You know you're [country] when...

[Quid]

You know you're Swiss when...

1. you complain if your bus/train/tram is more than 5 minutes late. Make that 1 minute

2. you've ever been confused with a Swede

3. you laugh when Americans believe that Swiss Miss is a Swiss product, but then have no clue that Nestlé and Rolex ARE

4. you get frustrated if you go grocery shopping abroad and there aren't at least 10 different kinds of chocolate and 15 kinds of cheese available

5. you have learned three to four languages and think this is completely normal

6. you have ever been asked - upon stating your nationality - whether you live in the mountains and whether you can yodel

7. you can pronounce "Chuchichäschtli" and you know what it means

8. you have ever been asked who the president of Switzerland is and then failed miserably trying to explain why you've lost track

9. you know what "Röschti" are and you have crossed the "Röschtigrabe" at some point

10. you went to a state-funded ski camp every year with your classmates in high school

11. to you, skis are like the extensions of your feet, because you've skied since you could walk

12. you are amused when people ask you what language is spoken in your home country and/or you have to explain that "Swiss" is not a language, that there are four national languages and none of them is called "Swiss"!

13. you owned a Swatch growing up... or still do

14. you've ever seen "Sandmännchen" dubbed into Romansch

15. as a female, you give all your friends three kisses on the cheeks as a greeting

16. you love Migros and you swear that some of their products are better than anything you've ever seen elsewhere

17. you've ever been asked by your non-Swiss friends to intervene in a fight and used "hey, I'm Swiss" as an excuse not to

18. your country has six different public television channels in three different languages - and you don't think this is unusual

19. you get amused when you see Swiss German people being subtitled on German television

20. you firmly believe it is more important to do things accurately than to do them quickly

21. you were legally allowed to drink beer and wine at the age of sixteen

22. you walked to kindergarten without supervision, wearing a large orange triangle around your neck

23. you think it's normal that everyone has a bunker underneath their house, or is registered for one of the public bunkers under the school building, for emergency situations... by the way, here's a fun thing to do: invite over some of your foreign friends (Americans make very good candidates) and take a picture of the look on their face when they SEE the bunker. Priceless!

24. when being asked to explain how certain things work in your country, you have to use the phrase "it differs for each canton, so..."

25. you are asked to vote on a "Referendum" or "Initiative" at least 3 or 4 times a year

26. you are used to drinking from any public fountain in the street unless there is a warning sign that says "no drinking water"

27. you grew up believing all cows must wear bells

28. you think that driving somewhere for four hours is a hell of a long time

29. you get slightly irritated or at least confused if your foreign visitors ask to see a chocolate factory

30. you know what Betty Bossi books and products are and have bought one

31. you know someone that collects the tin foil lids from coffee cream tubs

32. you don't see where the problem is when every male citizen who has been to the army has an assault rifle under his bed

33. you have to pay twice the price for museum entries because you're not a citizen of the EU, although you live in Europe!

34. you are in a non-European country and can hear people talking Swiss
German and just go up and strike up a conversation with a complete stranger

35. no matter how much of a "bad-ass" you think you are, you will still pick up your candy wrapper off the floor if an old lady asks you too

36. you think everything is cheap abroad compared to Swiss prices!

Found this on Facebook (cringe). Thought it was amusing. Most of them are actually very true and not some figment of imagination.

Quid

[Fragony]

Well I love Swiss, Zurich is cosy in a small town way but big in a big one way. Great fontain, looks even better when paragliding

[Fragony]

of course I mean geneva lol

[Slug For A Butt]

You know you're Deep South American when...

1) You can't marry youre childhood sweetheart because there is a law against it.

2) Your family tree has no branches.

3) Your wife has hives on her beer belly and you find that sexy.

4) You come back from the dump with more than you take.

5) You've been involved in a custody battle over a pig.

6) You hit on girls in the VD clinic.

7) You give your family items of livestock for christmas.

8) Your wife is also your mother/sister.

[CountArach]

You know you're Australian when the beer you drink is larger than you.

[Samurai Waki]

You know your a Montanan when going to the grocery store involves hiking over the Rocky Mountain Divide, descending into thick forests, a jont through moose infested swampland, sailing down the river, and somehow finally ending up in a small town that doesn't have one.

[Evil_Maniac From Mars]

You know you're Bavarian when the sausage you eat for breakfast is white.

[RoadKill]

You know your Canadian when...

1) You end your sentence with eh? every single time
2) Every sentence has a swear word in it
3) when people ask if you wear snowshoes and ride huskies (we seriously don't)

[Beirut]

You know your Canadian when...

1) You end your sentence with eh? every single time
2) Every sentence has a swear word in it
3) when people ask if you wear snowshoes and ride huskies (we seriously don't)

4) You apologize if someone steps on your foot. (I swear to God it happens.)

[Louis VI the Fat]

None are mine, but here goes:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

You know that you’re French…

- When you think that French fries aren’t French at all, but from Belgium

- When you think that yogurt is from Bulgaria

- When you call a baguette sliced in two and filled with a steak and French fries « un sandwich américain »

- When you think that Coca Cola and Mac Donald’s are “just for kids”

- When you consider a Coke with whisky as a suitable drink for teenagers

- When a President becomes popular after it has been proven that he has several mistresses

- When you can tell the political views of anybody by the cheese he / she prefers

- When you call an 80 kilometer drive “a journey”

- When you’re able to guess the nationality of a tourist by his clothes

- When you think that a good evening meal with friends must have at least one big argument

- When you can't think of translation in French for TMI 'Too Much Information', because, I mean really, do you ever say too much?

- When you think that a glass of white wine at 10 am is good for the health

- When you call "an affair" "un flirt"

- When you go on strike to preserve the right to go on strike

- When Lafayette means “big store with affordable sexy lingerie” to you

- When you think that Quebecois are “courageous and strong people with a funny accent”

- When you think the only food outside France that’s acceptable to eat is Italian

- When you say “That’s the worst haircut I’ve ever seen” when you meet somebody with a bad haircut

- When you only see a movie after having read ten different critics who liked it

- When you think that you know the USA when you have traveled one week to New York, one other week to San Francisco

- When you consider an air rifle as a lethal weapon

- When you think that “un libéral” is a neo-con and “un républicain” is a Democrat

- When you think that saying “You’re right” is a sign of weakness (you should say “You’re not wrong”).

- When you’re used to seeing pictures of naked, or halfnaked women on billboards

- When you can’t think of a translation in French of the sentence “That's you’re opinion, and I respect that”

[Boyar Son]

you know your American when

-the immigrants are "tryin ta git ar jobs"
-everyone hates you and you dont know why but dont want to admit it it or else you're a european/arab/terrorist (or self hating dem)
-good for the saudi's business
-own at least 5 US flags
-own at least 10 foreign flags

[RoadKill]

you know your American when

-the immigrants are "tryin ta git ar jobs"
-everyone hates you and you dont know why but dont want to admit it it or else you're a european/arab/terrorist (or self hating dem)
-good for the saudi's business
-own at least 5 US flags
-own at least 10 foreign flags

You also know your american when you make fun of Canadians.

[Fragony]

None are mine, but here goes:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

You know that you’re French…

- When you think that French fries aren’t French at all, but from Belgium

- When you think that yogurt is from Bulgaria

- When you call a baguette sliced in two and filled with a steak and French fries « un sandwich américain »

- When you think that Coca Cola and Mac Donald’s are “just for kids”

- When you consider a Coke with whisky as a suitable drink for teenagers

- When a President becomes popular after it has been proven that he has several mistresses

- When you can tell the political views of anybody by the cheese he / she prefers

- When you call an 80 kilometer drive “a journey”

- When you’re able to guess the nationality of a tourist by his clothes

- When you think that a good evening meal with friends must have at least one big argument

- When you can't think of translation in French for TMI 'Too Much Information', because, I mean really, do you ever say too much?

- When you think that a glass of white wine at 10 am is good for the health

- When you call "an affair" "un flirt"

- When you go on strike to preserve the right to go on strike

- When Lafayette means “big store with affordable sexy lingerie” to you

- When you think that Quebecois are “courageous and strong people with a funny accent”

- When you think the only food outside France that’s acceptable to eat is Italian

- When you say “That’s the worst haircut I’ve ever seen” when you meet somebody with a bad haircut

- When you only see a movie after having read ten different critics who liked it

- When you think that you know the USA when you have traveled one week to New York, one other week to San Francisco

- When you consider an air rifle as a lethal weapon

- When you think that “un libéral” is a neo-con and “un républicain” is a Democrat

- When you think that saying “You’re right” is a sign of weakness (you should say “You’re not wrong”).

- When you’re used to seeing pictures of naked, or halfnaked women on billboards

- When you can’t think of a translation in French of the sentence “That's you’re opinion, and I respect that”

If you just made that up I call you pappa

[Marshal Murat]

You know when your American...

• You get angry at Canadians for using 'Celsius' and 'Meters'
• You get angry at Mexico and the immigrants they send over
• You get angry at Venezuela for electing Chavez
• You get angry at Iran for electing Ahmadinijad
• You can't spell Ahmadinajad. I'm-a-dinner-jacket.
• You still can't spell Ahmadinigad
• You get angry at France for being sissies. Then they elected Sarkozy.
• You are angry at Russia for being Communists.
• You forget that Russia is no longer Communist
• You get angry at China for selling you lead-tainted toys
• So you go buy a Japanese television, filled with lead.
• You can name only five Presidents, but you can rattle off football stats
• You call it football, and dare anyone to tell you different
• You think of 'across the pond' as that restaurant on the lake
• You wonder why we care about North Korea
• You can't decide who won the 2000 Presidental election, but if they had American Idol election system, there wouldn't be a problem
• You think that global warming is a hoax
• You think that global warming is a fact
• Calling someone a 'redneck' is a slur
• calling someone a 'liberal' is a slur
• calling someone a 'Yankee' is a slur
  
  
  
  So you can't comprehend why terrorists call you 'angry', 'ignorant', or 'surly'
  Or maybe it's because you can't think of the definition of 'angry', 'ignorant', or 'surly'. Maybe if the terrorists understood 'America' 'Freedom' and 'Fried Chicken' they wouldn't be so angry, ignorant, or surly.

[Vuk]

You know when your American...

• You get angry at Canadians for using 'Celsius' and 'Meters'
• You get angry at Mexico and the immigrants they send over
• You get angry at Venezuela for electing Chavez
• You get angry at Iran for electing Ahmadinijad
• You can't spell Ahmadinajad. I'm-a-dinner-jacket.
• You still can't spell Ahmadinigad
• You get angry at France for being sissies. Then they elected Sarkozy.
• You are angry at Russia for being Communists.
• You forget that Russia is no longer Communist
• You get angry at China for selling you lead-tainted toys
• So you go buy a Japanese television, filled with lead.
• You can name only five Presidents, but you can rattle off football stats
• You call it football, and dare anyone to tell you different
• You think of 'across the pond' as that restaurant on the lake
• You wonder why we care about North Korea
• You can't decide who won the 2000 Presidental election, but if they had American Idol election system, there wouldn't be a problem
• You think that global warming is a hoax
• You think that global warming is a fact
• Calling someone a 'redneck' is a slur
• calling someone a 'liberal' is a slur
• calling someone a 'Yankee' is a slur
  
  
  
  So you can't comprehend why terrorists call you 'angry', 'ignorant', or 'surly'
  Or maybe it's because you can't think of the definition of 'angry', 'ignorant', or 'surly'. Maybe if the terrorists understood 'America' 'Freedom' and 'Fried Chicken' they wouldn't be so angry, ignorant, or surly.

1. You know you're an American if you believe everything on the media and can't think for yourself. "The end of the earth is nigh! Global warming!" "Terrorists? What terrorists?" "They are just poor families looking for a better life!!"

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Though I guess that isn't fair, as that also could mean that you are Canadian, European, Middle-Eastern, or Asian.

2. You know you're an American when the largest issues in your elections are canidates' race and sex...not their political ability or moral values.

3. You know you are an American if everyone else in the world thinks that they are superior beings, and that you are a brainless hick.


lol,
Vuk

[Tratorix]

You know you're Canadian when...

1.You understand the sentence, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine on the chesterfield."

2.You drink pop, not soda.

3.You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.

4.You know that Mounties "don't always look like that."

5.You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet.

6.You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.

7.You know what a toque is.

8.You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel with good cigars and no Americans.

[Beirut]

No nasty nationalisms, gentlemen.

If you think you've made one, please edit.

[pevergreen]

You know you are Australian when...

you could get up to stop the fire, but the footy's on.
you have skin cancer.
you get angry at the Americans for spelling wrong, and the british agree, then you get angry at them for not spelling correctly either.
you get excited at any national sport, and expect to win it, even if you have never heard of it before.

[naut]

You know you're British when... the beef your eating has been eating beef.

You know you're Aussie when... you call complete strangers "mate".

[RoadKill]

You know your are British when you have Fish & Chips every single day.

(Canadians have as stereotype like that with British people)

[Hepcat]

You know you're a Kiwi when:

• You're not a republican. You only notice the Royal family when one of their scandals hits the covers of the papers, or when one of them pays a visit.
• You go to church for weddings and funerals, and possibly have a vague belief in God, but anyone talking excessively about religion is suspected of being mentally unstable.
• You probably learnt a bit of French, German or Japanese at high school but everyone speaks English nowadays, so what's the point of learning foreign languages?
• The date comes before the month: 6/2/1840, and you know what happened on that date.
• You used to hear about the military only when the wings fell off their planes or the Army couldn't shoot a wild dog. Now you get touching images of peacekeepers in a place you couldn't find on the map.
• The nationality people most often makes jokes about is the Australians.
• The only times when it's acceptable to show up at someone's place without prior arrangement are when you've had a car accident or your spouse has thrown you out of the house.

And I found these statements about how NZers percieve the world. None are meant to offend but are just poking fun at some of the funny ideas we have of other folk.

-You think of the French as villains who explode nuclear bombs in your neighborhood (neighborhood being defined as "same ocean") and beat you at the rugby ()
-You think the English are emotionally repressed snobs who feed weird stuff to their cows instead of plain grass.
-You think Americans are grossly obese, nauseatingly sentimental, arrogant sex maniacs. You've gained this impression via careful study of the Jerry Springer Show, Full House, and Dallas.
-You think that Australians are even more arrogant than Americans, but slimmer. They're constantly taking credit for New Zealand stuff, everything from Russell Crowe to pavlova. They have strange fashion sense, favoring pink shirts and gold jewelry, at least for men.

[Crazed Rabbit]

What, they show Jerry Springer overseas? Good grief, that's probably done a great bit of harm to our image.

Oh, and you know you're a Washingtonian if you don't use an umbrella if it rains, and you think anyone who does is a wimp.

CR

[Lemur]

You think Americans are grossly obese, nauseatingly sentimental, arrogant sex maniacs.

I object to the idea that we are all obese and sentimental. I'll get back to you on the "sex maniacs" part later; I need to clean off this whipped cream and loosen the leather harness before chafing sets in.

[pevergreen]

You know you're a Kiwi when:

• You're not a republican. You only notice the Royal family when one of their scandals hits the covers of the papers, or when one of them pays a visit.
• You go to church for weddings and funerals, and possibly have a vague belief in God, but anyone talking excessively about religion is suspected of being mentally unstable.
• You probably learnt a bit of French, German or Japanese at high school but everyone speaks English nowadays, so what's the point of learning foreign languages?
• The date comes before the month: 6/2/1840, and you know what happened on that date.
• You used to hear about the military only when the wings fell off their planes or the Army couldn't shoot a wild dog. Now you get touching images of peacekeepers in a place you couldn't find on the map.
• The nationality people most often makes jokes about is the Australians.
• The only times when it's acceptable to show up at someone's place without prior arrangement are when you've had a car accident or your spouse has thrown you out of the house.

Nearly every single one of them is true, even for aussies.
ill edit in more later.

[Kekvit Irae]

You know you're Deep South American when...

1) You can't marry youre childhood sweetheart because there is a law against it.

2) Your family tree has no branches.

3) Your wife has hives on her beer belly and you find that sexy.

4) You come back from the dump with more than you take.

5) You've been involved in a custody battle over a pig.

6) You hit on girls in the VD clinic.

7) You give your family items of livestock for christmas.

8) Your wife is also your mother/sister.

[naut]

This is one I heard somewhere:

You know you're Aussie when... you take a BBQ to a race riot.

[CountArach]

This is one I heard somewhere:

You know you're Aussie when... you take a BBQ to a race riot.

HAHA! It's so true. Living about 10 minutes from Cronulla that one seems particularly applicable.

In response to Hepcat:
You know you are a New Zealander when your wife can't stop saying "Baa"

[Hepcat]

In response to Hepcat:
You know you are a New Zealander when your wife can't stop saying "Baa"

Here are some more,
You know you're a Kiwi when:
- You think World War I was a terrible tragedy, where incompetent British generals sent New Zealanders to be slaughtered at Gallipoli.
- You think World War II was a just war, where Britain suffered terribly until the New Zealanders defeated the Germans at El Alamein and turned the tide.

Although I think there are more Kiwis who know that we got slaughtered at Monte Cassino than who know we fought at El Alamein. We seem to have a national mentality of commemorating glorious defeats.

[Beefy187]

You know you're Japanese when

-You got a robot dog
-You play with the robot dog for more then 2 hours
-You stay calm when you see our police station turning in to Robot
-You have conversation with your Robot car
-You like zoids
-You start staring anime characters and having wierd thoughts about it

[Kaidonni]

I'll pitch in here...

You know you're French when you keep losing to the English *cough*Rugbyandconkers*cough*.