So apparently were all doomed

[ZombieFriedNuts]

We are all doomed did you know that we are overdue for a super massive volcano that will destroy everything in its path and a kill all are food supplies yay, we are also overdue for a life destroying meteor strike from space that will kill just about everything yay again, if global warming doesn’t get us we are actually overdue for another ice age mm freezing, and then just about everyone is making Nuclear bombs mm crispy, if that doesn’t get us then a terrorist who wants to get horny in the next life might, then there is cancer we can’t enjoy food now because just about everything contains cancer friendly ingredients, and then there is the impending zombie apocalypse and for some reason the octosquid that has popped up in the last couple of week from god knows where and lets not for get the actual biblical apocalypse but I’m an atheist so I don’t have to worry about that. Should we all just do a lemming and jump of a cliff.

[Husar]

No, that's counterproductive.
If we're all dead, those catastrophies cannot kill anyone anymore which wouldn't make them catastrophies, thus when we're all dead it's the end of all catastrophies but since we're all dead we cannot profit from the end of all catastrophies.

[Gregoshi]

I think I have it figured out. Most of these things can cancel each other.

We can set off some nukes to create a nuclear winter which counters the global warming. The super volcano should warm things up enough to neutralize the nuclear winter and put enough debris in the atmosphere to block out the sun, thus saving us from skin cancer. As for the other cancers, we can negotiate with the zombies to only eat the cancerous parts of our bodies - its a win-win for both of us. We can get the octosquids and the terrorists to go at each other, as they will be the biggest threats to each other should the other take power.

Now that I've saved the world from impending doom, I'm taking the rest of the day off.

[Viking]

The super volcano should warm things up enough to neutralize the nuclear winter and put enough debris in the atmosphere to block out the sun, thus saving us from skin cancer.

I think that blocked out sunlight will just make the nuclear winter even colder.

[Gregoshi]

I recall that such ash would introduce a green house like effect, but I could be mistaken. Beside, it worked well in my "logic" to save the world. If there is one thing we've learned in today's world, don't let facts and logic interfere with a great plan.

[Xiahou]

I think that blocked out sunlight will just make the nuclear winter even colder.

Nonsense, the science is settled and a consensus has been reached.

[Duke John]

Before we wish each other a pleasant weekend; what about the meteor, Greg?

[Viking]

What makes super vulcanoes as dangerous as they are, is all the fine ash particles they spew out that blocks the sunlight, and thus the temperature will sink. The reduced sunlight will of course also be bad for the harvests, but that is another subject.

Here is a recent example:

This very large stratospheric injection resulted in a reduction in the normal amount of sunlight reaching the earth's surface by up to 5% (see figure). This led to a decrease in northern hemisphere average temperatures of 0.5–0.6 °C (0.9–1.1 °F), and a global fall of about 0.4 °C (0.7 °F). At the same time, the temperature in the stratosphere rose to several degrees higher than normal, due to absorption of radiation by the aerosols. The stratospheric cloud from the eruption persisted in the atmosphere for three years after the eruption.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pinatubo#Global_effects


It turns out the heat will never reach the ground.

[CrossLOPER]

So how is all this supposed to happen in 2012?

[Rodion Romanovich]

We are all doomed did you know that we are overdue for a super massive volcano that will destroy everything in its path and a kill all are food supplies yay, we are also overdue for a life destroying meteor strike from space that will kill just about everything yay again, if global warming doesn’t get us we are actually overdue for another ice age mm freezing, and then just about everyone is making Nuclear bombs mm crispy, if that doesn’t get us then a terrorist who wants to get horny in the next life might, then there is cancer we can’t enjoy food now because just about everything contains cancer friendly ingredients, and then there is the impending zombie apocalypse and for some reason the octosquid that has popped up in the last couple of week from god knows where and lets not for get the actual biblical apocalypse but I’m an atheist so I don’t have to worry about that. Should we all just do a lemming and jump of a cliff.

The octosquid conspiracy is rising! Prepare to be assimilated liberated.

[Gregoshi]

Before we wish each other a pleasant weekend; what about the meteor, Greg?

Sorry DJ, ZFN put so many disasters in the OP, I missed the meteor.

Viking corrected me on the super volcano results. The volcano will compound the nuclear winter it seems. The meteor will further enhance this by throwing more material into the atmosphere. However, while darkening the sun, this will produce a triple layer of insulation which should hold in what heat the Earth already has. Add to this the effects of heat from the nukes and we shouldn't have to worry about freezing during several years of sun block. Now, as Viking mentioned, the reduced sunlight certainly won't help farming, but the extra rich volcanic material that will be settling to the ground should provide a reduced-light-cancelling boost to crop growth.

Now, if the meteor hits the ocean, a likely case, then we'll have lots of water vapor in the atmosphere, which normally would result in a greenhouse situation. What it may do, in fact, is cleanse the volcanic ash from the atmosphere via rain - which also takes the moisture/cloud cover from the atmosphere as well. Thus the cold inducing ash and the greenhouse inducing water vapor cancel each other and that the same time deposit the ash on our farm fields. The rich volcanic soil coupled with the bountiful rainfall should yield bumper crops, thus ending hunger planet wide.

Seems to me such a chain reaction of disasters could be the best thing that ever happened to Earth.

[spmetla]

If the sky is knocked out at least there won't be any full moons for werewolves but according to the 30 days of night movie we'll all be vampire food then. Sheesh, as if zombies weren't enought, know we need shotguns AND garlic cloves.

[ZombieFriedNuts]

Woo I forgot the black hole machine that’s under the Franco-Swiss border yay

[Fragony]

was, sadly

[Gregoshi]

Woo I forgot the black hole machine that’s under the Franco-Swiss border yay

Not a problem - maybe for our ancestors, but not us. If the Earth gets sucked into one of these man made black holes, we will begin to approach the speed of light under the massive gravitational pull and then time dialation kicks in. We'll live out our lives before we reach the event horizon of the black hole (when the Earth finally perishes).

[Husar]

Darkness?

Did you all not see Pitch Black?

[Ronin]

you are all forgetting about the reality TV apocalypse!!

[RoadKill]

orrr... we could just sit at home and drink beer, that will solve all our problems for sure.