You have two cows...

[Abokasee]

Yes it was only a matter of time until the "You have two cows" joke thread was to come by one Abokasee , so here we are
(This one was written by me and is proberlly the longest you have 2 cows ever )

Spore

You have 1 cow, it is 2d and 1 ridiculously small but it some how survives and becomes a slug like cow, which eats 10 blades of grass and gets 2 long legs at the back and 2 decent ones at the front and a mouth with 3 tentacles, you then some how find 9 other cows witch look exactly the same, you then call for 1 female cow and “make love” with it in the open, then 3 farmers come and try to take the eggs, but your fellow cows kill them, the eggs hatch and you decide that you cows now jump like frogs and have 10 claws and a pair of mandibles, you then become a baby version of this cow along 4 others, you then grow up and get a better brain, and become a tribe which has 14 other cows you have 1 barn and some drums out side, and you buy a spear rack and go and kill some other cows, the other tribe of cows now has only 5 of the 10 they originally had, whilst your village now has 49 cows, you become a small city, all your cows make milk out side of the city and decide to go take over some other cow cities, you take over all the other cows with 12 Legged cow mechs and cow helicopters, your total population of cows is 12412 cows, you get a UFO and fly out of orbit and you abduct 12 sheep and then go over a moon and make some volcanoes and make a massive hill and create a new city on there and they complain because there is no milk, so you drop the sheep on the planet, 4 die because there is no atmosphere but the of 8 just land in time for there to be atmosphere, you then genetically enhance these sheep so they can make milk and milk them selves at the rate 152 cows and have 50 necks each having 4 mouths at the end, you discovered there are no plants so you make a new plant which populates the entire moon, you then discover 4 of your cow cities have just been destroyed by wolfs, causing the deaths of 1442 cows you now have 2124521 cows and 5153 super sheep and you decide to kick the invading wolfs off the planet and you atom bomb a few of the wolf cities and you also create a few more cow cities on other planets (one of them looking like a giant wolf so you make it look a cow) the wolfs destroy one of your planets, you now 42411215 cows, so you destroy the a whole solar system populated entirely by wolfs, the wolfs make peace, you ally with octopi who have 1241212421 octopi, and you decide to make a planet from scratch, it has massive hills, with a atmosphere and 1 big river, and place a monolith on it and populate entirely with goats, you log off and drink some larger, you log back on and find the goats on the planet have evolved into to super goats which can jump from one hill to another and now control over 24 planets, while you have 125, wolfs having 95, and the octopi having 214, you have 10241511251 cows, 245215 sheep, the goats have 21141 goats the octopi have 241521215121521512 octopi, a war breaks out between the wolfs and the goats, the goats win and the wolfs are now slaves to goats and will become extinct in 2 weeks, the sheep on your planets suddenly evolve and a war breaks out (there are 12412421215412 sheep, and 104415112151 cows) and then octopi go to war with Spartans, the Spartans have 300 planets and 300,000,000 Spartans the super saiyan octopi have over 9000 planets and over 9000,000,0000000 octopi, the Spartans win and then go to war with everyone, everyone dies, you have 1 cow, the Spartans have 300 Spartans, you can guess the rest.

So you post yours, try not to say rude stuff

[Ronin]

whatever it is you´re smoking....I want some of that

[Stig]

whatever it is you´re smoking....I want some of that

I second that

[Moros]

I don't, that's must be some dangerous thing he's smoked or eaten or whatever.

Hawaiian Paddo's no?

[RoadKill]

Someone ate too many skittles.

[Whacker]

Abokasee you are and remain one of my favorite Orgahs to this day. LONG LIVE THE BARTIX THREAD!

[Kekvit Irae]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/You_have_two_cows

It's an old political/geographical joke, but still worth a few laughs.

Mine:

Real Lives: You have two cows. Both of them have goiters. One of them hit you with a brick.

The Org: You have two bulls. One of them insists that WWII started with the Second Japenese-Sino War, the other is too busy looking at the babecow thread to argue.

[Big King Sanctaphrax]

Odd, but I'll let it run for now.

[Moros]

I'd say I'll add a few too, but that would be political stuff so...

Anyway, I like them cow jokes...when I understand them that is...

[DemonArchangel]

The Internet: You have two cows. One of them is a gold farmer on World of Warcraft, the other one's watching pr0n.

[Moros]

Rome: Total War :
You have two cows. You set them on fire and send them running towards the enemy elephants to make them stampede and run away from your army. They stampede into your army anyway and kill half your troops

World of Warcraft:
You had two cows, but the last patch nerfed them so badly you now use a goat.

World of Warcraft:
<Trade - Orgrimmar>Bigbeef: WTS [Two Cows], 20g. /w me
<Trade - Orgrimmar>Arkarian: lol, n00b, [Two Cows] is quest item, so soulbound, rofl.
<Guild>Arkarian: lol, some guy tried to sell [Two Cows]
<Guild>Somedutchguy: hahaha, what a n00b.
<Trade - Orgrimmar>Bigbeef: WTS [Two Cows], 20g. /w me.

Counter Strike:
You have 2 cows. One is a noob the other is a f****** wallhacker.

Grand Theft Auto:
You have two cows. You insert weapons cheat #7, load cow #1 up with 600kg of explosives, and blow him up. A police officer walks by, and does nothing. You then beat cow #2 to death with a baseball bat. Again, a police officer walks by, and does nothing. You bump into a police officer, and gain a six star wanted level, and are taken down by 16,978 SWATs dropped from helicopters

Tetris:
You have two L-shaped cows, but you really need two |-shaped cows.

Tekken:
You have two cows that bear a striking resemblence to Virtua Fighter

[Kekvit Irae]

Thief - The Dark Project: You have two cows. Now you have one cow. Now you have no c- *THWACK* *thud*

Marvel Ultimate Alliance: You have two cows. If you include them in a team with a chicken and a pig, you get the Farm Animals bonus.

Dark Age of Camelot: You have two cows. One of them is just a buffbot for the other.

Harvest Moon: You have two cows. You get both of them pregnant just so you can sell the milk. You then throw away the worthless calves when born and get the cows pregnant again for more milk.

The Internet: You have Tucows. Within a year, nobody cares anymore and just goes to FilePlanet.

Operation Flashpoint: Cow One, move to Foxtrot Golf Two Tree.
Cow Two, get in Hind, Foxtrot Golf Two Two.
This is Cow One. I'm under attack!
This is Cow Two. Oh no! Cow One is down.

[Spino]

Two cows you say?



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVkA4gtjX6I

[Caius]

Rome:Total War I
You have two cow standarts. Romans will want to recuperate the cows asap.
Rome:Total War II
You have two cows. One is offered to the enemy so they surrender, buy a bull from the Spanishards, and you have denarii forever!


(I know, they suck)

[Gregoshi]

Hysterical stuff Moros & Kek!

If you have two cows, why would you need an utter? And don't say "be cud".

[Pannonian]

That reminds me of the wise adage:

"To err is human, to moo bovine."

[Marshal Murat]

RTS:
You have 2 cows. You set 1 to gathering wood, the other builds a barracks. You then run out of gold, so you have to buy another cow, but you can't since you reached you pop. limit.

Tour de France:
You have 2 cows. Both are removed from the race because they took steroids.

Ancient Sparta:
You have 2 cows. Both are trained to be warriors, so you have to subjugate the goats and horses. When the Chickens attack, you pronounce you are defending an extremely limited form of 'Freedom'.

Indian Economy:
You have 2 cows. You build a call center, give the cows a language course, and then you start selling mortgages and credit cards.

[GeneralHankerchief]

RTW: You have two cows. Then the Romans get Marius so your enemy has two moose.

RTW: You have two cows. The EB team comes in and produces a document saying that cows were not introduced to the ancient world until 107 AD. They leave your cows out of the mod.

RTW: You have two cows. The peasants in Corduba, Tarsus, and Jerusalem (to name a few) riot despite low taxes, a full garrison, and tons of happiness buildings, and the cows die in the riots.

M2TW: You have two cows. The Pope issues an edict saying that cows are unholy and you must get rid of one or you'll be excommunicated. You have one cow. The Mongols come and slaughter it.

[naut]

My favourites:

"Surrealism: You have two green cows, which you place on the inverted staircase next to the horseradish-festooned vacuum cleaner lamp."

"Stalin: Your cows never existed."

[Fragony]

Sicilian model, you have two cows, it would be a shame if somehting happened to them.

[spmetla]

Caesar II:
You have two cows, more cows are needed.....more cows are needed.....more cows are needed.....more cows are needed.....

Diablo:
You have two cows but you're no milk maid.

I'll get my coat...

[naut]

Another Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government says you must learn to play the harmonica.

300: You have two cows. AND THIS IS THE FARMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!

[TosaInu]

Stronghold: here comes the cow.

[Andres]

Belgium: you have to cows. They are united. In order to keep the two cows united, you partially split them up and you create sub cows which are basically the same two cows, which form one unitary cow, but they are only split concerning their milk. Than, you create new sub cows, which are basically again the same two cows, but now they are split concerning their booo's, now, not exactly, one cow says booo... the other says beuh... You also create a third sub cow, actually, two third sub cows, the one belonging in the first category of sub cows, the other one to the second category of sub cows. Both third sub cows are related and situated in the original two cows, but aren't really the same. Within one of these sub cows, the second form of sub cows are situated as sub sub cows, also, for some reason, the second form of sub cows reunite again and form a different form of sub sub cow within one of the third form of sub cows . In the end you still have two cows, organised in a system of nine sub or sub sub cows. One third of the population is needed to make this system work, but surprisingly, it doesn't work. You end up living in the country with the most tax paying population of the world. But, the cows give beer, so you don't really care.

[Beirut]

Canada: You have two cows. Your neighbour comes over and says, "Hey, nice cows."

cough...

[Fragony]

Netherlands You are a cow. You are being milked.

[naut]

Denmark: You have two cows. The Middle East won't buy your milk and cheese.

[Abokasee]

RTW Blue Lotus: You have 2 cows, they are sacred to you because you are playing the indian faction, the 1050 stronge bears wolfs and eagle rebels kill your 760 strong army on the 4th turn, 11th turn 1 cow dies and his calf becomes faction leader even though his stats are a supreme failer, he is killed by Demons and the other cow has a son which dies in next turn along with the cow

Surrealism: You have 1512 Flamingos, they are armed with AK 101's and worship the camel king who has a Enfeild Bolt Action Rifle and 4 grayhound body guard who are armed with L85 and can wall hack

Black & White: You have 2 cows, you feed 1 to your giant cow and sacrifice the other so you can cast a fire ball to throw at the enemy town

Black & White (2): You have 2 cows, you put them both in the storage and wonder why the turn into grain and not meat

Black & White 2: You have 2 cow, they bitch and moan about theres no multi-player

Black & White 2 Battle Of the Gods: You have 2 cows, there still moaning, but you send one to the abatoir and set the other on fire,

COMMUNISM -- CHINESE - MAO STYLE: You have two pigs. The government launches a campaign to convince you to donate them "voluntarily" to provide meat for workers in the city. The government then declares that people don't need pigs to make pork. Quoting the correct phrases from your little red book, you and your neighbors try to create pork from sheer willpower. Your local party leader reports that you have exceeded all expectations. Your neighbors starve.

[Kekvit Irae]

Canada: You have two cows. Your neighbour comes over and says, "Hey, nice cows."

cough...

Cananda: You have two cows. Their milk comes in bags.

[Evil_Maniac From Mars]

300: You have two cows. AND THIS IS THE FARMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!

TONIGHT WE DINE ON BEEEEEEFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!


Internet: You see two cows. You realize you forgot to turn off Google Safesearch.



OK, OK, I'm going...