You know that old saw about the definition of a management consultant: someone who borrows your watch and then tells you the time?

Here's a wonderful example.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
Black tape red tape

Black tape is being stuck on civil servants' desks to show them where to put their keyboard and pens - at a cost of £7million.

Union officials slammed the efficiency drive as "madness" and added: "It's demoralising and demeaning."

Workers at the National Insurance offices in Longbenton, North Tyneside, were picked for the pilot project.

The Public and Commercial Services Union's Kevin McHugh said: "This office has been open for 60 years and people have managed to find their pens and staplers without consultants helping them in that time."

The black-tape project is part of the nationwide Lean programme, run by consultants Unipart, which has already required staff to move their personal belongings off desks.

The PCSU said: "We had a situation in Scotland where staff were asked, 'Is that banana on your desk active or inactive?' meaning were they going to eat it? If not, it had to be cleared away. It's madness."

But a HM Revenue and Customs spokesman said: "Lean is all about how we can work more efficiently to deliver an even better service to customers."


I'm off for an active banana.