Bad Movies

**Bijo** · 04-22-2007, 15:20

I know there's a movie review thread, but this thread is only about bad movies. And I mean REALLY bad movies. B-movies and lower than that, that you've seen or know of. Movies of which you might think they shouldn't even be in existence. Or movies you haven't seen (yet), but know they're worthless because you've seen the front poster (and it says a lot about them).

But even if some movies are bad, I sometimes don't mind watching a couple of them..... of course to criticize them that they're bad and to laugh about it, or for nostalgia's sake.

-American Ninja series
Terribly bad! The story is just-- ARGH! Main thing iirc is that super ninjas are being trained, or created, etc., and hired to bigshots to protect their interests, etc., usually evil interests. The first one was enjoyable to see, but was such a typical play so bad.
And of course the "American Ninja" himself Joe Armstrong (Michael Dudikoff) who grew up in Japan(?) and was trained by a Japanese master after an accident in which he was wounded? CHEAP.
But still funny to see.

-Every Chuck Norris movie

-Every Steven Seagal movie

And that voice is always the same. Just give him a nice suit, put him in an expensive office in a big compound in a big expensive chair, and hear that voice, and you got yourself a mafia boss character, like the Godfather, just without the short hair.

-Scary Movie series

-The ones with that typical actor -- forgot his name -- who always plays those romantic roles, always with wedding kind of stuff, and silly content: ARGH! I could shoot the bastard.

-Those Shaolin-type films that always look the same are really bad. But they're funny to watch because of it.

-Any movie that has one or more fighters on the front of the box, except for Bruce Lee films

-Those old American war movies in which they depict those soldiers like happy men who go to war happily and in which you hear happy marching music and so on.

-Not a movie but still: the newer Star Treks that are not The Original Series. The originals were quite good actually (and I even used to dislike those), but those new ones...... it's just plain bad.

Well, I can't think of any more right now, but I probably will :)

**Big King Sanctaphrax** · 04-22-2007, 15:59

-Every Steven Seagal movie

Under Siege is a great action film.

**JimBob** · 04-22-2007, 16:35

Kommodo vs Cobra
On a secret military island in the S Pacific secret experiments push the boundaries of modern science. A group of animal activists infiltrates the island to set the animals being tested free. They arrive only to find everything has gone horribly wrong and a giant kommodo and a giant cobra are destroying the island.

Among the funniest movies I've seen in a while. The dialogue sucks and 'US Navy Command' looks like it was filmed in the lobby of a motel. And the end when it comes you'll laugh for a week.

Blood Gnome
Evil gnomes run around killing people in the bondage community.

Its messed up. My friends and I got it because we thought it would be funny bad. But after we realized half the movie is bondage porn (

) we turned it off. Only to try again, fast forwarding through the extended porn scenes. The movie part of it is funny bad with great bad lines and poor quality gnome puppets, but be warned this movie is not for the faint of heart (unless you're into that kinda thing?

)

Revenge of Drunken Master
It's a kung fu movie with cymbals of death. The end.

**Gregoshi** · 04-22-2007, 17:39

On my list, by far the worst movie I've ever seen was Comin' At Ya!. No plot, almost no dialog, just a lame excuse to show off 3D effects. The worst example of 3D effects is that of a baby's bottom "comin' at ya!"

'Nuff said.

**Bijo** · 04-22-2007, 22:24

Originally Posted by Big King Sanctaphrax

Under Siege is a great action film.

No! I mean, come on! Steven SEAGAL. Always the same voice, the same face, the same... everything! Then again I haven't seen Under Siege in a long time. Might have to watch it again to be sure if it's worse or better than his usual ones, though they're always bad in general. Guess I'll have to wait until it's on TV: I'm not spending any money on renting THAT

And edyzmedieval, just the thought of it makes me pu-- ARGH.

@Fenring
Castration? Hmmm. I think that'd be too painful. A quick bullet followed by a quick death would be for the best. For everybody

**Philippus Flavius Homovallumus** · 04-22-2007, 22:50

300

**Ronin** · 04-22-2007, 22:50

Originally Posted by Big King Sanctaphrax

Under Siege is a great action film.

damn straight!

the cake scene alone is enough to justify that movie

as for movies that should never had existed...I say:

-anything from Uwe "toilet" Boll
-"lost in translation"....man...that´s 2 hours of my life that are never coming back

**Geoffrey S** · 04-22-2007, 23:07

Lost in Translation?

That's one of the most touching films I've ever seen!

Saw Paycheck recently, it's atrocious. Also, SS Doomtrooper.

**Ronin** · 04-22-2007, 23:22

Originally Posted by Geoffrey S

Lost in Translation?

That's one of the most touching films I've ever seen!

yeah it´s touching....I think it touched my boredom center...

it´s just the second movie i´ve considered walking out of the cinema on....the only reason I didn´t was that I wasn´t alone and the other people wanted to stay to the end...

p.s.- ohh and in case anyone was wondering the other movie (that I did walk out off) was "The HulK"

**Marshal Murat** · 04-22-2007, 23:42

The Hulk was one of the WORST movies I ever saw. It dragged on, and on, and on, and on, and, well, you can guess the rest.

Eragon was the stupidest movie, hands down. Don't ever watch it. Ever.

**Incongruous** · 04-22-2007, 23:43

Whale Rider, I mean, I came out of that and, WTF!
Terrible movie.
Munich was pretty average, I mean what with all the hype.
King Arthur and Troy, both travesties which couldn't make up for all the dodgy acting and plot lines with decent action, I mean in Troy there were only a few strange battle scenes.

2001 a space (load of crap) OD. I can't believe people call this a classic, ugh..

Saving Private Ryan, a bot too over the top, but yeah, I can see how people love it.

**edyzmedieval** · 04-22-2007, 17:43

Originally Posted by Bijo

IScary Movie series

Those movies are really good for one thing:

When you're feeling really sick and want to puke, but you can't. Just watch 2 minutes and you'll puke right near the TV.

**Kralizec** · 04-22-2007, 18:19

-The ones with that typical actor -- forgot his name -- who always plays those romantic roles, always with wedding kind of stuff, and silly content: ARGH! I could shoot the bastard.

Hugh Grant. I wouldn't shoot him, castration would be only fair though.

Matrix 2 & 3
King Arthur
Any comedy starring Arnold Schwarzenegger

the newer Star Treks

I thought DS9 was pretty good most of the time. I agree the rest of them is pretty bad, though.

**master of the puppets** · 04-22-2007, 21:39

When a Stranger Calls... worst attempted scary movie EVAR!!!

any sci-fi channel original movie.

oh and forgot to mention, Napoleon Dynamite, hated it, it was stupid, it was pointless, it was a waste of film and 2 hours i can never retrieve

**The Spartan (Returns)** · 04-22-2007, 22:02

Edward Scissorhands.
if you liked it tell me why because i h8ed it.

**Fragony** · 04-24-2007, 08:13

Originally Posted by God's Grace

Edward Scissorhands.
if you liked it tell me why because i h8ed it.

I like it for the same reason I like all Tim Burton movies, the guy really knows how to create a sense of wonder.

And what is up with people not liking Lost in Translation??

**Evil_Maniac From Mars** · 04-24-2007, 01:12

Originally Posted by Bijo

-The ones with that typical actor -- forgot his name -- who always plays those romantic roles, always with wedding kind of stuff, and silly content: ARGH! I could shoot the bastard.

Hugh Grant? I feel your pain.

**Gregoshi** · 04-24-2007, 02:30

The early 80s were a cesspool for D&D rip-off fantasy films: Sorceress (mentioned above), The Sword and the Sorcerer, The Warrior and the Sorceress (detect a pattern yet?), and Hawk the Slayer.

Thanks to the miracle of Youtube, here is the opening 3 minutes of Hawk the Slayer (it only feels like 6 minutes): Hawk Intro

If you can make it through the first 51 seconds of riveting dialog, you get to witness the outstanding audio and visual effects (I refrain from using "special"). If perchance you make it to about the 2:30 mark, you get to witness what $15.93 cents (in 1980 dollars) will get you for opening credits. The theme song, I have to admit, is a bit catchy in a cheesy, 70s, synthesizer way.

I dare any of you to claim that 90% of the films you've mentioned above even come close to this bad. Jack Palance and Morgan Shepperd starred in Hawk. It is truly amazing that they were ever cast in another film again.

**JimBob** · 04-24-2007, 04:26

I dare any of you to claim that 90% of the films you've mentioned above even come close to this bad. Jack Palance and Morgan Shepperd starred in Hawk. It is truly amazing that they were ever cast in another film again.

Theirs? No. Mine? Mine make Hawk the Slayer look like Citizen Kane.

Komodo vs. Cobra

And I haven't even explained Demon Child or Frankenfish

As a side note, throughout KvC my friends and I counted no less than 240 shots from the pistol before it was reloaded. And a parrot squawks whenever someone swears so they could keep a pg13 rating.

**Gregoshi** · 04-24-2007, 06:15

That was dreadful JimBob. I suspect they didn't want to reload the guns as that would force them to deal with the plot for a couple of seconds. KvC looked and smelled like a made-for-TV movie. That is exactly the kind of movie we should be seeing in this thread.

(thumbs down is a good thing in this case)