Alright, last time I posted, I abandoned almost all hope of resolving this peacefully. About a week ago, a call to Geek Squad resulted in what appeared to be a very short and unproductive conversation with a seemingly apathetic GS employee. However, today was different.

Yesterday, my parents got a cryptic call from Best Buy where the caller stated that a system restore was in order. Today, I fully expected a long (futile) conversation with the manager about policies and ethics. Instead, I got this:
An HP pavilion dv6500. To be honest, this is not the best laptop in the world, but it was the best I could get for the swap policy. Oh well. I'm happy.

One more thing: How the heck do you REMOVE the remote from the express card slot? I mean other than picking it out with a thin sharp object. I truly cannot find the eject button.