Join the Army: A Pontic AAR

**Hooahguy** · 12-24-2007, 15:12

this is hilarious- a stark turn-away from the other AARs, with all the slang and stuff!

**russia almighty** · 12-24-2007, 20:18

271: The battle continues

So us and the now darker Galatian's are moving forward to knock down the walls . I'm stuck pushing the thing forward . When I thought of battering ram I usually though of something simpler . Anyway the Galatian's are pushing that thing like it's nothing . I guess that's because all of them have been in the world strongest man tournament's .....or was it those mysterious men from the far North West ?

I think our Commander's bodyguards tried gettin some and failed ....hardly. Now look at them . They spend all there time covering there junk . Like those dweeb's have any . They sat back there the whole battle .

Us and Galatian's finally reached the wall's and began knocking the shit out of them .

**Wolfman** · 12-24-2007, 22:51

This is Hilarious! Don't forget to lace some of that herb wit some Sherm loc.
@BerkleyBoi: You got it right. Although you forgot the 25 inch rims and the stereo turned up to the max. I live in the south eastern U.S. and its hilarious to see a car thats the same height as a pick up truck.

**russia almighty** · 12-24-2007, 23:33

The gate was broken down and we charged in . Awaited us were skirmisher's . Obviously the richer squatter's felt they were too good to fight us . A lot more of the knive wielding poor sod's came for us too . I don't know how many of those shank fighter's I killed but I did the world a favor . I wonder how the Carthaginians get anything done against the horde's of them in Iberia. I think it's all the hot women there

After the Theuropoi jumped in the skirmishers finally broke and we cut them down.

This is Ambros a non-pale skinned Galatian reporting in. While my friend Xenophon got stuck fighting skrimishers we got had a good fight against an armored enemy who was numerically superior . I should note despite being a "dirty" barbarian I'm more educated than our Greek friend :) He also doesn't know that I've been doing stuff with his older sister too and I'm only 17 .

After seeing the skirmisher's break the leader of the squatter's advanced to push back the attacker's . At least that's what he hoped .

**The Persian Cataphract** · 12-25-2007, 01:10

Oh yeah, this one rocks. There are too few after action reports focusing on comedy; There's Artaserse's classic "Parthian Wasteland", but other than that the completely gangsta weed-addicted white rapper attitude just works.

Keep it up. Here's a Christmas treat to everyone's favourite Ethiopian

**russia almighty** · 12-25-2007, 01:53

We and the Theuro's pushed forward . My friend Ambros and his boys after killing the Hoplite's were making a flanking maneuver behind them. We pushed the leader's unit apart separating him from his men .

We finally killed him and made our charge towards the square where more enemies met us .

The fighting was brutal . The Galatian's in a rage waded through the line to get to the front to fight. My unit and Ambro's unit was depleted severely . After we won we celebrated first in the square and then on the beaches . Ambros was severely injured so he had to sit them out . The commander with the imperial police forced us out to prevent any sacking .

**russia almighty** · 12-25-2007, 05:08

Xenophon is gonna be losing the gangster attitude very soon . You'll like his replacement and it will be fitting .

Before I go on any idea on how to get those up close face shots that the dude who did wasteland did ?

"By Zeus what the hell happened ?" Ambros said .

"Those Trapzintine's did a number on you buddy . You passed out after we killed the final defender's in the square . Your tunic under your mail was soaked red from all over," a man in the cart said ,"were heading back to Amaseia to get new bodies , get more supplies and probably get ready for another campaign ."

"Ugggh ." Ambros moaned before going back to sleep.

As for me I got out of the battle unscathed . My linen got torn in some places but I didn't get injured . My buddy Ambros got ****ed up pretty bad. Anyway in Trapezous we partied like mad , probably left a bunch of love child's behind and were reinforced by loyal Pezoi class men in the town .

This is everyone's favorite former con-artist here . After that little show in Trapezous the ski resort Ani-Kamah bowed down to the will of Pontic Emperor .I did a little poking around in town and found a few good finds . An boy did I.

I've relocated and we married . I better keep quiet how I might have to be paying child support to that fine lady back in Trapezous . Maybe my new wife will agree to a threesome ....... we can hope .

**russia almighty** · 12-25-2007, 06:36

Coming soon

The Road to Pellas: How Xeonphon , Ambros and others get suckered into a long ass reenlistment .

Anyway my last one for a little while (like 1 day.)

The Road to Anakyra

We marched from Trapezous to meet up with an army. We were getting sent to Anakyra . A barbarian hold out but supposedly there were fine celtic women which made my day .

Like this lady who is Ambro's sister but way more of them .

Anakyra . A name that strikes fear into any warrior . Elite or not . There is a hold out of men (and a couple kids ) who are so hard core that they can fight phalangists with there bare hands. Our seer said only the Jomsvikings who will appear in about 900 years give or take will match them . Even the women are monsters in there own way . They're definitely the epitome of freaks in the bed .

We finally met with the army outside of Amaseia . I met up with Ambros who was doing much better . I also restocked on my Scythican herb on a quick trip to Sinope . My father was happy to see me . I told him , my mom and sister about my adventure in Trapezous . Anyway Ambros doesn't know that I already know he has been messing with my sister . I don't really care but his sister is now fare game for everyone's favorite 19 year old Sinopian .

I also met this dude named ...well I can't really pronounce it . He's from a Nubian who somehow is fighting in the Thorakitai . Speaks in clicks but some how I can understand the click but not his name . That's weird . A gift from Ahura-Mazda-Zeus-Buddha-Yaweh-Thor-2pac?