Have you lot done anything this stupid?

[El Diablo]

So here is the situation.
Last night I had a few wines and inspired by the quality AAR's on the org I thought that I would try to do one myself.
Not being a particularly skillful player nor a budding Shakespear I thought it best to keep it simple.

So I chose Brutii (on M/M) and the rules were that I chose ONE family member and controlled him but all other battles were to be auto-resolved.
I also had to do the uptmost to complete ALL senate missions. It was a blatent effort to get my avatar to be the ruler of the senate.

I chose Amulelis Brutius (or something like that) and gave him the honour of taking Apollonia on the first move. All went well and the game was underway.

Not too much of a problem you would think right???

Did I mention the wines???

Ha ha.. about two hours into it I merged a couple of armies to take out the Gauls that were holding out near Pavatium (Senate mission) and then did all the checking that agents had moved and that all the tax rates were correct. Note to noob players - avoid micromanagement when the merlot bottle is empty...

End turn

"Your Army is attacked by an army of Gaul"
I checked the screen and as it was not my character fighting the battle I auto-resolved it.

"An average victory"

Woo - go me I thought.
Then comes the icon

"Heroic death" - huh???

It seems the merged armies contained the character I was aiming to make a god. He was not the leader of the army (the faction leader was) and as I was a little "disorientated" I forgot he was there...

Seems he was mortal after all....

It was not a total waste of timethough as I could now concentrate on having a wine in memorium of the late great Amulius RIP.

[Poulp']

Seems your character roleplayed to the bitter end, he got drunk himself into thinking he was Mars

[KidFury]

What's ironic is that in my own Brutii campaign Amulius Brutus is now know as Amulius Victor. He is a 10 star general only because the game doesn't allow any further stars and he has been leading just about every war I have ever been in. He has fought Macedions, Greeks, Thracians, Dacians, Germans, Scythians and now he has begun fighting the treacherous Armenians. He usually leaves a theater of war when it hits the mopping up phase in order to solve another, more pressing problem. For example, I still have one Scythian city to take but he has just landed in armenia to punish them for breaking our alliance. I tell you i could almost feel the Armenian's fear as he landed and crushed a full stack as easily as one crushes a cockroach.

He is getting on in years but the good news is that his son Titus has already earned the title Victor himself and is just as dependable as Daddy.

[El Diablo]

It gets worse.....

Tried it again last night. All was going well Appollina was taken and Salona as well. So I sent him down to take Thermon with some reinforcements from the Itallian homelands. Well I found a large army outside of the walls and wanting to stop them combining into a uber-army attacked.

It ends up that I was fighting the Greek King and the battle was turning in my favour. One strong charge from our hero into the back of the Kings bodyguard and his banner starts to turn white. Him being the last "un-routed" unit meant that the "You have won" banner came up.

As I had not killed the King yet and I did not want the remains of the army (probably 300-400 men) to retreat to Thermon I clicked on continue battle.

Immediatly after that the slidey-down icon thing showing the death of the enemy king occured.

Woo - go me.

Then about 30 seconds later another one came down - what the???
Then I noticed that the picture of our hero on his unit card was faded.

It seems the king was infact the second to die and the milisecond after continuing the battle my dude bit the dust. The worst thing is I think it was a friendly fire incident from a unit of Velites on auto-fire.

Fortuntaly only one bottle of Pinot Noir was hurt in the making of this story.

[Celt Centurion]

I've played a few turns now and then over a glass of Merlot, but I am careful not to become verschnickered. When I'm able to play lately, it's almost always when I'm exhausted at the end of a day, and have tried autoresolving most battles.

It floors me that the AI can win one that I see no way of winning, but can lose one that I couldn't.

Let's all get verschnickered and play another round!

Strength and Honor

Celt Centurion

[El Diablo]

I think that the problem is the game is nigh on perfectly set up for a glass or so as you play.

Sequence....

NEW TURN
*sip*
Right - all the icon thingees are rolling down the left hand side. What the snort are they all about. Okay this "construction complete" one needs a bit of attention. Built a temple of Mars?? Did I queue that? Must have. Oh well it probably needed some sewers anyway. Speaking of which, at the end of this turn I better go and check out my sewers this Cabernet Savignon goes through me like a... What? Why did that get built there. Hold on let me check.
*sip*
Yep 3/4 of the bottle gone. Nevermind I will build the Barracks now and teach the cursed greeks a lesson next time. "Curse you greeks with your fancy phalanxs" (best Homer simpson voice) - ha ha I am so funny
*sip*
Righto thats sorted. Lets start moving dudes around. 3/4 of a stack should show those guys there a thing or two. What?? Why the grrrrrr did you go around the mountain you fool. Now it will take two turns to get back to the city. Nuts. Why do they reprogram the "best way to get there" and then prance all over the show. Oh thats why. A macedonian dipolmat. Why is he so scary? One diplomat of a faction I am allied with and the whole army turns tail and runs. Ohh hum
*sip*
Alright yeah - now a battle. These rebels dont stand a chance.
[battle loading screen]
*sip*
[still battle loading screen]
*sip* *sip*
[yep - still battle loading screen]
Man I love this slllllooooooowwwww computer. So many sips per battle.
*sip*
Right here we go.
Line them up all nice and pretty.... and the cavalry over here. Wow thats a nice looking group.
*sip*
Into the battle. Carnage everywhere. Woah this is too much. Where is the pause button?

Phew

*sip*

Right lets mop up the stragglers.
Clear victory. Woo go me.
*sip*

Okay move a couple of agents about. Where is that diplomat??? Ahh there he is. Swanning about in Gaul. In the gallic wine making region by the looks. That reminds me..
*sip*
End turn
*sip*
*sip*

[Caius]

This is funny, very funny!

[Lacessit]

Actually I'm on some Chilean wine (fourth or fifth glass, who cares?) and planning on playing some nice RTW after this football game finishes. This MIGHT spell 'D.O.O.M' for the Julii.

I know some temples to Bacchus will be built. That's the only given.

[Galapagos]

Very funny guys.

[Zim]

THis reminds me of a game I played a couple months ago. I was playing the Sarmatians in the mod Europa Barbarorum(in which nomadic factions are especially tough), while also drinking a bottle of port. I have one of the best games of my life, and soon find myself king of the Steppes, then go to bed. The next day I start up the save, think to myself "I don't remember doing any of that", then deleted it since I wanted to write an AAR.

Every Sarmatian game I've played since then I've failed miserably in.

[imnothere]

lol, you guys should play Selucid - you get to build Temples of Dionysius, since you are worship him personally anyway!

[The_crusader]

Very funny story....wine and conquering...it seems like wine could be the real bane behind conquering heroes,not that im against drinking and playing,I do enjoy some Zinfindel while playing the gaul for some reason.

cheers

[killer123456789]

yeh! just mine happened at sea I waz playing on the juli companion and I had flavius julius with a really good army (I had to take Carlas) and of course I was attacked twice! and my ship sunk so I lost them all