This thread is for the broken hearted.

[Rodion Romanovich]

Please improve my self-esteem. Say anything that'll help.

Just a word of advice: if you feel you NEED a girl and can't live without her, you have fooled yourself. You will get over it rather quickly, but the time it takes to cure it depends on how many more mistakes you make after your first mistake. If your first mistake makes you desperate to compensate, the desire to compensate will fool you to make more mistakes, and cause a spiral leading to disaster. If you can't control yourself in front of her, contact her as anonymously as possible (letter, send a mobile phone message, or similar), and tell her that you can't see her for a while, make up some lie, and try to avoid her as much as you can. Always carefully scout out any rooms or streets you will pass through to make sure you won't run into her until you've thought through things. What you will eventually realize, is that what you did to her, whatever it was, isn't nearly as embarrassing as the fact that you did it out of false and dogmatic beliefs, and that your dogmatic behavior was reinforced by everything you saw in culture, art, music, movies etc. You will realize that life imitates art more than art imitates life, and that that is a bad thing, because what is beautiful in art is horrible in life, and what is great in life makes for quite boring art. You will realize that most young people end up in love with love itself, and not in a particular person of the opposite sex. You will realize that whatever method you used to measure how good a partner you were to her were all wrong, futile, and a result of a blind soul, leading you to act in ways that made you less and less desirable in her eyes every minute. Never listen to any words stating what a woman likes, especially not when uttered by a woman. Don't trust anyone except your own rationality in that matter - don't even trust your own heart. Just like King Lear felt most loved by the deceitful daughters and not the one that loved him. Don't think true love will grant you her, on the contrary try to eliminate true love because it's the only thing that can prevent you from getting her. And accept the truth that in civilization, striving for the women you desire most leads to ruin. Don't strive for the women you desire most, but for the women you think are easiest to get, and that you desire to enough degree that you can call them "acceptable". Not acceptable in the sense that you think they are cute and you could learn to desire them, but acceptable in the sense that they are so little desirable that they will be uncertain and weak enough to not become so much stronger than you that you can get blinded by your desire to them. And while you find that disappointing at first, you will sooner than you think deem it acceptable. In the end, you will probably, like most other people, end up not with the woman you desired, but the woman you accepted, lying to yourself that you truly desire her, and successfully fooling yourself that it is true. Love in the end becomes not desire, but logistics, establishment of an alliance, and cooperation to take care of the dishes. Or in the case of young lovers, the choice of a status symbol of the opposite sex to prove your manhood before other men - but if you desire status an uncertain love affair is worse than consolidating what you already hold. One alternative is to choose the opposite way - to learn to feel disgusted by the women you truly desire. A man can't get a woman if he really likes her, and you can solve that problem by either looking at women you don't like, or learn to not like the women you like. Art that states that only true love will grant a man a woman is the most dangerous poison of the soul that exists in this world, and should be avoided at all costs.