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  1. #1
    In the shadows... Member Vuk's Avatar
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    Default Chic catching for the common man, a how-to guide by Vuk

    This is going to be a several post guide. This first post is just an introduction.

    This guide is for the common man. It is written for the common man because tycoons and movie stars have no problem getting girls, and the ugly buggers can't get 'em no matter what they do. This is a parody, so no one take it seriously or get offended by it please ;). (Even if you are ugly :D)
    I am going to class now, but when I get back, I will start with Chapter I: What a Chic Wants. See ya then ;)


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    Backordered Member CrossLOPER's Avatar
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    Thumbs up Re: Chic catching for the common man, a how-to guide by Vuk

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    Default Re: Chic catching for the common man, a how-to guide by Vuk

    I will fill in for Vuk in his absence. Yes indeed, what a "chick" wants? That is the big question everyone is asking... As to what a chick doesn't want, well there's bird flu I suppose, and of course a chick doesn't want to get eaten, but who does?

    Well that's it for today's instalment, I'll be back here next week with the next thrilling instalment: "Stuffing your chick properly". Ensure you have all the right tools and plenty of oil. Also bring protection, as the chick will be very hot, and we don't want any of you having an accident.

    ***Coat on, running from the thread ***
    “The majestic equality of the laws prohibits the rich and the poor alike from sleeping under bridges, begging in the streets and stealing bread.” - Anatole France

    "The law is like a spider’s web. The small are caught, and the great tear it up.” - Anacharsis

  4. #4

    Default Re: Chic catching for the common man, a how-to guide by Vuk

    "Chics" don't want sex before marriage, I hope.

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    Enlightened Despot Member Vladimir's Avatar
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    Default Re: Chic catching for the common man, a how-to guide by Vuk

    Chicks want cracked corn. Later on you can let them run loose in the yard after you cut grass. That way, they can eat all the recently exposed bugs.


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    In the shadows... Member Vuk's Avatar
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    Default Re: Chic catching for the common man, a how-to guide by Vuk

    Chapter I: What a Chic Wants


    Part A: The rule of 3M


    MMM: Money, Muscle, Motors (Fast ones...). While most guys are whores interested only in sex, this is what all women want. This is the reason that movie stars have such an easy time getting chics, leaving us (We normal guys who are neither too rich or too ugly) what is left.
    * Money is the no-brainer; every chic wants money. I mean, who wouldn't, you can do a lot of things with money. (Like afford a bunch of boyfriends when you dump your husband and get his fortune).
    * No matter how some deny it, ALL girls like muscle. Raw, sweating, knobby, cords of mass energy. In fact, this is the most attractive physical feature (apart from cars) to a girl. In the history of the female sex, there hasn't been a single woman not infactuated with muscle.
    * Motors, this is one of the primary factors to influence a chics decision on a man. Girls like sleek, shiny, low riders with big wheels and hardly any door to be seen. This is THE big physical turn-on in a woman's life. A lot of times a girl will look at a guy's ride and decide then and there if she will ever like him.

    Let me shatter the myths right now. Girls are not into the whole "nurturing" thing. They aren't really the sensitive souls they make themselves out to be, but are rather ravinous souls looking to be fed. Feed them. Also, girls don't really care about sex either. They just pretend they are so they can get closer to your wheels...

    Girls don't like scrawny guys, and they HATE brainy guys. Girls just love a man with brain in his head and a lot of beef and hair on his body. Chics love grissly, hairy, muscely guys. Guys that are rustic and live on the wild side. They don't want any of that tender crap.

    As far as chocolate and roses go, don't bother. Girls think guys that give them chocolates and roses are wimpy.
    Hammer, anvil, forge and fire, chase away The Hoofed Liar. Roof and doorway, block and beam, chase The Trickster from our dreams.
    Vigilance is our shield, that protects us from our squalid past. Knowledge is our weapon, with which we carve a path to an enlightened future.

    Everything you need to know about Kadagar_AV:
    Quote Originally Posted by Kadagar_AV View Post
    In a racial conflict I'd have no problem popping off some negroes.

  7. #7
    Jillian & Allison's Daddy Senior Member Don Corleone's Avatar
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    Default Re: Chic catching for the common man, a how-to guide by Vuk

    Quote Originally Posted by Vuk
    Chapter I: What a Chic Wants


    Part A: The rule of 3M


    MMM: Money, Muscle, Motors (Fast ones...). While most guys are whores interested only in sex, this is what all women want. This is the reason that movie stars have such an easy time getting chics, leaving us (We normal guys who are neither too rich or too ugly) what is left.
    * Money is the no-brainer; every chic wants money. I mean, who wouldn't, you can do a lot of things with money. (Like afford a bunch of boyfriends when you dump your husband and get his fortune).
    * No matter how some deny it, ALL girls like muscle. Raw, sweating, knobby, cords of mass energy. In fact, this is the most attractive physical feature (apart from cars) to a girl. In the history of the female sex, there hasn't been a single woman not infactuated with muscle.
    * Motors, this is one of the primary factors to influence a chics decision on a man. Girls like sleek, shiny, low riders with big wheels and hardly any door to be seen. This is THE big physical turn-on in a woman's life. A lot of times a girl will look at a guy's ride and decide then and there if she will ever like him.

    Let me shatter the myths right now. Girls are not into the whole "nurturing" thing. They aren't really the sensitive souls they make themselves out to be, but are rather ravinous souls looking to be fed. Feed them. Also, girls don't really care about sex either. They just pretend they are so they can get closer to your wheels...

    Girls don't like scrawny guys, and they HATE brainy guys. Girls just love a man with brain in his head and a lot of beef and hair on his body. Chics love grissly, hairy, muscely guys. Guys that are rustic and live on the wild side. They don't want any of that tender crap.

    As far as chocolate and roses go, don't bother. Girls think guys that give them chocolates and roses are wimpy.
    Dude, you spend a lot of time dating Rosie Palmer, don't ya.
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    The Black Senior Member Papewaio's Avatar
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    Default Re: Chic catching for the common man, a how-to guide by Vuk

    Just to state the obvious...

    Quote Originally Posted by Vuk
    This is a parody, so no one take it seriously or get offended by it please ;).
    Our genes maybe in the basement but it does not stop us chosing our point of view from the top.
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    Quote Originally Posted by English assassin
    Squid sources report that scientists taste "sort of like chicken"
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    The rest is either as average as advertised or, in the case of the missionary, disappointing.

  9. #9
    probably bored Member BDC's Avatar
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    Default Re: Chic catching for the common man, a how-to guide by Vuk

    There is nothing a tub of Ben & Jerries ice cream won't get you.

  10. #10
    Master of Few Words Senior Member KukriKhan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Chic catching for the common man, a how-to guide by Vuk

    Quote Originally Posted by BDC
    There is nothing a tub of Ben & Jerries ice cream won't get you.
    Good point. As silly as it seems on the surface, what we're discussing here is "bait", right? What kind, how much, how to deploy?
    Be well. Do good. Keep in touch.

  11. #11
    Jillian & Allison's Daddy Senior Member Don Corleone's Avatar
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    Default Re: Chic catching for the common man, a how-to guide by Vuk

    Chocolate makes the best bait I've ever found. As for how much, there's no such thing as too much. Keep lots of chocolate around, ply them with it, and the honeys will fight each other to get to your door.
    "A man who doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man."
    Don Vito Corleone: The Godfather, Part 1.

    "Then wait for them and swear to God in heaven that if they spew that bull to you or your family again you will cave there heads in with a sledgehammer"
    Strike for the South

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