This thread is for the broken hearted.

[Shaka_Khan]

Please share your experience on being dumped by someone you love. I asked someone out and she agreed. Unfortunately, I got nervous during the date, and I think I ruined the relationship. Now I'm worried about how long I could make this relationship last. Please share your own story so that I don't feel alone.

[rory_20_uk]

Sorry to hear that. My stories are for me alone to know.

[Caius]

Please share your experience on being dumped by someone you love. I asked someone out and she agreed. Unfortunately, I got nervous during the date, and I think I ruined the relationship. Now I'm worried about how long I could make this relationship last. Please share your own story so that I don't feel alone.

You left she?Are you talking with she?

[Samurai Waki]

Be angry. Be obsessive. But eventually you'll get over it, move on, and find someone who compliments you better. Or perhaps you are overreacting.

I've been dumped...numerous times. And on occasion I've been the one doing the dumping. It sucks for both sides. You'll live buddy, crack open a cold beer, and do a little bit of reflecting, thats all the advice I can give you, because everyone deals with it differently.

[CrossLOPER]

Date if and only if you are completely drunk out of your mind. Are you even old enough to drink? Drinking is good....

What was thet opic?

[Shaka_Khan]

Sorry to hear that. My stories are for me alone to know.

It will make you feel better if you share your stories with us.

You left she?Are you talking with she?

I'm still with her. I just don't know how long I can make the relationship last.

You'll live buddy, crack open a cold beer, and do a little bit of reflecting, thats all the advice I can give you, because everyone deals with it differently.

This thread is my own way of dealing with my fear of losing her.
Btw-could you share your reflections to us? Your experience will be helpful.

Date if and only if you are completely drunk out of your mind. Are you even old enough to drink? Drinking is good....

What was thet opic?

I was drunk at that time. We met at a wine bar.

[Geoffrey S]

It's the other side of things, but my girlfriend's unfounded tiresome worries about me ending the relationship are making me seriously consider doing just that. So bear in mind that precisely your fears may accelerate a process that doesn't have to be.

[Shaka_Khan]

Please improve my self-esteem. Say anything that'll help.

[Beirut]

Please improve my self-esteem. Say anything that'll help.

Well, looking at your avatar, you have a full head of hair and good shoulders. And probably a nice disposition as well.

[Shahed]

If there is any doubt, about her or the relationship, or any doubt.

END THE RELATIONSHIP NOW

There are many other women. A few billion I assume. There will be others to pleasure you and for you to pleasure. Emotions are fleeting, they end, one way or the other.

I'll repeat my advice again:
END THE RELATIONSHIP NOW

Life's too short to wallow in despair, soldier.

[Banquo's Ghost]

Please improve my self-esteem. Say anything that'll help.

It's quite difficult to comment when one does not know what happened between you to make you feel this way.

But the girl is still with you. That should go a long way to boost your self-esteem - you feel you made a mistake, and yet she still wants to see you.

Don't let worry overwhelm you. If the girl is worth this anxiety, she is worth fighting for. Buy flowers, take her for a real treat as a date - or (remembering that I'm as old as the hills and so flowers etc may not be your cup of tea, nor hers) whatever would show your strength of feeling for her - but not your dependence on her. Make her happy.

Things may not work out even then, but at least you will have tried. On the other hand, women just love to see you change for them, so making a mistake now and again is usually a good plan. As long as they know you'll make it up to them. What women seem to take a dim view of is indifference and anxious worry-warts.

Remember, it is the natural state of a man to be in the wrong. Always. Accept that and you will have happy relationships all your days.

[Rodion Romanovich]

Please improve my self-esteem. Say anything that'll help.

Just a word of advice: if you feel you NEED a girl and can't live without her, you have fooled yourself. You will get over it rather quickly, but the time it takes to cure it depends on how many more mistakes you make after your first mistake. If your first mistake makes you desperate to compensate, the desire to compensate will fool you to make more mistakes, and cause a spiral leading to disaster. If you can't control yourself in front of her, contact her as anonymously as possible (letter, send a mobile phone message, or similar), and tell her that you can't see her for a while, make up some lie, and try to avoid her as much as you can. Always carefully scout out any rooms or streets you will pass through to make sure you won't run into her until you've thought through things. What you will eventually realize, is that what you did to her, whatever it was, isn't nearly as embarrassing as the fact that you did it out of false and dogmatic beliefs, and that your dogmatic behavior was reinforced by everything you saw in culture, art, music, movies etc. You will realize that life imitates art more than art imitates life, and that that is a bad thing, because what is beautiful in art is horrible in life, and what is great in life makes for quite boring art. You will realize that most young people end up in love with love itself, and not in a particular person of the opposite sex. You will realize that whatever method you used to measure how good a partner you were to her were all wrong, futile, and a result of a blind soul, leading you to act in ways that made you less and less desirable in her eyes every minute. Never listen to any words stating what a woman likes, especially not when uttered by a woman. Don't trust anyone except your own rationality in that matter - don't even trust your own heart. Just like King Lear felt most loved by the deceitful daughters and not the one that loved him. Don't think true love will grant you her, on the contrary try to eliminate true love because it's the only thing that can prevent you from getting her. And accept the truth that in civilization, striving for the women you desire most leads to ruin. Don't strive for the women you desire most, but for the women you think are easiest to get, and that you desire to enough degree that you can call them "acceptable". Not acceptable in the sense that you think they are cute and you could learn to desire them, but acceptable in the sense that they are so little desirable that they will be uncertain and weak enough to not become so much stronger than you that you can get blinded by your desire to them. And while you find that disappointing at first, you will sooner than you think deem it acceptable. In the end, you will probably, like most other people, end up not with the woman you desired, but the woman you accepted, lying to yourself that you truly desire her, and successfully fooling yourself that it is true. Love in the end becomes not desire, but logistics, establishment of an alliance, and cooperation to take care of the dishes. Or in the case of young lovers, the choice of a status symbol of the opposite sex to prove your manhood before other men - but if you desire status an uncertain love affair is worse than consolidating what you already hold. One alternative is to choose the opposite way - to learn to feel disgusted by the women you truly desire. A man can't get a woman if he really likes her, and you can solve that problem by either looking at women you don't like, or learn to not like the women you like. Art that states that only true love will grant a man a woman is the most dangerous poison of the soul that exists in this world, and should be avoided at all costs.

[Banquo's Ghost]

Legio, it's sad that you have come to this rather cynical conclusion so early in life, but I can assure you that it is possible to find real and reciprocal love.

I've been lucky to have loved and been loved, and been hurt by it too. At the time, the hurt often felt overwhelming - now, the experiences are fundamental to my character and to my profession as a writer. I'm married to a wonderful woman whom I know I both love and desire - I doubt if I would be the man she loves without my previous pain.

You're right to note that sometimes what we most desire is not necessarily what will be best for us, but wrong to think this makes it impossible to find love. True love has a habit of surprising us.

Like every other opportunity in life, you just have to be receptive to the possibility.

[Samurai Waki]

The greatest love you'll have ever found, will be when your not looking for it. Thats my experience anyways. I've been on... god at least 20 dates, just hoping that somewhere in the shuffle would be the right person. Most of them were right for me in some degree, but somehow none of the relationships, once engaged didn't feel right. The ones that really love you, will not make an effort to point out your flaws, they don't expect you to give them the world, and certainly they'll forgive you if you make a fumble on a date. A decent person would give you the benefit of the doubt, and not pass judgement even if you do make a mistake, because we all have at one point or another, and even getting drunk on a date isn't the most gregious of errors.

[Rodion Romanovich]

On the contrary it's a conclusion that gives hope and strength. Realizing the causes of failure in love and how it is connected to the shape of society and culture. Love in our civilization has become a strange combination of two seldom compatible things - organization of a household maintenance team, and sexual attraction - things that gives the partner finding problem another dimension, and severely restricts the options of partner you have. Many good relationships based on sexual attraction fail because the couple can't organize living together, and many men and women end up being abused as income-bringers to a partner they feel an obligation to help, while the other part is cheating on them and betraying them, often eventually leaving a lonely mother or father to bring up their children as if their children would be a piece of dirt. The only attempts the civilization has done to allow a separation of income and sexual attraction were cultures such as that of the hippies, involving problematic family situations with people cheating on each others to the left and right and abusing partners who would bring an income to them in the manner I described above, creating a quite disgusting situation for some who had to suffer both a broken heart, betrayal and backstabbing at the same time, and further humiliation and fear due to the fact that they had no method whatsoever of getting out of the hell that their situation was, and it also resulted in a wave of increase in the spreading of STDs, which is the black death of our days.

I think it gives a lot of hope and insight to realize how society structure and culture screws up love, just as society structure and culture can screw up survival with wars and genocides. It brings back self-esteem to those who have been victims of the many horrors of civilization. It's both a good basis for developing survival strategies within such a society form, and a good basis for political philosophy to solve the problems in society. It also makes you realize that many who made you suffer made you suffer out of stupidity and ignorance, and not out of deliberate malevolence, and that factors which they couldn't control forced them into certain ways of acting.

If you apply a historical perspective it becomes even more clear how society and culture repeatedly screws up love in different ways. Most people have actually been able to stand living in such societies and many eventually even got used to their situation in the end, but still the injustice and suffering is seldom entirely forgotten. Examples:
- sex slaves exposed to various forms of sadistic pleasures of an usually bored master who needed extreme forms of sex to be happy
- priests and nobles at times having a right to have either the first intercourse with the woman in a newly married couple, or just sex with any of their subjects they wanted to
- people being able to acquire power and money by semi-criminal behavior managing to steal women from men who were much more righteous and loving because those men had less money
- poor people having trouble surviving and thus being forced to "sell" their prettiest daughter to the rich in order to survive. Only very good-looking daughters were possible to sell to the rich.
- women being mass-raped in wars
- Goethe's "the sufferings of the young Werther" making huge amounts of young men commit suicide over unhappy love
- ideals at many times forcing men to fight with lethal weapons (rather than by hands) over women, resulting in much unnecessary death
- people using temptations and promises of sex to get what they want, but then betray the victim at the last minute
- bosses forcing subjects of the opposite sex have sex in order to get any chance at all of career
- people being forced by globalization and ruthless forms of taxation to move across countries, losing contact with each other and forcing many relationships to an end
- many quite decent people not getting any partners ending up with prostitutes, and demand for prostitutes ends up causing trafficking and other forms of suffering
etc.

As you can see, civilization doesn't exactly have a record of promoting happy, stable relations and true love, and it also doesn't really promote a fair and natural judgement of who should get who as partner - rather cruelty, backstabbing, brainwashing and random events in the end decide who you end up with in most cases, and uncertainty and taboo makes people who should really love each other fear making contact, or make some end up marrying the first one who actually asks, rather than the one they would most of all want to be asked by, because fear prevents those who should from asking.

There is hope, and it lies in the ability to change society to solve the problems. Or meeting a woman with the same insights who by realizing these things can compensate for them, so they become as if they didn't exist.

[Strike For The South]

@ Shaka- Buck up dude. One mistake never ruins anything and if it did you just go out and look for a better one.

@Legio- Thats sad. I mean of course youre gonna get knocked back a few times but thats what makes it fun! Everyone has a someone, you just need to throw your ancedtoal evidence out the window and go for it!

[Yun Dog]

At the OP - there are no such things as mistakes mate - there is only experience. The only mistake would be not to learn from an experience.

To the dudes not understanding Legios position

Romantic love is complete delusion - its BS - its fluffy idealistic tripe draped over obsession. And like he says if you ever want to have a long lasting relationship that doesnt end tragically - youll forget about romatic love - romeo and juliet anyone
Romantic love is lying to yourself and being in love with the image of your perfect partner - inside your own head.

Real love as Legio rightly says is about partnership and having a long lived relationship with another human being - despite all their idiosyncricies (sp?)

And for that you can take all the romantic fog (flowers and singing under windows and generally acting like a fool) out of your eyes and work hard on compromise, sacrifice, equality, giving and recieving.

real love - is a deeper thing
having dinner ready when your partners working all week,
tidying up despite you feeling that you should be able to live like a pig, holding them when they are frietened - despite if you think the fear is rational or not,
protecting them from the stupidity of others and your own,
smiling for them even when you feel like crying,
learning not to pee all over the toilet floor - cause someones gunna have to clean it up - probably you (same goes for skid marks),
having to visit her family when you had a M2TW mega session planned - and smiling about it,
learning that you (singular) no longer exists - there is only you (pleural) now

theres no obsession clouded vision
its loving someone despite the surficial things of life - like physical appearance, wealth/poverty , bodily excretions, etc etc - in real love none of this matters

its never pretty

its not exciting

alot of times its not even fun

this from a man who is happily married - happy because both of us have given up any delusions about what society tells us love is supposed to be and concentrated on one single idea - its me and her forever - sickness or health, young or old, wealthy or poor - the world and its skindeep BS are only relevent to the extent of how it impacts on our life together

[Caius]

If there is any doubt, about her or the relationship, or any doubt.

END THE RELATIONSHIP NOW

There are many other women. A few billion I assume. There will be others to pleasure you and for you to pleasure. Emotions are fleeting, they end, one way or the other.

I'll repeat my advice again:
END THE RELATIONSHIP NOW

Life's too short to wallow in despair, soldier.

I think that doesnt help he, Sinan.

[yesdachi]

Here I sit broken hearted, paid a dime and only farted.

It is the only thing I could think of that involved heart break that might also make you feel better.

[Evil_Maniac From Mars]

Sinan, I really must disagree. If Shaka really does like her, then from my experiences he should try to keep her. The only way he should end it because of the current situation is if all it is causing is pain.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

I'm not sure how well that came across. I'm sure you can figure out what I mean, if my English wasn't clear enough.

Obviously she likes him enough to have stayed with him, even after he has done something which he believes to have been a mistake.

That's worth something.

[Shaka_Khan]

She is quite sensitive, but above all, she is ultra-conservative. She makes the Victorian Age look like the Age of Hippies. I met her three times so far, and she still wouldn't let me hold her hand. I feel like I'm at a minefield.

Anyway, so far so good. We call each other often.

[Yun Dog]

so tell us what your big mistake was.....

carn....

carn...

[Shaka_Khan]

On the first day I met her, part of my brain shut down. I forgot things and didn't know what to say. Now I have longer conversations with her, but sometimes I'm at a loss for words even after a long conversation. Yesterday, I held her hand, but she said that that was a way a guy would try to take advantage of her. Overall, I'm excited about her, and frightened of her at the same time.

[Strike For The South]

Slow and steady wins the race

[Yun Dog]

On the first day I met her, part of my brain shut down. I forgot things and didn't know what to say. Now I have longer conversations with her, but sometimes I'm at a loss for words even after a long conversation. Yesterday, I held her hand, but she said that that was a way a guy would try to take advantage of her. Overall, I'm excited about her, and frightened of her at the same time.

Whaaaat ... is that all

I thought it was going to be something juicy like over at BF2s.com I was reading about this dude... [..] thread worms


now thats a mistake

[InsaneApache]

That's put me off my spaghetti dinner.

[Fragony]

Please improve my self-esteem. Say anything that'll help.

Just remember that you are unique, like everybody else.

[Talbot]

On the first day I met her, part of my brain shut down. I forgot things and didn't know what to say.....

That's perfectly normal when you are attracted to someone.

[Rodion Romanovich]

Just remember that you are unique, like everybody else.

[lancelot]

Yesterday, I held her hand, but she said that that was a way a guy would try to take advantage of her.

WTF???? Im no expert with women but if a woman (or indeed anybody) thinks that- they need their head examined! Big time!

I suppose age might be an issue here (as i dont know yours) but if anything over 13 years old...she sounds like a mental.

I think you should be worried for different reasons.

Better?