Of Governments and Cows

**Lorenzo_H** · 01-25-2007, 22:34

Here is another little amusing read I came across. It's basically a summary of the World's Governments:

(Biblical) Capitalism: You have two cows. You take care of them and sell the extra milk if you want to.

Fuedalism: Your lord lends you two cows. He takes most of the milk and leaves you some.

Pure Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them into a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

Bureaucratic Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them into a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens which the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.

Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes them both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

Pure Communism: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you to take care of them, and you all share the milk.

Russian Communism: You have two cows. You have to take care of both of them, but the government takes all the milk.

Cambodian Communism: You have two cows. The government shoots you and takes both of them.

Dictatorship: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and drafts you.

Pure Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

Representative Democracy: You have two cows. Your neighbors vote for someone to decide who gets the milk.

American Democracy: The government promises to give you two cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate."

British Democracy: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.

Bureaucracy: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one and milks the other and pours the milk down a drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

Environmentalism: You have two cows. The government bans you from milking or killing them.

Pure Anarchy: You have two cows. Your neighbors riot and kill you for trying to sell the milk.

Libertarian/Anarcho-Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Clintonomics: You have two cows. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Totalitarianism: You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed.

Counter-Culture: Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows man...

**Watchman** · 01-25-2007, 22:37

Not a few of those are economic systems you know.

**Lorenzo_H** · 01-25-2007, 22:40

Yeah. Think of them not as governments but as policies, then.

**Bava** · 01-25-2007, 22:42

You forgot these (posted by Insane Apache in Lets do some jokes thread) :

FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity, and arrest the reporter who leaked the real situation.

FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.

IRAQI CORPORATION: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the *!!%$@@##** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....

WELSH CORPORATION: You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.

AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate