, don't know about visa versa. I feel really bad about helping her with homework, just because I've got the concept of 'under your own steam'.
However, the massive stumbling block is that she already has a boyfriend. They like each other (duh), and they seem to enjoy being together.
Now, I have a split idea on the situation. One side says 'go all in' and ask her to cheat on aforementioned boyfriend, go to movies, and let life roll on. The other says to just give up, and to stop helping her with her homework.
My advice: leave her.Argh, I hate my problem. Conundrum?
I like a girl, and we enjoy talking about stuff (politics, my third love after military history, I digress) making snide jokes about said stuff, and I enjoy talking to her, don't know about visa versa. I feel really bad about helping her with homework, just because I've got the concept of 'under your own steam'.
However, the massive stumbling block is that she already has a boyfriend. They like each other (duh), and they seem to enjoy being together.
Now, I have a split idea on the situation. One side says 'go all in' and ask her to cheat on aforementioned boyfriend, go to movies, and let life roll on. The other says to just give up, and to stop helping her with her homework.
I had a friend in a somewhat similar situation, he did push on and eventually got the girl. Sounds nice doesn't it ? Not entirely. It took her a long while to make up her mind since she already had a boyfriend, and when searching her own feelings she 'cheated' on her boyfriend (they didn't have sex at that point afaik). Now, the problem with cheating seems to be that the first time is the hardest. My friend has to watch out a lot of times that she doesn't get too drunk and winds up flirting with other men (and more), there's just not enough trust in the relationship.
My advice: don't open the floodgates.
Originally Posted by Yunus Dogus:
I disagree
for the following reasons
1. He already said he hadnt seen the guy in a while - chances are you were prolly gunna lose touch with this guy - different lives growing apart. So in the long term in will hurt you less not to tell this guy anything.
2. Its none of his business - if this chick dropped him for another guy - then she was going to drop him 'fullstop', if it wasnt for the brother in law - then it woulda been someone else. For all he knows the friend couldve been a jerk toward her, and deserved it.
3. Blood is thicker than water - even blood in law - you said it yourself - chances are this guy will be your brother in law one day - best start by looking out for your kin. Mates are mates, blood is more than mates. And no your GF will not understand if you side with your mate over her brother - particularly if shes close to her brother.
my 5c - sometimes when relationships break up - the friends are forced to choose sides - sometimes the friends politc - ends up differently to how it began. If you didnt rush to console the guy, chances are you were thinking of cutting him lose already - sad but sounds inevitable to me. Better than damaging the relationship with your future brother.
edit: I couldve sworn this post didnt have this many typos when i firts read it..... is there such a thing as a naughty post fairy that adds typos to your posts when your not looking!!!
Well, there's another issue, which both complicates matters and makes it easier. I talked about this with the gf and she doesn't think her brother will ever truly hook up with her. He seems to be trying (though the man is so closed you never really know what he's doing) but the feeling probably isn't mutual. She just wants a friend. I disagree
for the following reasons
1. He already said he hadnt seen the guy in a while - chances are you were prolly gunna lose touch with this guy - different lives growing apart. So in the long term in will hurt you less not to tell this guy anything.
2. Its none of his business - if this chick dropped him for another guy - then she was going to drop him 'fullstop', if it wasnt for the brother in law - then it woulda been someone else. For all he knows the friend couldve been a jerk toward her, and deserved it.
3. Blood is thicker than water - even blood in law - you said it yourself - chances are this guy will be your brother in law one day - best start by looking out for your kin. Mates are mates, blood is more than mates. And no your GF will not understand if you side with your mate over her brother - particularly if shes close to her brother.
my 5c - sometimes when relationships break up - the friends are forced to choose sides - sometimes the friends politc - ends up differently to how it began. If you didnt rush to console the guy, chances are you were thinking of cutting him lose already - sad but sounds inevitable to me. Better than damaging the relationship with your future brother.
edit: I couldve sworn this post didnt have this many typos when i firts read it..... is there such a thing as a naughty post fairy that adds typos to your posts when your not looking!!!
This makes it harder because in the end I'll probably end up with two unhappy friends. This makes it easier, because if I wait until I tell my other friend and if they didn't hook up he probably won't feel to bad about it. He'll probably say something about how it's natural everyone would want to hook up with such a great woman (yes, currently he's that bad).
So I'm glad I bought myself some time. I'll see how it turns out in a few weeks...
Originally Posted by Marshal Murat:
Argh, I hate my problem. Conundrum?
I like a girl, and we enjoy talking about stuff (politics, my third love after military history, I digress) making snide jokes about said stuff, and I enjoy talking to her, don't know about visa versa. I feel really bad about helping her with homework, just because I've got the concept of 'under your own steam'.
However, the massive stumbling block is that she already has a boyfriend. They like each other (duh), and they seem to enjoy being together.
Now, I have a split idea on the situation. One side says 'go all in' and ask her to cheat on aforementioned boyfriend, go to movies, and let life roll on. The other says to just give up, and to stop helping her with her homework.
Been in almost that exact situation, if you want to see the worst case scenario look back a few pages at my confession.Argh, I hate my problem. Conundrum?
I like a girl, and we enjoy talking about stuff (politics, my third love after military history, I digress) making snide jokes about said stuff, and I enjoy talking to her, don't know about visa versa. I feel really bad about helping her with homework, just because I've got the concept of 'under your own steam'.
However, the massive stumbling block is that she already has a boyfriend. They like each other (duh), and they seem to enjoy being together.
Now, I have a split idea on the situation. One side says 'go all in' and ask her to cheat on aforementioned boyfriend, go to movies, and let life roll on. The other says to just give up, and to stop helping her with her homework.
Be honest with her, but tell her that you can't ask her to cheat. She'll either ditch the boyfriend or she won't if she doesn't make some space and go find someone else.
Originally Posted by Marshal Murat:
Wow I actually feel better about myself.
And kinda weird about soliciting advice from people whose only relation is a game.
I think I'll get over it.
Well, we, the wargamers are not robots, with lack of feelings.Wow I actually feel better about myself.
And kinda weird about soliciting advice from people whose only relation is a game.
I think I'll get over it.
I dont think you should stop talking with she.The fact if you fall in love of she doesnt mean you should send to the thrash all the good time you have talked with she.
Originally Posted by Caius Flaminius:
Well, we, the wargamers are not robots, with lack of feelings.
I dont think you should stop talking with she.The fact if you fall in love of she doesnt mean you should send to the thrash all the good time you have talked with she.
*goes into Shakesperian mode*Well, we, the wargamers are not robots, with lack of feelings.
I dont think you should stop talking with she.The fact if you fall in love of she doesnt mean you should send to the thrash all the good time you have talked with she.
IF YOU CUT US - DO WE NOT BLEED !!!!!
sorry couldnt resist
*goes into Roman mode*
IF YOY CUT US - WE ARE GOING TO UNLEASH THE HELL!!
Gah!I still in love who lives abroad.That really sucks
IF YOY CUT US - WE ARE GOING TO UNLEASH THE HELL!!
Gah!I still in love who lives abroad.That really sucks
dude
my sympathies
long distance relationship = life of denial & self flaggelation = endless torment of living hell = sucks
my sympathies
long distance relationship = life of denial & self flaggelation = endless torment of living hell = sucks
Originally Posted by Yunus Dogus:
dude
my sympathies
long distance relationship = life of denial & self flaggelation = endless torment of living hell = sucks
I know.dude
my sympathies
long distance relationship = life of denial & self flaggelation = endless torment of living hell = sucks
What can I do?
Originally Posted by Caius Flaminius:
I know.
What can I do?
Does Argentina have women?I know.
What can I do?
normally I would say these things are doomed (long dist rel)
but Im a very cynical old man
not knowing you or her I wont address this at your relationship but relationships in general
in general
1 year is tough for a married couple although not impossible
I have seen a friend do 1 year from his GF but they were the exception and I guess they always had a plan to get together and get married once his study was finished.
normally I would say for bf/gf - 3 months and the cracks will start to show (depending on how long you knew each other before you parted)
arguments over the phone.
paranoia about what the other person doing/feeling.
mixed communications/messages.
living your life on hold.
feeling estranged from your partner.
Im a big fan for living in the moment and enjoying the here and now, if you find each other again one day - fantastic - if not well you wont have spent ? long holding a candle for the other, which when you do finally get back together may not work - because youve both grown apart.
and if you are holding a flame - just make sure its not in vain.
hey that rhymes - Im a poet
but Im a very cynical old man
not knowing you or her I wont address this at your relationship but relationships in general
in general
1 year is tough for a married couple although not impossible
I have seen a friend do 1 year from his GF but they were the exception and I guess they always had a plan to get together and get married once his study was finished.
normally I would say for bf/gf - 3 months and the cracks will start to show (depending on how long you knew each other before you parted)
arguments over the phone.
paranoia about what the other person doing/feeling.
mixed communications/messages.
living your life on hold.
feeling estranged from your partner.
Im a big fan for living in the moment and enjoying the here and now, if you find each other again one day - fantastic - if not well you wont have spent ? long holding a candle for the other, which when you do finally get back together may not work - because youve both grown apart.
and if you are holding a flame - just make sure its not in vain.
hey that rhymes - Im a poet
Originally Posted by Patriarch of Constantinople:
Does Argentina have women?
Argentinian women are beauty.Does Argentina have women?
Originally Posted by Banquo's Ghost:
If I were her father, I would be very proud. It would save me having to get the shotgun out every time she had a boyfriend.
ROFLOL!!! I actually did that…sat in my chair and cleaned my gun…But my favourite was one evening I cam home…from a military exercise in uniform (full field kit) and the four boys talking to my youngest daughter took off running…. Thank the all that they are now over 21 and one is married.If I were her father, I would be very proud. It would save me having to get the shotgun out every time she had a boyfriend.
i find it easier to have no respect for anyone and say what you'd like, when you'd like. People flock to the strong (both the weak and the would be strong)
who is the king of your castle? everyone would kill to be the queen. no worries
who is the king of your castle? everyone would kill to be the queen. no worries
Think of it this way (helped me):
Originally Posted by :
If you didn't break up that girl, then none of the good stuff since would have happened, and you'd have missed out. Be that parties, other girls, opportunities or chances you wouldn't have taken.
If you didn't break up that girl, then none of the good stuff since would have happened, and you'd have missed out. Be that parties, other girls, opportunities or chances you wouldn't have taken.
Earlier in the year I like another girl, asked her out, went on a date, and then she stopped talking to me.
I didn't know what happened. It was just nothing. She didn't speak to me, call me, anything.
Then I tried to figure out what was wrong.
I have to say the silent treatment is terribly effective...
The end result is that I now know who she is, but don't speak to her, and have realized what an insane sort of person I was to like her.
I'm glad she stopped talking to me.
I didn't know what happened. It was just nothing. She didn't speak to me, call me, anything.
Then I tried to figure out what was wrong.
I have to say the silent treatment is terribly effective...
The end result is that I now know who she is, but don't speak to her, and have realized what an insane sort of person I was to like her.
I'm glad she stopped talking to me.
Originally Posted by Marshal Murat:
The end result is that I now know who she is, but don't speak to her, and have realized what an insane sort of person I was to like her.
You cant control your feelings, dont you?The end result is that I now know who she is, but don't speak to her, and have realized what an insane sort of person I was to like her.
Originally Posted by Ice:
I just saw this thread now, and I hope your doing better by this time. It sucks, I know... oh do I. I know this hardly helps now, but you will get over it. It just takes a time, which is various depending on the situation. I'm sorry you are in pain, I'll just say again, it will go away. I know it can suck.
Not when it pops up again outta no where.I just saw this thread now, and I hope your doing better by this time. It sucks, I know... oh do I. I know this hardly helps now, but you will get over it. It just takes a time, which is various depending on the situation. I'm sorry you are in pain, I'll just say again, it will go away. I know it can suck.
Originally Posted by Ichigo:
Not when it pops up again outta no where.
It happens, Csar. Not much you can do about it without being immature. The feeling fades eventually, and you learn some nice TOUGH life lessons.Not when it pops up again outta no where.
Originally Posted by Ice:
It happens, Csar. Not much you can do about it without being immature. The feeling fades eventually, and you learn some nice TOUGH life lessons.
It wouldn't be so bad if she would actually acknowledge my existence. And I kind prepared myself to never see her again and then she pops up outta no where. It just sucks. It happens, Csar. Not much you can do about it without being immature. The feeling fades eventually, and you learn some nice TOUGH life lessons.
Girls aren't worth being worked up over. You guys need hobbies or something.
Originally Posted by :
You cant control your feelings, dont you?
That is a double negative.You cant control your feelings, dont you?
Originally Posted by GoreBag:
Girls aren't worth being worked up over. You guys need hobbies or something.
No need to be harsh Gore.Girls aren't worth being worked up over. You guys need hobbies or something.
Originally Posted by GoreBag:
Girls aren't worth being worked up over. You guys need hobbies or something.
I ahve one.We all have one here.Girls aren't worth being worked up over. You guys need hobbies or something.
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