This thread is for the broken hearted.

[caravel]

Yesterday, I held her hand, but she said that that was a way a guy would try to take advantage of her. Overall, I'm excited about her, and frightened of her at the same time.

She would not be out of place in a medieval convent by all accounts! Holding hands, is taking advantage? Sorry but, how old are the two of you?

-Edit: Nevermind I checked your profile, assuming it's correct, but how old is she?

[Lorenzo_H]

This thread, ironically, has made me feel very good about my life. I'm elated. I'm glad that I've never "poured my heart out" so to speak, for anyone in my life so far. I've seen the damage it does to people's character, self esteem and happiness. But I'm young, and not very experienced. I too will feel the urge one day, and I will have to deal with it like everyone else.

My sympathies though, for all those who are feeling depressed in any way.

Remember, above all, that you have a friend in Jesus. He loves you, even when it seems that others don't.

[Orb]

They killed my hair!

THEY KILLED MY HAIR!

I loved that hair.

[Banquo's Ghost]

She would not be out of place in a medieval convent by all accounts! Holding hands, is taking advantage?

Surely the wish of a young girl to be careful and take things slowly is not a circumstance for ridicule? I find it rather refreshing to hear of a girl who is not drinking herself into insensibility and licentiousness.

(Now there's a word I bet you young fellas don't hear very often. )

Her views deserve respect, even if they seem out of line with the majority.

(What I really need now to finish, is a grumpy old man smiley, shaking a stick )

[Sigurd]

The way outlandish conservatism behaves is just too alien for an average Scandinavian to fathom.
You actually consider that one date is equal to a relationship? As in boyfriend/girlfriend, we are a pair now?

Alright I will stop here as this is beyond my horizon… I should educate myself.

[IrishArmenian]

Date women who
A) Are thick skinned
B) Witty
C) Like to Drink
D) If you are sober, look for a bit of physical attraction.
That is how I got my wife. If all the insults and jabs we threw at each other were used by a "normal" couple, we'd have been divorced about 6 years ago, when we met.
Banquo, you are telling that to someone (me) who lives in a culture where a kiss is considered a greeting. How is that taking advantage of?
West=Prudes?

[Banquo's Ghost]

Banquo, you are telling that to someone (me) who lives in a culture where a kiss is considered a greeting. How is that taking advantage of?
West=Prudes?

Not at all. I'm just saying that someone who sets clear rules, even if they seem old fashioned in these more "enlightened" days, should not be the subject of mild derision. Holding hands is a clear sign of intimacy between friends. Rather too many young men assume that the next step should be bed.

In a society where relationships are often expected to result in sex very early, it may be a sensible choice to keep things friendly and non-physical early on. She may also be religious, and is following her moral guidelines.

If I were her father, I would be very proud. It would save me having to get the shotgun out every time she had a boyfriend.

[Andres]

Real love as Legio rightly says is about partnership and having a long lived relationship with another human being - despite all their idiosyncricies (sp?)

And for that you can take all the romantic fog (flowers and singing under windows and generally acting like a fool) out of your eyes and work hard on compromise, sacrifice, equality, giving and recieving.

real love - is a deeper thing
having dinner ready when your partners working all week,
tidying up despite you feeling that you should be able to live like a pig, holding them when they are frietened - despite if you think the fear is rational or not,
protecting them from the stupidity of others and your own,
smiling for them even when you feel like crying,
learning not to pee all over the toilet floor - cause someones gunna have to clean it up - probably you (same goes for skid marks),
having to visit her family when you had a M2TW mega session planned - and smiling about it,
learning that you (singular) no longer exists - there is only you (pleural) now

theres no obsession clouded vision
its loving someone despite the surficial things of life - like physical appearance, wealth/poverty , bodily excretions, etc etc - in real love none of this matters

its never pretty

its not exciting

alot of times its not even fun

this from a man who is happily married - happy because both of us have given up any delusions about what society tells us love is supposed to be and concentrated on one single idea - its me and her forever - sickness or health, young or old, wealthy or poor - the world and its skindeep BS are only relevent to the extent of how it impacts on our life together

Ah, the wisdom of the married man

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

You forgot to add: "Watching "Beauty and the Nerd" with her, pretending you like the program, instead of playing M2TW". GAH!! Television makers! Put them on the stake and burn them ! GAH ! On the other hand, she has to sacrifice herself too sometimes: go out twice a week at 7.00 AM running with your husband who for once remembered something you said: "I am too fat, I want to exercise. We should do some sport together" That'll teach her! Beauty and the Nerd. GAH !

[caravel]

Surely the wish of a young girl to be careful and take things slowly is not a circumstance for ridicule? I find it rather refreshing to hear of a girl who is not drinking herself into insensibility and licentiousness.

You've got a point there. There was an office trainee that worked over here last year. She was 16 years old. Apparently she had been with a live in lover since the age of 14 and both living under her parents roof. At the time when she was working here she was texting and phoning a string of boyfriends. She was sacked last year, because she didn't do a whole lot. Now she is apparently on the dole and, quite predictably, up the duff. This girl is probably one extreme, the young lady in question here is probably the other. The solution is a happy medium, but safely below the red line on the slapperometer.

(What I really need now to finish, is a grumpy old man smiley, shaking a stick )

Get one on order, and get one of those "miserable git waving rolled up copy of Daily Mail" smileys as well. We need one of those urgently.

[naut]

@ Shaka_Khan
Rainy day, rain all day
Ain't no use in gettin' uptight
Just let it groove its own way
Let it drain your worries away yeah
Lay back and groove on a rainy day hey
Lay back and dream on a rainy day

@ Banquo's Ghost

show your strength of feeling for her - but not your dependence on her.

That, and all of your advice, is great advice.


@ Yunus Dogus


@ LegioXXXUlpiaVictrix

On the contrary it's a conclusion that gives hope and strength. Realizing the causes of failure in love and how it is connected to the shape of society and culture. Love in our civilization has become a strange combination of two seldom compatible things - organization of a household maintenance team, and sexual attraction - things that gives the partner finding problem another dimension, and severely restricts the options of partner you have. Many good relationships based on sexual attraction fail because the couple can't organize living together, and many men and women end up being abused as income-bringers to a partner they feel an obligation to help, while the other part is cheating on them and betraying them, often eventually leaving a lonely mother or father to bring up their children as if their children would be a piece of dirt. The only attempts the civilization has done to allow a separation of income and sexual attraction were cultures such as that of the hippies, involving problematic family situations with people cheating on each others to the left and right and abusing partners who would bring an income to them in the manner I described above, creating a quite disgusting situation for some who had to suffer both a broken heart, betrayal and backstabbing at the same time, and further humiliation and fear due to the fact that they had no method whatsoever of getting out of the hell that their situation was, and it also resulted in a wave of increase in the spreading of STDs, which is the black death of our days.

I understand where you coming from. Fair call in all honesty.

or make some end up marrying the first one who actually asks, rather than the one they would most of all want to be asked by, because fear prevents those who should from asking.

I know all about that (not in a marriage sense though, just a dating sense).

But ... I can only echo the words of SFTS (and others).

Thats sad. I mean of course youre gonna get knocked back a few times but thats what makes it fun! Everyone has a someone, you just need to throw your ancedtoal evidence out the window and go for it!

@ Andres, you truly are TheCunning.

@ IrishArmenian

A) Are thick skinned
B) Witty
C) Like to Drink
D) If you are sober, look for a bit of physical attraction.

You and I think alike, but IMHO they have to be smart too (but being witty usually means they are).

@ Caravel, that girl sounds like a Breezer slut too me.

@ Fragony

Just remember that you are unique, like everybody else.

No one more unique than you.

@ Banquo's Ghost (again)

Surely the wish of a young girl to be careful and take things slowly is not a circumstance for ridicule? I find it rather refreshing to hear of a girl who is not drinking herself into insensibility and licentiousness.
[...]
Holding hands is a clear sign of intimacy between friends. Rather too many young men assume that the next step should be bed.

In a society where relationships are often expected to result in sex very early, it may be a sensible choice to keep things friendly and non-physical early on. She may also be religious, and is following her moral guidelines.

I wish my friends would hear such wisdom as this.

(Now there's a word I bet you young fellas don't hear very often. )

Yes your right; I never hear or see any antonyms such as personal restraint or moral perseverance being observed nor practised

Finally, in my limited experience (only 16 years) I have found just what Wakizashi said, it comes when least expected. And you all speak of desire, I find it works like respect; as in both benefactors must have it for it to truly work.

[Caius]

Its a problem got a wife and play your games.

I'll be single at the moment.
Long live the modding!

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Thats the reason why i am still single

[IrishArmenian]

It would save me having to get the shotgun out every time she had a boyfriend.

I would do that just for fun.

[Samurai Waki]

I'm going to commit both of my girls to the nunnery

If in the future I have a male heir, he'll be playing on the other side of the fence.

[Yun Dog]

You forgot to add: "Watching "Beauty and the Nerd" with her, pretending you like the program, instead of playing M2TW". GAH!! Television makers! Put them on the stake and burn them ! GAH ! On the other hand, she has to sacrifice herself too sometimes: go out twice a week at 7.00 AM running with your husband who for once remembered something you said: "I am too fat, I want to exercise. We should do some sport together" That'll teach her! Beauty and the Nerd. GAH !

Andres - you truely understand

now if you'll excuse me I promised to go on a bike ride around the river because my wife felt 'we' werent getting enough excersize

[AntiochusIII]

I'm seventeen and haven't been head over heels in love (or a crush) in years.

I feel heartless, which is the worst of broken-heartedness.

[caravel]

I'm seventeen and haven't been head over heels in love (or a crush) in years.

I feel heartless, which is the worst of broken-heartedness.

Well at 17 you've got plenty of time for that. It may be that your life is occupied with other pursuits?

[Caius]

I'm seventeen and haven't been head over heels in love (or a crush) in years.

I feel heartless, which is the worst of broken-heartedness.

I'm in the same situation.

[IrishArmenian]

Well at 17 you've got plenty of time for that. It may be that your life is occupied with other pursuits?

At 17, I wasn't really looking for a girlfriend (which DID happen, and now I have this ball and chain), I was chasing... well, *****.

[Caius]

Are you married now?

[Del Arroyo]

I dunno about women. For me it all used to be about comforting my insecurities. Then I met one girl who really loved me and that pretty much took care of my insecurities.

Problem was I wasn't all that crazy about her, but when I dumped her she just wouldn't go away, and I didn't really have to heart to just keep turning her away, so now really my question is should you marry someone comfortable and loving and who, though there is great sexual chemistry, really doesn't light your fire... or should you hold out for someone who makes you feel all those exciting falling-in-love feelings?

It kills me. I can't bear to break her heart, but at the same time I can't help but feeling there is someone else out there for me. Not that there's a lot of opportunity to meet that person either where I'm at or the places I'll be going over the next two or three years. And she is far, far away. So really this is all sort of idle speculation.

[IrishArmenian]

Are you married now?

Yes. It has yet to get too bad, seeing as it was 6 months ago.

[Caius]

Yes. It has yet to get too bad, seeing as it was 6 months ago.

My condolences.

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

I dunno about women. For me it all used to be about comforting my insecurities. Then I met one girl who really loved me and that pretty much took care of my insecurities.

Problem was I wasn't all that crazy about her, but when I dumped her she just wouldn't go away, and I didn't really have to heart to just keep turning her away, so now really my question is should you marry someone comfortable and loving and who, though there is great sexual chemistry, really doesn't light your fire... or should you hold out for someone who makes you feel all those exciting falling-in-love feelings?

It kills me. I can't bear to break her heart, but at the same time I can't help but feeling there is someone else out there for me. Not that there's a lot of opportunity to meet that person either where I'm at or the places I'll be going over the next two or three years. And she is far, far away. So really this is all sort of idle speculation.

Do you care for her? If you do then you're in love, because all it is is a combination of attraction and caring. You might have passed through the lovy-dovy phase already and not realised it.

Me, I developed a crush on a girl at 14, we developed a friendship, unfortunately at the same time I fell in love with her. By the time I was 16 my brain had turned off to all other women, I could barely speak and my backbone had become a pile of jelly, I'd do anything for her. Worse, my infatuation was an open secret but every time I tried to tell her how I felt she would turn the conversation.

Predictably it ended badly, I had an emotional breakdown, went a bit nuts, confessed everything very publically and I have niether seen nor spoken to her for three and a half years. She said she needed space, which is code for "leave me alone you freak."

Anyway, it took me about three months to put myself back together and I am now a far grimmer and less romantic person. I also haven't been able to develope a real attraction to another woman since.

[Caius]

What do you think its better.

Live with parents
Live alone
Live with a wife

[Strike For The South]

Live were youre most happiest.

[Caius]

I want to live alone, but im living with parents.

[Yun Dog]

Live with the parents

Nah thats like this adult infant thing - no freedom - and any girl will run screaming from a grown man still under his Mommys apron. I lived with my parents till 17 - leaving was the best thing I couldve done as far as my development into a man

Live alone

did this for a while, and it still holds attraction, every time I feel I wish I could not bother to cook and clean. problem with it is you can become a bit self orientated - you like things a certain way, and it gets harder and harder to learn to share or change. also you can become a bit cut off and stop going out and mixing, cause your so much nicer than those people you used to call friends, and besides your not alone youve got you, yourself, and I to keep you company and your cat, Mr tinkles, to kkep you company. Seen a couple of friends get alot fatter and well see a lot less of them now (their choice) .


Live with wife

again your life is not your own, this is my current status, it allows me some me time (not with kids - if you have them), not as much as Id like but then theres no quiet silence when the tv/radio gets turned off either.

As the SftS above said whatever makes you happy, but beware of the pitfalls of the first two. Because they seem ideal till you wake up 45, fat, and single, and wish it were not so.

[Caius]

no freedom

Agreed.Always happens the same thing.

[Strike For The South]

If you liv ewith your folks when your younger the lasses wont run away. Now if youre still attached to them then mabye

[naut]

Live were youre most happiest.

EDIT: This topic leads me to share to things regarding women I find:

I am more scared of what I might gain than loss (seems odd I know )
And I hate it when chicks are surrounded by their friends (or parents for that matter ), it makes talking to them so GAH! damn hard.