Dear Pizzaguy (Bad news today) and forum board

[Askthepizzaguy]

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Hey Daniel ! What do you mean ? you sound like you're going somewhere ?

About women & mystery, NO mystery at all. Women are no freaking mystery. You have to work on understanding their motovations and understanding them. he mistake most guys make is that they don't really understand that women are different from us.

I made the effort after my last breakup for 3 months, and in the 3 months that followed after that I slept with more women than I ever did in my lifetime. Such are the rewards of making the effort.

I'm in a new city right now and I cannot even decide which woman to go out with. The Indian hostess ? The Pakistani banker ? The Uzbek leathergoods salesgirl ? The Australian HR manager ? The Nepalese receptionist ? The Russian hotel trainee or the four Dutch ones ? The Phillipino optician ? The Croat dentist ?

I started here: www.venusianarts.com

Mount UP ! WE RIDE !!!!!

I'm in semi-retirement from this forum, Sinan. I've taken a break from M2TW for now. Thanks for the memories!

I'll also have to stand in disagreement on your approach to women. It may be nice to have all those options, but I don't feel that bed-hopping is the right road to be on if you want to end up happy. It's another kind of temporary pleasure, an addiction if you will, that eventually leaves your bed and your heart empty.

But I'm not here to judge or tell others what to do. Just give my advice when asked.

[Shahed]

Hehe, addiction like TW.

Not really... it's about knowing how to approach and court women successfully, but greater than that it's about how to build yourself. It's about how to develop yourself. if you don't know how to approach and court women to your bedroom and how to allow them to love you, you will be empty anyway. Well maybe not, but you will be alone, that is certain.

Not judging anyone, just offering an avenue.

The idea is not to score the most kills but how to actually find a suitable mate, at least that's the idea for me. And if in the meantime I date many, many women, then so be it. I'll only be more experienced, more understanding and more aware, most of all more enriched from the experience. It's definetly enriched me, that's for sure. All of my female friends will tell you they love me much more now than ever before, and it's all thanks to that one woman who completely shattered me, my ex-fiance. Thanks to that breakup, I've recovered and learnt so much.

So thank you Nicolette, for strengthening me, thanks for cheating & thanks for lying & thanks for all the times you hurt me. Because all that pain drove me to better myself and I'm now a far greater man than I ever would have been and I've blossomed from your cruel love.

[Whacker]

Budwise:

Keep your chin up mate, breaking something like this off is always hard to do. Odin has already said everything that I would say. Keep looking, eventually you'll find a gal who'll be good to you and realize you for the great guy you are, and you can reciprocate.

Pizzadude:

You don't have to play the TW games religiously to hang around here. I've given up on CA and the future TW games until they can demonstrate some sense, but I still hang out here w/all the great people that I've gotten to know (like Sinan for example). Besides, I've seen your posts, you could probably give Gregoshi a solid run for the money in terms of coming up with really horrible and hilarious puns. C'mon back, we need more people with insanely good senses of humor.

[Shahed]

Ditto-ed, it's good to have you guys around.

[Budwise]

I agree, I stopped playing M2TW for a while, have Kingdoms installed but haven't played it yet.

The thing is that I really fell in love with her culture and ideas, her way of life. I have been kinda over her for a while and I knew we were done for a while. Yes, I will always think of her as a skank for leaving me for this A-hole and not telling me for a while but hey, soon she will miss me and regret it. I am not saying I will take her back and another girl already likes me. I just kinda wish she would have stuck around during the good times we are about to have since I stuck around during the bad. I stayed when she was stressed out, under severe health and finantial difficulties and so on. Now, when shes about to sell her house and I am just about to get that better job after I finish these two test that are required, she leaves because she didn't like the arguing due to her not listening and acting like a skank and me not listening and being a little messy - a typical GUY thing.

She claims that I am not a man because I yelled at her for her being stupid, but the truth is I did all the "man" things that I could do and soon she will see. Its unfortunate that when a woman has sex with someone else they instantly fall in love with him and forget the last guy, this guy will hurt her.

All in all though, I knew this was comming for a while, I just wish she would have taken some time off from dating instead of going straight from guy A to guy B.

---------------

Yeah I'm hurt. I though I was done feeling bad and then again last night I still felt bad and cried on the phone. I am thinking of the sex thing, I would really like to do her best friend instead of her but my ex girlfriend offered and I figure why the hell not. I do feel belittled about being "second" again like I was when she was leaving her exhusband. Like I didn't see this comming on me.

I think I will be okay, shes not the same girl that I fell in love with and I really needed to leave and be happy. Now that shes "evil" in my opinion, maybe a little grunge sex with her will make me over her.

She however, didn't have to alienate me from that Cambodian girl at work that liked me and only wanted to sleep with me. That would have eased the pain 10 fold for a quick relationship that the girl and I knew would be over soon.

[Budwise]

To answer pizzaguys comment though, every single girl I have been with asked me out from us being friends. I have never had a successful date from asking a girl out. I just can't do it. I also can't dance at all, can't make my exgirlfriend laugh although I can almost everyone else, can't let things go when she tells me I did something wrong and have to turn it around on her.

All in all, I need some time off of women, I have been screwing up one relationship after another for 10 years now and I need to figure out what kinda of an adult I want to be now that I am 27.

[Budwise]

One last thing, I know she loves this guy, she told me. HOWEVER, I bought some Viagra off of a friend just for "recreational use" and it turns out she had to steal it from me to have fun with this guy. I didn't need it but apparently he does. If she had to steal it and he didn't go through my stuff to get it, so thats just hella funny.

[Shahed]

Just thought this may be helpful so I'm posting it: www.stylelife.com
Neil Strauss has written a book also, called The Game. Recommended reading for anyone who wishes to improve his courting skills.

[Caius]

STUPIDITY AT 100%

Sorry.

[Budwise]

EPILOGE OF THE PAUL BACKER SITUATION.

I went over to her house today to get my mail from the mailman and to give her hers. (During this process, some a-hole stole her jacket as well as her keys and to this minute she thinks its me, and I didn't)

AND, we had sex. It was nice and we talked afterwards. I know she still loves me and I care for her but we just aren't a good couple at all. SHe swears that she hasn't slept with this guy yet but kinda wants too and even knowign I said I believed her I really don't. Hell, she even put two locks on the gates that go to the back of the house where her room is.

In conclusion though, the best time to go to Vietnam is in April so if her and I remain "good" friends I can help that girl that I really want to be with. Lately, I came to the conclusion that we are better off as friends. Yes, I don't like sharing this girl but I really don't want to live and slave over pleasing her either, SO. Let her cheat on that A-hole with me for a while. I think he is a good guy though, he does treat her well so I am told but I still have doubts about it. I know she loves this guy more because she was talking about kissing and we haven't kissed in over a year although I have tried. I am okay with this though, I have inner peace and what I need.

But hey, I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone right now, not even with her and I don't want to start over yet. I figure when April comes around I could be ready then.

As for the "fat girl" at work and my ex girlfriend Josie, I just would rather not than try it again.

---------------

Comments would be nice.

[Budwise]

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

I'm in semi-retirement from this forum, Sinan. I've taken a break from M2TW for now. Thanks for the memories!

I'll also have to stand in disagreement on your approach to women. It may be nice to have all those options, but I don't feel that bed-hopping is the right road to be on if you want to end up happy. It's another kind of temporary pleasure, an addiction if you will, that eventually leaves your bed and your heart empty.

But I'm not here to judge or tell others what to do. Just give my advice when asked.

I agree, I want to keep my numbers as low as possible on girlfriends/sexual partners because it loses something with each new one. The first one is the most special, and it gets less and less hard to leave as you go up the number scale. I am still a little hurt but I am not balling my eyes out anymore like I did when my first girlfriend left.

I was told by a fortune teller when I was a kid that I would be with 7 women and only love three. So far I have loved only two and been with five. This scares me because the girl in Vietnam might be next and I want to be with her forever. I love the TYPE of girl she is, and by me making her life better she will love me for that too. Plus, its good karma.

[Budwise]

I changed my Signature again, it went from this to that over time.

Work, Girlfriend, Responsibilities, Reality, Kids, and MTW - all things in life make life worth living.

Then

Work-hate it, I lost all of my friends do to them quiting and exgirlfriends crap.
Girlfriend, left me for a hispanic man
Responsibilities, Too many bills to too little money.
Reality, No comment, apparently I pissed off god by Having sex in a church with my first girlfriend.
Kids, I think my son is autistic and if Lien and I had a child, I doubt she would have left me.
MTW, stopped playing it recently, will go back soon but not for a while.
CONCLUSION, I WANT TO LIVE BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE

And Finally

[Strike For The South]

she cheated on you. Dump her and are yall living together? Kick her out and if the guy comes boy politetly tell him to jog on. Maybe Im just old faishoned but its just some girl. There are plenty of other girls and there not all in Nam.

[imnothere]

I too, would like to offer my commiseration. Mine wasn't that bad, but did enough foolish things to turn me off.

It is not so bad to believe in monogamy. Heck, even Matthew 6:24 stated "No one can serve two masters"

Lame jokes aside, do what you have to do to get it out of your system. Perhaps channel all your energy into doing something useful. Remember that, in 20 years time, there is only one person who can look himself in the eyes in the mirror, and that person can say honestly that it has done its best and have not cheat/lied/abuse the relationship. And that person, will be you, Mr. Budwise.

I am sorry that we will not be in person to console you, however please note that you are not alone online, and i am sure that we will happy to listen.

Don't get mad, get even! Show to the world how tough you are by getting back on your feet again - even if just to annoy her. Believe in yourself.

[Slug For A Butt]

I'm getting a bit confused Budwise.
You were distaught when you found out she was cheating (as I would have been), you admit the love has gone, you have been thinking of making the split yourself because it isn't working, you know she taunts you, and you insinuate that she has been freeloading off you. Thats case closed, do the grieving man but move on and make the most of the rest of what life has to offer you mate.
But now you seem to be softening and hoping that she will dump the other guy, see sense and come back to you. You say that she is still your best friend, but my best friend (male or female) would never ever do to me what she has done to you otherwise they would not be my best friend. You almost seem to be finding reasons to forgive and excuse her now, don't do it Budwise.
Before you know it, you'll be sharing a house again (financial plus for her) and all the time you'll be wondering when it's going to happen again. My guess is that it will, and even if it doesn't can you ever trust her again? That sort of shit can eat you up alive. I know, I've been there.
Why don't you try a night or two out with the girl at work? Being fat doesn't make her no fun, it doesn't make her unfunny, it doesn't make her bad company. And maybe company is what you need right now. I'm not saying that you have to be banging by the end of the night, just that maybe you could use some company, and female company might be able to help you get your head round your female problem.

And PizzaDude, brave of you to post a pic. The way you talked, it sounded like your swansong. Moving on to pastures new?

[Budwise]

I guess I didn't explain enough, also I need to add more info.

First, the real definition of love isn't that initial spark of lust or the fact that she looks absolutely stunning that you must take her pants off right away, thats inflatuation. Love is where you hold her hair out of the toilet when she pukes, you put up with her diet and weight loss even knowing she looks better with a few extra pounds and shes losing her boobs this way and most importantly, you put up with a mother-in-law that is a complete C*** (Stupid Censors.) because at the end of the day, you can't imagine anyone that you would rather enjoy waking up next too or enjoying a chinese food dinner on a Thursday with. Love is also where she woke up extra early to drive me to the doctor because I couldn't move my legs and came over every day when even my own mom who I was staying with wouldn't help me.

-----------

The thing is this, I truly do love her and she still loves me, although she has denied it over and over the last few days. She made a stupid mistake and I compounded it by being a typical (Come on admin, this is the time I should be able to say A-h***). Yes, I am truly crushed that she did this stupid stupid thing, but the truth is is that I have done MANY MANY stupid things and she after complaining for hours and hours forgave me. For instance, I worked on her car last week at 2:30 am on a tuesday and forgot to disconnect the battery so the car alarm went off waking up her mom that goes to work at 5am.

But all in all, I am not over her nor is she over me. If she was, the sex thing today wouldn't have happened. However, she is still extremely hurt that I have done so many things she disagreed with over the years and I never listened. This guy will go with time, hes not the type that will stick around and in fact I think he already left. I see the pain in her eyes even knowing she laughs and pretends everything is great I know her better than even she knows herself, I know when shes hurt and whats worst, I know and feel the guilt more because if it when its me that causes it. Lien is too clingy of a person and was already trying to change him and so on. Now for me, I love that about her is that she trys her very best to make me a better person, but almost every other man I have ever known will hate it, I almost argue with her EVERY time she does it though and will unfortunately continue this but as an after effect, I am very happy she does this. I wished above all else she would come to my room like she used to and just goof around, I would do anything - move out, get a better job (Which I am working on now) and as much as it hurts, watch her go. I always wanted her to just come up at work and grab me from behind, kiss me on the head, not mouth because she doesn't do that, and say she loves me for NO reason at all.

I am trying to find that picture I have where I was a complete fat slob with my son in a dirty room, that way you will all understand just how far she went out for me. I can't find it now because of this stupid move but I will post it later. I also remember helping her. Those (I could honestly put in every cuss word I know here and get banned from this site and still not reach the amount of enphasis need to explain just how awful these people are in my eyes.) "friends" of her don't remember when she was never noticed. She used to never put on makeup, dress up for work, or even enjoy life and it was me that taught her that life was worth living, that she was beautiful and that she was worth being put first. You must understand that she is Cambodian from Vietnam and her people absolutely dispise dark skinned people. She couldn't even go to school because of the bullying and moved on to marrage where her exhusband NEVER respected or cared for her. I used to hold her as she cried from these torments that somehow she got over and forgot that I was there for that. Now shes "popular" and trys to act like a "fun material" girl instead of the "marrage material" girl she really is. This is why what she did hurts her so damn much. Fun material is where you can just go out and sleep with whatever and come home like nothings happend, marrage material isn't so flashy or fun to be around but they are the ones that you want to marry and grow old with.

Most of the M2TW message board has asked on how I could forgive her for this, how I can put up with whats shes doing and how I can act like I am okay with it even knowing that I am not and its easy, this time only - because I can't imagine my life without her. Not only was she my girlfriend but my best friend. What caused the pain and craziness that everyone said I was but I didn't see until I left and now it sickens me is that I felt for a while I was losing my best friend. The only real friend I ever had. The only friend that used to be there to just listen and care what I think, and wanted to spend the rest of her life to make me happy, which changed over time to a selfish, manipulative, irresponsible person thats a shell of what I once loved. I blame her friends for this and it makes me hate them so much that I see the Lien I fell in love with but shes gone and turned into the very thing she didn't want me to marry in Vietnam to help bring over, which is the thing she HATED when I met her.

Yes, I am still in pain, will be for a long time but I am no longer phycotic like I was and if it takes me to put up with this 50-50 crap from her again, like I did with her exhusband, to be with her - I will do it for a little while. I just pray that if she loves this guy she lets me help her niece because shes as close to I can get to what I lost and I could be a better husband to her.

The last thing I will say is that she is a COMPLETE PAIN IN THE A-- but in the end, I look forward to every day when she did love me which did fade over time and it was never boring.

I will say however, that if she did come back, she won't take me nor will I take her for granted anymore. She knows as well as I know that one day the other could be gone and must work harder to keep the relationship going. I am not going to lie - her family, friends, work associates, ect all hate me by now with all the petty fighting we have done and it will take a LOT of work to fix all of this but I am willing to put in the effort if she is willing to forgive me for my stupid stupid decisions because I forgave her for hers.

In conclusion, YES - I REALLY REALLY HATE THAT SHE HURT ME THIS WAY. But if I have to forgive to not lose her this ONE TIME ONLY, I will do so. I will work harder and will not let how I acted in the recent past come up again. Although the idea of quickly getting a gun in the house for a fear factor on her to prevent this crap again, I am okay in the head now and it took all this to happen to realise that no matter how much craziness I have shown to try to change her, I still lost her. I tried EVERYTHING to prevent this and it just made her go out faster and do this. I just hope its not too late and we can fix this. It could take a long time and I may never be able to but its the least she could do for me and I could do for her. For that, to answer everyones questions, yes - I can go back to her. I guess I could even say if she was happy I could just let go and move on but shes not happy either. My family is convinced that shes using me and I have had my idea on that for a while as well as this isn't the first time shes has done this but for some reason, I just know her better than that. She might be evil now but at one time she wasn't. I just don't know anymore. What I do know is that she deep down needs me just as much as I need her although shes so damn hard-headed to ever admit it. SHe just needs to stop listening to everyone, including me, and just think for herself whats important to her. Honestly, I think she should back away from us both for a little while and decide what the hell she wants and not listen to those people at work who don't match the real her. Unless that what I am seeing now IS the real her and I have been fooled this whole time thinking she was a good person, then I have to take time off and really consider whats important to me and stop putting any woman first. I have to get up in a few hours so I have to go now, please any feedback would be nice because after this massive type session, I think I will print it. I was completely honest about everything except the exgirlfriend before her part and that was just to imbellish a little so I don't feel like a loser as much. Maybe I might even give it to her so she can see how if I had some real good friends would say to this. I do have a friend or two but the last time I went to a guy friend, he did something so disturbing I can't really be his friend anymore.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Found it, I went from this to this because of her. For that I am thankful.

[Budwise]

On second though, I should keep this more private because if I gave it to her shes illiterate in English and those damn lab people she would get to read it would just go online, add a screen name as well and blast my image to hell. I don't hate them, I just don't like who they are and I think life is more important than the crap that they cherish. I just don't see how cheating on your GOOD husband or sleeping with this guy just to go to that one next is anything but self-destructive and destroys the whole gift that the universe gave us with sex. I think the good things in life should be treasured and not mocked and thats precisely the kinda crap that Lien just started. Now I wish I could hold her as she feels bad for her actions but being at my sisters, I cannot.

[Swiss Halberd Pike Landsknecht]

sorry to hear about that

I'm probably the worst person to talk to anyway as I've never had a girlfriend (and I'm 22 )

Hope you'll be OK though

was she (the ex gf) the mother of your son? and I guess the son lives with you

[Budwise]

sorry to hear about that

I'm probably the worst person to talk to anyway as I've never had a girlfriend (and I'm 22 )

Hope you'll be OK though

was she (the ex gf) the mother of your son? and I guess the son lives with you

Lien who is my most current exgirlfriend is not the mother nor does my son live with me.

[Swiss Halberd Pike Landsknecht]

oh right

hope everything will be OK with you,

[imnothere]

hi budwise.

glad to know that you wont do something silly. i know i sound patronising or perhaps even annoying, so i will apologise in advance if i do.

forgiveness is necessarry. not just because the religion told us so, but mainly for practical reason. The more you hold the grudge, the more worser it is. It is like a poison of the mind, and will eat you alive.

some time ago, my life was simply f up too. but sometimes, you just have to get up and get on, coz most ppl couldnt give a darn in my case.

you have had lots of commiserations, you have had lots of advices, and you also have had lots of opinions. so i wont add anymore. but perhaps right now, you should be focusing on things that are the important to you. You are still needed, if not at work, then perhaps some other work place who can appreciate you. Your son will still need a parent. And right now, that person, is not important anymore. as the previous posts been saying, you are worth more than you think, regardless of what that person did or thought of you.

i won't go as far as saying that you are my friend, because i will be the first to admit that i only dare to call two people friends, and this is because i have known them for 14 years+. but i am willing to read and response when i am able to.

ps. wow, that was probably the longest post i have ever done - i had to scroll even on a 22" monitor!

ps.ps. for swiss-pikeman-wannabe - 22 and no GF is ok, i only have a GF(ex) at 23. better find out if she likes computer games too..... :)

[Budwise]

I guess I have to say conclusion. I had sex with her again today and when he called she picked up the phone she pretended that she was out when she wasn't. SOUND SO FAMILIAR when she was around her exhusband.

I did kinda try to get her to stay home and do the right thing because her mom kinda wants to take her kids away but shes so in love with this idiot that she won't even listen to me beg. I even got to the point to tell her that I will still work for free on the second job but she said she didn't want to and left it at that. This isn't the Lien I fell in love with and I wish she was bad in bed but shes not either so I can at least forget that. I would give my life for the woman but now its too late.

Like I said yesterday, two stupid skanks from the lab told her to try someone else and she being stupid did and thats that. Today though I caught her in so many lies about how good he is and what he supposibly has. It was so hard to listen but I did and when he called she begged me to stay silent and I did although naked in the bed with her at the time. I am so desperate for her in my life that I will put up with almost anything but when I went to work after she went out with him she was EXTREMELY happy and I thought she had sex with him too and flipped out a little bit and asked if they had sex and she got really annoyed and was down for the first half of the day. I felt bad and got worst from there. She told me I couldn't come over during the day anymore and that hurt a hell of a lot.

After that, I couldn't shut up about the second job and how when my M.S. struck me I still helped for free on that job but how he won't do anything to help her save the house because his finger hurts or some excuse. ******, I was in EXTREME PAIN and what wasn't in pain was completely NUMB and I had to be a man and step up to do my EITHICAL DUTY to help a person that I loved in need. It KILLS ME inside because I promised the elder daughter who hates me but pushed her dad out of the way that one brief time I didn't see the knife that I will do whatever I can do to save the house and help for college. I try so hard not to hurt her but it just makes it so much more inevitable that I will. The Lien I love is gone and this Lien is going to lose everything she has ever worked for or hard on (House, Kids, Respect) and it pains me so VERY VERY much to see it going and not being able to help at ALL. At this point I would work two jobs and secretly pay the bank for the homeloan but it would do no good, I would be saving the house that I would never live in again.

As far as work goes, last week everyone thought I was insane with the way I treated her and now I am the trophy. I was hit on "I SWEAR ON THIS PIZZAGUY" by no less than three older women. Apparently Lien is no longer well liked outside the lab and it saddens me dearly because she had so much respect from and for the older people who she LOVED to follow when her and I started going out. The good people. As far as the older women go two of them were hella hot and I can remember commenting on them in the past on those games of "who would you do between her and that one over there" with the men and I would pick these out of the group. Both married but I really just don't care about being faithful anymore. Why stay good when NOT A SINGLE GIRL I HAVE EVER BEEN WITH WILL DO THE SAME, THIS IS THE VERY REASON I STARTED DATING A FOREIGNER IN THE FIRST PLACE AND AGREED TO HELP ANOTHER OVER!!! With Lien, I couldn't shut up about her and gave details on everything including sex but this next time, not even my best friend will know. I am so tired of being good just to be pooed on.

I will be honest, I love Nga. I have never carried a conversation with this girl, nor have I seen her naked or know anything about her. I just love who she is, how she believes in her eithics and sticks by them, how she hates the "Slut People" I am afraid Lien as became part of. (I am not refering them as sluts but that they share some of the same ideology and the slut word in Liens words is why she cheated. Sounds like one of those to me at least.) I love the fact that she puts family first and grew up with nothing, I love the idea of giving her a better life and how she would never listen and FOLLOW the people Lien did and how she wouldn't become what Lien has became. I would love nothing more than to turn her into the trophy at work like I did Lien but watch her do it right this time and just be good about it. Actually, growing old and watching our kids change our diapers like we changed theirs 40 years earlier would be just JOYFUL to me. To wake up every day next to and not next room to the woman I love is all I ever wanted. I didn't have that with Lien due to her saying this or that, in the end it was just her that believe this and said no. I used to hear how guys wish that they could be with Lien to be with instead of their wives to marry and that I was so lucky, now all I hear is how they want to sleep with her and it all bugs me. I hope that this is a cross between a midlife crisis and her getting finally over her divorce but I somehow doubt it and if it were, she wouldn't come back to me.

Tomorrow I get that apartment that I wanted. I applied for it, and tomorrow I can move in. I HOPE BEYOND ALL ELSE that the old Lien will return where she used to come over and wrestle around while we watch Cambodian music/dancing on the DVD player and my big screen tv. I would give anything for just one day of that back but its gone and she won't even humor me by trying. If I had millions of dollars, I would give them all away just for that day, I would video tape it and play it over and over when I am down. But shes gone now, even if she comes back she would just cheat again later when someone tells her too or follow some other idiot when these two leave. Back to that day though, I wish when we have a good day in life, we could relive it over and over like rewinding a VCR. So much sorrow has happened in my life that joy is very hard to come by and I would feel so much better enjoying those days again.

The truth is I love her the exact same as the day I started sleeping with her, the day she almost died in Vietnam, the day we went to our first Cambodian Dance that was great, the day that she started to dress up because she realised she was finally beautiful and even the days we fought. What hurts though is that she either doesn't love me or listens to the wrong people now. I still see the pain and she does blame me for it. She tells me to grow up and I believe that I am more of an adult than even her at this point. She says I act too silly and crazy like a child but when it comes down to it, I always tried to do the right thing. I have helped for free on that second job, I turned down better women to others opinions, and tell a loved one that shes doing wrong even if it hurts her to save her from hurting more later. I even turned down better women to others opinions to be with the one I loved and so many other things that she doesn't do or hasn't done in a while that would warrent being called an adult. She doesn't realise that happiness must come from within and its very hard to obtain. She and this guy is just Lusting so this will peatter out with time due to her being so stubborn and both already making demands but I doubt I will want to go back or if I do, its just to get Nga at this point - it could change but who knows.

I am not over the pain yet, I could tell today, I try so hard to act like I am okay but I am not, for instance I have listened to the song "The Fray - How to save a life" over and over while typing the last two days, awesome song still though and I act normal but I have to fight the rage underneith. At this point, could someone comment on this to see if anyones even reading. Anyways, I don't regret what I did when I left, she deserved it and the mom to yell at her for it but I regret every fight before that and the moment when cheating made sence to her. Those damn lab people trying to fix something that really didn't need to be fixed by them and screwing up Liens life even more than mine. Shes going to lose her house now and she doesn't care anymore. I worked so damn hard to save her and shes going down on her own. At least I am not the pilot of this planewreck but seeing the bodies after the crash still hurts the same.

Hell, even the Assitant Shift Supervisor has been talking with me, she thought I went insane for a while too but now feels bad for me. SHe tells me that I just need to leave Lien the hell alone until Lien figures out her life and all I want to do is grab her and smutther Lien with respect, kindness, and love like she needed for so long but wouldn't let me give. It was so easy for her to fight but not to forgive; so easy to nag but not to be plesant without reason and so easy to leave instead of lifting a finger to fix our problems.

Thank you for your time, I need to leave Lien alone but leave the door open incase she comes she should be let in but I shouldn't wait either. Damn, how could she turn so damn cold I will never know. Oh, I am dead tired now but Pizzaguy, I will teach you via PM on how to get a decent girl later if you know of one.

I would like to also apologise for all the writing, but it helps me sleep at night lately and I have been keeping track of them like a journal.

(Language - Beirut)

[Gaius Terentius Varro]

(Un-Frontroomish - Beirut)

[Budwise]

Final Conclusion.

I moved into my own apartment a few days ago and am having a hard time stealing internet from my best friend who is also my next door neighbor.

Lien and my conclusion. It was today where I realised that she is gone for good, I can try my best but for a long time, shes definently gone. I am okay due to still getting sex (More now than when we were together) and I hate her new friends and new "Culture" she developed. Urggg. I really do miss the Cambodian music and wish I could have burned some DVD's before leaving, I might ask to borrow her collection in time to make copies for Nga or myself but thats later. Anyways, the pain is mostly gone but it comes back now and then when I see her new friends and realise that she doesn't want anything to do with me at work. I think it sucks ass but what can I do.

Yes, I still love her but she doesn't love me and its time for peace. I kinda hope we keep this arrangement we have for the time being about "out of work" activities but I don't think I will bother her anymore at work starting tomorrow.

The girl downstairs turned out to be a worthless, useless slob. I can't stand people who don't want to work or better their lives so shes out. The fat girl at work seems to be a next friend for me maybe but I am not that interested yet or maybe ever.

I think with time and her adjusting her personality to be like her old self, Lien and I can go back to being good friends but it will take work. As far as a relationship, it looks like I would have to wait a while and I am not sure its even what I want anymore. I am still getting all the things I really did miss with her although I seemed to piss her off again today for no apparent reason. Okay, I overheard two morons poking fun of me about "no power" and who knows how THAT originated from. I guess Lien doesn't understand man culture at all about one guy who loses a girl and another culture picking her up, it makes the first guys culture looked down upon. This is an unwritten rule and at this point, I don't want to piss her off by explaining it more.

Well, today after her visit, she told me all about her "first time" with this other guy, how it hurt and how he was disrespectful or something like that and because I still care about her, I don't want to give details now but it just makes me think on why she couldn't try AT ALL to fix our problems. She did nothing but run away now that her life is mostly in order. I could go on and on but I think I did already and I don't see the point again.

Besides that, I am happpy. Other than seeing Lien now and then with her new friends, I do get to see her enough that it doesn't hurt as bad and she is my best friend. As we were better friends at first we will remain so now I hope. The newness of this guy will go away in a while and they will start fighting soon as they already have had peliminary arguements and its only been a month, it took me six to start ANY fight at all. Shes completely against arguing and hates the person more when arguing does occure so we will see. I can already see shes having problems with him or seeing me, I am not sure which but I know she has guilt but she also cares what her new friends think and they don't like me much right now so who knows. I want to be honest, I give it a year tops, nine months if they move in together if she loses/sells her house.

As a whole, I am done with dating for a little while. I really want to marry her Niece although I don't know her, I know OF her and thats enough for me at this point and that alone is worth sticking around for a while even knowing I am no longer the top dog in her life and time will tell if I stay by her side because I don't think this guy will stay around if she goes through a hard time like losing her house which is due soon.

I am, however, less racist than before. Not like I was but I was intolerant and fought to NOT be my whole life. Now that shes been with one and seems to be enjoying it I guess I can let that finally go. I do miss her but I DON"T MISS LIVING WITH HER A BIT. I just hope we can go back to the way things were.

As far as work is concerned, people feel really bad for me so my stock has went up but they think I need to leave her alone which is hard but I will start tomorrow. I said that before but shes not happy when I bother her at work and acts like I am that retarded slob that signed off of hard hat a while ago but things will get better soon.

I really don't like the lab people but hey, you can't pick your friends friends and just because someone makes you mad, its your choice to fight them instead of letting it go. SHe listened and obeyed and thats her problem. I am coming off as posessive though, even I can see that so I truly will back away because I don't want to seem that. I just only have one friend at work anymore due to others leaving and for such a monotonous job, it makes it suck so much more.

-----------------

My family and life
Mom gave me more condoms than I could use in a year, she thinks that I am like that to just go sleep with whatever I can get, which I don't
Grandpa, mom, dad, Kaytee, Kelly, (sisters), are tired of Lien using me or acting like she is anyways.

Lien, my best friend although her mind is scattered but she needs space to figure things out. I helped her with all the painful things and now thats all she remembers so we fight all the time. Sucks that she gets some and I get less but hey, she will see later.

and me, I love my new apartment. I can clean, eat, shower whenever the hell I want to and that is just sweet. Today, I walked around the house naked after Lien left and in her house, I could only do that when she and her family was in Vietnam. I do miss having food in the cabnet though but that will have to wait until payday. I just wish I had more company at this point. I need a new job and realise that although I put Lien on top for years, its my time to move on and make my own life. I do miss her but the Lien I loved is dead, just a hot body to look at and a shell of what she was remains. This is my last entry, shes gone and I am glad shes happy, she better be because I sure suffered for it. All in all, I am kinda glad its done though, I want a different type of girl and I don't feel like being a servant anymore or being yelled out of I missplace ___. Crap, just lost internet again so I will post this later. Oh, I passed my B.S. GED test that I shouldn't have had to take so at least I can get a better job now, I wouldn't care about Lien as much if my job mean't SOMETHING to me at all. I just hate it. Bye, I am at peace now. I consider this Lien fiasco closed.

[Askthepizzaguy]

(Very un-Frontroomish - Beirut)

[Csargo]

I hope that guy was joking, his post should get deleted or editted because it's an inappropriate response.

Budwise: I think it'd be best if you tried not to see her for a while, though I'm not expert on such things that's what I would try to do anyways. I hope everything goes well for you, always remember to persevere.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Oh, it's all in good fun, Ichigo. He takes a childish swipe at me, I toss a few back in his direction.

If anyone is truly offended by this, I'll be glad to remove my post. But honestly, guys insulting one another is kind of expected. Anything else would be... well, kinda gay.

Besides, I always thought the "frontroom" was more or less censorship-free. As long as I'm not swearing or posting pornographic imagery, I think it's allowed.

[Csargo]

Well, I thought you were offended and I can't really tell if you're being sarcastic or not. If it's done in a joking manner I guess it's fine, but I thought you were offended. My apologies.

[Beirut]

Oh, it's all in good fun, Ichigo. He takes a childish swipe at me, I toss a few back in his direction.

Not here you don't.

If anyone is truly offended by this, I'll be glad to remove my post. But honestly, guys insulting one another is kind of expected. Anything else would be... well, kinda gay.

And you are, of course, implying to me and my fellow honoured Orgsters who have family members who are gay that not insulting others is a positive intellectual trait. Thank you.

Besides, I always thought the "frontroom" was more or less censorship-free. As long as I'm not swearing or posting pornographic imagery, I think it's allowed.

Um... no.

[Askthepizzaguy]

Nah, bro its all good, Ichigo.

I've been called a lot worse than gay before. If anyone wants to insult me, feel free to do it in private message where you can be creative.

It's good entertainment.

PS- Beirut, I have family members who are gay as well. I'm just not very PC because I don't like to tiptoe around controversy. I treat gays the same as everyone else. They are allowed to be made fun of, just as any other group. Just as I am. True equality means being able to tell a gay joke and no one freaks out about it. Otherwise you're treating them differently than you might treat me.

Chris Rock tells white people jokes. Doesn't bother me any, because he tells those jokes to white people.


(Understood, but we play by a more stringent set of rules in the Frontroom. The appearance of unfriendliness or intolerance is simply not welcome - Beirut)