News of the Weird

[Marshal Murat]

Need information? Pay in Viagra.

In one case, a 60-year-old warlord with four wives was given four pills and four days later detailed Taleban movements in return for more.

[Lemur]

Squids dig rough sex

Species of deep-sea squid that strut their stuff in the blackness that prevail thousands of feet beneath the ocean surface encounter few opportunities to mate and so every tryst must count.

So what's a guy (squid) to do? Males of the species Taningia danae use sharp beaks or hooks on tentacles to make cuts into their mates of more than two inches before depositing sperm packets called spermatophores, Australian biologists tell the German magazine Der Spiegel.

Males may get really agro because of an inferiority complex, the pub reports: They are generally smaller and, if they don’t play hard, fast, or clever they may get eaten by the Big Mamas. At these depths, size may matter a lot to make sure those little packets of love really stay put. [...]

For female squids, sex is truly a once-in-a-lifetime experience—and an apparently horrible one at that. The female releases millions of tiny eggs into the water along with the sperm contributed by the one male who got his hooks into her, and usually never goes back for seconds, the researchers found. Afterward, they never let a male get close—a behavior that even has led to the technical term “traumatic fertilization.”

[Hosakawa Tito]

Practice what you preach.

[KarlXII]

Strange ways to die. Samples:

I'm ready.

[LIST][*]456 BCE: Aeschylus, a Greek playwright, was killed when an eagle dropped a live tortoise on him, mistaking his bald head for a stone. The tortoise survived.

Jesus! That's a relief.

[*]1771: Adolf Frederick, king of Sweden, died of digestion problems on 12 February 1771 after having consumed a meal consisting of lobster, caviar, sauerkraut, smoked herring and champagne, topped off with 14 servings of his favorite dessert: semla served in a bowl of hot milk. He is thus remembered by Swedish schoolchildren as "the king who ate himself to death."

Coward.

[rasoforos]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7812875.stm

I just wanted to burn his penis so it belongs to me and no one else, I didn't mean this to happen," Ms Boord quoted Mrs Narayan as saying

Oh alright then...

[Lemur]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/7812875.stm

I just wanted to burn his penis so it belongs to me and no one else, I didn't mean this to happen," Ms Boord quoted Mrs Narayan as saying

Oh alright then...

Ahem.

[InsaneApache]

Ahh bless....

Two German children - aged five and six - have been stopped by police from eloping to Africa to tie the knot in the sun, reports say.

The budding lovebirds, identified as Mika and Anna-Lena, packed bathing costumes, sunglasses and a lilo and headed for the airport.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/7811686.stm

[Gregoshi]

Two German children - aged five and six - have been stopped by police from eloping to Africa to tie the knot in the sun, reports say.

The budding lovebirds, identified as Mika and Anna-Lena, packed bathing costumes, sunglasses and a lilo and headed for the airport.

Married, with children...

[Caius]

What does work better?

Topless coffee shop proposed for small Maine town


VASSALBORO, Maine – A one-time motel in a small central Maine town could soon be offering an eye-opening way to start the day — topless coffee shop waitresses. The Vassalboro Planning Board on Tuesday will consider a business permit request for a topless coffee shop on busy Route 3.

The one-story building has also been the home to several other business ventures, most recently Mac Daddy's Pub at the Fat Cat Grille, which closed three or four years ago.

Neighbors have mixed opinions. Some say Vassalboro is a rural town and that a topless coffee shop would bring the wrong crowd. But others say they'd like to see a business make a go of it there.

Donald Crabtree of Ellsworth, who has applied for the business permit, told the Kennebec Journal that he didn't want to discuss his plan until after the planning board meets.

[Pannonian]

Ahem.

Are there innoculations against Lemur's disease?

[drone]

Porn industry seeks federal bailout

WASHINGTON (CNN) — Another major American industry is asking for assistance as the global financial crisis continues: Hustler publisher Larry Flynt and Girls Gone Wild CEO Joe Francis said Wednesday they will request that Congress allocate $5 billion for a bailout of the adult entertainment industry.

“The take here is that everyone and their mother want to be bailed out from the banks to the big three,” said Owen Moogan, spokesman for Larry Flynt. “The porn industry has been hurt by the downturn like everyone else and they are going to ask for the $5 billion. Is it the most serious thing in the world? Is it going to make the lives of Americans better if it happens? It is not for them to determine.”

Francis said in a statement that “the US government should actively support the adult industry's survival and growth, just as it feels the need to support any other industry cherished by the American people."

“We should be delivering [the request] by the end of today to our congressmen and [Secretary of the Treasury Henry] Paulson asking for this $5 billion dollar bailout,” he told CNN Wednesday.

Without this emergency funding, pr0n will revert to the dark ages of the 70s and 80s, with poor lighting and production values, no surgically altered hooters, and cheesy music. This cannot be allowed to happen.

[CountArach]

Without this emergency funding, pr0n will revert to the dark ages of the 70s and 80s, with poor lighting and production values, no surgically altered hooters, and cheesy music. This cannot be allowed to happen.

Finally, a return to the moustachioed Plumber.

[Lemur]

Larry Flynt Sues Relatives for Putting Family Name on "Inferior" Porn

Hustler magazine publisher Larry Flynt has been called a lot of things over the years. But he insists that the Flynt name still stands for quality when it comes to adult entertainment.

So this week, he filed suit against two nephews who are using the family name for their own line of adult films. Flynt said he is going to court to protect his good name, saying that he is concerned that Jimmy Flynt II and Dustin Flynt might tarnish the Flynt franchise by producing lower-quality porn that the lawsuit calls "inferior products" and "knock-off goods."

"To come into the adult entertainment business and use my name not only confuses people who buy my products, but if they're not maintaining a certain quality, it could also hurt my name," Larry Flynt told The Times on Tuesday.

The younger Flynts strongly disagree, saying that they are trying only to break into the family business.

[Vladimir]

The death of a Crazed Rabbit.

[Xiahou]

UFO crashes into wind turbine

[Lemur]

A new selection of unfortunate logos:

And last, but not least, I think MegaFlicks should pick a different font, or at least adjust the spacing ...

[Perhaps best left to the imagination. BG]

[Pannonian]

My favourite is the Brazilian Institute of Oriental Studies, whose logo is a yellow pagoda set against the background of a red rising sun.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

[Hooahguy]

i dont get the "special surgery" one....

[Lemur]

i dont get the "special surgery" one....

Well, as part of the "special surgery," they appear to have transferred all of the unfortunate stick figure's limbs onto one side of his body. Special, indeed.

Sorry if that last one was over the line, BG, but really, it just said MegaFlicks. I don't know what your dirty mind was reading ...

[Xiahou]

Save the Sea Kittens

[Husar]

Well, as part of the "special surgery," they appear to have transferred all of the unfortunate stick figure's limbs onto one side of his body. Special, indeed.

Ah, I thought it had 8 limbs now and was shown from the side walking up a wall...

You know, like an octopede...

[Fisherking]

Well if this is real then it may provide some answers to an old mystery.

Beast on the beach:
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage...cle2109413.ece

To me it looks like the skull of a cat, but since it was supposedly stolen…

[Pannonian]

An old news article, but worth pointing out for its headline.

Young Boys Wankdorf erection relief

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

July 31, 2005 - The supporters of Young Boys Bern have not had too much to celebrate in the 19 years since their team last won the Swiss league title.

Long since eclipsed by the likes of FC Basel and Grasshoppers Zurich, the club from the Swiss capital has even got a reputation for enjoying its status as a perennial loser.

But this weekend Young Boys sought to shake off their old image by officially opening the 32,000 Stade de Suisse Wankdorf stadium -- which cost 350 million Swiss francs ($271.3 million) -- with an uncharacteristically flashy homecoming party.

[Lemur]

Save the Sea Kittens

Clearly the octosquids are attempting to win a PR battle before engaging in the full war. Death to sea kittens! Hang them by their cute, furry necks until they are dead, dead, dead!

-edit-

[Lemur]

For your reading and viewing pleasure: Soviet military maps of Great Britain.

[Vladimir]

Those sick, sick Belgians.

[Vladimir]

An update, finally!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28589259/?GT1=43001

Some men of the backroom will be severely disappointed, however:

The Hairy Man -- skinny, skeezy, looks like a lost member of Jethro Tull? -- must have represented some male ideal at some point, but that is a memory we have repressed. The big toe was surely never the "magnificent erotic organ" it was made out to be.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Note: Feet and vaginas do not mix!

[Lemur]

Man sells daughter for beer

GREENFIELD, Calif. - Police have arrested a Greenfield man for allegedly arranging to sell his 14-year-old daughter into marriage in exchange for $16,000, 100 cases of beer and several cases of meat.

Police said they only learned of the deal after the 36-year-old man went to them to get his daughter back because payment wasn't made as promised.

-edit-

Found some important details ...

Macelino de Jesus Martinez, 36, was arrested Monday on suspicion of trying to arrange to have his daughter marry Margarito de Jesus Galindo, 18, for $16,000, 100 cases of Corona, 50 cases of Modelo beer, several cases of meat, two cases of wine, 50 cases of Gatorade and 50 cases of soft drinks, authorities said.

The girl moved in with Galindo and when payments were not received, her father called police to get his daughter back.

See, the initial report did not tell me there was Gatorade involved. That changes things.

[Hosakawa Tito]

Yeah, he should have held out for tortilla chips & salsa. He's going to ruin the market for the rest of us.

[Crazed Rabbit]

The death of a Crazed Rabbit.

I always knew Assud was a bit off the deep end.

Also, a fat woman is referred to a zoo for an MRI.

Including this priceless quote:

When a 5-foot, 275-pound woman found out she had a tumor on her spine, she was told by her local hospital to go the zoo to have a MRI because a regular MRI machine could not hold her weight, myfoxkc.com reported.
...
Ragan, who ended up having two surgeries and some paralysis, said she finally found an open MRI machine that held her weight, but it was embarrassing and frustrating.

“They should have machines that fit most everybody,” she said.

Guess what? They do have machines that fit most everybody - you are simply obscenely obese.


CR