I for one thought is was phenomenal!!! I love the way you set it up by panning it across the map- zooming in on certain areas (Carthage v Rome, Seleucid vs Ptolemy) but maybe for the redo spend a wee bit more time in the north than just "the barbarians". I thought the first few battle pics were great- although the two phalanxes fighting in Egypts were less so because the camara was far back from the fighting, I like to see it zoomed it more. The music was beautifully added- I like how you started with RTW music (maybe to remind a viewer it's a RTW game) and then moved into EB music! So here's a handy list of what I thought:

Good:
Music
Order of shots (start on map with flashes of armies, then comes the real fighting! sets it up perfectly)
Clip shots of soldiers (in between map shots)

To Improve:
Text (very simple, just make fewer, longer sentences and you'll be fine)
Battles (all your shots were epic- but not as epic as possible, just try to find even MORE epic shots to show how intense EB is. That's the hard part)

Overall, though, I thought it was bloody brilliant! You are very talanted and I hope and pray you talk to the EB team and make some movies because you really are very good at it!