News of the Weird

[Tellos Athenaios]

Naked intruder cracks one off in Florida rampage drama

Doctors have attempted to determine just what mind-altering substance may have provoked a carnival worker to allegedly jump naked onto a Florida couple's roof, charge into the house, smash a TV, masturbate on the living room floor, defecate on the premises and drink the contents of a wet-dry vacuum cleaner before he finally succumbed to a police taser.

Tony and LaDonna Land discovered a bloke atop their North Fort Myers home at 7pm. The intruder jumped from the roof, in the process knocking down Mr Land, rushed into the living room and "broke a 72-inch big-screen TV while he tried to pull it off the wall and spilled the contents of a vacuum onto the floor", according to a police report.

Mrs Land whipped out a .38 and fired three shots, which hit the wall. It's alleged the intruder responded by dropping to the floor and masturbating, before running to the couple's son's bedroom where he "began rubbing his face with clothing".

[Gregoshi]

Mrs Land whipped out a .38 and fired three shots, which hit the wall...

The spackle manufacturers of America fully support gun ownership as a means of home defense...

[naut]

Naked intruder cracks one off in Florida rampage drama

Homeowner whips out .38, perp whips out his piece

Probably the best sub-heading of 2013!

[Lemur]

But wouldn't that kill you too?



A woman is being sued by her husband for allegedly trying to kill him by putting poison in her genitals and then asking him to perform oral sex.

The Brazilian wife is accused of planting a toxic substance on her genitals before luring her husband to bed.

Reports in the South American country suggest he was ready and willing, and only escaped death because he noticed a strange smell.

The curious husband then took his wife to hospital in Sao Jose do Rito Preto to find out the cause of the unusual odour.

The alleged attempt on his life was exposed when tests on his wife discovered traces of a poisonous substance down below.

[Tellos Athenaios]

Homeowner whips out .38, perp whips out his piece

Probably the best sub-heading of 2013!

Well, 2013 is certainly set to be a good year. What about this one:
When Jupiter aligns, your web app will meet a mysterious SQL stranger

[Lemur]

Gay is bad because you can't refrigerate it



Peter LaBarbera of Americans For Truth About Homosexuality, invited Oklahoma pastor James Taylor, onto his show, during which they say, despite both being listed as “abominations” in Leviticus, eating pork and shellfish is okay because of the invention of refrigerators, but gay sex is not, because there is no equivalent to refrigeration. [...]

Mr Taylor said: “Some things are cultural and there are also some things that have happened now in terms of refrigeration and health concerns and those are some of those things that are there."

[Gregoshi]

Gay is bad because you can't refrigerate it

What about figure skating?

[Sir Moody]

PayPal co-founder and venture capitalist Peter Thiel already has pledged $1.25 million to the Seasteading Institute, a group that plans to establish sovereign, libertarian-minded nations on giant mobile platforms floating in international waters, a kind of “Octopus’ Garden” for the Gone Galt set.

I'm sorry have none of these people played Bioshock!

Libertarian utopias in the sea are all fun and games until you start genetically modifying little girls and sealing people in Diving suits!!

[Ronin]

Butt dial for justice!

[Kralizec]

Whale vomit is, apparently, extremely expensive (this is news to me)

This may look like a piece of dirty yellow rock – but it could be worth £100,000 to one lucky dog walker.



Ken Wilman was stunned to learn that the unusual ‘stone’ his dog uncovered on Morecambe beach is believed to be a piece of rare and valuable whale vomit.

Now a French dealer has 
offered Mr Wilman 50,000 Euros if the 3kg lump turns out to be sperm whale sick, or ambergris, because it’s an in-demand perfume ingredient.

Nicknamed ‘floating gold’, the ambergris could actually end up being worth twice as much.

Mr Wilman’s boxer Madge found the lump while they were out walking on the beach.

Mr Wilman said: “It was like walking on the beach and finding a bag of £50,000 in cash,

“I didn’t actually realise what it was at first, I couldn’t understand why Madge was so interested in it. It smelled horrible.

“I left it, came back home and looked it up on the internet. When I saw how much it could be worth, I went back to the beach and grabbed it.”

Mr Wilman, who is unemployed after hurting his back in a motorbike accident, now plans to send a small sample of ambergris to France to have it checked.

“If he verifies it, it could be like winning the Lottery,” he said.

Chris Hill, curator at the Aquarium of the Lakes in Cumbria, said: “It’s quite a find. How much it’s worth will depend on how fresh it is, but it’s potentially $180,000.

“There are places in Europe that will buy it from you. They will age it, like a fine wine, and then test it for perfume.”

Ambergris has a peculiar smell which has been used in scents like Chanel No.5.

Sperm whales eject the 
intestinal slurry into the ocean, usually when they have a 
stomach or throat problem. It can then float around undiscovered for years in the water, where it hardens and develops its 
distinctive odour.

In 2006 a couple walking on an Australian beach found a 32-pound chunk of ambergris, which netted them $295,000.

[Lemur]

Whale vomit is, apparently, extremely expensive (this is news to me)

A buddy of mine wrote a piece for Businessweek about whale vomit—enjoy.

The easiest way to recognize ambergris is by smell. Fresh ambergris, straight out of the whale, has an odor that’s often likened to “scented cow dung.” But after floating in the salty ocean for decades or more, it can take on a very different odor, described as reminiscent of tobacco, Brazil nuts, a fern copse, or the wood in old churches. “The problem with trying to describe the smell of ambergris,” says Kemp, “is that it really only smells like ambergris.” When used in perfumes, it’s rarely the dominant scent. Rather, it acts as a fixative and fragrance amplifier. Douglas Stewart, a chemist at Salt Lake City’s Scentsual Antiquities, which supplies ambergris to perfumers, says it “alters the quality of the existing notes and makes them bigger, deeper and more expansive than they can ever be on their own.”

[Lemur]

Publisher of BitTorrent for Dummies Suing BitTorrent Users for Sharing Books



John Wiley and Sons, one of the world’s largest book publishers, have sued 27 BitTorrent users at a federal court in New York. The publisher claims that the defendants have shared copies of its “For Dummies” books without permission, and demands compensation. After several movie studios started filing lawsuits against BitTorrent users last year, Wiley is the first book publisher to take this kind of action. [...]

John Wiley and Sons have sued 27 Does at a federal court in New York for downloading and sharing copies of its “For Dummies” books using BitTorrent. The complaint (pdf), obtained by TorrentFreak, shows that all defendants allegedly shared the books on October 18 and 19 of this year.

[Crazed Rabbit]

Tag: Hardcore style.

Mr. Dennehy and nine of his friends have spent the past 23 years locked in a game of "Tag."

It started in high school when they spent their morning break darting around the campus of Gonzaga Preparatory School in Spokane, Wash. Then they moved on—to college, careers, families and new cities. But because of a reunion, a contract and someone's unusual idea to stay in touch, tag keeps pulling them closer. Much closer.

The game they play is fundamentally the same as the schoolyard version: One player is "It" until he tags someone else. But men in their 40s can't easily chase each other around the playground, at least not without making people nervous, so this tag has a twist. There are no geographic restrictions and the game is live for the entire month of February. The last guy tagged stays "It" for the year.

That means players get tagged at work and in bed. They form alliances and fly around the country. Wives are enlisted as spies and assistants are ordered to bar players from the office.

CR

[Xiahou]

Life found deep below Antarctic ice
Does anyone else see that headline and worry that they're going to find shoggoths?

[Crazed Rabbit]

A hitchhiker hits the guy who gave him a ride in the head with a hatchet, is hailed as a hero;



CR

[Montmorency]

Senile old man rampages through an Internet cafe, shoots two customers.

[Hax]

gave him a ride in the head

Judging by that guy's accent, I guess it wasn't his first ride in the head.

[Lemur]

Amish Beardgate Follow-up



CLEVELAND — The ringleader in hair- and beard-cutting attacks on fellow Amish in Ohio was sentenced Friday to 15 years in prison and 15 family members received sentences of one year to seven years.

"The victims were terrorized and traumatized," U.S. District Court Judge Dan Aaron Polster said in sentencing leader Sam Mullet Sr., 67, who sat without emotion during the sentencing.

The judge said the defendants had violated the constitutional rights protecting religious practice that had benefited them as Amish – such as an exemption from jury service and allowing Amish children to leave school at age 14.

"Each of you has received the benefits of that First Amendment," Polster said. [...]

Mullet and his family deny his community is a cult. The government asked for a life sentence for Mullet. The defense asked for two years or less.

The 10 men and six women were convicted last year in five attacks in Amish communities in 2011. The government said the attacks were retaliation against Amish who had defied or denounced Mullet's authoritarian style

Amish believe the Bible instructs women to let their hair grow long and men to grow beards once they marry. Cutting it would be offensive to Amish.

Other defendants, some in tears, also offered to take the brunt of the blame and punishment on behalf of Mullet or spouses. Addressing the judge one-by-one, the defendants said there would be no more beard-cutting attacks.

Freeman Burkholder, 32, husband of a Mullet niece and father of eight children, apologized to the judge.

"I won't do it again," he said.

[Fragony]

The situation is getting increasingly dire, squids now also control the sky http://phys.org/news/2013-02-bird-plane-squid.html

[rajpoot]

After the government declined the petition to build a Death Star, someone started a Kickstarter campaign as a joke.

But guess what. They actually got funding.

Edit:
Here's the campaign to build X-Wing Squadrons.

Wonder what they'll do with all the money.

[Lemur]

Zoo hires famous pianist to put tortoises in the mood; less effective than carrots



Galapagos tortoises at London's zoo lumbered around impassively as famous French pianist Richard Clayderman serenaded them with music from his latest album, "Romantique," on Thursday.

The music — billed by his record company as an attempt to put the reptiles in the mood to mate — appeared lost on the slow-moving giants. The tortoises didn't appear particularly impressed by Clayderman's hit, "Ballade pour Adeline," and even a rousing rendition of "Chariots of Fire" did little to lift their spirits.

They only seemed to perk up when zookeepers brought them some carrots.

[Hooahguy]

Well .


Watching porn is bad for your smartphone

http://money.cnn.com/2013/02/11/tech...orn/index.html

Mobile users don't check out porn sites often -- less than 1% of all mobile traffic is pornography. But when they do go to those sites, the risk of inadvertently downloading malware to their devices increases three-fold. That makes watching porn on smartphones a far bigger threat than viewing porn on a PC.
Porn led to more malware on smartphones and tablets than e-mail spam, malicious websites, and fake apps combined.
Part of the problem, Blue Coat said, is that the nature of mobile devices makes differentiating legitimate sites from malicious ones a tricky task. There is no way to hover over shortened URLs to reveal their true destination, for example.

"No matter how tantalizing a link might look on a desktop, there are cues that you shouldn't go there, such as an address that just doesn't look safe," said Hugh Thompson, chief security strategist for Blue Coat. "When you click a link on a mobile phone, it's harder to know what form of Russian roulette they're playing."

[Crazed Rabbit]

Politician wants to ban photoshopping that hurts people's feelings:

Georgia state Rep. Earnest Smith?
...
Which is why he wants to make lewd, coarse, filthy Photoshopping illegal and punishable with a fine of $1,000.
...
He fulminated to Fox News: "No one has a right to make fun of anyone. It's not a First Amendment right."

CR

[Fisherking]

Oh , so no free speech unless it is politically approved. Is that what he says?

[Lemur]

Kansas Lottery Winners Accidentally Blow Up House While Celebrating With Meth



Authorities say two brothers accidentally blew up their house after celebrating a $75,000 winning lottery ticket by purchasing marijuana and meth.

Wichita police Sgt. Bruce Watts says one of the brothers was taken to a hospital and the other to jail after Friday’s explosion. The Wichita Eagle reports that the injured 27-year-old brother is in serious but stable condition with second-degree burns on his hands, arms and chest.

Watts says the explosion happened after one of the brothers went to the kitchen to refuel the butane torches they planned to use to light their bongs. The brother emptied a couple large cans of butane lighter fluid, leaking butane into the air.

Eventually, butane vapor reached the pilot light in the furnace, causing the blast.

[Lemur]

@Crazed Rabbit special edition: Giant rabbit scares burglar out of family home



Kimberley May, her fiance Martin, and their three-year-old daughter Olivia were all sound asleep when the thief broke into their house.

But as the raider rifled through cupboards the noise woke up Toby the family's British Giant bunny in his kitchen cage.

The 4.5kg, two-feet long pet began stomping so loudly on the floor that the intruder was caught on the hop and left.

Kimberley said: "We went to bed on Wednesday at about 10pm. In the early hours of the morning Toby our rabbit did five loud thumps.

"I sort of half woke up then realised he'd stopped and went back to sleep.

"When I went downstairs every single cupboard and drawer were open, there were bits out everywhere, then we started noticing things were missing and we phoned the police."

Kimberley, a nurse, is convinced that two year-old Toby's thumping scared the thief off from their house in Plymouth, Devon.

[Lemur]

@Crazed Rabbit special edition: Bunnies taking toll on cars at Denver airport



The furry creatures are wreaking havoc on cars parked at Denver International Airport by eating spark plug cables and other wiring.

To stop the problem, federal wildlife workers are removing at least 100 bunnies a month while parking companies install better fences and build perches for predator hawks and eagles.

Airport spokeswoman Laura Coale says that out of 4.3 million parking transactions in 2012, three claims were submitted for rodent or rabbit damage, and none was submitted with a claim for towing.

KCNC-TV (http://tinyurl.com/awjoyne ) reports there’s another way to stop the damage that can cost thousands of dollars to repair.

Mechanics say coating the wires with fox or coyote urine can rob the rabbits of their appetite. Fox urine can be purchased at many hunting shops.

[Lemur]

@Crazed Rabbit special edition: Engineered Rabbit Penises Raise Human Hopes



Using tissue grown in a laboratory, researchers have engineered fully functional replacement penises. The organs were made for rabbits, but the technique may someday be useful for people.

“This technology has considerable potential for patients requiring penile construction,” wrote researchers in a study published Monday in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. [...]

Oddly, the procedure seemed to make the rabbits randier than usual.

“Most control rabbits did not attempt copulation after introduction to their female partners,” wrote the researchers. “All rabbits with bioengineered neocorpora attempted copulation within one minute of introduction.”

[Gregoshi]

Fox urine can be purchased at many hunting shops.

That is urine from the animal, not the actress.

[Tellos Athenaios]

@Crazed Rabbit special edition: Giant rabbit scares burglar out of family home

Why leave out the best bit? A British pet with British owners? Surely you know what that means...

Emphasis mine:

"He's like a little dog, if you whistle him he comes.

"The rabbit was just traumatised in his cage, shaking. He's usually really friendly but he tried to go for the policeman."