Veni, Vidi, Vici

**Marshal Murat** · 04-21-2007, 00:22

It was a very gripping account.
I am enjoying it very much.

Especially coming from reading Caesars 'De Bello Gallico'

**Franconicus** · 04-24-2007, 09:58

I really enjoyed it so far. Very intruiging, excellent characters. Wished I had your writing style!

Go on, please!

**stupac** · 05-12-2007, 23:02

Mas, por favor!

**Zaknafien** · 08-31-2007, 13:44

Check it out, Writers Group guys! Be brutal!

**Rodion Romanovich** · 09-02-2007, 13:35

I'll be as ruthless as I can, but it is well written so I had to bring myself to my most evil mood to find anything

I like the language and writing style, and very enjoyable story! I have only two comments:
- there's perhaps too much narrative text in the beginning (paragraphs 2 to 7). It could be broken up in smaller parts, mixed in with close ups. However, if the final story is intended to be long, it's ok with a long introduction narrative describing the background.
- the characters are well portrayed, but I tend to like more flawed, uncertain characters. Perhaps build out on his old age, describing its consequences with examples, could make him even more personal!

**Agent Miles** · 09-04-2007, 20:15

Bravo! You have created a very meticulous, detailed account of an ancient battle that truly brings it to life for the reader. I know more about the battle of Zela now, than I know about, well, Hirtius. History is a background for many great stories, but only a background. Is Hirtius going to be a hero with his own story, or a footnote in Caesar’s story? He doesn’t sound like much of a hero so far. When I was forty, I had been in the U.S. Army for fourteen years and I could still ‘march with the rest of them’. I see that he commands the Roman right flank and that they are going to sweep the Pontic left onto its center the way you would close a book, but why should I care to read about him? Use some of that detail to breathe life into Hirtius. Also, it’s vici, from vincere.
Patiently awaiting the continuation.

**Moros** · 09-07-2007, 20:53

Veci? I'm no latin expert, but shouldn't that be vici, or is this intentional and the 'imperfectum' of antoher verb than vincere? Or is it just a typo?