The secret shames of askthepizzaguy

[Askthepizzaguy]

You know that pathetic thing people do when they are expecting a phone call? Waiting by the phone? Or how about sitting at home in your underpants staring at your inbox hitting the "refesh" button, hoping to get a new letter?* My secret shame is posting on this forum and then hitting the refresh button until someone responds. But since we are on the topic of confessions, let me continue. I've made a list. *ahem*

1. I have never played as the Moors.

2. I have never made it past turn 70 unless deliberately trying to face the Mongols.

3. I've never seen the Timurids, as I generally annihilate the Mongols by then.

4. I've never been past turn 90.

5. I'm not familiar with the term "gum... pow... er"

6. I get a small thrill every time I sack a city, much like a cocaine addict.

7. I used to be the ultimate chivalrous player. I even got my reputation all the way up to "very reliable" on a regular basis

8. ...on the original, unpatched version where diplomacy is broken.

9. I played as a brutal dictator exactly one time before I was hooked, and I never looked back.

10. I haven't ever had a serious girlfriend, mostly due to my addiction to video games. Therefore, I am secretly attracted to every woman who posts on this forum.

11. I've memorized "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" and can perform it by myself, including the silly voices, with uncanny accuracy.

12. I've listened to all the commentaries on every existing Simpsons and Futurama DVD box set, and sometimes fall asleep to the sound of their voices. It's the closest thing I have to friends.

13. I auto-resolve most of my battles, except the ones I know the auto-calc will make me lose.

14. I never build navies.

15. I don't defend my settlements anymore.

16. I post on this forum in order to be popular.

17. I have never used seige equipment other than ballistae.

18. I only just started building armor for my troops this week.

19. I've been over 100,000 florins in debt, and I didn't even remotely care.

20. I think anyone who can do a blitz game with Russia is badass.

21. Which means I think I am a badass.

22. My idea of cooking is adding water to ramen noodles and putting it in the microwave.

23. I think exterminating the settlement of a former ally on the very turn I betrayed them makes me hardcore.

24. I think my original signature line is more hilarious than yours, but the pink elephant is even funnier.

25. The only modded game I've ever played is Rome: Total Realism.

26. I'm getting far too lazy to create new photobucket accounts to hold all of my screenshots.

27. You can earn more from sacking one city every 10 turns than you can from using merchants. (Not really my shame, per se... but a shame nonetheless)

28. I discovered that Egypt is the most powerful faction in the game, and I can prove it using math, and I think that makes me badass.

29. I have never heard of any of the music you listen to.

30. I play remixed versions of other game soundtracks while I play Medieval 2.

31. I live in my parent's garage.

===================================
Now that I have made all of this public knowledge, I will now click the refresh button until someone responds. Feel free to share your shames.
By the way, it's only because I am in college and I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my ass.

This is the only way to demonstrate how insane I am.
______________________
*According to Futurama co-creator David X Cohen, the word "underpants" is 30% funnier than the word "underwear".

[Kadagar_AV]

Wont keep you waiting to long though....

That was probably the most honest post I've read ever. I dont believe in juding other humans though, so as long as you are comfortable with your life, play on:)

Quite a few of the lines made me laugh out loud, no. 10 in particular.

Oh, and I do recognise myself in a lot posted, and I have friends who are basicly the same as you (only, they obviosly have at least one friend).

You'r valued on these boards at least, and a very respected player (even those who unlike blitz have to give you kudos for being the master at it).

[Askthepizzaguy]

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Wont keep you waiting to long though....

That was probably the most honest post I've read ever. I dont believe in juding other humans though, so as long as you are comfortable with your life, play on:)

Quite a few of the lines made me laugh out loud, no. 10 in particular.

Oh, and I do recognise myself in a lot posted, and I have friends who are basicly the same as you (only, they obviosly have at least one friend).

You'r valued on these boards at least, and a very respected player (even those who unlike blitz have to give you kudos for being the master at it).

EDIT: 200th post!

Yes, I must admit, I am too intimidated by the awesomeness of female posters on this forum to even speak to them. That's secret shame number 32.

Would anyone care to join the Expansionist's Guild? All brutal conquerors, blitzers, shameful warmongers, and the turtles who admire them are welcome!

[Ramses II CP]

Ten years ago I was much the same about a little war game called Myth and the community that sprang up around it. Also while I was in college. The difference, the one that makes it much more shameful for me, is that I had a woman in my life at the time, and she ended up being my wife.

I'm no expert, but if you want my advice:

1. Treat a forum like a public billboard, check it out when you walk by but don't make a habit of hanging around hoping someone will buy that old couch you're selling.

2. Keep a copy of anything you write that you find especially brilliant. Not only because 'this too shall pass,' but so that in few years later you'll have a good laugh looking back.

3. When you get up from the computer, forget that you have one.

It's interesting how games and fandom produce places and patterns like this, no doubt rolled all the way down from the first games men imagined to entertain themselves. Enjoy it.

[TeutonicKnight]

Nice job all.

37/Male/Denver, Colorado.
Married for 15 years (oh my god has it been that long?)
She tolerates my gaming. I tolerate her shopping. It works. :)

I have never managed to wrap my head around the evil overlord concept. Every time I start, I watch my rep fall and freak out.

I have never finished an M2TW game. I get bored, usually right around the Mongol Invasion or Gunpowder, and start another.

I have made it to the Aztecs exactly once. It involved a lot of repetitive end-turn clicks.

I'm the ultimate turtle. I hardly ever start a war, and just let the AI take the initiative. This has seriously screwed up some games.

I absolutely despise fighting enemy armies in the field that have seige equipment, and almost always auto-calc them. Often I'll auto-win them too just for spite. If I could mod-out the AI's use of ballistas, catapults, and trebuchets, I would in a heartbeat.

I hardly ever fight wandering rebels fairly. I send a family member and auto-win them. Cheap, yes. But I hate the rebel spawn mechanic since it doesn't rely on local happiness at all.

I never assault fortresses or citadels. Can't stand the casualties. I invade them with spies and auto-calc it.

I use auto-calc a lot. :)

When I'm overflowing in cash, I'll sometimes use process_cq just to burn it up. Yes, I could give it to an AI, but I've found that ends up ruining them later. Hmm, that could be an interesting anti-mongol tactic...

[Budwise]

Ten years ago I was much the same about a little war game called Myth and the community that sprang up around it. Also while I was in college. The difference, the one that makes it much more shameful for me, is that I had a woman in my life at the time, and she ended up being my wife.

I'm no expert, but if you want my advice:

1. Treat a forum like a public billboard, check it out when you walk by but don't make a habit of hanging around hoping someone will buy that old couch you're selling.

2. Keep a copy of anything you write that you find especially brilliant. Not only because 'this too shall pass,' but so that in few years later you'll have a good laugh looking back.

3. When you get up from the computer, forget that you have one.

It's interesting how games and fandom produce places and patterns like this, no doubt rolled all the way down from the first games men imagined to entertain themselves. Enjoy it.

I do 1 and 3, I should start 2 though, good idea.

[Budwise]

What the hell, I will do mine. True Confessions of Budwise.

1. 27/M/Salem, Oregon
   
2. I have never played seriously any faction other than England although I have uprooted and moved to the Holy Lands on the first two turns.
   
3. I did that just so I can finally fight the Timurids and Mongols but the Timurids spawned in a different area and I never expanded there.
   
4. I rarely play for less than a hundred turns.
   
5. Diplomacy is boring but I am just DRIVEN to keep trying, best score I have recieved was VERY RELIABLE (anyone see better?).
   
6. Gunpowder is overrated, unless your on a Panzerphant.
   
7. Sacking a city is great but I feel guilty exterminating unless they rebelled against me, then it feels good to do.
   
8. I have a serious girlfriend. Shes half Cambodian, half black and 11 years older. I think we are almost done but a girl at work who is even hotter like me so it doesn't hurt as much. But I am a sap for not giving up and keep trying to make things work.
   Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

   Pictures real but the background is fake, I hated the background she picked so I edited it out and added mine
   
   
9. Favorite TV show of all time is BABYLON 5. Use Netflix to get the whole series but don't watch them because it will ruin other "simplistic" tv for a while.
   
10. I also auto-resolve most of my battles, except the ones I know the auto-calc will make me lose. Or I will play the few that I would find fun as hell like a whole Longbowmen army on my side.
    
11. Navies I use but its not my bread and butter, I use them mostly for transports.
    
12. I am completely ANAL about defending what is mine. I can't stand to see a city fall and will do EVERYTHING I can to see it hold out, even if it weakens me.
    
13. I post on this forum due to boredom and because as a whole I have lost interest in the internet looking up other things.
    
14. I use all forms of Siege Equipment but the ballista but building the buildings required is a real pain and I often don't build them until I have nothing else to build.
    
15. I can't stand to be in debt but I have never been super rich either.
    
16. Thats because I am completely obsessed with building buildings EVERYWHERE.
    
17. The grosses thing I have ever seen foodwise is my Cambodian (But was born in Vietnam. Its like Washington/Oregon boarderwise, what are you going to do?) girlfriend was eating a soup made of a few things that LOOKED, SMELLED, and probably TASTED like a womans period, no joke.
    
18. The only mod that I have ever played is the Custom Campaign Mod but I feel it needs work on the Aztecs, as I have said before.
    
19. I am getting far too lazy to even post pictures on Photobucket anymore.
    
20. England would probably crush Egypt, I want to see your math. Archers with Stakes vs Horse Archers really isn't a fair fight.
    
21. I really wish I could add the Viking Music from MTW:VI to this game.
    
22. Because of some problems in this house with the kids accepting me, I stay in the room on the other side of the garage until its time to go to bed. Stupid kids because that really cuts down on "Pickle Tickle" time.
    
23. One of the most dramatic experiences in my life was when I was attack by my girlfriend exhusband with a foot long butcher knife.
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    
    This isn't the knife but looks just like it, police kept the knife
    
24. I won the fight by breaking his finger but was cut up with minor wounds 6 times, one on the side of my abdomen.
    
25. We were moving into that house at the time because she was trying to sell her old house and their was nothing for me to grab at the time, I was unarmed for 15 minutes as he was wacking away.
    
26. I will always brag about that day but pretend it bothers me and how I "regret" it happening to my girlfriend and her kids.
    
27. I have been to Vietnam, its great if your a dork because you will feel like a celebrity there when EVERYBODY stops what they are doing and stares at you when you walk by. Apparently in a backwater village they have never seen a White Person before. It sucks though that they always looked down on her for being a Kamauw (Khmer for the N word) but would love me because I am light.
    
28. I think the Moderators here are a little power happy at times. They do a great job but sometimes I think they could let some of the language and lesser rules go. I do respect that they try to keep this forum clean though.
    
29. Too much info, I know, would like to hear anyone elses though.
    
30. I only look awful or stupid like that in pictures. As a whole I am not bad but not the trophy boyfriend either.
    
31. I weigh 155 now but at one time weighed 250.
    
32. I have a son by an ex-girlfriend who is old enough to be my mom. Urggg, still regret knowing and having to deal with her over William.
    
33. I work in a food processing plant where we do frozen vegetables. I make 9.55 and hour but I need the medical. Ever hear of brands "Monarch, FlavRpak, Westpak, Food Club, Soup Supreme" before?
    
34. I have Multiple Sclerosis. Its where your immune system thinks your nervous system is evil and attacks it. So, once in a while I will lose feeling or the ability to use a(or many) body part(s) for a while.
    
    Anyone else.

[Askthepizzaguy]

https://forums.totalwar.org/vb/showthread.php?t=88116
EDIT: The photos are broken, but the saved game files should still work.

Because of their position, they can gobble up the entire map with two jihads. Perhaps other factions have better late period troops, but no one can touch Egypt when it comes to blitzing.

The HRE may have a slight advantage in the very beginning of the game, but because it is surrounded by Catholic factions it is very awkward to maintain that level of blitz. I guarantee Egypt surpasses the HRE post turn 40.

Once Dongola-Novgorod is taken, it only takes one more jihad to wipe out the rest of the map.

I would love to play human v human, as Egypt versus your strongest faction. I'd be willing to wager money that I would pwn all. I think the HRE would be the only faction that would even resemble a challenge.

[Budwise]

I might try that a little later.

[Privateerkev]

16. I post on this forum in order to be popular.

Then you have grossly misjudged the sociology of this board. Since none of us are popular, it would be difficult to be popular among us. But, I guess as the saying goes, "In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king."

[Budwise]

Well as my dad used to say, "Better to be king of the retards than a nobody among men." Sorry for the "political incorrectness" but the idea applys here. Not everyone here is a loser or a loner though, save that for the First Person Shooter or Game Magazine messageboards. THe people who write here are of more intelligent backgrounds and often need to find someone to relate an actual conversation to. Although my asian gf and I can talk for hours, and we do quite often, we have never had one conversation about Movies, Video Games, Whos hotter between __ and __ or any other waste of time topics that men enjoy.

Her and I are also too jealous and too homebodied to really leave the house much unless the other person is going too so we hardly have any friends outside her and I. I said earlier that we aren't doing so well but I believe when the house sales things will get better when we have more money to do things with. I will miss this house, it has an inground pool with the pumps and everything in the backyard.

Also, I agree, I hit the refresh button WAY too much too.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Well as my dad used to say, "Better to be king of the retards than a nobody among men." Sorry for the "political incorrectness" but the idea applys here. Not everyone here is a loser or a loner though, save that for the First Person Shooter or Game Magazine messageboards. THe people who write here are of more intelligent backgrounds and often need to find someone to relate an actual conversation to. Although my asian gf and I can talk for hours, and we do quite often, we have never had one conversation about Movies, Video Games, Whos hotter between __ and __ or any other waste of time topics that men enjoy.

Her and I are also too jealous and too homebodied to really leave the house much unless the other person is going too so we hardly have any friends outside her and I. I said earlier that we aren't doing so well but I believe when the house sales things will get better when we have more money to do things with. I will miss this house, it has an inground pool with the pumps and everything in the backyard.

Also, I agree, I hit the refresh button WAY too much too.

Hmm... intelligent conversation? Sounds intriguing.

Although, I'm sure the forum does need to revolve around M2TW, so we couldn't go too far off topic here. I'm sure no one wants to hear my political or religious views. Nothing degenerates a thread or an entire forum like those topics.

[CvC]

I am glad you have found something that makes you happy but I think you may need some professional help with your social skills...the world has enough hermits...get out, exercise, meet a nice young girl and enjoy life to its fullest...something that is very hard to do by yourself....

[Askthepizzaguy]

I am glad you have found something that makes you happy but I think you may need some professional help with your social skills...the world has enough hermits...get out, exercise, meet a nice young girl and enjoy life to its fullest...something that is very hard to do by yourself....

Meh. I will someday. I'm in college right now and my time is divided between work and school, and I dont have any money. It is physically impossible for me to have a relationship at the moment.

When I have a career, and my own apartment, then I will consider sharpening my social skills. But for now I am too focused on school.