News of the Weird

[Crazed Rabbit]

Someone needs to get all the photos and put them in a slide show like those that were popular on youtube a ways back, with daily pictures taken for months or years.

In other news, don't bring bow and arrows to a gun fight.

A woman accused of shooting a man with a bow and arrow at her father's workplace before being shot by two civilians and a Houston police officer has been charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

CR

[Lemur]

This clearly shows why we need stricter Bow Control laws in this great nation. (Oh, wait, I'd better work in a pun or two if I'm going to keep any credibility in this thread.)

Um, she certainly strung them along until she bowed to the inevitable.

[Evil_Maniac From Mars]

She certainly kept everyone hanging by a string...

[Gregoshi]

Isn't a rimshot what repressed Republicans do in public toilets?

Now they can do it in public to the Democratic majority in Congress (even more cymbalism...)

[Pannonian]

This is just a row over nothing. I was quivering with excitement over a new NotW post, until I bowed down to its mediocrity.

[Gregoshi]

This is just a row over nothing. I was quivering with excitement over a new NotW post, until I bowed down to its mediocrity.

Yeah, no quarrel here.

[woad&fangs]

Children to be Banned from Libraries

BRISTOL, Va. – Barring a drastic change in legal interpretation, public libraries across the nation might soon consider banning children.

The American Library Association, a nationwide library advocacy organization, fears such bans are the only option left available by a new federal lead-testing law that takes effect Feb. 10.

[Ronin]

Children to be Banned from Libraries

and one day....maybe airlines too!

I have a dream!!!

[naut]

Children are entitled to books, just as everyone else is. Tale me it ain't so!

[Pannonian]

I've never really taken to these spoken word books, as I'm tome-deaf.

[rasoforos]

http://www.reuters.com/article/oddly...50M4XT20090124

Its a baaaaaad goat...

[Gregoshi]

http://www.reuters.com/article/oddly...50M4XT20090124

Its a baaaaaad goat...

They call him "Billy the Kid"...

[InsaneApache]

That's a bit gruff Greg.

[Crazed Rabbit]

Have you ever thought; "I've got a loaded pistol in my hand, but I'd also like to be able to stab my enemy!" ?

Well your wish has been granted: http://www.laserlyte.com/New_Products/New_PB_1.html



CR

[Gregoshi]

For the sharpshooter in us all...

[InsaneApache]

You've got a point there mate.

[Kralizec]

A bayonet for a pistol? Not exactly cutting edge weaponry, is it?

[KukriKhan]

It's been done

[LittleGrizzly]

A gun, a knife and a set of knuckle dusters in one!

impressive!

[KukriKhan]

Allegedly nick-named the Ah-pah-shay (Apache) by the alleged Parisian street gang-bangers of the 1800's.

[Gregoshi]

Here's an even (ahem) "better" combination of the gun/blade concept.

[Marshal Murat]

I feel like I was strung along by that "flying sword" concept.

[Hosakawa Tito]

That British sense of humor. The perfect summer vacation trip for a group of adolescent boys; complete with group pictures and post cards. I'll even go along to chaperone.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Do you know the way to Titty Ho ?

[Lemur]

3D Sex and Zen

Hong Kong film makers are preparing to leave filmgoers goggle-eyed by releasing the world's first pornographic movie in 3D, a news report said on Sunday.

Shooting on the Chinese-language film 3D Sex And Zen, budgeted at 4 million US dollars, is scheduled for April with producers promising some of the most realistic close-up sex scenes ever.

"Just imagine that you'll be watching it as if you were sitting beside the bed," Stephen Shiu Jnr told the Sunday Morning Post.

"There will be many close-ups. It will look as if the actresses are only a few centimetres from the audience." [...]

However Shiu admitted casting for the film was proving difficult.

"We're having trouble finding a male lead who is willing to undress in front of the camera," he told the Post.

"It's a lot more difficult to find an actor than an actress for this kind of film," he said.

[Seamus Fermanagh]

That British sense of humor. The perfect summer vacation trip for a group of adolescent boys; complete with group pictures and post cards. I'll even go along to chaperone.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Do you know the way to Titty Ho ?

As fun as the old Reading railroad line having consecutive stops as Blue Balls, Intercourse, and Paradise.

[Gregoshi]

As fun as the old Reading railroad line having consecutive stops as Blue Balls, Intercourse, and Paradise.

That is "Blue Ball" Seamus. And don't forget nearby Bird-in-Hand.

[InsaneApache]

A letter of complaint to Mr. Branson.

http://uk.news.yahoo.com/blog/editor...article/11975/

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Dear Mr Branson

REF: Mumbai to Heathrow 7th December 2008

I love the Virgin brand, I really do which is why I continue to use it despite a series of unfortunate incidents over the last few years. This latest incident takes the biscuit.

Ironically, by the end of the flight I would have gladly paid over a thousand rupees for a single biscuit following the culinary journey of hell I was subjected to at the hands of your corporation.

Look at this Richard. Just look at it:




I imagine the same questions are racing through your brilliant mind as were racing through mine on that fateful day. What is this? Why have I been given it? What have I done to deserve this? And, which one is the starter, which one is the desert?

You don't get to a position like yours Richard with anything less than a generous sprinkling of observational power so I KNOW you will have spotted the tomato next to the two yellow shafts of sponge on the left. Yes, it's next to the sponge shaft without the green paste. That's got to be the clue hasn't it. No sane person would serve a desert with a tomato would they. Well answer me this Richard, what sort of animal would serve a desert with peas in:



I know it looks like a baaji but it's in custard Richard, custard. It must be the pudding. Well you'll be fascinated to hear that it wasn't custard. It was a sour gel with a clear oil on top. It's only redeeming feature was that it managed to be so alien to my palette that it took away the taste of the curry emanating from our miscellaneous central cuboid of beige matter. Perhaps the meal on the left might be the desert after all.

Anyway, this is all irrelevant at the moment. I was raised strictly but neatly by my parents and if they knew I had started desert before the main course, a sponge shaft would be the least of my worries. So lets peel back the tin-foil on the main dish and see what's on offer.

I'll try and explain how this felt. Imagine being a twelve year old boy Richard. Now imagine it's Christmas morning and you're sat their with your final present to open. It's a big one, and you know what it is. It's that Goodmans stereo you picked out the catalogue and wrote to Santa about.

Only you open the present and it's not in there. It's your hamster Richard. It's your hamster in the box and it's not breathing. That's how I felt when I peeled back the foil and saw this:



Now I know what you're thinking. You're thinking it's more of that Baaji custard. I admit I thought the same too, but no. It's mustard Richard. MUSTARD. More mustard than any man could consume in a month. On the left we have a piece of broccoli and some peppers in a brown glue-like oil and on the right the chef had prepared some mashed potato. The potato masher had obviously broken and so it was decided the next best thing would be to pass the potatoes through the digestive tract of a bird.

Once it was regurgitated it was clearly then blended and mixed with a bit of mustard. Everybody likes a bit of mustard Richard.

By now I was actually starting to feel a little hypoglycaemic. I needed a sugar hit. Luckily there was a small cookie provided. It had caught my eye earlier due to it's baffling presentation:



It appears to be in an evidence bag from the scene of a crime. A CRIME AGAINST BLOODY COOKING. Either that or some sort of back-street underground cookie, purchased off a gun-toting maniac high on his own supply of yeast. You certainly wouldn't want to be caught carrying one of these through customs. Imagine biting into a piece of brass Richard. That would be softer on the teeth than the specimen above.

I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was relax but obviously I had to sit with that mess in front of me for half an hour. I swear the sponge shafts moved at one point.

Once cleared, I decided to relax with a bit of your world-famous onboard entertainment. I switched it on:



I apologise for the quality of the photo, it's just it was incredibly hard to capture Boris Johnson's face through the flickering white lines running up and down the screen. Perhaps it would be better on another channel:



Is that Ray Liotta? A question I found myself asking over and over again throughout the gruelling half-hour I attempted to watch the film like this. After that I switched off. I'd had enough. I was the hungriest I'd been in my adult life and I had a splitting headache from squinting at a crackling screen.

My only option was to simply stare at the seat in front and wait for either food, or sleep. Neither came for an incredibly long time. But when it did it surpassed my wildest expectations:



Yes! It's another crime-scene cookie. Only this time you dunk it in the white stuff.

Richard.... What is that white stuff? It looked like it was going to be yoghurt. It finally dawned on me what it was after staring at it. It was a mixture between the Baaji custard and the Mustard sauce. It reminded me of my first week at university. I had overheard that you could make a drink by mixing vodka and refreshers. I lied to my new friends and told them I'd done it loads of times. When I attempted to make the drink in a big bowl it formed a cheese Richard, a cheese. That cheese looked a lot like your baaji-mustard.

So that was that Richard. I didn't eat a bloody thing. My only question is: How can you live like this? I can't imagine what dinner round your house is like, it must be like something out of a nature documentary.

As I said at the start I love your brand, I really do. It's just a shame such a simple thing could bring it crashing to it's knees and begging for sustenance.

Yours Sincererly...

[Gregoshi]

A letter of complaint to Mr. Branson.

That was a thing of beauty.

[InsaneApache]

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_ZI9ZC-oL5K...00-h/obama.png

[Vladimir]

Tough times for porn, booze.

In this economy, even the wages of sin aren't what they used to be.

Market lore says people keep spending on sex, booze, butts and slots in hard times, no matter what. Sin is supposedly recession-proof.

But the widespread weakness among so-called sin stocks suggests the downturn has converted a lot of sinners into saints.