Dear Pizzaguy (Bad news today) and forum board

[Shahed]

I'm sorry for your loss mate.

That's too bad bro but remember women are an ABUNDANT commodity. There are many more out there for you, more than you can imagine. So many in fact that you cannot fall in love with all of them in a lifetime.

Stay clear of any substances, do not abuse yourself. Hit the gym, spend time alone and clear everything negative from your mind. Process and end the relationship inside yourself. Do something symbolic like get rid of all her pictures, and anything else you have from her.

It may be worth it to remain friends but if you could not trust her, don't expect anything from her.

Most importantly learn all you can from the experience. Tell us more, what happened etc. Feel free to let it all out, that's best. Talk to those who care about you. Ofc we are all here and you can post anything to us in complete confidence. Build your support group and be with people tha you can feel comfortable with.

Be good to yourself, and treat yourself right. Keep yourself busy building yourself and your life, but remember that you HAVE to spend time alone in solitude to correctly process the breakup otherwise it will always be there like a scar in your emotions. Release it and do anything and everything you have to do to build forward. You cannot change the past but you can change the future.

Heal yourself, rearm and MARCH ONWARD.

[Andres]

Sorry to hear that Bud.

From my personal experience, breaking all contact is the best you can do. No phone calls, no chat on the internet and if you see her, just ignore her completely, don't talk to her.

It usually takes three months without any contact whatsoever and the first few weeks will suck big time, but believe me, it's the best you can do.

Afterwards, you will be a much stronger person.

And as Sinan said: the gym is much better then alcohol or cigarettes. Build some muscles while you are trying to get over this, it'll come in handy once you are ready to go hunting again

[Budwise]

Yes, all that no contact stuff makes a lot of sence but unfortunately I have to work with her. At work yesterday she told me how he just came over and how they were talking and then admited later she had sex for the third time after that.

I couldn't hear the question but she was talking to the, well lets just say, dirtiest girl at work and she said "VERY GOOD" in a emphasis and the other person then said as she was leaving on how jealous she was.

Shes all nice to me trying to offer me sex for forgiveness and still being friends but like you all said I shouldn't and probably won't do. SHe was crying the night before on how stupid she was for doing this and how she regrets it and I know how women fall hard for a guy who makes sex with them. I think she does feel bad in a way but I am not really sure.

I, although not really hurt anymore but just feeling betrayed and angry for being used/lied too/nagged at/told everything I did was wrong, feel that I need the truth would help me which she has not been kind in giving me.

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There is also a girl who I posted about a while ago that I really like but just to weeks earlier my now ex-gf decided to tell her whole family how crazy I was and now they lost interest in me completely. I am also interested with a girl from Vietnam that I posted about before named Naw but I would need my ex-gf's help in getting her and that would be very very hard. I summited a picture for your viewing

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

In that one, shes the one next to my exgirlfriend.

The girl in Vietnam I barely knew but when my exgirlfriend was having her fortune read to her, I was watching on how she was playing with the flowers and I knew from this weird feeling, that she and not the girl on my girlfriends "OTHER SIDE, the girl that I was supposed to help" come to America and end up being my wife for real. The truth is is that that really saddened me at the time but the more I think about it, the more I really would like to help her, I just wish I didn't need Liens help to do so.

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As a whole, I am planning on going over there again to her house again today but I told her about it in advance to see what will happen and will probably talk for an hour or four. The part that hurt is that I cried for the first time since I was eight years old on the phone the night earlier and she cried too and when I came over in the morning, he was there. SHe said on the phone that she was going to cut him out and cut me out and make a quick choice but she failed to do so and she then made me feel bad by taking his side 100% saying we have been done for a long time and so on. I then gave him a tape recorded conversation between her and I that she said that she still loved me and can't pick but I don't know how that went over. He would have to be dumb to stay but I bet he won't stay long with her, shes just too hard to be around.

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In conclusion, I am just one of the few guys who believes in manogamy in a relationship and wants to mate for life. I don't want to share my woman nor have her share me. I was planning on forgiving her this one time but now I told her that she would have to sit down in front of us both and pick in front of us by friday and she balks at the idea and says she needs time/more thinking/more time with him/ect. I explained that this isn't picking something out at a grocery store and she doesn't have the option of time, today will decide if I give a crap or not.

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I guess what hurts the most is that I saved her from losing her home helping for free on the second job, helping her with the devorce, helping her here and there and she used to help me with a lot of stuff too. SHe used to be the best friend I ever had and now she mostly ignored me toward the end at work and now at homelife too. I just feel so betrayed, if she told me instead of me just finding out on my own, I would have been okay with it but she lied so many times.

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I know that this isn't the real Lien that I used to know, but with all the stress from the devorce and work and this and that, she can't really be with me without feeling aweful. I mean she still feels bad for her exhusband for attacking me and going to prison, she still is angry at the fact that we argue too much. She hates the fact that I don't "Impress" her friends like I used to and come of crazy sometimes according to her. But she is talking to me and does call me instead of the other way around. Honestly, I think she finally chose to get off the pot rather than ____. However, I do know that this guy will hurt her and she will learn a valuable lesson but I won't be a second best guy anymore. If she doesn't pick me I am done being her boyfriend when this guy leaves her. I hate to say this but I am intolerant to a certain culture even knowing I have tried hard to accept them, I just can't and this guy is one of them so it hurts just that much more that he discrased my girlfriend this way to me. I do regret what I did to her house as I moved out and kinda, sorta, not really regret telling almost everyone that she cheated on me and with what kind of a person and all her asian friends dislike that "certain" culture even more than I do. God, what a mess.

[Odin]

My opinion is not going to be very concillitory so if your looking for a slap on the back and "it will be okay" you should read this.

Your a nice guy Budwise, you deserve better then what you got, yet you have proclaimed you saw it coming, and you seem to still be considering a relationship with this person.

A guy like you should have no problem finding a faithful woman, your considerate, generous and friendly. You are also apart of the problem. Your falling deeper into the hole of this drama and you can see it happening, you must gather yourself, harden if need be and determine whats best for you.

Sometimes in life you must put yourself before others, even if it isnt your nature. You are not helping this female evolve as a person. Forgiveness is devine, but in my opinion is overrated.

A fresh start is what you need my friend, its her loss from what I know of you here (your a very nice guy), make the cut and move on.

[Budwise]

It was a little harder than that, I stayed for a while just because she would have lost her house without my help and now that this guy is in her life, shes planning on losing her house which will break my promise to her daughter who hates me as well as her brothers and sisters for saving my life by pushing her dad out of the way when he had to butcher knife and I was unarmed and didn't see the knife comming. I believe I am just too nice and forgiving and her friends turned her into something she wasn't or unsuppressed what she is now.

As far as that girl in Vietnam, I really like who she is inside and she wouldn't pull this kind of crap to me. Also, its been my life's dream of taking a girl who has NOTHING and helping her as well as myself have a better life. I did that with Lien and it backfired, I hope it doesn't happen again. Like I said before, when I met Lien, her husband and her fought all the time as well and he used to abuse her constantly. When I told her that she was beautiful it went to her head and now she uses it for granted.

[Budwise]

A fresh start is what you need my friend, its her loss from what I know of you here (your a very nice guy), make the cut and move on.

The funny thing is, I am socially acceptible. Unlike a lot of computer people I actually try to enjoy life but money restrictions has made me cut back a lot on that. Their is a girl at work that really does like me and I did ask her out for a future date and she said yes. Shes overweight but no previous boyfriends or any baggage of any type so thats a plus. I told her I wanted to be friends first but wanted more later due to not wanting to hurt her due to rebound or this Lien crap sorts out. I am living proof after loosing a hundred pounds that weight is easy to lose, an exhusband (Lien again) or a new fling is not.

[Odin]

The funny thing is, I am socially acceptible. Unlike a lot of computer people I actually try to enjoy life but money restrictions has made me cut back a lot on that. Their is a girl at work that really does like me and I did ask her out for a future date and she said yes. Shes overweight but no previous boyfriends or any baggage of any type so thats a plus. I told her I wanted to be friends first but wanted more later due to not wanting to hurt her due to rebound or this Lien crap sorts out. I am living proof after loosing a hundred pounds that weight is easy to lose, an exhusband (Lien again) or a new fling is not.

Your response is again centered around someone else your persuing. Not only that your trying to add value to her with the no previous boyfriends etc.

What i would like to see is a post about what makes Budwise happy, what is he doing for himself, excluding females from the equation.

[Budwise]

Good question because its 6:41 am and I only slept for two hours. The truth is computer gaming helped for a while but not so much anymore. Thats been my problem is that I wrap myself up around a girl and start to like what she likes. For instance, I am really into the cambodian dancing and music but I won't enjoy going without someone whos cambodian.

Its sad, I can't really answer that. I am just the type of person who works hard to build a family/future and believes in working together to achieve that.

[Budwise]

There is also a girl who I posted about a while ago that I really like but just to weeks earlier my now ex-gf decided to tell her whole family how crazy I was and now they lost interest in me completely.

Additional Information. My girlfriend to add to this showed pictures of the damage that I did when I found out she was cheating, WTF did she do that for. DOesn't she know that if I went out with someone new I could get over her easier.

SHes trying to force me to go out with "The Fat Girl" at work and I am just screaming no on that one.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Dear Budwise

Only you could pull me out of retirement!

I've never been cheated on, but I can tell you that I have been lied to. My very first girlfriend lied to me about why we werent spending time together. She said she was grounded by her parents but then I saw her out with her friends.

Turns out she was losing interest in me, but didn't have the balls to tell me.

Well of course I had to break it off then and there, and it came as a shock to me because we seemed like we were having fun, and NOW I find out she'd been lying to me, and THEN I had to do the "honors" of breaking it off.

But my bad experiences with women don't end there.

Would it surprise you to know that I have asked out many women, and ALWAYS gotten a "no" answer? And I could handle that... but check out how those "no" answers really sucked.

First time, I asked out a co-worker I really got along with and I was friends with. She drove me home one evening... I asked her out... she said... "uh, lets be friends, we're friends, right?"

The next day she declared to the whole work crew that she was a lesbian. Yes, apparently being asked out by me was enough to convince her that she needed the world to know that she didn't like men. Fair enough.

Next time I ask out a girl, she kind of laughs and walks away. A week later, I find out she didn't think I was serious, and went "thanks, but no".

You didn't have to keep me hanging for a week, you
I'm so glad you think my attempts at romance are a joke.

Next girl I ask out, I send her flowers anonymously. I tell her she's the most wonderful girl I've met, and she brightens everyone's day. I don't work with her again for three days, so I feel that when I get back, I can pull her aside, tell her I sent the flowers, and ask her if she wants to spend some time together outside of work.

Turns out, she loved the flowers. And some creep at work took credit for sending them. So she went out with him that night, SLEPT WITH HIM, and he used her and left her. She was so crushed that she QUIT HER JOB.

I never saw her again.

My friends, women are the greatest mystery to me. I will never have the panache to make relationships easily. All of the women in my life have either been responses to personal ads, or women who have asked ME out (few that they are).

So Budwise, I don't know what to tell you buddy. When it comes to love, and women, your heart gets exposed, you go out on a limb, and it friggin breaks almost every single time.

It sucks royally if you really got close to the person. However, my friend, look at life this way: If you died tomorrow, would you have regret all those days and nights you spent with this woman? Were there happy times? Were there passionate times? Were there romantic times? Did you laugh together? Did you feel appreciated?

In spite of the way things ended up, you did find with this woman at least temporary happiness, and in this world, that is not so easy to find. There are many guys out there, like myself, who have trouble even finding temporary, isolated patches of happiness. Some guys are so awkward and unfortunate looking that they never find happiness. So treasure every moment.

Even though my first girlfriend lied to me, and I had to do the fun job of breaking up because she was too chicken to do it... I still treasured the moments. Our first date, all the hugs, the kisses on the cheek, the evening we lay out under the stars in front of her high school...

Life sucks sometimes. But if you can pick up little pieces of joy in this world of pain, and wipe them off, and put them in your memory and treasure them, then things arent so bad.

Even if the mother of your children divorces you after 10 good years and 5 bad years of marriage.... you got 10 good years, my friend. And children.

That's better than the average these days. Cherish what you can get, remember the good times, try your best to make it last, but sometimes it is out of your hands and you can't make "forever" happen.

You will get over this woman and find another one, provided you dont start trying to hide the pain with alcohol, drugs, or any other kind of addiction, like food.

Cry it out, drown it in one bottle of scotch, like the man above said. Then pick up the pieces and move on. dont rush things, just let them heal.

Lean on your friends, and family. They can help you fill a void.

And think about finding a new job because of your situation, unless it pays well and you think its worth saving. Try not to get involved in other people's affairs (literally) because they aren't going to thank you afterward for pointing it out to them.

You can always fill that void with something constructive rather than destructive or addictive. Try doing an excercise regimen every other day or so, or take up a new hobby which can help you meet more people. Whatever tickles your fancy.

That's all I got. I can't make the hurt go away, and I don't advise just forgetting about her, because you can't. All I can say is remember the good times, and use them as an inspiration to heal, get back to where you need to be, and find yourself the true woman you're meant to be with.

Bounce back positively from this, and you will be better for it. Let it eat you alive, and it will only bring you more misery.

Best of luck, budwise.

And to the rest of the Forum crew... thanks for the memories folks. I am glad so many of you enjoyed my blitz runs.

You posted your real photo Budwise... and out of respect for you and this forum... here is my never-before-seen REAL askthepizzaguy photo.

The name is Daniel Albert.

[Shahed]

Hey Daniel ! What do you mean ? you sound like you're going somewhere ?

About women & mystery, NO mystery at all. Women are no freaking mystery. You have to work on understanding their motovations and understanding them. he mistake most guys make is that they don't really understand that women are different from us.

I made the effort after my last breakup for some months, and in the months that followed after that I slept with more women than I ever did in my lifetime. Such are the rewards of making the effort.

I'm in a new city right now and I cannot even decide which woman to go out with. The Indian hostess ? The Pakistani banker ? The Uzbek leathergoods salesgirl ? The Australian HR manager ? The Nepalese receptionist ? The Russian hotel trainee or the four Dutch ones ? The Phillipino optician ? The Croat dentist ? and who else... ahh the Ukrainian student ? The Indonesian barGirl, and my favorite! The Chinese Dutyfree salesgirl !!! Decision made !! I'm calling her!

This is a good starting point: www.venusianarts.com/forum I hope it helps you guys like it helped me, I hope it betters you and through you betters the women you meet.

Mount UP ! WE RIDE !!!!!

[Askthepizzaguy]

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Hey Daniel ! What do you mean ? you sound like you're going somewhere ?

About women & mystery, NO mystery at all. Women are no freaking mystery. You have to work on understanding their motovations and understanding them. he mistake most guys make is that they don't really understand that women are different from us.

I made the effort after my last breakup for 3 months, and in the 3 months that followed after that I slept with more women than I ever did in my lifetime. Such are the rewards of making the effort.

I'm in a new city right now and I cannot even decide which woman to go out with. The Indian hostess ? The Pakistani banker ? The Uzbek leathergoods salesgirl ? The Australian HR manager ? The Nepalese receptionist ? The Russian hotel trainee or the four Dutch ones ? The Phillipino optician ? The Croat dentist ?

I started here: www.venusianarts.com

Mount UP ! WE RIDE !!!!!

I'm in semi-retirement from this forum, Sinan. I've taken a break from M2TW for now. Thanks for the memories!

I'll also have to stand in disagreement on your approach to women. It may be nice to have all those options, but I don't feel that bed-hopping is the right road to be on if you want to end up happy. It's another kind of temporary pleasure, an addiction if you will, that eventually leaves your bed and your heart empty.

But I'm not here to judge or tell others what to do. Just give my advice when asked.

[Strike For The South]

she cheated on you. Dump her and are yall living together? Kick her out and if the guy comes boy politetly tell him to jog on. Maybe Im just old faishoned but its just some girl. There are plenty of other girls and there not all in Nam.

[imnothere]

I too, would like to offer my commiseration. Mine wasn't that bad, but did enough foolish things to turn me off.

It is not so bad to believe in monogamy. Heck, even Matthew 6:24 stated "No one can serve two masters"

Lame jokes aside, do what you have to do to get it out of your system. Perhaps channel all your energy into doing something useful. Remember that, in 20 years time, there is only one person who can look himself in the eyes in the mirror, and that person can say honestly that it has done its best and have not cheat/lied/abuse the relationship. And that person, will be you, Mr. Budwise.

I am sorry that we will not be in person to console you, however please note that you are not alone online, and i am sure that we will happy to listen.

Don't get mad, get even! Show to the world how tough you are by getting back on your feet again - even if just to annoy her. Believe in yourself.

[Slug For A Butt]

I'm getting a bit confused Budwise.
You were distaught when you found out she was cheating (as I would have been), you admit the love has gone, you have been thinking of making the split yourself because it isn't working, you know she taunts you, and you insinuate that she has been freeloading off you. Thats case closed, do the grieving man but move on and make the most of the rest of what life has to offer you mate.
But now you seem to be softening and hoping that she will dump the other guy, see sense and come back to you. You say that she is still your best friend, but my best friend (male or female) would never ever do to me what she has done to you otherwise they would not be my best friend. You almost seem to be finding reasons to forgive and excuse her now, don't do it Budwise.
Before you know it, you'll be sharing a house again (financial plus for her) and all the time you'll be wondering when it's going to happen again. My guess is that it will, and even if it doesn't can you ever trust her again? That sort of shit can eat you up alive. I know, I've been there.
Why don't you try a night or two out with the girl at work? Being fat doesn't make her no fun, it doesn't make her unfunny, it doesn't make her bad company. And maybe company is what you need right now. I'm not saying that you have to be banging by the end of the night, just that maybe you could use some company, and female company might be able to help you get your head round your female problem.

And PizzaDude, brave of you to post a pic. The way you talked, it sounded like your swansong. Moving on to pastures new?

[Samurai Waki]

Man, thats always hard. Leaves you with a bit of a stiff upper lip about women. But hey, look dude, this could in fact be the best thing that has ever happened to you; you might not realize it now, but this could be the thing that sweeps you off your feet and hauls you wherever life takes you. My last girlfriend left me under the pretenses that "I wasn't giving her everything that she needed" I'm not entirely sure what that meant, even to this day, but I was devastated, I was so infatuated with her that I thought life would never get better. Then I meant another young lady, from Italy, we did... things... a lot of things, and then her Visa expired, I was like "Yes, this is the one!" So I followed her to Italy, I mean I left the USA and everything behind so fast you could see the scorch marks on the trail I left behind. Well it just so happened, that when I got to Italy, that I didn't know Italian, and that her father was less than happy about me being there. So boom. I'm stuck in Milan, no food, very little money, and I'm all by myself. Life couldn't get worse, I'd come home with my tail between my legs. No, I wouldn't allow this to happen, I scrap together what money I have and take a train to Venice, I had no idea what I'd do there, but I went anyways because I wanted to see it. So after about a two hour train ride, I show up, its late, I have almost no money, no food, water, shelter. I sleep in a ratty alleyway. The next day I wake up to a couple of Policemen poking at me, they say some things in Italian (still not entirely sure) but I stand up, and say "How did I get here?" the Policeman shrugs and walk off. Well, I guess I could tell you everything. But the short of the story is, I stayed in Europe for the next six months, working here and there, and I had the best time of my life. I was only 17 at that time, so I guess I've grown up a little bit since then (a little bit, only been six years!) but, I eventually made my way home, and I have to say that that I can't regret anything, I had a blast. I'm so glad she dumped me, and made me look like a fool. Now I have two kids, and a wife that I can't stop paying attention too, and it's been nearly two years since we've been going. I mean, this isn't about sex, this is my partner for life, I know that... I am so, so glad everything good and bad that has happened to me, has happened. I hope, everything good and bad that has and will happen to you will make you a much better person, and don't worry you'll find "Her" someday.

[Budwise]

I'm sorry for your loss mate.

That's too bad bro but remember women are an ABUNDANT commodity. There are many more out there for you, more than you can imagine. So many in fact that you cannot fall in love with all of them in a lifetime.

True, but I am kinda sick of white girls (I am white, I can say that) and only Cambodian Women excite me. I only want an Asian and they are in short supply at work.