Message from Jesus

[Adrian II]

Got this is my Inbox yesterday:

From: Jesus
To: Adrian II
Re: R.e: Our. me.etin.g

Hi there lovely,
This kind of opportunity comes ones in a life. I don't want
b
to miss it. Do byou? I am coming tbo your place in few days
and I though maay be we ccan meet each othear. If you don't mind
I canba send you my picture. I am a girl.
You can correspond with me usingb my email

A once in a lifetime event indeed. Could some of you please share their experience with Jesus. What shall I do? What to wear for the occasion?

[Fragony]

I say sandals but you probably wear them all the time so that is hardly original.

[sapi]

With a title like that, this thread is going to get a lot of hits

[Adrian II]

I say sandals but you probably wear them all the time so that is hardly original.

You did it again.

Morning coffee ---> computer screen

[Fragony]

Serving mankind is my only wish, somehow apropiate.

[InsaneApache]

@ Adrian II

Does your wife know your mailing girls in order to meet them? Even if they are the Son of God.

[Adrian II]

@ Adrian II

Does your wife know your mailing girls in order to meet them?

How do you think she and I met? We share an interest in the symbolic representation of gender issues in 18th century Swahili epic poetry, and there was this forum about it..

Anyway, about my Jesus gig. I was thinking I could turn that meeting into a sort of class-action interview. I mean, we all have standing and I will be happy to pass on any questions or complaints to her.

As for the wine, I was thinking Chardonnay. Or am I erring on the safe side here?

[Fragony]

Safer then cutting her up and see if her blood turns into wine, these practises are generally frowned upon these days. But if you feel dangerous, and why shouldn't you, bear her cross and spread the massage of of the lord.

[KukriKhan]

I canba send you my picture. I am a girl.

Get the pic. Then decide.

It's not unusual, in spanish-speaking cultures, to name kids "Jesus, Mary and Joseph", both boys and girls. So, I'd brush up on my Spanish, if I were you. And, if it's THE Jesus, just bring along some bottled water... she'll be able to change it into the appropriate wine for you.

Q1: Ask about the whole Resurrection/Ascension thing.

Q2: Discretely inquire about the Magdeline thing.

Those 2 should keep us going for several more centuries.

[Banquo's Ghost]

Q2: Discretely inquire about the Magdeline thing.

I'd be inclined to find out more about that three-in-one thing. Spooky.

Unless it's like, twins.

[doc_bean]

If you're going to give Her something to eat make sure it's kosher, She's Jewish after all.

[KukriKhan]

I'd be inclined to find out more about that three-in-one thing. Spooky.

Unless it's like, twins.

Good point.

Q4: Succession. More wars fought by more people over who comes next, after the great leader dies/transforms/whatever (leaves us)... what was/is the actual intent? (Simon) Peter? Someone else? No one?

[Kralizec]

I think the age-gap is to big...but if that works for you, go for it.

[doc_bean]

Oh yeah,

ask her whether She thinks Turkey should join the EU.

[Fragony]

What does 'think' have to do with that

[Rodion Romanovich]

Get the pic. Then decide.

It's not unusual, in spanish-speaking cultures, to name kids "Jesus, Mary and Joseph", both boys and girls. So, I'd brush up on my Spanish, if I were you. And, if it's THE Jesus, just bring along some bottled water... she'll be able to change it into the appropriate wine for you.

Q1: Ask about the whole Resurrection/Ascension thing.

Q2: Discretely inquire about the Magdeline thing.

Those 2 should keep us going for several more centuries.

I'd be interested to ask if Jesus and his apostles considered himself God rather than a prophet, or if the idea that he was God himself comes from "vulgata". I'd also ask him about his view on Christians that are for death penalty, seeing as he himself became a victim of it. Third thing I'd ask is who he considers the greatest heretic: the Catholic Church, Martin Luther, Bishop Arius or Averroes (Ibn Rushdah). Naturally I'd also ask whether belief in God or righteous thoughts and actions counts most for getting a place in paradise.

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

I'd ask wether the whole water into wine thing is litteral or figurative, whether Constantine really was a Christian and whether we should all be pacifists.

If I live the sword is it okay to die by the sword?

Papal Primacy would be another good one to clear up.

Are we, as Christians, bound by the Old Testemant?

Is Homosexuality okay?

Are woman priests okay?

If she could answer all those questions I think that would cover everything. Alsom could you get it on tape so we can show it to all the church leaders.

[Louis VI the Fat]

All those questions, tsk. You don't engage in debating theological minutiae with somebody who's just spend two millenia listening to harp-playing cherubs. You should treat her like a lady Adrian! So first thing you do is nail her to make sure she has a proper second coming.

Then when you've made her feel right at home this way we'll have plenty of time to discuss the theological implications of it all.

[Whacker]

This thread is clearly way off course at this point, my friends. I believe the topic at hand is the proposed booty call, and whether or not Adrian should be accepting aforementioned proposal. Clearly a picture needs to be obtained and posted for collective review. As a side note, I've also been receiving a number of these proposals myself, along with some amazing investing tips, and a few nice african gentlemen who are willing to spend millions with me. Isn't the internet an amazing place?!?

[Hosakawa Tito]

Face time with the Princess of Peace doesn't happen everyday. I suggest the KISS plan. Hair shirt & sandals (gives you an excuse to slip into something more comfortable later on if the evening progresses nicely). A simple meal of crusty bread, cheese, olives, fresh fruit, and a nice crisp chardonnay. Forget all the deep philosophical, religious, current events type inquiry. Ask practical, useful stuff, like next week's PowerBall Lottery numbers, the blonde at the office or the brunette across the street, does this hair shirt make me look viril, chip to the fairway or 3 iron through the trees... make christianity work for you.

[Adrian II]

Guys, guys, please.. instead of that, I would rather have questions like 'what's ur favor8 band?' and such.

This is one foxy lady who is dying to meet me after two thousand years of celibacy. I am sure she can't wait for my resurrection to transcend her crucifix, so I think we'll just have some light conversation over light refreshments to set the stage.

No need to bring up papal primacy or transsubstantion, that's just gross.

[spmetla]

Remeber she likes ointments and foot massages!

[Husar]

The mail says that this opportinity only comes once in your life, reminds me a bit of Joe Black, if you know what I mean...
Farewell Adrian, we will miss you.

[Whacker]

And whatever you do, do NOT bring up or attempt to show off your impressive collection of nailguns.

[edyzmedieval]

Please, do ask her if she has truly been baptised in the Jordan river.
Oh, and ask her what does she think about the Papacy and the Bible.

[Kagemusha]

Well dear Adrian II.Im happy that you are finally about to get together with Jesus. I would join into Lui´s advice and you should treat her like a lady. After that log into to the Totalwar.org and we can start asking Jesus some questions and also maybe from you, about was she able to convert you to Christianity, you old pagan you.

[Blodrast]

What shall I do?

REPENT!!!
or else ...

[Adrian II]

REPENT!!!
or else ...

Conversion? Repentance? Will y'all please unplug it, guys? This is 2007, get with it. I think I'll take her to see The Da Vinci Code so we can have a good laugh about everything before we unwind in that deluxe hotel suite on the 16th floor overlooking Rotterdam Harbour on all sides.

[Philippus Flavius Homovallumus]

Tell her she has nice eyes, tell her how beautiful she is.

Then tell us what colour they are because I've always wondered.

[IrishArmenian]

Whatever church that is, they shouldn't go down that road. Impersonating Jesus? That is a new low.
Never find anything like that over here.