News of the Weird

[Lemur]

Keep on trucking.

See, any fool can operate heavy machinery while on drugs. It takes a real man to be high and masturbating while taking an eighteen-wheeler down the road. And as long as we're talking about highway safety ...

Highway crash—with killer bees



MORE than 20 people have been taken to hospital in Turkey after a van carrying bee hives hit a truck, angering the bees who attacked crash victims and rescuers.

Six people were injured in the crash near the south-western Mediterranean resort of Marmaris and around 20 others, including medics and police, were taken to hospital with bee stings.

Professional beekeepers had to be called in to help evacuate the victims, some of whom had to wait for more than an hour to be extracted from among the mangled hives.

[Lemur]

Sure, a cop had sex with a cow, but can you prove the cow didn't like it?

Since bestiality is not technically a crime in New Jersey, investigators charged Melia with animal cruelty. And this, believe it or not, is where our story gets even weirder. Under state law, a prosecutor must prove the animal was tormented to in cruelty cases. Which led to a rather unusual argument in the court room...

Burlington County assistant prosecutor Kevin Morgan was left to assert that forcing a cow to give you [oral sex] -- especially a young, innocent calve, which is what Melia fancied -- fit the definition of cruelty. "I think any reasonable juror could infer that a man's penis in the mouth of a calf is torment," he told the judge. "It's a crime against nature."

But that's when Judge James J. Morley went a little weird on his own. He waxed philosophically about the mental powers of cows, noting that they couldn't actually talk -- a breakthrough observation -- and thus had no way of expressing whether they liked giving degenerate cops [oral sex] or not. And given that the jury had no way of reading the five cows' minds -- yes, Melia is a serial cow rapist -- there's no way the prosecution could prove the cows were tormented.

Melia walked.

[Aemilius Paulus]

Zenit St. Racistberg begs to differ, but that is another topic entirely.

I did not say we do not have racism. It is simply that we lack the prejudice against blacks, although of course, that is more due to our lack of prolonged contact with them as opposed to tolerance. I meant that it is not our problem that in US white-on-black racism is a major issue.

St. Petersburg FC club incidents are an emerging issue, a response to the significant numbers of African immigrants in Russia. Almost all news articles noted that when covering the controversy. We have several groups of rather well-entrenched, anti-immigration nationalist thugs who loathe all foreigners. Otherwise, I have never heard any Russian voicing negative opinions on black people.


In other news, Secret Service is cracking down on Obama opposition:

"Kill Obama" Facebook Poll Investigated By Secret Service

WASHINGTON � The U.S. Secret Service is investigating an online survey that asked whether people thought President Barack Obama should be assassinated, officials said Monday.


The poll, posted Saturday on Facebook, was taken off the popular social networking site quickly after company officials were alerted to its existence. But, like any threat against the president, Secret Service agents are taking no chances.


"We are aware of it and we will take the appropriate investigative steps," said Darrin Blackford, a Secret Service spokesman. "We take of these things seriously."


The poll asked respondents "Should Obama be killed?" The choices: No, Maybe, Yes, and Yes if he cuts my health care.

Yeah, let us forget the First Amendment which should protect satire (although it does not protect the violent ovethrow of the gov't, as various Supreme Court cases shown as a precedent). Also, of course, let us forget that "serious business" and "teh Internets" (aka Internet, Net, World Wide Web, InterWebz, Interwebs, webs, web, The Tubes, not like trucks, etc) are mutually exclusive... Finally, let us assume people, especially teenagers on a social networking site are actually serious for as much as a single moment.

That said, we had a bloke in our school who sent a letter to President Bush saying he was going to kill him. I am not joking - I swear on my honour the Secret Service arrived at our school, carried out an investigation, and the student disappeared for several weeks. Now he is on their blacklist. For life. Once again, I am not making this up.

[Evil_Maniac From Mars]

It is simply that we lack the prejudice against blacks

That isn't true though. I suppose it's material for another thread...

[Banquo's Ghost]

Can we get back to weird news? There's plenty of threads for discussing substantive news and earnest opinions. This place is for innovations in the field of genital mutilation, automobile perversions and killer tits*.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

No, not what you were thinking.

Needless to say, we speak here not of any scenario involving carelessly-roosting chiropterine boudoir intruders inadvertently stifled by human female tophamper in a comedo-tragic cleavage mishap or similar. Rather, the "Great Tits" in question here are peckish birds - of the same ingenious family as the renowned cream-snaffling Blue Tits of old Blighty.

[Lemur]

Would William Shakespeare, Sir Walter Raleigh or the Three Musketeers approve of the term "mantyhose"?



The short skirts, skimpy tops and leggings by fashion brand Unconditional are not designed for the feminine frame, but for men. Unsurprisingly, the leggings are jokingly referred to as "mantyhose", despite bearing little similarity to pantyhose. [...]

Unconditional's designer Philip Stephens says his leggings for men can be worn any which way, to make a statement or to provide warmth as the days shorten.

"You can wear them under shorts or full length or three-quarters. People will buy them as an alternative to long johns, which only come in white and go up under your armpits. We do a range that go from pink to black." [...]

But what to wear mantyhose with?

"You could wear a tuxedo jacket, T-shirt and then the skirt and mantyhose too," says Selfridges buyer Adam Kelly.

[Sasaki Kojiro]

No, not what you were thinking.

Needless to say, we speak here not of any scenario involving carelessly-roosting chiropterine boudoir intruders inadvertently stifled by human female tophamper in a comedo-tragic cleavage mishap or similar. Rather, the "Great Tits" in question here are peckish birds - of the same ingenious family as the renowned cream-snaffling Blue Tits of old Blighty.

Actually I remember a story about a guy who asphyxiated while being given a lap dance.

[Lemur]

I can't remember if this is the plot of Silent Hill, Resident Evil, or Universal Soldier.

Mysterious Private Security Firm Gets Control Of Empty Jail In Small Montana Town

A shadowy private security company that has no known clients but claims to have helped foreign governments combat terrorism and will protect anything from cruise ships to Pakistani convoys has taken over a jail in a small Montana town, with plans to build a law enforcement training facility on the property. [...]

And where is American Police Force getting the money for this venture? Company spokeswoman Becky Shay -- until about a week ago the Billings Gazette reporter covering APF -- says they are no plans to answer that question. She did not respond to a request for comment.

[InsaneApache]

Octosquid Area 51 obviously.

[Hosakawa Tito]

Can we get a mulligan.

[Lemur]

I hope they do it scientifically.

Porn surfing rampant at U.S. science foundation

The problems at the National Science Foundation (NSF) were so pervasive they swamped the agency's inspector general and forced the internal watchdog to cut back on its primary mission of investigating grant fraud and recovering misspent tax dollars. [...]

For instance, one senior executive spent at least 331 days looking at pornography on his government computer and chatting online with nude or partially clad women without being detected, the records show.

When finally caught, the NSF official retired. He even offered, among other explanations, a humanitarian defense, suggesting that he frequented the porn sites to provide a living to the poor overseas women. Investigators put the cost to taxpayers of the senior official's porn surfing at between $13,800 and about $58,000.

"He explained that these young women are from poor countries and need to make money to help their parents and this site helps them do that," investigators wrote in a memo.

[Fragony]

epic. Not going to translate it's of little importance. http://www.spitsnieuws.nl/archives/f...0/ezeltje.html

[Lemur]

It's my favorite time of year, the Christmas in October, also known as the IgNobel Prizes!

The peace prize went to researchers from the University of Bern. Stephan Bolliger, Steffen Ross, Lars Oesterhelweg, Michael Thali, and Beat Kneubuehl won for a paper entitled "Are full or empty beer bottles sturdier and does their fracture-threshold suffice to break the human skull?" [...]

The rest of the awards had a distinctly biological slant, including the physics award. That went to Katherine Whitcome, Liza Shapiro, and Daniel Lieberman for "figuring out why pregnant women don't tip over." It's actually a bit more involved than that, as the researchers identified the specific anatomical features that compensate for a shifting center of mass, then trace them all the way back to the Australopithecus species. Hopefully, they'll be able do a similar analysis on the newly announced Ardipithecus skeletons, which seem to be even less specialized for standing upright.

The actual biology award went to a trio of researchers based in Japan, Fumiaki Taguchi, Song Guofu, and Zhang Guanglei, who were looking for a bacterial species that could rapidly break down organic waste from kitchens. They found it in a place that, in retrospect, makes a degree of sense: giant panda poop. [...]

The veterinary medicine prize went to a pair of researchers, Catherine Douglas and Peter Rowlinson, who used impeccable logic to reason their way to an experiment with a rather amusing conclusion. Starting with the current state of knowledge—"In the scientific literature thus far it is believed that fear of humans is the predominant relationship on dairy farms"—they surveyed the attitudes of farmers towards their herds and found that most consider cows to be intelligent, sensitive animals. It turns out that this sensitivity pays off: "On farms where cows were called by name, milk yield was 258 liters higher than on farms where this was not the case (p < 0.001)."

[naut]

The chemistry one is the funniest. Diamonds made from tequila, ah those crazy Mexicans!

[Hosakawa Tito]

Please, take our money! Stupid is as stupid does.

[Lemur]

Ted Williams' head split by monkey wrench?

Larry Johnson says in the book “Frozen: My Journey Into the World of Cryonics, Deception and Death” that he watched an Alcor official swing a monkey wrench at Williams’ frozen severed head to try to remove a tuna can stuck to it. The first swing accidentally struck the head, Johnson contends, and the second knocked the tuna can loose. [...]

Johnson says he worked for Alcor for eight months in 2003, first as clinical director then as chief operating officer. He included several photographs in the book, including one of an upside down severed head, not Williams’, that had what appeared to be a tuna can attached to it.

Johnson says Alcor used the cans, from a cat that lived on the premises, as pedestals for the heads.

Williams’ head was being transferred from one container to another when the monkey wrench incident took place, Johnson said in the book. When the head was removed from the first container, Johnson described it.

“The disembodied face set in that awful, frozen scream looked nothing like any picture of Ted Williams I’ve ever seen,” he wrote.

Johnson said that an Alcor employee tried in vain to remove the tuna can.

“Then he grabbed a monkey wrench, heaved a mighty swing, missing the tuna can completely but hitting the head dead center,’ Johnson wrote. “Tiny pieces of frozen head sprayed around the room.”

The next swing, Johnson wrote, knocked the can loose.

[Crazed Rabbit]

PETA has a new blog:
The Peta Files

Just say it fast.

CR

[Hosakawa Tito]

Syrian Masturbation Epidemic. Those crazy kids...

[Viking]

This has to be one of the better images from recently :




(source: http://www.nrk.no/nyheter/utenriks/1.6804693)

[Gregoshi]

Syrian Masturbation Epidemic. Those crazy kids...

The path to peace in the Middle East has been revealed.

[edyzmedieval]

The path to peace in the Middle East has been revealed.

Oh come on that made me laugh hard and I was in the middle of my math class!

[Banquo's Ghost]

The path to peace in the Middle East has been revealed.

So you advocate a hands-on approach?

[Conqueror]

MoD 'how to stop leaks' document is leaked

A Ministry of Defence document giving advice on how to stop documents leaking onto the internet has been leaked onto the internet.

[Gregoshi]

Oh come on that made me laugh hard and I was in the middle of my math class!

Ooops. I hope you didn't have to explain yourself to the class edyz.

BG, it is a master stroke against terrorism, no? Busy hands are happy hands.

[Louis VI the Fat]

BG, it is a master stroke against terrorism, no? Busy hands are happy hands.

And about time too they showed some balls. The soft approach simply doesn't work.

[Tellos Athenaios]

MoD 'how to stop leaks' document is leaked

However, it is "very different to the portrayal of 'Moscow Rules' in the novels of John Le Carre". The Chinese agencies do not "run agents", but instead "make friends", as befits intelligence officers in the Facebook era.

[Furunculus]

Frances Culture Minister tells the world about how he likes doing boys when on holiday in Thailand:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worl...-Thailand.html

[Lemur]

Drunk Welshman picks fight w. transsexual, who turns out to be pro cage fighter

If you're a drunk idiot walking around Wales looking for a fight, you might think you're on safe ground when you pick on two lads dressed in suspenders and miniskirts.

You would, of course, be wrong, as two men in Swansea found out when they attacked a pair of cross-dressers who turned out to be professional cage fighters.

After one of the drunk men tried to swing a punch in their direction the cage fighters did what they did best and swiftly knocked the attackers to the floor. Pausing only to pick up their handbags the cage fighters left.

[Kadagar_AV]

Lemur, I came here to post that....

That HAS to be one of the most fun things I've ever seen... Talk about gay bashing going slightly wrong...

Just imagine their suprise...

This is real world comedy on a whole new level... Brightened my night at work up by quite a margin, was easily laughing for like an hour straight!

[Samurai Waki]

I've met a few transgendered folk, who you definitely would not want to fight. When I first started College in Montana, I befriended one who had been a Green Beret for several years, ran 8+ miles per day, could probably bench press two me easily, and spoke with a shrill voice that sounded like she was cutting glass... not attractive, but only two people had ever given him a hard time, and she spent a night in jail for it, and they both spent a week in the Hospital.