What wonderful thoughts.

I'm sorry the situation is making you unhappy, but look at the eloquence and thoughtfulness the situation is bringing out of of you. We require a certain amount of pain and suffering in our lives to progress, and you look to be near an evolution of thinking that will change you significantly.

After watching both my parents die of brain cancer, one a year after the other, in a long drawn out affair that utterly sapped them of their intellect, I admit to having felt a freedom, a new found individuality. Yes, I was alone, so to speak, but with that came an undeniable feeling of being alive in the world, responsible for myself and my surroundings, and, oddly, somewhat like a marionette with the strings cut. The loss, though painful, absolutely elevated me to a different level of life. With that came new thoughts and new ways of thinking. Also, an odd and ongoing duty to represent their influence on me in my own way in the day to day scheme of things.

Never feel bad about feeling sorry for yourself when someone close dies. It's our nature, and it shows you had the heart to let someone in. Believe me, when you pass from here to there, I'm sure there will be those who will feel very bad for themselves.

As to your post, it is our pleasure to listen.