Morals and Sex

[Evil_Maniac From Mars]

This idea came to me while I was browsing through the forums, and I came upon a topic where it was mentioned that the boyfriend of a women allowed another man to keep having sex with her, on the basis that he was her boyfriend before.

I would, therefore, like to ask each individual on what he values. Do you mind sharing a partner, or do you have multiple partners, or just date/have sex with one at a time? Do you think multiple partners is OK until engagement, and then it has to stop?


Personally, I prefer to wait with sex until after marriage, or at least until you have been with your partner in a romantic relationship (leading up to marriage) for a long time, say around seven years or so. After marriage, I believe one partner for life is the best solution. This halts the spread of STDs, lowers the chances of jealousy and divorce, and provides a good environment to raise your children. My girlfriend agrees with me (which is one of many reasons I have been with her for a long time and will stay with her for a long time).

Other opinions? Anybody agree or disagree?

[seireikhaan]

I'm a one woman kinda guy, myself. I think to each his own, but personally, I'm rather selfish, and the idea of sharing my partner(especially with an ex!) just doesn't fly with me. I probably won't wait until marriage, but I will wait until I'm pretty sure about the girl before hopping into bed with her. Granted, I could still be wrong, but I seriously doubt I'll have the patience to wait until full marriage.

[Strike For The South]

If you are single. sleep around what do I care. If you are in a relationship with someone you are with them. Those are my morals.

[Crazed Rabbit]

Monogamy. Somehow the idea of drunken sex with a stranger at some frat party doesn't appeal to me.

CR

[Lemur]

Not surprisingly, I like the way I did it. Be an absolute sex monkey until you're married, and then get serious about monogamy.

[Strike For The South]

Monogamy. Somehow the idea of drunken sex with a stranger at some frat party doesn't appeal to me.

CR

In our defense sometimes you actually end up with the girl

[Evil_Maniac From Mars]

Not surprisingly, I like the way I did it. Be an absolute sex monkey until you're married, and then get serious about monogamy.

What do you think about being engaged, or if you have a serious partner before marriage?

[Xiahou]

Personally, I prefer to wait with sex until after marriage, or at least until you have been with your partner in a romantic relationship (leading up to marriage) for a long time, say around seven years or so. After marriage, I believe one partner for life is the best solution. This halts the spread of STDs, lowers the chances of jealousy and divorce, and provides a good environment to raise your children. My girlfriend agrees with me (which is one of many reasons I have been with her for a long time and will stay with her for a long time).

Other opinions? Anybody agree or disagree?

I agree with you. Sex isn't something that should be taken lightly or casually.

[Lemur]

What do you think about being engaged, or if you have a serious partner before marriage?

If you're serious, then you're serious. That would extend to not having sex behind your partner's back. And engagements ought to be short, frankly. There's something distasteful about people who drag it out for twelve months or more. It's as though they're saying, "I'm gonna ... I'm gonna ... just you wait, I'm gonna ..." Fer pete's sake, just do it.

Strange fact: Most of the really good decisions I have made came from very short deliberation. Most of the real messes have come from long, considered planning. There's something to be said for jumping in with both feet.

I am good friends with a couple that maintain an open relationship. They've been married for over a decade. It works for them. I can't say I understand it, and I know it wouldn't work for me, but they seem to have it smoothed out. I guess it helps that they both date women on the side. I consider their arrangement unusual and unlikely to work for 99% of humanity, but I don't think they're particularly immoral.

[CountArach]

I have no problem with other people sleeping around, but I would never do it - and I would in all honesty be pissed off if my Girlfriend (Well, when I get one) slept around.

[Evil_Maniac From Mars]

If you're serious, then you're serious. That would extend to not having sex behind your partner's back. And engagements ought to be short, frankly. There's something distasteful about people who drag it out for twelve months or more. It's as though they're saying, "I'm gonna ... I'm gonna ... just you wait, I'm gonna ..." Fer pete's sake, just do it.

I agree. I always thought about three months would be a fair time, maybe a little bit longer.

[Ice]

Meh.

If it happens, it happens. I mean, I don't go looking for it (unless I'm in a relationship), but I would take the opportunity if it arose.

[HoreTore]

In our defense sometimes you actually end up with the girl

I have been with such a girl for the last 2 years now, and lived with her for 1 year...

As for the OP, I say lose that virginity as soon as it is possible. No reason whatsoever to wait IMO. And while you're single, you're single, do as many as you'd like. While you're with someone, you limit yourself to that one. But hey, if a couple likes to share each other, I won't judge...

[Del Arroyo]

As for the example cited by the OP, that man is not allowing her to sleep with her ex, she is simply doing whatever the hell she wants and he is just along for the ride. If he were strong, his first urge would be to kill the other guy. The best solution, of course, is never to be that big of a chump to begin with.

As far as sexual morals, I am a big believer in the double standard. Women, all other factors being equal, are undeniably more attractive when they have less sexual experience. Men must have some sexual experience to even get their foot in the door. If a man plans on meeting a woman and spending the rest of his life with her, he should first be capable of taking charge and leading the relationship. This confidence tends to come with some experience.

[HoreTore]

Women, all other factors being equal, are undeniably more attractive when they have less sexual experience.

I completely and utterly deny that. I'll take a girl with a new guy every other day who knows how to do things over a clumsy virgin ANY DAY OF THE WEEK.

In fact, when faced with a virgin, whether I should bother doing her at all becomes a tough question.

I want quality time for my trooper.

[Sasaki Kojiro]

As for the example cited by the OP, that man is not allowing her to sleep with her ex, she is simply doing whatever the hell she wants and he is just along for the ride. If he were strong, his first urge would be to kill the other guy. The best solution, of course, is never to be that big of a chump to begin with.

As far as sexual morals, I am a big believer in the double standard. Women, all other factors being equal, are undeniably more attractive when they have less sexual experience. Men must have some sexual experience to even get their foot in the door. If a man plans on meeting a woman and spending the rest of his life with her, he should first be capable of taking charge and leading the relationship. This confidence tends to come with some experience.

A man shouldn't plan on spending the rest of his life with someone who needs to be taken charge of.

[Del Arroyo]

HoreTore: No comment, dude.

Sasaki: I fail to see how choosing a strong, confident man as a partner would make a woman weak or unworthy.

[JR-]

Not surprisingly, I like the way I did it. Be an absolute sex monkey until you're married, and then get serious about monogamy.

agreed.

i am not married, but i had a great deal of fun playing the field before getting serious with the GF

[Husar]

Interesting thread.

Some might be interested to know that I swore not to have sex before marriage as a teenager, was sort of a religious thing etc and would take long to explain. This is still an ideal for me but then I wouldn't necessarily want to wait years before marrying a girl.
Marriages here, from what I have seen, usually also include some big party with lots of guests and cake(both kinds of cake ) where they sometimes also play some silly group games etc. well, that's those I've seen so far. Now that's a point I would probably hate, I'm freshly married and instead of having some quality time with my girl I'd have lots of funny people around me who want to play games and eat cake.

Sorry, just had to rant about this once.

So erm, Las Vegas marriage(though meant very serious) does appeal to me but that doesn't mean I want to exclude my friends and family either.

That said, I'm undoubtably going to think about all this again once I actually have a girlfriend so everything said here is subject to change, as always.

Strange fact: Most of the really good decisions I have made came from very short deliberation. Most of the real messes have come from long, considered planning. There's something to be said for jumping in with both feet.

I think that statement holds some truth.

[Louis VI the Fat]

Do you mind sharing a partner, or do you have multiple partners, or just date/have sex with one at a time?

Err...yes to all of the above?

[Fragony]

Sex is good fun most of all, people make so much out of it. Don't think so much just have fun.

[Geoffrey S]

I'm with Fragony (no, not in that sense...). It's fun, why be complicated when that really isn't necessary?

No ridiculous commitments, no problem. Only thing I place a lot of value on is honesty; I value my health, and don't tolerate things going on behind my back (no, not in that sense either...).

[Kagemusha]

Err...yes to all of the above?

The French,you cant just help but to love them.

[ICantSpellDawg]

monogamy. go for the virginity until marriage thing if you can, too. i couldnt. i didnt really try either, but at least i try to put if off for a little while. oh and pull out. EVERY TIME. it's a big deal and really does help with trying not to give them a bad case of stomach baby. birth control helps even more. and i dont use condoms. out of principle. i figure if i get burned in a committed relationship, it is the best way to find out. plus then i have a legal excuse to kill if the disease is bad enough and it is the heat of the moment.

[Rodion Romanovich]

Monogamy when in relationship = good
Polygamy when in relationship, after agreement on this with partner = bad (plus it must apply to both parts in the relationship with around equal success getting other partners, of course)
Polygamy when in relationship, without agreement on this with partner = cheating =

[Ser Clegane]

monogamy. go for the virginity until marriage thing if you can, too. i couldnt. i didnt really try either, but at least i try to put if off for a little while. oh and pull out. EVERY TIME. it's a big deal and really does help with trying not to give them a bad case of stomach baby. birth control helps too. and i dont use condoms. out of principle. i figure if i get burned in a committed relationship, it is the best way to find out. plus then i have a legal excuse to kill if the disease is bad enough and it is the heat of the moment.

I urge anybody who it might concern not to see "pulling out" as the primary means of birth control (unless you are feeling lucky and would not mind if your sex results in having a child) - part from that it does not really strike me as the most "fun" way of having sex

[ICantSpellDawg]

i meant pull out even when on birth control. it makes the 99.9% chance of not becoming pregnant even less likely.

plus, if you have a 99.9% chance of non-pregnancy and you have sex numerous hundred times, chances are that you may get a girl pregnant i would think. unless my statistics are off. which they probably are.


PS - i have had fun when using a condom probably 1 out of 10 times. so i say screw that. you just need to be able to last for the lady. ladys first. no problem.

[Ser Clegane]

i meant pull out even when on birth control.

OK - then I misunderstood you - thanks for the clarification

[Fragony]

PS - i have had fun when using a condom probably 1 out of 10 times. so i say screw that. you just need to be able to last for the lady. ladys first. no problem.

Well a condom prolongs it but it isn't that much fun for us gents, hate these things. You could of course use a certain illegal substance that numbs the senses if you want the lady to be satisfied.

[Lemur]

If you despise condoms, I'd like to introduce you to my good friend, monogamy. And kids are kind of fun, too.