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  1. #1
    Just your average Senior Member Warmaster Horus's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Temple's Colouring Book

    Indeed. The play format works well.
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  2. #2
    Senior Member Senior Member naut's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Temple's Colouring Book

    I like your poetry, especially the Prose/Play one. One thing you might want to keep in mind is watch for the rhythm. Sometimes simply changing word endings and order can make all the difference. For example:

    Quote Originally Posted by Orb
    Temple lit by moonlight, priest walks up the stair
    Lady at the window, face showing despair
    I'd change to...

    Quote Originally Posted by Orb
    Temple lit by moonlight, priest walks up the stair
    Lady at the window, her face shows despair
    As "-ing" endings have a caesuric effect on the rhythm.
    #Hillary4prism

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