Fire

[Marshal Murat]

You don't get encouragement until after your 5th or 6th post.

[Ludens]

It sounds promising, but I'd like to see more of the story before I comment.

[Del Arroyo]

From the very little that I've read here, I would recommend you add more descriptive passages to draw the reader into the scene, and cut down a bit on the explanations of dialogue. For instance, when the girl jokes about hunting bears, it is really not necessary for you to explain that he is not sure if she is joking, and that she knows that he is not sure if she is joking-- all of this could be expressed in a more natural way.

The premise sounds good, what I've seen so far makes me want to read more... so please, continue.

[doc_bean]

Chapter one: an old beginning


The sun shone through the curtains of a bedroom in an old building in the center of Leuven. Michael opened his eyes and quickly closed them again.. He'd been drinking again. When did he get home ? He looked around and saw his clothes on the floor. They formed a trail from his door to his bed. It had been one of those nights. He had had to crawl to his bed.
Suddenly his stomach woke up, he jumped out of bed and rushed to the sink. The smell of his vomit was sharp and rancid. It made him even more sick. After puking three more times he stared at his image in the mirror above the sink. He hadn't shaven in a few days. He didn't have dark facial hair, so he could get away with skipping a day or two without looking too much like a bum, but he saw that it must have been a week since his last shave. He filled a cup of water and drank it in one go, trying to get the foul taste of regurgitated beer out of his mouth. He felt the cold water making its way down to his stomach, when it got there it seemed to immediately want to go up again. He threw up again and then tried to drink another glass of water. He drank slower this time. His stomach didn't protest as much anymore.

"Morning Michael !" Stefaan was sitting downstairs at the table, eating what looked like pancakes.
"It's still morning ?" Michael asked, wondering how much sleep he'd really gotten. He didn't feel that tired.
"Barely. Had a good time last night ?" Stefaan had a smile on his face that Michael didn't particulary care for.
"Probably."

He took some breakfast cereal and sat down next to Stefaan, who was smearing sirup onto his pancakes. They were the microwave kind. Stefaan continued to question him about what had happened that night but Michael didn't remember much. Together they tried to fit the pieces together. He had gone to the student bar in the afternoon, he remembered that much. Nobody had seen him in the evening, and he hadn't left any extra dishes in the sink, so he probably stayed there until it was late enough to dive into the night life. They regularly ordered pizzas in the student bar for the customers who felt that dinner could be an unfortunate interruption of their drinking time. He wondered who had been in the bar besides him. Karel, Jan, Tom, he was certain those had been there in the afternoon. Had they all stayed ?
Stefaan finished his pancakes and got up to put the dish unto the pile in the sink. He told Michael he had a class in about twenty minutes and left.

[doc_bean]

Thanks for the feedback guys !

[doc_bean]

chapter one (ctd):

Michael started doing his normal afternoon routine: after finishing his cereals he took a shower, checked his emails, brushed his teeth and changed the clothes that started smelling, but in the back of his head he know he had forgotten something important about last night. He wondered what it was. Maybe he got lucky ? Heh, that would be typically him, finally getting lucky only to black out and not remember a thing. Actually, getting luckily wouldn't be typically him at all, he thought. It was already past two when he finally decided to pull open his curtains.

It was a warm september day. It was the first week of college and he was glad he was back in the city. This was really more his home than the small town where he grew up. The summer months spent there with his parents had been mostly uneventful. He had met with some old friends from high school and had gone to the occasional party, but really he was just waiting until he could come back here. He wondered if he shouldn't have just stayed here. Of course, his parents wouldn't have liked that, and pretty much everyone he knew around here went home for the summer too. Still, on a day like this he wondered why he had ever left . His head had cleared up by now, for the most part anyway, and he decided to go for a walk.

On the old market square a Evelyn was sipping her iced tea. She watched as Michael strolled across the square and went into one of the little roads connected to it. She wondered if he would have remembered her. He had been quite drunk. A man walked up to her table and sat down in the chair opposite to hers.
"Was that him ?" he asked, "have you made contact yet."
"That's a rather inappropriate question to ask a woman, isn't it ?"
He sighed. "Don't joke about it. This is important, do you think he's the one we've been looking for ?"
"I don't know. He could be. It's not easy to say, it's not like he has a birthmark."
"Time is running out, you'd better be sure soon."
He got up from his chair and left the table. She just sat there for a while, leisurely finishing her drink. Micheal seemed like a nice guy. She hated what she was about to do to him.

[doc_bean]

chapter one (ctd):

After the Louis had finished his conversation with Evelyn he went to a big house a few blocks away. Three short knocks, three long knocks, that was the secret code. The door was opened by a tall man who looked like he was in early forties.
"Come in Louis, how did it go with Evelyn ?"
"She thinks he might be the one we're looking for, but she isn't sure yet."
"Let's hope she is soon. It's nearly October, and it's going to be a long winter if we don't find him."

Michael's walk took him, as was to be expected, to the student bar again. Unfortunately none of his friends were there. He took his regular place at the bar and said hello to Mary, who kept the place running the day. He ordered an iced tea and took the newspaper of the day. War in Middle East ! Corruption in Politics ! Famous Actor Caught in Sex Scandal ! It didn't take him long to skim through the paper. He asked mary if she remembered but had happened last night. She laughed at how drunk he must have been, but couldn't tell him much. He had still been there when she had left, at six. He had been drinking Leffes all afternoon. Tom, Jan and Karel had been there. Nothing special had happened. He thanked her and ordered another iced tea. It was important to rehydrate after binge drinking, and before, and in between the binges. Nobody came in while he finished his second drink. He decided that there must be more interesting places to be today than this bar, said goodbye to Mary and left.