That's life, buddy... you acted as a hot-headed commander
1. you should have used guard towers and/or spies to have early warning on the border;
2. you should have abandoned the fort before the enemy army arrived and then joined up with a reinforcing legion;
3. even then, you could still wait for the assault. The catapults might have brought down the walls and gates, but your legionaries and illyrian spearmen (in guard formation) could still stop the assault and maybe even rout a few enemy units. An assault always produces more casualties to the besieger than a sally from the besieged.
When the AI assaults, it usually doesn't stand still outside the gates, so they come in waves. Blocking some bottleneck inside the fort/settlement with strong defensive units might be enough to win the battle. As soon as they start routing, it's tough for the AI to effectively regroup and attack in an organised way.
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