I've only been able to get a a vassal one time. Playing with VH/VH vanilla 1.1 as Portugal. My goal the entire game was to get Spain as a vassal, so I was doing everything I have read in this thread and thought of myself to prepare for this. As we all know it is only a matter of time before the best of allies will attack you on VH. But it was the French who attacked first. It was rather early in the campaign and my reputation was only up to Reliable. I was allied through marraige (Have to go with the best princess for Alffonso right away, Constance o_O) and had perfect relations, but they decided to seige Pamplona. Next turn they attacked and I successfully defended the castle. Their despicable actions earned them an excommunication, which allowed me to call for a crusade on Paris. So, I moved my stack through their territory avoiding any battles until I got to Paris and seiged it. I actually got the Crown of Thorns relic when I took it, but back to the point. Occupied Paris, then used a lowly diplomat to initiate diplomacy. Yes I initiated!!
It turned out they accepted vassalage for the return of Paris, and nothing more.
Woot, I had made my first vassal! I was really surprised. So, why did they accept it? They had all of their other starting cities still and maybe more. Stacks walking around aimlessly all over,so they were still very powerful. I've tried to set up the situation for you guys as best as I can, but there were undoubtably other things that played into it. But definately a big part of the puzzle was that my relations with them were still at a very high level. An enemy won't get angry and lower relations if you fight a defensive seige (not sallying). It's only when you attack their armies that they get mad. So besides the one battle to take Paris, the only other thing that could have reduced relations was walking through their lands. Perhaps calling the crusade was a factor, because it made other catholics declare war on them...Maybe even me stealing their Crown of Thorns, LoL. Unfortunately though this vassalage agreement was not meant to be, for they were allied with the Moors. As Portugal, I was planning on fighting them and that would have broken the vassalage. I only played on a little bit more, as the point of the game was to get a vassal, something I'd never done in the game before and I'd done it. It turned out I never got any tributes from France. The Moors didn't attack me either, so I didn't find out if an ally of my vassal declared war on me would break the vassalage or not. So, I hope my experience can help you guys get more vassals. I'll definatley share again once we get the official 1.2 patch. Until then... I'm screwing around with mods.
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