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  1. #1
    Thread killer Member Rodion Romanovich's Avatar
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    Default Germania, AD 16

    March, 16 AD,
    2nd year of the reign of Tiberius Caesar Augustus,
    Morning


    Chapter 1

    It was at the beginning of March, the month of the avenging God, that the legions left their winter camp on the western bank of the Rhine. Like the previous year, the commander known as "Germanicus" was leading them, and he had proven to be worthy of their trust.

    The young man who looked out over the Rhine this morning was however hesitant as he went out on the landing stage. He was sunk into dreams, his eyes glistening, focused on something far away.

    The men in front of him could not recognize him, he thought. But they would wonder why he had requested to be transferred from the 14th to the 2nd. They would also ask him for his name.

    As he stepped into the boat, he raised his shield as if to hide behind it, trying to slip away into a corner. They would find the gesture odd, but leave him alone after a quick glance. The plan would have worked, had it not been for a wet spot on the wooden platform. Just as he stepped into the boat, his other foot lost contact with the ground and he almost fell headlong. He regained his balance at the last moment by lowering his shield.

    "I've been revealed", he thought, but the men around him were quiet. Only the nearest two of them had bothered turning their eyes toward him, even though he had made a very loud noise in the silent morning.

    Thankful but surprised, he slipped away into a corner as he had planned, and sat down.

    About the reason for his transfer, he could always lie. Yes, he was not a good liar, but if he kept repeating the same story no matter how false it sounded, they would stop asking eventually.

    His name, however, was another story. He could not lie about it, he could not change it. It was written down in several places; his commanders could find it if they wanted to.

    Aemilius Varus. Sharing the same surname as the man who had destroyed three legions was not a good omen for the religious around him, and nor was it a good reminder for those of a stoic mind.

    The boat had left the shore now. He could feel it rolling heavily even on the small waves on the river.

    Only now did he start looking at the things around him. Most of the men in his boat were younger than himself. Immediately, his confidence rose. Yes, now it would be different than last time.

    His transfer had come at the cost of degradation. Formerly a leader of a hundred men, he was now a hidden nobody in the middle of the formation. The man who worked for his pay until the day of his retirement, and then disappeared never to be found again, never to be asked for or missed by the other soldiers. And he had almost begun to come to terms with this fate.

    Now, however, his mind drifted off to greater things. He was aborted by the voice of the centurion. He had an unnaturally bright, cracked voice, making him sound like he was still fourteen even though he looked above twenty. Aemilius could not help feeling a strong sense of disgust over his every move, as he raised his hand and waved to them to call for their attention, then accompanying his words with rather empty, but extremely animated gestures.

    "Upon landing, remember to assemble in a line on the shore, right between the men from the boat to the left, and the one to the right. I don't think there will be any enemies on the shore, but if there are, we must be ready."

    Perhaps you should comment the terrain too, as if we can't see that for ourselves, thought Aemilius, but tried to calm down. The thought of having this man in his position, yes, his position, he thought, was not an as great humiliation as what he had suffered in the 14th.

    "Any questions? We have done this before, but perhaps I should rehearse the procedure. If anybody has any problems with equipment, the others will fill the line in their spot - we must hold our formation and be ready for combat even if the slowest among us aren't. However, to make sure nobody feigns equipment problem to avoid fighting - if there is any - remember that there is a punishment for being too slow off the boat. So get ready now."

    Aemilius could see the other shore now, as it came out of the distant haze. The air smelled exactly the same way as the last time they got here. Almost like burning flesh and smog from the coal of the hearths were the barbarians were making their food.

    He did as the centurion had said: grabbed his pila, made sure the gladius was on his side. The pugio was in its sheath. Though he doubted it would ever be of any use, the most sadistic centurions had a habit of always looking for missing legionary daggers when they were drunk, or in a bad mood. It was a perfect excuse for using the "disciplinary measures".

    The boat came to a halt as its front touched the soft ground, sliding up a few feet onto the Germanic earth. And he jumped over the railing, waded through the shallow water, and half-ran to the spot where they would assemble.

    This time, he arrived at his spot first. The 2nd was not as well trained as the 14th, he thought. These were all green recruits: even though the centurion seemed to know his theory, Aemilius didn't expect him to show any bravery as soon as it would come to battle.

    Standing still, looking forward straight into the clearing ahead of him (the forest had been cleared here during last year's campaign, to create a safe spot for disembarking), he could hear the sound of metal to metal as the other legionaries assembled on his side and behind him. Casting a glance to his side, he could see a frightened-looking young man with black bristles, who immediately turned away his face when his eyes met Aemilius'. Beyond him, was a short man with a grim, broad face, but with a half open mouth. Next to him stood a giant, who looked even taller when standing next to the "dwarf". This was certainly good proof of what he had thought of before: the new centurion was a theoretic. The giant and the dwarf together would create a weakness in the formation, they would form an excellent gap for the Germanic axes, and the giant would have difficulties seeing the dwarf's shield and aligning it with his own.

    In a sudden rush of bravery, he put his hand on the shoulder of the frightened-looking man next to him.

    "My name is Aemilius Varus, what is yours?" He smiled broadly, and the young man answered with a nervous smile but looked more like he was pulling a wry face.

    "Fulvius Sempronius", the young man replied.

    In a sadistic rush of malicious pleasure, he continued:

    "My uncle led 3 legions to their death". Again, he smiled broadly, exaggerating the expression. "Right here, on the eastern shore of the Rhine." The young man was looking around him nervously, unsure what to reply. "And I will soon lead this centurion." The uncertain man made another attempt at smiling, and nodded, looking away to end the conversation.

    Yes, now it was done. There was no point in hiding it. Better get it over with. The men in the rank behind him would have heard it as well, and the rumor would spread. Nothing more to worry about.

    The centurion arrived in front of them, last. Aemilius, now in a good mood, could not resist the temptation of pointing it out:

    "We were slow, weren't we? Perhaps the one who arrived last needs to be taught more about the discipline of roman legions?"

    The centurion went dead silent, looking at Aemilius with a stiff face. He was hesitating. Aemilius decided this was worth remembering.

    "You would do well to remember who is in command of these 100 men", he finally responded, with uncertainty in his voice. Mostly, the men succeeded in holding back their laughter, and the centurion could ignore them without committing breach of duty.

    Aemilius smiled, as he turned towards the grizly forest, then toward the leader of the cohort.

    In the fog, Aemilius could hear the trumpets signalling "all clear". Mechanically, the 100 men begun to move, joining the other centuria of the cohort, forming a column to begin marching deeper inside the forest. Relieved, Aemilius realized that the 2nd hadn't received the tedious task of building a castrum to protect the ships at the clearing. Instead, they would march into the darkness ahead, through the marshes, forests and ridges of Germania.

    (to be continued)
    Under construction...

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  2. #2
    Thread killer Member Rodion Romanovich's Avatar
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    Default Re: Germania, AD 16

    Chapter 2

    Germanicus had ordered full advance in separate groups, with cavalry scouting ahead. The infantry would not gather until the late evening, building a castrum each night, even if it would slow down the advance considerably.

    Not far from the landing spot lay a small village. Burnt out and largely abandoned since a previous punitive expedition, it was now mostly a home for brigands and thieves trying to escape roman or barbarian law, and they would usually run away at the slightest sign of trouble.

    As Aemilius' centuria approached the village a few hours after the crossing, he could see that it would not be the case this time.

    From the forest, he could spot one man, three women and a small infant in the clearing.

    "Germanic burnt out villages are not as beautiful as ruins of eastern cities", he thought, "but they're always good to find a place to sit".

    He was awakened from his thoughts by the centurion, who, again with a broken, shrill voice, addressed the hundred of them:

    "We will move into the village and take prisoners!" he announced.

    Aemilius sighed. Was the centurion out of his mind, or did he have bad vision - or both? What good would the capture of a number thieves, one of them with a child, do for the war? He shock his head.

    "We will split into three groups", continued the centurion with enthusiasm in his voice. "Each will advance on the village from different directions. If anyone tries to escape, use your weapons." After a short pause, he added: "I suppose you know how to use them?" with a so mechanical smile, that it looked as if he had practised it from reading a book on rhetoric - but without using a mirror.

    The advance was quick, suddenly out of nowhere three groups of 33 men approached the village and surrounded the man, the women, and the infant. The man held a small wooden stick, one of the women held a small rock in her hand. The other two women held the infant between them, one of them in the bossom and the other protecting it with her body, but they stood so close together that it was impossible to tell who was actually holding the child, at least from where Aemilius stood.

    The centurion smiled broadly as he stepped forward into the little circle that had been formed around the "enemy", who had not yet given the slightest sign of putting up a fight.

    "Well done!" said the centurion addressing each of the three groups of legionaries in turn. "Well done!" His voice was triumphant. "Well done!" Then he turned towards the surrounded, deliberately slowly - at least Aemilius got the impression that this was just another move learnt from a book about rhetorics. He looked more ridiculous than dramatic, as he finally turned his gaze to the man, the women and the infant.

    "You have been surrounded by a centuria of the 2nd legion", he begun with a solemn voice. "I must ask you in the name of Tiberius Claudius Nero Caesar Augustus, imperator, pater patriae, consul and tribune, that you put down your weapons without a fight or we will take them from you with violence."

    "You forgot pontifex maximus", Aemilius pointed out, trying to keep a straight face in the ridiculous situation. The centurion had talked so slowly when he mentioned all the emperor's titles, that the entire situation became even more absurd. The legionaries burst out into a loud, roaring laughter and the "giant" that Aemilius recognized from the river bank on the morning gave him a friendly, encouraging pat on the shoulder.

    The centurion, worried by the sudden to him inexplicable laughter, went red with rage:

    "This time I can't avoid using the disciplinary measures", he yelled, boiling with fury, turning to Aemilius, but lowering his gaze unable to look into the man's steady, calm eyes. Instead, he turned towards "the dwarf", and kept his eyes on him as he continued:

    "I will half your rations for three days!"

    "For such serious crimes as laughter, there's always decimatio", responded Aemilius for the dwarf, who was looking frightened at the threat, and who had only joined the previous laughter reluctantly. Again, laughter broke out, and this time, the "dwarf" laughed heartily too.

    The centurion turned to the man, the women, and the infant, who had all silently looked at the madness with surprise in their faces. Now the man opened his mouth:

    "I don't speak latin", he said slowly, with a horrible accent. Aemilius was inclined to believe his words. But the centurion, already angry with the previous scene, ordered the legionaries to draw their swords to "convince the prisoners not to resist". He couldn't possibly have chosen to give a more disastrous order. The barbarian with the wooden stick rushed forward and managed to hit a legionary in the head before being simultanously stabbed by three gladii, and the women with the stone soon met a similar fate, after hitting the centurion in the head with her sharp stone. The woman with the infant tried to run through a small gap in the encirclement, but one of the soldiers, trained too mechanically, instinctively erected his arm with the sword, and the woman was impaled through the chest, her baby falling out of her arms onto the hard ground. It cried once, then went silent, its eyes staring at the sky. The last woman had thrown herself to the ground, entering fetal pose, and she was the only of the five to survive.

    (to be continued)

    ===

    CC level 5 please!
    Last edited by Rodion Romanovich; 09-02-2007 at 19:49.
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  3. #3
    Thread killer Member Rodion Romanovich's Avatar
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    Default Re: Germania, AD 16

    Criticism request:

    Seeing as there's no spontaneous criticism, I'll ask a few direct feedback questions. This is my very first story where I experiment with complexity, flaws and irrationality in characters, and in breaking up narrative passages in smaller pieces. It is also one of my first experiments with writing less explicitly, with more details hidden either between the lines, or to be explained later in the story, in order to attempt to awaken curiosity in the reader. I don't know if my pretty direct applications of these techniques to my previous writing style is satisfactory, or if it just sounds messy.

    Feedback questions:
    1. did you think the psychology of the main character felt realistic?
    2. what do you think of the main character from a moral standpoint? On a scale 1-10, with 1=villain, 10=hero, and 5=normal person, where would you put him?
    3. in question 2, how certain are you that your assessment of the character's morality is correct? On a scale 1-5, with 1=uncertain, 5=certain. If you answered 1-2, do you think this is a bad thing for the story?
    4. are you curious to find out about what happened to the main character in the 14th legion? Are you curious to find out more about the main character's future? If no, why do you think this is?
    5. do you feel sorry about the centurion, do you dislike him, or are you not sure what to think of him yet?
    6. did you notice any unexpected turn of events, that felt unrealistic or surprising in a non-convincing way? On the other extreme, did you notice any event that was too predictable? If so, what event?
    7. were you disappointed that there has still not been any battle or similar action scene, i.e. has the story been too slow so far?
    8. did I write anything so unclear that the lack of clarity ruined the story in some way?
    Last edited by Rodion Romanovich; 09-04-2007 at 18:38.
    Under construction...

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  4. #4
    Professional Cynic Member Innocentius's Avatar
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    Default Re: Germania, AD 16

    1. did you think the psychology of the main character felt realistic?

    Of course, why not? The human mind is capable of virtually anything.

    2. what do you think of the main character from a moral standpoint? On a scale 1-10, with 1=villain, 10=hero, and 5=normal person, where would you put him?

    I've read to Ch. 5, and this far he doesn't seem like that much of a "bad guy" yet. Sure, he's a bit provocative, but he keeps most of his resentment towards others to himself, thus not hurting them. Aditionally, he actually tries to help the less experienced soldiers (I figured that he had at least some fighting experience, but I might be incorrect) and prepare them for fight, so I'd probably say 5-6 ATM.

    3. in question 2, how certain are you that your assessment of the character's morality is correct? On a scale 1-5, with 1=uncertain, 5=certain. If you answered 1-2, do you think this is a bad thing for the story?

    3, and no, I don't think it's a bad thing for the story.

    4. are you curious to find out about what happened to the main character in the 14th legion? Are you curious to find out more about the main character's future? If no, why do you think this is?

    I'm curious about his past - his future will (hopefully) be revealed as the story go along, or do you mean future like "50 years later"? However, I think hints about his past should be given subtly.

    5. do you feel sorry about the centurion, do you dislike him, or are you not sure what to think of him yet?

    I feel pretty sorry for him. He's just trying to do what is expected of him, yet he fails at it.

    6. did you notice any unexpected turn of events, that felt unrealistic or surprising in a non-convincing way? On the other extreme, did you notice any event that was too predictable? If so, what event?

    A few things surprised me, like how Cnaeus was (supposedly) killed so early on (the characters who have their names revealed early on tend to be the most important ones), which I think was a good move on your side.

    7. were you disappointed that there has still not been any battle or similar action scene, i.e. has the story been too slow so far?

    Definitely not. I think retelling of battles is quite lame; I'm more interested in the psychology of people, and especially the darker sides of the human mind (like war).

    8. did I write anything so unclear that the lack of clarity ruined the story in some way?

    Nope.


    Also, do you mind if steal your concept of asking the reader questions? I don't get too many comments on my own story
    It's not easy being a man, you know. I had to get dressed today... And there are other pressures.

    - Dylan Moran

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  5. #5
    Thread killer Member Rodion Romanovich's Avatar
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    Default Re: Germania, AD 16

    Chapter 3

    A few hours after they left the village, with the captured woman in irons, Aemilius' good mood started to gradually fade out. He felt his head aching, his hands trembling, his gaze getting dizzy. His forehead was hot, as in fever. His eyes drifted to the marching feet of the soldier in front of him, and the mud on the ground; he could no longer see the sky or the trees. He felt a need to vomit, a need to hide and draw the shield over him again, covering himself, his body, his face, entering a fetal position and closing his eyes until time and space had dissolved around him.

    When they stopped for lunch in a small clearing halfway up a hill, he was surprised to see himself giving his entire ration to the "dwarf", then turning his back to him, walking away before the man had time to thank him.

    He sat down on a small rock an arrow shot from the clearing, and stared out into the deep forest, his eyes empty, wandering over rough tree bark, a grey-brown anthill, and a bunch of ferns.

    He had lost control again, stepping over the line, carried away by his good mood.

    The centurion would inform the cohort commander in the evening, and he would be degraded, thrown out of service, or humiliated in front of the others. The cohort commander would not know that his only crime was causing laughter, and that his comments were comparatively innocent: that he just couldn't resist his urge to joke or cast amusing comments when he had the chance.

    He had failed to gain respect from the others. They had laughed, yes, but only reluctantly. It was a well-known fact that in a revolt, insubordinance or similar event, the men often encourage the usurper early on, but then turn away from him at the last moment. As a sadistic pleasure, they encourage him to walk right towards his own destruction, turning away at the last moment, literally or proverbially, pretending they knew nothing of it when the commanders inquiry them. And even if they did, it was only the leader - to what extent a leader and single responsible man can be indentified in a situation of unrest caused by a suffering that was experienced by all of them - who was punished. If a legion revolts and the revolt is queezed, they can't afford to execute 6,000 men, and nor will they leave it entirely unpunished, even though it is either all or none of them who are guilty.

    Aemilius could remember hearing about a legion which had revolted because the men hadn't received their pay. The lack of pay had affected all of them, but only three men had been courageous enough to speak of it at first. The revolt took many months to queeze, and it did in fact not end until the senate had finally handed out the promised payments. Thus the very cause of the rebellion having been eliminated, the entire legion laid down their weapons and swore a renewed oath of loyalty to the senate (this was back in the time of the Republic). Also the three men who had begun talking about the missing money, had obediently surrendered and regretted the incident. They had been rewarded by execution.

    Aemilius shuddered, struck by panic. Looking at his hands, he realized that the cold weather was not enough to cause him to tremble so greatly.

    He had no true friends here, he thought.

    Nobody would defend him if things went rough.

    "You can see it in the way they laugh", he thought. The uncertain - disgustingly uncertain - laughter. If they would just be scared enough by a superior tommorrow, they would not hesitate to turn towards him, laughing, or even worse: yelling and whistling at him like the mob in the gladiatorial arenas: "Death, death, death!", as the plebians used to scream when a man had not fought bravely enough for their taste.

    What did they ever know about bravery? Aemilius thought with contempt. A man who rotated his sword in the air in a ridiculous but aesthetic way was brave, even if he - quite predictably - lost. But a man who, faced by two opponents at the same time after losing all his team mates in a team fight, chancing a dangerous rush with lowered garde towards one of his two enemies to try to either even up the odds or die, he was a coward because he managed to stab the first opponent in the back while he was half turned away, just because his chance-taking had succeeded. Then, losing against the remaining opponent, the plebians would turn their thumbs down and scream for his blood, because he was a "coward".

    Then there was the envy. These green recruits were the worst of the worst when it came to experience. Nothing would be more scary to them than a leader better than themselves. His constantly worried gaze, as he tried to conduct his duty like a good servant of all of the men he led, would only remind them of the dangers he was leading them to, and that they wanted to forget. Even if the men in his centuria in the 14th had lost fewer men under his command than during the predecessor, Publius, and the successor, Gaius, they had not been thankful. As soon as they knew he would leave them, they had gotten themselves drunk beyond reason and celebrated his transfer, and yelling after him not to show himself in front of them ever again.

    Aemilius finally got to his feet, hesitantly walking back towards the clearing. His throat was sore with dehydration, his feet aching, his hunger deafening. His hatred towards the cowardice would not make him popular, he had already experienced that more than once. It has always been the case that men chose to put the most pointless of friendships - talking about trivial things like the weather or the sore feet they all had and all knew the others had - over righteousness.

    He sat down next to the frightened-looking man from the river bank, who turned towards him with a frightened gaze, and a surprised, half-expectant smile. He remember the contempt he had felt when looking at the man that morning, but he also knew to suppress the contempt when he talked:

    "The bread tastes good after a day on the march, eh?" he said, smiling towards the young man. The boy returned the smile, a youthful, innocent smile, and nodded quickly, eagerly on the verge of embarassing, too glad that someone took the responsibility to break the painful silence. Four other men turned their faces towards Aemilius, they too with expectation in their eyes.

    They haven't got to know each other yet, thought Aemilius. "Perhaps I still have a chance to gain their trust, and their friendship". Despite the contempt he felt, he smiled back to the boy in a calm, expressionless way, so that he would neither make the boy feel uncertain, nor make those of the four others who found the boy's expression ridiculous, feel that he moralized over their contempt.

    Slowly, Aemilius sensed his hope was returning to him.

    "Funny man, that centurion", Aemilius continued, trying to look as innocent as possible while saying it, then changing subject again, quickly: "I wonder when the first battle will take place, don't you?"

    The young men nodded, happy to let him handle all the talking to begin with. They would get more courageous when they talked to him alone, thought Aemilius, during the march. And when they gathered again for dinner tonight, some of them would dare taking a more active part in the talking - and feel thankful towards Aemilius for helping them break their silence and dare to admit that they liked the others in the small group, and were prepared to soon become their friends. They still knew each other so little that they had no yet passed the stage of contempt for each other, and fear of showing the weakness - as it was often perceived among youths - of initiating a friendly relation.

    "Not today", Aemilius mumbled in response to his own question, sweeping his eyes over each of the four of them in turn, trying a more serious expression in his face. "Our crossing of the Rhine was too quick and unexpected. But perhaps, tomorrow."

    (to be continued)
    Last edited by Rodion Romanovich; 09-04-2007 at 21:19.
    Under construction...

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  6. #6
    Speaker of Truth Senior Member Moros's Avatar
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    Default Re: Germania, AD 16

    Sometimes a simley can say more than one word....

  7. #7
    Kanto Kanrei Member Marshal Murat's Avatar
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    Default Re: Germania, AD 16

    A little bit light for my taste. While it is good, I'm failing to see any reason behind his actions. Is it to retrieve his family name, to defeat some murderous German leader? I'm not getting his motivation for being in the legion and fighting for Rome.
    Last edited by Marshal Murat; 09-08-2007 at 02:54.
    "Nietzsche is dead" - God

    "I agree, although I support China I support anyone discovering things for Science and humanity." - lenin96

    Re: Pursuit of happiness
    Have you just been dumped?

    I ask because it's usually something like that which causes outbursts like this, needless to say I dissagree completely.

  8. #8
    Thread killer Member Rodion Romanovich's Avatar
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    Default Re: Germania, AD 16

    Quote Originally Posted by Marshal Murat
    A little bit light for my taste. While it is good, I'm failing to see any reason behind his actions. Is it to retrieve his family name, to defeat some murderous German leader? I'm not getting his motivation for being in the legion and fighting for Rome.
    That was one of the ideas... it may have been a bad idea...

    I had intended to make it more clear in later chapters why he was there.

    ===

    Thanks for the feedback to both of you!
    Last edited by Rodion Romanovich; 09-09-2007 at 12:30.
    Under construction...

    "In countries like Iran, Saudi Arabia and Norway, there is no separation of church and state." - HoreTore

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