News of the Weird

[Ronin]

Humorless OK Man Does Not Appreciate Dildo-as-Message



Ralph Polnicky of Shawnee, Oklahoma is outraged, damn it! And he has a good reason to be! Allegedly after an “ugly” confrontation with an employee at the Tractor Supply store, Polnicky received a threatening 8-inch dildo in the mail with “Ralph Is A Dick!!” and “Tractor Supply. Don’t come back!!” written on it.

“We were aghast, I mean, we were absolutely shocked by what’s in this box,” he said. “My wife was, just, ‘Oh my God! What, who is this? What do they want? What are they going to do next?’”

Polinky says “Don’t come back!” was shouted at him by the employee at Tractor Supply after Polinky complained “about taking too long to order a product.”

According to reports, “Tractor Supply acknowledged hearing about the package but couldn’t say anything about it. ”

More coverage

Polnicky remains unsatisfied

8 inches is enough for most people....I guess it doesn´t hit the spot.

[Major Robert Dump]

I wish dildos in the mail were far more common

[Lemur]

Mysterious Exploding Pig Poop Foam



[S]tarting in about 2009, in the pits that capture manure under factory-scale hog farms, a gray, bubbly substance began appearing at the surface of the fecal soup. The problem is menacing: As manure breaks down, it emits toxic gases like hydrogen sulfide and flammable ones like methane, and trapping these noxious fumes under a layer of foam can lead to sudden, disastrous releases and even explosions. [...]

And the foam grows to a thickness of up to four feet—check out these images, from a University of Minnesota document published by the Iowa Pork Producers, showing a vile-looking substance seeping up from between the slats that form the floor of a hog barn. Those slats are designed to allow hog waste to drop down into the below-ground pits; it is alarming to see it bubbling back up in the form of a substance the consistency of beaten egg whites.

And here's the catch: Scientists can't explain the phenomenon.

[Papewaio]

Similar process to yeast it seems and apparently the pigs are being fed more grain feed. Bread is essentially a baked foam. So if the microbes create a yeast like effect in the manure it will foam up... Essentially something is eating the manure and farting it out... It might turn out to be a much more efficient energy producer.

I like its name in other articles "Pig bang theory"

http://news.msn.com/us/pig-bang-theo...vex-scientists

[Lemur]

Let's name them all "Walter"

Choosing your new baby's name has to be one of life's toughest decisions. [...] One Brazilian woman took the easy option.

She named all 15 of her children after her husband, Walter.

Erotides Brandao may have made raising the children a tougher task, but decided the name-choosing should be kept as simple as possible.

The Brazilian mother promised to name her first child after her husband, Walter, but after the first child, Walterlucia, was born, he decided he wanted all the children named after him.

The couple from North-East Brazil had nine daughters and six sons overall.

Here comes the list...

Walterlucia, Walterlivia, Walterlenia, Walterlonia, Walterlacia, Walterluzia, Walterluana, Walterangelina, Waltersilviana, Waltermanuel, Walterluis, Walteroliver, Waltermarcelo, Walterlicinio and, finally, Walterfernando.

They also have 33 grandchildren who are also called after their grandfather, after it was decided to continue the unusual tradition.

Erotides, 88, whose husband died in 2003 aged 81, told Brazil's Globo G1 website; “He asked to put his name on all of our children. I didn't know so many would come, but we never knew how to say no to each other.”

[Lemur]

Brooklyn Bar Hosting "Smallest Penis" Contest



"The Contest" will be held on Saturday, July 20th starting at 5 p.m. at the bar, located at 286 Siegel Street near the Morgan Avenue L train. The event is open to anyone 21 and over; photo and video submissions will not be accepted, no matter how much you want to send them. Oddly, you don't have to worry about being completely nude, even if you are totally proud of your lilliputian penis: "While nudity is not required, contestants should expect to wear wet underwear (which will be provided)." Which is at least a little bit of a step up from Howard Stern's small penis contest. But what about shrinkage?

The winner will receive the coveted title of 2013 Smallest Penis in Brooklyn, a crown, and a generous cash donation to the charity of his choice (which they note can be "self").

[Ronin]

is ice considered doping?

[Gregoshi]

Brooklyn Bar Hosting "Smallest Penis" Contest

The contest is for members only.

[Fragony]

After the man who is too handsome for Saudi Arabia, the woman who is too pretty http://shows.stv.tv/this-morning/lif...for-her-looks/

[Beskar]

Heard about this story elsewhere, but google gave me this link: Source

Father who set up video to capture 'paranormal' activity accidentally films his girlfriend having sex with his teenage son instead

A father who rigged up a video camera in his kitchen to capture ghosts he thought were haunting his house accidentally caught his girlfriend making love to his teenage son instead.
Convinced his home had been overrun by supernatural spirits, the man, from Tasmania, Australia, set up the camcorder in his kitchen, pressed record and went to work.
But when he returned to view the footage his paranoia turned to horror as he watched his partner of 11 years enter the room and begin canoodling with his 16-year-old son.

The 28-year-old woman, who cannot be identified for legal reasons, pleaded guilty at Australia's Supreme Court to five counts of sex with a minor, claiming she hadn't realised 16 was below the age of consent.
The court heard how the affair began when she went into her de facto stepson's bedroom weeks earlier to discuss his driving lessons.

But the conversation soon turned to tickling, then kissing, cuddling and sex, the court heard.
She later took the boy upstate where they had sex several times in a hotel room.
The boy's father was so angry when he saw the pair petting in his haunted kitchen, he confronted his partner about what he had seen but she downplayed it as an innocent cuddle.

But his son told a different story, admitting they had had sex on several occasions. The man called the police and his girlfriend was duly arrested.
The court heard the woman was ashamed and embarrassed by her actions and had tried to repair the broken relationship.
However, her lawyer Steve Chopping told the courtroom: 'She accepts this is not a relationship which can or will continue.'
Justice David Porter remanded the woman in custody and will sentence her on Monday.
The case continues.

[Gregoshi]

Father who set up video to capture 'paranormal' activity accidentally films his girlfriend having sex with his teenage son instead

I think she was just trying to raise his spirits.

[InsaneApache]

I think she was just trying to raise his spirits.

I bet there was ectoplasm all over the kitchen.

[Beskar]

I stumbled across this, not really that humorous, but enlightening!

Daily Infographic: If Everyone Lived Like An American, How Many Earths Would We Need?

You're probably already aware that Americans consume a disproportional amount of the world's stuff. You may even have bumped into some of the statistics: We make up 5 percent of the global population, but use 20 percent of the world's energy. We eat 15 percent of the world's meat. We produce 40 percent of the world's garbage.
While those numbers do sound impressive, it can be hard to know what to make of them. OK, so we eat 10 billion animals and throw out 16 billion disposable diapers every year. So what?
Today's infographic, by blogger and journalist Tim De Chant, gives the issue some meaningful context by asking, and then answering, the question, "what if everyone in the world lived like us?"
To make the graphic, De Chant started with the Global Footprint Network's 2011 estimates of the average "ecological footprint" of people from several countries. (The footprint is a calculation of how much land it takes to provide the average person with everything they consume, including food, goods, and energy, for one year. It incorporates the more familiar "carbon footprint" in the form of the amount of land needed to offset the total greenhouse gas emissions caused by the average individual.) Next, he multiplied the footprint by the total population of the world (about 7 billion) to figure out the total amount of land needed.
Assuming we were able to use all the land on the planet--with the exception of Antarctica-- here's how much of Earth(s) we would need if we all lived like people in Bangladesh (or India. Or France. Or, yes, the U.S):

Bigger List - USA wasn't the worst.

[Lemur]

Yes, yes, you killed many infidels, but did you file your expense reports?



After years of trying to discipline him, the leaders of al-Qaida's North African branch sent one final letter to their most difficult employee. In page after scathing page, they described how he didn't answer his phone when they called, failed to turn in his expense reports, ignored meetings and refused time and again to carry out orders.

Most of all, they claimed he had failed to carry out a single spectacular operation, despite the resources at his disposal. [...]

The list of slights is long: He would not take their phone calls. He refused to send administrative and financial reports. He ignored a meeting in Timbuktu, calling it "useless." He even ordered his men to refuse to meet with al-Qaida emissaries. And he aired the organization's dirty laundry in online jihadist forums, even while refusing to communicate with the chapter via the Internet, claiming it was insecure.

Sounding like managers in any company, the Shura leaders accuse Belmoktar of not being able to get along with his peers.

[Lemur]

Some see Jesus in a tortilla chip, others see Hitler in a teapot



Trouble is brewing for [JCPenney] after customers noted that one of its tea kettles bears a striking resemblance to Adolf Hitler.

Bemused motorists took photographs of the huge JCPenney billboard advertising the kettle as they drove past it on the 405 Interstate highway near Culver City in California, one of America's busiest stretches of roads.

"That Hitler looks like a kettle," commented one user of Reddit, one of the several websites where the image was posted over the weekend.

"He even has his right arm extended," wrote another, while a third added: "I'm a little Nazi, short and stout". [...]

The kettle—officially the Michael Graves Design Bells and Whistles Stainless Steel Tea Kettle - retails for £35.08 on the JCPenney website, and can be delivered to the UK.

[Empire*Of*Media]

Some see Jesus in a tortilla chip, others see Hitler in a teapot



Trouble is brewing for [JCPenney] after customers noted that one of its tea kettles bears a striking resemblance to Adolf Hitler.

Bemused motorists took photographs of the huge JCPenney billboard advertising the kettle as they drove past it on the 405 Interstate highway near Culver City in California, one of America's busiest stretches of roads.

"That Hitler looks like a kettle," commented one user of Reddit, one of the several websites where the image was posted over the weekend.

"He even has his right arm extended," wrote another, while a third added: "I'm a little Nazi, short and stout". [...]

The kettle—officially the Michael Graves Design Bells and Whistles Stainless Steel Tea Kettle - retails for £35.08 on the JCPenney website, and can be delivered to the UK.

whats that damn nonsense !

[Gregoshi]

Some see Jesus in a tortilla chip, others see Hitler in a teapot

This is a Führer over nothing.

[InsaneApache]

This is a Führer over nothing.

That's a very camp thing to say.....

[InsaneApache]

“After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits.

Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit if a treat.

I ordered it well in advance and working in the North Sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...

Oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn’t have long to wait.

At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head.

Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the the destruction of the meat and two veg.

Struggling not to bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen, by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief.

I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, toe the lid off and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing returned.

Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn’t managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the drawer for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and an tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me.

This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.

Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering “ooooohhh that feels good”

Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn’t heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout fired against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn’t the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn’t improve my status…so to sum it up, VEET removes hair, dignity and self-respect.”

[Beskar]

Veet for Men review, Amazon, it has a big bunch of them.

It doesn't work anywhere as good as that though. Basically all it does is make the hair brittle, then you use a plastic trove to scrape it off. More chance of castrating yourself with the plastic than anything resembling burns or serious chemical injury.

Only result of putting it on your 'knackers' is that the fumes and smell of the cream will make the 'missus' pass out!

[Lemur]

German bank employee naps on keyboard, transfers millions



An obviously tired German bank employee fell asleep on his keyboard and accidentally transformed a minor transfer into a 222 million euro ($293 million) order, a court heard Monday.

The Hessen labour court heard that the man was supposed to transfer just 62.40 euros from a bank account belonging to a retiree, but instead "fell asleep for an instant, while pushing onto the number 2 key on the keyboard" -- making it a huge 222,222,222.22 euro order.

[Gregoshi]

...making it a huge 222,222,222.22 euro order.

More like zzz,zzz,zzz.zz

[Lemur]

Cop Shoots Litter of Adorable Kittens in Front of Screaming Children



On Monday in Ohio, animal control Officer Barry Accorti shot and killed a litter of kittens in front of freaked-out children nearby. “He informed [a witness] that shelters were full and that these cats would be going to kitty heaven,” Ohio SPCA Executive Director Teresa Landon told the Sun News.

Landon said the home owner, who had called for help, assumed the officer "would be trapping them or something and taking them to a shelter and they would be humanely euthanized if they were not adopted."

“Instead, he went to his truck and got a gun, which she thought was a tranquilizer gun, and walked around to the back of the house and approximately 15 feet from her back door shot and killed the 8- to 10-week-old kittens.”

The stunned observer alerted the Ohio SPCA to the officer's actions, and the animal rights group responded with a Facebook campaign to "expose" the behavior and call for accountability.

“Her children were upstairs in view of the windows. They started screaming and crying because they heard the gunshots. They started screaming, ‘Mommy, he’s killing the kittens,’” Landon said, “It’s heartbreaking… There is no excuse for it. It’s absolutely shameful that someone with the title of humane officer would do this.”

North Ridgeville Police Department Chief Mike Freeman released a statementdefending Accorti, who the Ohio SPCA has demanded be fired and charged with animal abuse.

“The cats were located within the wood pile and euthanized,” Freeman said, “The cats were removed from the wood pile and taken from the residence.”

He decided Accorti’s “actions were appropriate,” and will not “impose any disciplinary measures for the incident.”

[Lemur]

Little Girl Successfully Uses 'Unicorn Passport' to Cross Borders



A FAMILY were left bemused after their daughter passed through passport control at a Turkish airport using a passport identifying her as a unicorn.

The girl’s mother, Nicky Harris, explained that on May 28, she, husband Allen and their daughter, Emily, arrived at Antalya airport in the city centre of Antalya, Turkey, to start their one week family holiday.

Mrs Harris, from Pontnewydd, Cwmbran, picked up what she thought were their three passports from her bag to hand to the woman at passport control.

The officer checked the passports, and even asked Emily her age, to which Emily replied “nine”, before she stamped them and let the family through.

It was only when they got outside that Mrs Harris realised that instead of handing in Emily’s passport, she had shown her daughter’s Design-a-Bear passport for a Unicorn toy called Lily Harris.

She said: “I didn’t realise until I was putting the passports away. There was a moment of panic when I thought someone would come chasing after us, but nothing.”

She explained that the passport didn’t even look real, being a different size, featuring gold teddy bears on the front and the picture ID was of the toy.

[Lemur]

Man Arrested for Building 'Vibrator Bomb'



A Minnesota man is facing felony charges after police discovered that he had retrofitted a vibrator, turning the sex toy into a homemade explosive device.

According to a criminal complaint, Terry Allen Lester, 37, placed “gun powder, BB shot, and buck shot from shotgun shells” into the modified device, which had “black and red wires that connected to a trigger with a battery port,” according to a statement of probable cause filed yesterday in Waseca District Court.

Police were alerted to the black vibrator by a woman with whom Lester had been living until last week. The device was reportedly included in belongings Lester left behind in the woman’s apartment. Lester, pictured in the mug shot at right, also left behind tools, cords, cables, and the remains of a drill that was disassembled “to use the parts for the vibrator bomb.”

Lester, whose rap sheet includes domestic assault and drunk driving busts, allegedly was planning on giving the vibrator as a Christmas gift to one of three former girlfriends, with whom he had relationships that “ended badly.” The woman who contacted police said Lester told her that “when the device was inserted into the female he would pull the trigger and it would blow them up.”

[Gregoshi]

Man Arrested for Building 'Vibrator Bomb'

A Minnesota man is facing felony charges after police discovered that he had retrofitted a vibrator, turning the sex toy into a homemade explosive device...

[Rhyfelwyr]

Man reports 'ugly prostitute' to police

A man has been warned after he dialled 999 to complain about a prostitute's looks after meeting her.

West Midlands Police said they were contacted by the caller who said he "wished to report her for breaching the Sale of Goods Act".

[Fragony]

Hilarious in it's absurdity, and also kinda cute in a way. In an interview Dutch Syria jihadi's say they miss Dutch cheese and licorice-based candy (it doesn't get anymore Dutch than licorise-based candy). Of course in paradise everything will be better

[Hax]

It's really sad, because I think it shows their human side as well. These are probably not hardcore religious extremists, but just frustrated teens. Ah well.

[Fragony]

It's really sad, because I think it shows their human side as well. These are probably not hardcore religious extremists, but just frustrated teens. Ah well.

Some may be but in a video of a beheading some clearly speak Dutch. But this isn't really the apropiate thread