Chic catching for the common man, a how-to guide by Vuk

[Vuk]

This is going to be a several post guide. This first post is just an introduction.

This guide is for the common man. It is written for the common man because tycoons and movie stars have no problem getting girls, and the ugly buggers can't get 'em no matter what they do. This is a parody, so no one take it seriously or get offended by it please ;). (Even if you are ugly :D)
I am going to class now, but when I get back, I will start with Chapter I: What a Chic Wants. See ya then ;)

[CrossLOPER]

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Mister Big Shot Man.

[caravel]

I will fill in for Vuk in his absence. Yes indeed, what a "chick" wants? That is the big question everyone is asking... As to what a chick doesn't want, well there's bird flu I suppose, and of course a chick doesn't want to get eaten, but who does?

Well that's it for today's instalment, I'll be back here next week with the next thrilling instalment: "Stuffing your chick properly". Ensure you have all the right tools and plenty of oil. Also bring protection, as the chick will be very hot, and we don't want any of you having an accident.

***Coat on, running from the thread ***

[GoreBag]

"Chics" don't want sex before marriage, I hope.

[Vladimir]

Chicks want cracked corn. Later on you can let them run loose in the yard after you cut grass. That way, they can eat all the recently exposed bugs.

[Vuk]

Chapter I: What a Chic Wants


Part A: The rule of 3M


MMM: Money, Muscle, Motors (Fast ones...). While most guys are whores interested only in sex, this is what all women want. This is the reason that movie stars have such an easy time getting chics, leaving us (We normal guys who are neither too rich or too ugly) what is left.
* Money is the no-brainer; every chic wants money. I mean, who wouldn't, you can do a lot of things with money. (Like afford a bunch of boyfriends when you dump your husband and get his fortune).
* No matter how some deny it, ALL girls like muscle. Raw, sweating, knobby, cords of mass energy. In fact, this is the most attractive physical feature (apart from cars) to a girl. In the history of the female sex, there hasn't been a single woman not infactuated with muscle.
* Motors, this is one of the primary factors to influence a chics decision on a man. Girls like sleek, shiny, low riders with big wheels and hardly any door to be seen. This is THE big physical turn-on in a woman's life. A lot of times a girl will look at a guy's ride and decide then and there if she will ever like him.

Let me shatter the myths right now. Girls are not into the whole "nurturing" thing. They aren't really the sensitive souls they make themselves out to be, but are rather ravinous souls looking to be fed. Feed them. Also, girls don't really care about sex either. They just pretend they are so they can get closer to your wheels...

Girls don't like scrawny guys, and they HATE brainy guys. Girls just love a man with brain in his head and a lot of beef and hair on his body. Chics love grissly, hairy, muscely guys. Guys that are rustic and live on the wild side. They don't want any of that tender crap.

As far as chocolate and roses go, don't bother. Girls think guys that give them chocolates and roses are wimpy.

[Don Corleone]

Chapter I: What a Chic Wants


Part A: The rule of 3M


MMM: Money, Muscle, Motors (Fast ones...). While most guys are whores interested only in sex, this is what all women want. This is the reason that movie stars have such an easy time getting chics, leaving us (We normal guys who are neither too rich or too ugly) what is left.
* Money is the no-brainer; every chic wants money. I mean, who wouldn't, you can do a lot of things with money. (Like afford a bunch of boyfriends when you dump your husband and get his fortune).
* No matter how some deny it, ALL girls like muscle. Raw, sweating, knobby, cords of mass energy. In fact, this is the most attractive physical feature (apart from cars) to a girl. In the history of the female sex, there hasn't been a single woman not infactuated with muscle.
* Motors, this is one of the primary factors to influence a chics decision on a man. Girls like sleek, shiny, low riders with big wheels and hardly any door to be seen. This is THE big physical turn-on in a woman's life. A lot of times a girl will look at a guy's ride and decide then and there if she will ever like him.

Let me shatter the myths right now. Girls are not into the whole "nurturing" thing. They aren't really the sensitive souls they make themselves out to be, but are rather ravinous souls looking to be fed. Feed them. Also, girls don't really care about sex either. They just pretend they are so they can get closer to your wheels...

Girls don't like scrawny guys, and they HATE brainy guys. Girls just love a man with brain in his head and a lot of beef and hair on his body. Chics love grissly, hairy, muscely guys. Guys that are rustic and live on the wild side. They don't want any of that tender crap.

As far as chocolate and roses go, don't bother. Girls think guys that give them chocolates and roses are wimpy.

Dude, you spend a lot of time dating Rosie Palmer, don't ya.

[Papewaio]

Just to state the obvious...

This is a parody, so no one take it seriously or get offended by it please ;).

[BDC]

There is nothing a tub of Ben & Jerries ice cream won't get you.

[KukriKhan]

There is nothing a tub of Ben & Jerries ice cream won't get you.

Good point. As silly as it seems on the surface, what we're discussing here is "bait", right? What kind, how much, how to deploy?

[Don Corleone]

Chocolate makes the best bait I've ever found. As for how much, there's no such thing as too much. Keep lots of chocolate around, ply them with it, and the honeys will fight each other to get to your door.