You know you're [country] when...

[Slug For A Butt]

You know you're Deep South American when...

1) You can't marry youre childhood sweetheart because there is a law against it.

2) Your family tree has no branches.

3) Your wife has hives on her beer belly and you find that sexy.

4) You come back from the dump with more than you take.

5) You've been involved in a custody battle over a pig.

6) You hit on girls in the VD clinic.

7) You give your family items of livestock for christmas.

8) Your wife is also your mother/sister.

Hey man at least you've got Lynard Skynard instead of the Spice Girls, Every cloud has a silver lining and all that...

[El Diablo]

You know your a Kiwi when:

You know that a "Moa" is pronounced "mower" and was a kick ass big bird,

You know the words and actions to the Haka even though you are probably a pasty, weedy, white guy and look as threatening Mother Teresa performing it,

You blame, Suzie the waitress, Stu Barnes or underarm bowling for any national sporting losses rather than being beaten by a better team on the day,

KNOW THAT PAV WAS INVENTED IN NZ!!!

Claim Phar Lap - but let Aussie have Russell Crowe,

You can behave like a goon when in the UK and not worry as everyone assumes by your accent that you are an Aussie,

You can behave like a goon (with Aussies) when in Europe and not worry as everyone assumes by your accent that you are English,

Have a full (sober) conversation with a fellow english speaking Scotsman and have neither of you understand a word - other than "Gidday" and eh "Jimmy"

Can pronounce Maori place names like Whangari, Wanganui, Paraparaumu and not laugh at the first part of Whakatane.

Can accept letting the Aussie win now and then just to stop them invading us.

[Marshal Murat]

Actually, Lynard Skynard the band, it's Floridian.

You know when your from Florida when...
(Many are inside jokes)

"Down South" means Key West

"Panhandling" means going to Pensacola.

You think no-one over 70 should be allowed to drive.

Flip-flops are everyday wear.

Shoes are for business meetings and church.

No, wait, flip flops are good for church too

Socks are only for bowling

Orange juice from concentrate makes you vomit

Tap water makes you vomit

Sweet tea can be served at any meal.

An alligator once walked through your neighborhood.

You smirk when a game show's "Grand Prize" is a trip to Florida.

You measure distance in minutes.

You have a drawer full of bathing suits, and one sweatshirt.

You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.

You never use an umbrella because you know the rain will be over in
five minutes

All the local festivals are named after a fruit.

A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.

A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store,
but everything to do with shade.

Your winter coat is made of denim

You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito bites

You're younger than thirty but some of your friends are over 65

You know the four seasons really are: almost summer, summer,
not summer but really hot, and Christmas.

It's not "pop." It's "soda" or "coke."

Anything under 70 is chilly.

You've hosted a hurricane party.

You go to a theme park for an afternoon, and know when to get on the
best rides.

You pass on the right and honk at the elderly.

You understand the futility of exterminating cockroaches.

You can pronounce Okeechobee, Kissimmee, Withlacoochee, Okahumpka and
Loxahatchee.

You understand why it's better to have a friend with a boat than have a
boat yourself.

You've driven through Yeehaw Junction.

Bumper stickers on the pickup in front of you include various fish, the
NRA and a Confederate flag.

You were 8 before you realized they made houses without pools.

You were 12 when you first met someone who couldn't swim.

You've worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas.

You know what the "stingray shuffle" is and why it's important (to prevent stepping on stingrays)

You could swim before you could read

You have to drive north to get to The South

You know that no other grocery store can compare to Publix.

Every other house had blue roofs in 2004-2005

You’ve gotten out of school early on Halloween to trick or treat before it got dark

You know that anything under a Category 3 just isn't worth waking up for.

You dread lovebug season. (No seriously, they get on cars, windows. Everything)

You are on a first name basis with the Hurricane list. They aren't Hurricane Charley, Hurricane Frances...but Charley, Frances, Ivan and Jeanne.

You know what a snowbird is and you hate them.

You know why flamingos are pink. (shrimp consumption)

You think a six-foot alligator is actually pretty average.

You were twelve before you ever saw snow or you still haven't. (too true for may people)

[Justiciar]

You know you're a Northern Englishman when;

You ardently believe that all male Southerners are poofs. Even Northern Southerners. Indeed, anyone over a mile in yon' direction from your current possition are a bunch of nancy boys.

You just know that those cretins over the hills are out to get you.

You secretly long to wear a flat cap.

You have a deep-seated affection for small furry animals with "ets" at the end of their names.

You despise London, even though you've only been there once.

You fondly remember Fred Dibnah as the Messiah.

You cringe when you hear the word bath pronounced "Barth".

You cringe when you hear the word bath, period.

[Lemur]

I haven't been in my adopted state long enough to put together my own definitive list, so I'm cribbing mine: (I can confirm 1, 4, 7, 9, 12, 19, 20 and 26)

You know you’re from Wisconsin when …

1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
2. "Vacation" means going up north past Crivitz for the weekend.
3. You measure distance in hours.
4. You know several people who have hit deer more than once.
5. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
6. Your whole family wears green and gold to church on Sunday.
7. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
8. You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.
9. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
10. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
11. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Fleet Farm at any given time.
12. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
13. You refer to the Packers as "we."
14. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.
15. You can identify an Illinois accent.
16. You have no problem spelling Milwaukee or Oconomowoc.
17. You consider Madison exotic.
18. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a cow next to your blue spruce.
19. Down South to you means Chicago.
20. A brat is something you eat.
21. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new machine shed.
22. You go out to fish fry every Friday.
23. You know how to polka.
24. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
25. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
26. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."

[woad&fangs]

I haven't been in my adopted state long enough to put together my own definitive list, so I'm cribbing mine: (I can confirm 1, 4, 7, 9, 12, 19, 20 and 26)

You know you’re from Wisconsin when …

1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who have hit deer more than once.
4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
5. You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.
6. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
7. You refer to the Packers as "we."
8. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.
9. You can identify an Illinois accent.
10. You have no problem spelling Milwaukee or Oconomowoc.
11. You consider Madison exotic.
12. Down South to you means Chicago.
13. A brat is something you eat.
14. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new machine shed.
15. You know how to polka.
16. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."

I have done or seen all of these. In addition you are a Wisconsinite if you play Euchre and/or cribbage on a daily basis. As for the final one about 0 degrees being a bit chilly, The only time I put on a coat last winter was for deer hunting and we had a solid week where the lows were in the -10's and the highs were in the single digits(Farenheit).

[Ramses II CP]

You know you're an American when...

1. You can't find Pakistan, Sudan, North Korea, or Iran on a political map.
2. You can't find anything on a terrain map.
3. You wonder why all the words on an Australian map are written upside down.
4. You're sure Greenland is just a little bit bigger than Africa and Canada is at least four times the size of China.
5. You own a product with a 'Made in the USA' label.
6. You drive a modern American car.
7. You still own the same car you drove when gas was last at 99 cents a gallon.
8. You speak only one language... and wonder why everyone else doesn't.
9. You attend a 'megachurch.'
10. You've heard someone seriously advance the 'Nuke 'em' theory of defeating terrorism.



P.S. Only 4 of those are actually 99% true. You pick which four.

Edit: FYI I am an American and I didn't intend this list as USA bashing.

[Strike For The South]

The list everyones been waiting for

You no longer associate bridges with water.
You can say 110 degrees without fainting.
You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
You can make instant sun tea.
You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a bit chilly.
You discover that in July it takes only two fingers to drive your car.
You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
You know the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
Hot water comes out of both taps.
You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning.
You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work.
You realize asphalt has a liquid state.
It's so hot the birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.
It's so hot that potatoes cook underground and all you have to do for lunch is to pull one out and add butter with trimmings.
It's so hot farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard boiled eggs.
You only know five spices: salt, pepper, Ranch dressing, BBQ sauce and ketchup.
You design your Halloween costume to fit over Wranglers and cowboy boots.
The mosquitoes have landing lights.
You have more miles on your tractor than your car.
You have 10 favorite recipes for deer meat.
You've taken your kids trick-or-treating when it was 90 degrees outside.
You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
You can write a check at Dairy Queen for two Hunger Busters and fries.
You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your cowboy boots.
People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the ark.
The preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering." and five guys stand up.
A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."
When it rains, everyone is smiling.
The choir group is known as the "OK Chorale."
The Pastor wears boots.
Four generations of the same family sit together in worship.
There is no such thing as a "secret" sin.
Baptism is referred to as "branding."
Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.
High notes on the organ can set the dogs to howling.
People wonder, when Jesus fed 5,000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish.
The final words of the benediction are, "Ya'll come back now, ya hear?"
It's a common misconception that everything is twice as big in Texas, really, everything is 1.965 times bigger, but we round up.
It's a common misconception that the women have big hair. In fact this was outlawed in July 1977. There is a task force and they are doing their best to reach every last woman. Bear with us.
It's a common misconception that JR Ewing still lives here. That was a TV show people! Come on! Chuck Norris, on the other hand, is a real, karate-choppin' Texas Ranger.
It's a common misconception that we have killer bees, fire ants, gigantic roaches and mosquitoes and other awful insects, tornadoes, hurricanes, and damaging hailstorms. We tend to think of them as a few bitty bugs and a bad hair day.
It's a common misconception that everyone speaks with a Texas accent. Y'all just don't know what y'all are talkin' about.