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Lemur 22:57 08-30-2012
Texas mayor slain by enraged donkey



A South Texas mayor has been found dead after apparently being attacked by a 500-pound donkey on his ranch. [...] Chief Deputy David Soward says Bohlke apparently was attacked Monday morning by a male, aggressive donkey he kept on the ranch.

Investigators say the donkey and several others are still on the property with other livestock.

"He loved his animals. He loved ranching," said Sandra Wilson. [...]

Soward says it’s up to the family to decide what to do with the donkey.

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Lemur 23:04 08-30-2012
Owner of 'Hitler' fashion store claims ignorance on Holocaust



Rajesh Shah, the owner of the shop called Hitler, with a swastika dotting the I, claims he didn't know about the famous fascist leader until recently.

"I didn't know how much the name would disturb people," he told AFP. "It was only when the store opened I learnt Hitler had killed six million people."

Shah said Hitler is the nickname of a co-owner's grandfather, according to the Times of India. It was given to him because he was a strict man.

The tiny Jewish community in Ahmedabad is not convinced.

"He feigned ignorance about Hitler ... But after we left, we began to believe that he may have been aware about all this and was just pretending to be ignorant," Menasseh Solomon, secretary of the local synagogue, told the Indian Express.

Solomon was part of a small group that visited the shop on Sunday and asked Shah to change the name, "but he refused."

Shah said he was caught off-guard by the reaction because no one complained about the "Hitler opening shortly" banner he'd had up for over a month, TOI reports.

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Kadagar_AV 23:48 08-30-2012
Damn, I was just about to write about the Hitler thingy...

I don't know what to believe, WWII history really isnt big on the agenda in China, and what is a swastika to us is a very normal symbol for them. In fact, Hitler stole the swastika from them originally, so you cant really blame indians for using it...

This might, MIGHT, just be one of those wonderful mishaps of the world :)

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Kadagar_AV 00:00 08-31-2012
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage...ealed-box.html

A BOYFRIEND almost died when a bizarre birthday surprise for his girlfriend went disastrously wrong.
Hu Seng, from southern China, nearly suffocated to death after mailing himself to his girlfriend’s office in a sealed box – which got lost in the post for three hours.

When the box finally arrived, shocked girlfriend Li Wang unwrapped her enormous present to find Seng passed out – and bystanders had to call paramedics to revive him.

One of the onlookers, a friend of Seng, had been waiting to photograph the surprise and caught the botched birthday stunt on camera.
“I didn’t realise it would take so long,” said Seng. “I tried to make a hole in the cardboard but it was too thick and I didn’t want to spoil the surprise by shouting.”





About the bold part... I don't know what to say... Kudos for sticking with the plan no matter the obstacles, but surely the girlfriend didn't expect a PM on her birthday...

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Gregoshi 04:34 08-31-2012
Originally Posted by Lemur:
Texas mayor slain by enraged donkey
I'm guessing Bohlke was a Republican.

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Vladimir 17:32 08-31-2012
Originally Posted by Lemur:
Texas mayor slain by enraged donkey

What a jackass.

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Lemur 17:42 08-31-2012
Anal tattoo follow-up #2: What You Should Know Before You Get An Anal Tattoo



TF: Do you think the artist at the convention who tattooed Maria’s [anus] was trying to gain notoriety?
MK: No. I believe he was altering a tattoo that was already there. If that’s the case, it’s a different story because the person already has a tattoo there and you are fixing it.
TF: She was drunk also while getting her anal tattoo. I’ve had a few tattoos, and I was under the impression that you couldn’t drink at all before getting one.
MK: Yeah. It’s certainly frowned upon to tattoo while drunk because you bleed more if you’ve been drinking.
TF: While it’s healing, can you poop?
MK: I don’t know the exact logistics of how that would work. I do know that it’s a precarious place to get tattooed. You probably would bleed a lot more in the [anus] because of all the nerve endings and capillaries. It would be very painful. It’s soft tissue.
TF: What about anal sex? Would one have to refrain?
MK: I have no idea what the exact healing time would be. Different parts of your body heal faster than others when you get tattooed. Like the inside of your lip heals faster than inside of your arm. Whenever I’ve tattooed anyone in the crotch region, I recommend that they refrain from having sex for two weeks. My general rule of thumb is: If you’re doing anything that hurts, stop.
TF: When I got my tattoos, I was instructed to put a thin layer of either A&D ointment or Aquaphor on them. Would there be a different healing protocol for an anal tattoo?
MK: You would probably use Preparation H because it’s safe for that area. The general rule of thumb is to use a sparing amount. But it would be a slippery slope, pardon the phrase, for an anal tattoo. Because of how sensitive your butt hole is, you might need more Preparation H, but if you put more on, more bacteria might get trapped in the area. The best way to heal would probably be to cross your fingers and hope it works.
TF: What kinds of things do people typically get tattooed in their [anus]?
MK: I’ve never seen any of this first hand, only pictures and stuff on the internet. But I’ve seen starfish before. There’s picture of a dragon tattooed on someone’s [anus] that’s been floating around for a while. You’re going to be limited as to what you get there. You’re not going to get a portrait or something. I assume only small simple designs and lettering around the [anus] would work.
TF: If there was hair down there, would you have to shave the [anus] before you tattoo it?
MK: Yes. You’d have to.
TF: Do you think there would be, I know this gross, but any kind of anal leakage while performing an anal tattoo?
MK: Again, I don’t know first hand. But I assume that you would have issues because you’re putting pressure down there. And there are needles involved. It’s not something me or anyone I know would want to get involved in. Please, anyone reading this, do not contact me for an anal tattoo!
TF: Anything else you should know before attempting to get an anal tattoo?
MK: Make sure you shower first. And … don’t do it.

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Lemur 17:53 08-31-2012
Election season special: Man obsessed with Fox News tries to kill girlfriend when he finds out she is a dirty, evil liberal (in Florida, por su puesto)



A Lake Park man “obsessed with Fox News and the Republican party” is in jail today after he allegedly said that he felt he was going to have to kill his girlfriend because she was a “liberal.” [...] Kappheim’s 59-year-old girlfriend, whose name was withheld in the report, told the deputy a number of incidents happened with him before Tuesday.

On Saturday, Kappheim showed up at her friend’s house uninvited and “stark naked,” she said, according to the arrest report.

She said he tried strangling her the next day.

The couple lived together but she asked him to move out. On Tuesday, Kappheim asked to borrow her car so he could move his belongings out. The woman said she agreed but asked him to drive her to work first.

Throughout the ride, the woman said Kappheim drove “recklessly.” When she asked him not to kill her, he allegedly responded by laughing out loud. On Wednesday, she called the sheriff’s office for help.

When Kappheim was approached by the arresting deputy, he said “he was very conservative and (his girlfriend) was a liberal.” He also told the deputy that “he felt that he was going to have to kill her,” the report said.

Kappheim also admitted to trying to kill his girlfriend three times, the deputy said. [...] While inside of the woman’s apartment, the deputy said he found documents that made him believe Kappheim is obsessed with Fox News and the Republican Party, and that he may be a danger to others.

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drone 21:13 08-31-2012
I love Canada.

Police probing Quebec maple syrup heist worth up to $30-million

Originally Posted by Globe and Mail:
Quebec police are on the hunt for a sticky-fingered thief after millions of dollars of maple syrup vanished from a Quebec warehouse.

The theft was discovered during a routine inventory check last week at the St-Louis-de-Blandford warehouse, where the syrup is being held temporarily. The Federation of Quebec Maple Syrup Producers, which is responsible for the global strategic maple syrup reserve, initially kept the news quiet, hoping it would help police solve the crime quickly.

About 10 million pounds of syrup was stored at the site, at a value of more than $30-million.

Anne-Marie Granger Godbout, executive director of the federation, said the organization is still trying to determine how much is missing and declined to offer an estimate. But a spokesman from the Sureté du Québec said the loss was significant.

“We know that it’s millions of dollars that was stolen,” said Sergeant Richard Gagné. “It’s a very large amount.”
And yes, apparently there is a Global Strategic Maple Syrup Reserve.

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Lemur 06:53 09-01-2012
Toddler's karaoke tantrum ends in bloodbath

A Chinese toddler's refusal to give up the microphone during a family karaoke evening started a quarrel that left two men hacked to death with a meat cleaver.

The evening began jovially enough when Mr Yun, the owner of a noodle shop in the central Chinese city of Xi'an, invited his family to celebrate Qixi, China's Valentine's Day, with a singing session at a local karaoke parlour.

But by 11pm, there was discord in the room. Mr Yun's four-year-old son was hogging the microphone and his parents were indulging him.

Two of the boy's uncles began chastising Mr Yun and his wife for having raised a spoilt child; a "Little Emperor", as the Chinese say.

According to the Xi'an police, the argument became heated to the point where the two uncles began pushing, and then punching, Mr Yun.

Finally, Mr Yun's nephew, who also worked in the noodle shop, ran back to the restaurant and fetched a meat cleaver.

The man, named as Mr Hui, hacked the two uncles to death, inflicting at least ten wounds on each uncle. He has since been arrested. [...] Other karaoke massacres have taken place in the Philippines, where the Frank Sinatra song "My Way" has had to be removed from many songbooks after sub-standard renditions provoked a string of killings.

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Major Robert Dump 13:57 09-01-2012
Wow, My Way in the PI caused killings? It was on the kareoke machine I rented for the floor of my hotel, and I noticed that song was not on there. Neither was purple rain. this reminds me, I have a thread to start

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Veho Nex 05:27 09-03-2012
Originally Posted by Major Robert Dump:
Wow, My Way in the PI caused killings? It was on the kareoke machine I rented for the floor of my hotel, and I noticed that song was not on there. Neither was purple rain. this reminds me, I have a thread to start
Best thread i've read in a while.

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Lemur 17:31 09-03-2012
This raises the obvious question: Why does Canada have a strategic maple syrup reserve?



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Kadagar_AV 18:03 09-03-2012
Police now think it was an insider job...

Oh really Sherlock? Because the average street thug wouldn't know what to do with over 4 million liters of Maple Syrup?

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Lemur 02:05 09-04-2012
Drunk Man Arrested with a Zebra and a Parrot in Car



It sounds like the start to a very bad joke: A drunk, a zebra and a parrot get into a car. What happened next, though, was no laughing matter, at least not for Jerald Reiter, who was arrested for driving while intoxicated. [...]

The Cascade, Iowa man was stopped by police on May 20 following reports that animals were trapped in a vehicle parked at a local business. By the time Officer Chad Leitzen of the Dubuque police arrived on the scene, the owner of the car was there and clearly intoxicated. (Probably not surprising, as he was coming out of a bar.) The real surprise was that the man had a zebra in the cabin of his pickup truck and a parrot on his shoulder. The police report stated, “I did observe two white male subjects in the front of the vehicle. I also observed a zebra in the back seat of the vehicle and a parrot on the driver’s shoulder.” Pretty sure the police academy doesn’t train you for that one. The officer conducted a breathalyzer test on Reiter, who flunked spectacularly with a blood alcohol content of .148, well over the .08 state limit. Reiter allegedly argued that he was in the process of switching seats with his (human) friend once he realized he was too drunk to drive.

Reiter’s girlfriend, Vickey Teters, told reporters that the zebra and parrot are their pets. “They love going for rides,” she told CNN affiliate KCRG. “We treat them like our kids. They come in the house, we take them outside and take them for walks. We take them for car rides.” Unfortunately for Reiter, who was held overnight, neither zebras nor parrots make very good designated drivers.

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Lemur 16:24 09-07-2012
Court to decide if lap dancing is a tax-exempt art form

Is nude lap dancing an art form or just an untrained club employee taking off her clothes for money?

The answer is critical as New York's highest court hears arguments today on whether Nite Moves, a strip club in suburban Albany, deserves a state tax exemption similar to that for theater or ballet.

State tax officials say the club owes an 8% sales tax for admissions to the club and for so-called "couch sales," where patrons pay for private lap dances, the Associated Press reports.

Nite Moves claims the dances are exempt under state tax law as "live dramatic or musical arts performances," which applies to theater and ballet, the AP reports.

New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman's office argues in its briefs, no pun intended, that pole-dancing tricks may be hard to do, but that some Nite Moves performers have no dance training and simple pick it up by watching, The Wall Street Journal reports.

Such a dancer isn't "engaged in a genuine choreographic dance performance when she removes her clothing," the brief says. "In fact," it adds, "some patrons paid the admission fee simply to come in and enjoy a conversation with the dancers."

But Stephen Dick, the club's CFO, scoffs at the notion that formal training should be any critera when its comes to entertainment, the Journal notes.

"Under their code," he argues, "Eric Clapton, who didn't go to school to learn guitar, his performances would be taxable."

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Lemur 22:54 09-10-2012
Pole Dancing Classes For Kids Offered In Canada Because Parents Demanded Them



Ballet and tap are so old-school. A dance studio in Vancouver is offering a new type of movement program for kids -- pole dancing class.

Kristy Craig, the owner of The Twisted Grip Dance and Fitness Studio says the class, which is offered to kids as young as 5, originated in response to demand from parents. “My existing students were asking about it for their children. They were saying, ‘My daughter plays on my pole at home all the time, I’d love her to actually learn how to do things property and not hurt herself,’” Craig told The National Post.

And so, "Little Spinners" was born. As of September 6, UPI reports that four kids (three girls, one boy) had signed up for the weekly class that costs a mere $70 per one hour session.

The cost of pole dancing class, however is not what most critics are up in arms about. Many parents ask whether kids should be participating in this type of workout at all. Last year, when a studio in England offered a similar program, Babble blogger Meredith Carroll wrote, "How anyone could offer pole dancing to girls almost that young is beyond me. Talk about the increased sexualization of kids."

According to the Daily Mail, child protection groups called photos of last year's class ‘deeply disturbing’.

But Craig defends her program claiming that there is nothing sexual about it. “Do you see anything provocative going on here? Because there isn’t. This is strictly about fitness,” she told the National Post. In fact, she think it's just like the types of physical activity children are already drawn to.

"I mean kids love climbing trees. They will climb anything," Craig told UPI.

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Major Robert Dump 23:40 09-10-2012
There are few places where I draw a line. This is just whack

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Gregoshi 01:17 09-11-2012
Originally Posted by Major Robert Dump:
There are few places where I draw a line. This is just whack
It is brilliant. How better to get a toddler to strip down for a diaper change? Or a young kid to prepare for a bath?

In twenty years pole dancing will be an Olympic gymnastics event.

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Vladimir 13:27 09-11-2012
Originally Posted by Gregoshi:
It is brilliant. How better to get a toddler to strip down for a diaper change? Or a young kid to prepare for a bath?

In twenty years pole dancing will be an Olympic gymnastics event.
I don't think it's appropriate to use a wet T-shirt competition to give your toddler a bath. I'd wait until at least 12 or 13.

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Crazed Rabbit 03:10 09-13-2012
Florida:
Originally Posted by :
Earlier this month dude and his two buddies went to the Paddy Wagon Irish Pub in Port Charlotte and closed down the joint. But before they left they invited two girls they had met there to one of the friend’s home, according to a news release from the Charlotte County Sheriff's Office.

One of the women reportedly went with the man into a bedroom to get some nookie.

But not before there was some serious negotiations: The girl said she needed $250 but settled for $120. After he forked over the cash to the woman he went to the bathroom. When he returned, the two women were gone, according to the release.

So the man called the woman's cell phone numbers, which he had gotten earlier at the bar, and they agreed to a rendezvous, the release stated.

At a place called the Pick N Run store.

But when the man arrived at the spot, another woman, Amanda Jean Linscott, 26, walked up to his Nissan Sentra and told him that his 'original date' had ditched her, according to deputies.

Linscott then got into his car and, as they drove off, the man reported Linscott began touching him and having sex while he was driving. Linscott told detectives she also needed money but the man had already shot his wad of cash when he gave her friend $120 earlier, according to the report.

The man, recounting the night's events for deputies, reported that Linscott put a .357 Taurus revolver to his head and demanded cash. The man, who claimed he was in fear of his life, in turn said he punched Linscott in the head so she'd release the gun. After he had grabbed the gun from her, the duo starting fighting in the moving car, the release stated.

That's when the man allegedly lost control of his car, struck a palm tree, went airborne and then ran across two front yards.

Linscott reportedly fled the scene after the crash.

But the man somhow managed to drive his wrecked Nissan Sentra to his two friends home, where he spun his tale of woe to his buds.

He gave them the handgun and then called deputies.

But the night wasn't over yet for this dude.

As deouties responded to the area, an elderly man who was in a nearby driveway, reportedly told deputies his daughter, Amanda Linscott, was in a car crash and had been punched in the face.

After detectives conducted their investigation, they busted her and transported her to the Charlotte County Jail in a paddy wagon.
CR

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Major Robert Dump 03:26 09-13-2012
If I had a dollar for everytime I punched a cash-and-dash hooker.....

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Vladimir 14:47 09-13-2012
So a Nun, a Gardner, and a Painter walk into a nuclear weapons facility...hilarity ensues.

http://www.defensenews.com/article/2...text|FRONTPAGE

A Nun penetration joke:

“I cannot understand how an 82-year-old nun managed to penetrate the facility,” an incredulous-sounding Terry told a panel of Energy Department officials seated a few feet away.

And political:

“When an 82-year-old nun [breaches] the inner sanctum of a nuclear weapons complex, you cannot say, ‘Job well done’,” said Rep. Joe Barton, R-Texas. That nun “carried a holy Bible. … If she had been a terrorist, who knows what would have happened,” he chided the officials.



Well, in fairness, to most Democrats a Bible is worse than an IED.

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Kadagar_AV 15:37 09-13-2012
Sorry, not very fun... Disturbing rather than weird...

Sometimes I question my stance on the death sentence... I really don't want to share society with this guy.

http://washingtonexaminer.com/no-goo...stom_click=rss

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Gregoshi 15:44 09-13-2012
Originally Posted by Vladimir:
So a Nun, a Gardner, and a Painter walk into a nuclear weapons facility...hilarity ensues.
Easily explained.

With the nun, security didn't have a prayer in stopping her.

With the gardener, who knows plants better?

And the painter probably just brushed past security. If he'd had some primer, he could have blown up the whole place.

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Vladimir 15:47 09-13-2012
Originally Posted by Gregoshi:
Easily explained.

With the nun, security didn't have a prayer in stopping her.

With the gardener, who knows plants better?

And the painter probably just brushed past security. If he'd had some primer, he could have blown up the whole place.
Brilliant.

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Major Robert Dump 19:38 09-13-2012
Originally Posted by Kadagar_AV:
Sorry, not very fun... Disturbing rather than weird...

Sometimes I question my stance on the death sentence... I really don't want to share society with this guy.

http://washingtonexaminer.com/no-goo...stom_click=rss
I love how swedish news agencies leave race out of their descriptions. It's freaking hilarious. Would kind of help me were I a potential witness, as people tend to look pretty different than one another sometimes

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Vladimir 19:41 09-13-2012
Originally Posted by Major Robert Dump:
I love how swedish news agencies leave race out of their descriptions. It's freaking hilarious. Would kind of help me were I a potential witness, as people tend to look pretty different than one another sometimes
Are you saying he was a darkie? I can't tell.

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Major Robert Dump 19:55 09-13-2012
I am not saying anything, and I cannot tell from the photos. It is, however, highly relevant information. Theres a pretty big difference between a short black guy, a tall blonde guy and a fat brown guy, and were I in the terminal right before him, I would kind of like to know, as it may help me s a potential witness. Validity of potential info affects the likelihood of a possible witness of stepping forward to begin with.

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Lemur 22:01 09-13-2012
What's with all of the cannibalism lately?



A naked, bloody man broke into a home, jumped from a two-story window, tackled a passerby and chewed on her head while "screaming like an animal."

The gory scene unfolded Friday night in Hawley, Pa., 40 miles east of Scranton, where 20-year-old Richard Cimino Jr. allegedly went ballistic on a woman and two officers, Patch reported.

At about 5 a.m., Cimino reportedly drove his car off the road behind some houses in the small town. He stripped off his clothes, then tried and failed to break into a nearby home. He was told to leave, so he fled up the street and broke into another home. This one was vacant. He allegedly jumped from a second-story window.

State Trooper David Aulisio told Patch that Cimino "severely injured his arms and extremities" from the fall, but kept going.

Bleeding heavily, he found two women on the street and tackled one of them. Patch reported that he covered her in his blood. Then he began to "gnaw at [her] head, screaming like an animal," Aulisio said.

The women escaped and called police, who found Cimino lying on the road, severely injured and displaying "delusional behavior." Despite the injuries and a jolt from a Taser, Cimino managed to punch an officer in the face before he was arrested.

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