Fruits are Dangerous

[Marshal Murat]

Bananas Kill


I think this is so...unexpected.

[Gregoshi]

I won't be the first to make a pun about FARC.

[ajaxfetish]

How can I stand for such libel? You know the banana was created by God as the perfect fruit (and is thus the atheist's nightmare). To even suggest such a holy comestible could be involved in such rotten and sordid affairs is insulting in the highest degree!

Ajax

[Husar]

I won't be the first to make a pun about FARC.

I'd like to hear it or else I'll insert my own try(no, you don't want to see that).
And I'm not seen as a terrorist group, so paying me with a pun for protection of the org shouldn't get you into any trouble.

[Banquo's Ghost]

Defending yourself against fruit.

[Ja'chyra]

Fruits are Dangerous

Damn right they are, took me 3 hours and 2 (female) surgeons to get that pineapple out.

[Hosakawa Tito]

Protection rackets are as old a "profession" as prostitution.

[ShadeHonestus]

Del Monte announced some time ago that they will no longer buy domestic citrus as they found it easier to deal with foreign terrorist organizations than the domestic USDA thugs.

[gunslinger]

How can I stand for such libel? You know the banana was created by God as the perfect fruit (and is thus the atheist's nightmare). To even suggest such a holy comestible could be involved in such rotten and sordid affairs is insulting in the highest degree!

Ajax

HERESY! The modern banana is but a vile, seedless perversion of the noble plantain. In yet another sickening example of man's incessant desire to corrupt nature, innocent plantains were selectively bred and genetically engineered until a master race of seedless, sterile bananas was created. These monsters can only be reproduced through a process of cloning whereby banana farmers, insensitve to the life they are about to destroy, hack parts off of existing banana plants and stick them in the ground, or, even worse, use laboratory techniques to culture a new plant. That's right, virtually every banana you come into contact with at the grocery store is a CLONE!

Many scholars, as well as other freeloading members of society, believe that the Divine Attitude toward these fruity frankensteins was demonstrated during the 1950s when a scourge of various fungi was visited upon the banana world's most popular variety, the Gros Michel species. Due to the fact that they were all clones with absolutely no genetic diversity (much the same as the master race envisioned by Adolf Hitler) the Gros Michels could form no defense against the disease and were virtually eliminated from the Earth. Not to be deterred, the ever prideful banana growers engineered a new species: The Cavendish. The unholy reign of the Cavendish banana has lasted over 50 years. However, agricultural experts, and other people who couldn't get into a real program of study at the university but consider themselves smarter than you anyway, have seen that the end is near for the mighty Cavendish as well. The banana growers, ever in thrall to their own unatural creations, already have begun work on a new, even more powerful species of banana, and this time they have the terrifying tools of DNA splicing at their disposal.

As you should clearly see, Ajax, bananas were not created by God, and they are far from perfect. They can't even have sex like other fruits do.

As your penence, I suggest that you read the entire book of Genesis while sitting on a frozen banana and chanting "I will not eat forbidden fruit."

[ajaxfetish]

Well, it sounds like bananas would be perfectly suited to fulfilling the priestly role within the world of fruit. Celibacy won't be the slightest problem for them. Clearly God must have had this in mind when . . . uh, when he inspired banana growers to engineer a perfect fruit . . .

Ajax

[Del Arroyo]

Miren la vaina que nos hemos buscado, no mas por invitar un gringo a comer guineo.

[Fisherking]

Dell has his mangos in an uproar!