M*A*S*H Quotes

[Gregoshi]

Inspired by currywurry's sig and Lucjan's "Cartoon Quotes" thread, I thought the Korean War comedy M*A*S*H would be a treasure trove of classic quotes. MASH regularly featured some of the cleverest writing I've seen on TV. Anyway, I'll start off with a few.

Frank: It's not normal!
Trapper: What's "normal", Frank?
Frank: "Normal" is everybody doing the same thing.
Hawkeye: What about individuality, Frank?
Frank: Individuality's fine - as long as we all do it together.

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Margaret: They love you, Frank
Frank: It was their hatred that fooled me

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Frank: 1... 2... 3... 4...
Hawkeye: Showing off for the patients again, Frank?

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This last one has to be my favourite but I can't find the exact wording so I must whing it:

BJ (performing Charles' "unwedding"): ...by the powers vested in me by the State of Inebriation, I now pronounce you un-husband and un-wife.

[Mikeus Caesar]

"I've eaten a river of liver and an ocean of fish! I've eaten so much fish, I'm ready to grow gills! I've eaten so much liver, I can only make love if I'm smothered in bacon and onions" - Hawkeye

Heheh, one of my favourite quotes there.

"I will not carry a gun.... I'll carry your books, I'll carry a torch, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash and carry, carry me back to Old Virginia, I'll even hari-kari if you show me how, but I will not carry a gun!" - Hawkeye

I'm sure everyone will have heard a variation of that.

There's even a quiz, but you have to sign up :(

http://www.sploofus.com/triviaquiz/m..._this_iii.html

[Gregoshi]

Here's one from one of my favourite characters:

Colonel Flagg: Nobody can get the truth out of me because even I don't know what it is. I keep myself in a constant state of utter confusion.

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Colonel Flagg: Don't play dumb with me, you're not as good at it as I am

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Charles: Ah, Klinger, my constant reminder that Darwin was right.

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PA announcer: Attention all personnel. Due to circumstances beyond our control, lunch will be served today.

[Gregoshi]

That "carry a gun" bit is 100% classic Hawkeye.

[lancelot]

PA announcer: Attention all personnel. Due to circumstances beyond our control, lunch will be served today.

Classic!

[Patriarch of Constantinople]

I remember something about a squirrel and a character. It was funny, I may just go find it.

[CountArach]

Ahhh I love M*A*S*H, seen every episode, own every season...

I can't say I have any [articular favourite quote, but the ones revolving around 5 o'clock charlie are awesome.

[Gregoshi]

PA announcer: Attention. Attention. One minute to Charlie. The betting book is now closed.

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PA announcer: And now direct from North Korea, here he is for the sixth hit week, 5 O'clock Charlie, his airplane, and his astigmatism!

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PA announcer: And that concludes 5 O'clock Charlie for today, folks. Hope you enjoyed him as much as North Korea enjoyed bringing him to ya. Results of the pool will be announced in just a few minutes. Join us tomorrow same time. Until then, have a nice war.

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PA announcer: So as he flies the blue lady of the skies into the sunset, we say 'aloha, 5 O'clock Charlie' and return to our duties. Let me remind you the hospital is open 24 hours for your dining and dancing pleasure.

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PA announcer: Sorry, camp. Attention! By command of the new commanding officer, all officers report to the commanding officer's office, sirs.



Gotta love that PA guy.