Reuniting the Tribes: A Getai AAR

[Hooahguy]

Chapter 41, Part 1: The Second Battle of the Euboian Hills

We got a scare at the end of the year. A Pontic army moved to positions on the continent.


We rushed our northern army to rush to the area.


When asked if this will endanger the settlements near our border with the Romani, the council said that our spies report that the Romani are tied up in Gaul, waging war with the Aedui. But we would still have to keep a watchful eye on our border.

Back in Greece, Tarsa moved his army to the northern end of Euboia.


A very large Makedonian force attacked us, almost immediately after landing.


We got into our positions.


We switched our forces around a bit though.
Our cavalry were on the left,


And the Galatians and Thraikians on the right, because of the farmhouse on the right flank could be used as a hideout for them.


The battle began with a move by some Makedonian skirmishers moving against our cavalry wing. We quickly routed them.


Then some heavy cavalry tried to flank our main formation.


They were swarming our Komatai Epilektoi, so Tarsa charged them, routing them.


The Makedonians soon met our lines, and the fiercest battle we had ever had developed. It began on the left flank, when Thraikian mercenaries met our Komatai Epilektoi.


Their phalangites met our Dacian phalanxes, and we soon saw that they were a match for our men, especially in the middle of our lines.


We could not send in our Galatians and Thraikians because they were tied up chasing down some hoplites and Peltastai.


Our middle was very hard pressed, and many were nervous about it breaking, and having the middle collapse.


The situation got very desperate. We were about to break.


At about that time, our cavalry began rolling up the enemy flank, routing all of them in their path.


They soon got to the scene, and our phalangites got some relief.


But it wasn’t enough. The Makedonians were about to break through our lines, being pushed on from the back by our cavalry. Tarsa sent in all our horse archers, who were out of arrows, to plug the gap. They did, and paid for it dearly.
One unit of horse archers only had 3 men left, and they laid down their arms and routed, refusing to come back.


Soon after that, our men caught the Makedonian commander, and killed him.


Now everyone was thrown into confusion. Half of the Makedonians were routing, and the other half were rushing to our lines, trying to break them. Our forces weren't sure f we were winning or if we were fighting a losing battle.


After some much hard fighting, we killed most of the enemy force. The carnage was great, and a great deal of vomit was mixed in with the blood that was spilled on that day.


Nevertheless, we won, at a very great cost.


A day later, back in the camp, Tarsa was furious.
“DIZO! YOU ARE SO DEAD!”

“Sir, it wasn’t the plans fault- they put all their pressure on our center.”

“That is exactly the point! At least with the normal deployment, their pressure was evenly distributed. But with your dumb plan, they put all their pressure on the center and some on the flanks as well so we couldn’t reinforce. Also, the house which we used to hide the Galatians and Thraikians provided a bottleneck for our forces, so we couldn’t rush them to the area. Dizo, I hate to say this, but you gave me your word that this plan would work. It failed; we suffered 791 casualties, more than in all the battles against the Koinon Hellenon! Not only that, a unit of Steppe horse archers left our army! Others may follow our example. Then what will we do?!”

“Sir, there was nothing I could do to prevent that! It was your fault that you sent in the Steppe cavalry to plug in the gap, and not some other unit!”

“Excuse me! Every other unit was tied up! The situation was desperate!”

“You could have held on for a few more minutes! The fault was yours, not mine!”

“INSUBORDINATION! Don’t you DARE talk to me that way! I am your king, not your colleague!”

“I am sorry, my Vasil, but I really couldn’t have predicted this would happen.”

“I know, Dizo. Since I know the plan sounded good, I won't have you arrested for incompetence in battle, but I will demote you, and replace you with someone better.”

A messenger rode up, and whispered something to Tarsa.

“This meeting must end now. Dizo, stay in the camp and watch over it. Another Makedonian army has arrayed for battle against us.”

[Hooahguy]

Chapter 41, Part 2: The Third Battle of the Euboian Hills

Tarsa rushed from his tent and got on his horse. He galloped around the camp, yelling “Men, we are confronted with battle! Arise! Meet the enemy! Follow me!”

Not a man didn't follow their Vasil.

We battle was very much in their favor.

sorry, this battle was very tense, so i didnt get many pictures....

We waited tensely in our normal battle positions.


All of a sudden, we noticed some Makedonian cavalry amassing on our left flank.
We sent our left flank cavalry against them.


It was a trap. Some enemy spearmen were waiting to intercept them, but our men deftly avoided them and continued the chase.

Surprisingly, Tarsa rode up to the front of the lines, spurred his horse, raised his sword, and ordered a general advance, which hasn’t been done since Oroles has been our Vasil.

Our lines met.


The Makedonians were surprised, and completely forgot about our cavalry who were now behind them.


As our men were fighting against the Makedonians, a few noticed our cavalry thundering back, towards the Makedonians, and let out a giant cheer.

Our cavalry hit the enemy so hard, their lines crumbled immediately, and we ruthlessly chased them down.


As the day before, there was much killing.


The day was won, partially because of Tarsa’s courageous order to advance.


We chased them down all the way to Chalkis, and we entered the city, victorious.
With that, all Makedonian presence in Europe was eliminated.


Makedonian ambassadors came to us, asking for peace. Considering that we no loner had any reason to attack them, we accepted.


The 2nd Makedonian-Getic War was over.
We had lost 1,276 men, and had inflicted 9,840 casualties on the Makedonians.
We had lost more men than in any other war we waged, and we had killed less than the Koinon-Getic War, which has more battles and went on for longer than the 2nd Makedonian-Getic War.

But for now, we would have peace, gods willing, and our army would rest and refit, and get replacements.
When Tarsa was asked about whom we would conquer next, all he replied was, “Look west, my friend, look west.”

[Hooahguy]

no replies?
lol

[MarcusAureliusAntoninus]

Good going.

Going after Epeiros and/or Roma next?

[Hooahguy]

thats the next update.... /teaser

[Hooahguy]

Chapter 42: The Real “Red Scare”

With the conclusion of the 2nd Makedonian-Getic War, we had to concentrate on rebuilding our forces. It would take time, but we had to do it. We also demilitarized most of southern Hellas. We sent Borat, with his army, to watch the border with Pontos. We sent Rhemaxos back to watch the border with the Romani.
But then something came up. Rhemaxos was getting old, and we needed a replacement.
We found one in Kallatis, named Spargapeithes per Rekidava.


We also got new neighbors up north, when the Hai took over Tanais.


It didn't even take a season for the Romani to make our lookouts suspicious of their activities.


Sure enough, they attacked us, starting the 2nd Romani-Getic war.


The Romani amassed against us.


As with the battle before, Spargapeithes ordered a counter-charge, which routed all the Romani soldiers on the flanks in an instant. All who remained were the few soldiers in the middle.


We soon routed them, and it was a mass rout.


Our men chased them down ruthlessly.



Finally, only two men remained.


It was a great victory to start off a war.


But with that victory, came grave consequences.


The Sauromatae, who we had been allies with for 60 years, has broken the alliance, having to choose between the Romani and us.

Frantic because the Sauromatae had very powerful forces on the border, we hammered out a peace agreement with the Romani.


After that, we could make another alliance with Sauromatae, and their forces left the border.


But it didn't last.


Spargapeithes per Rekidava was getting old, and his hair began to turn white because of age. He would have to be replaced, but it would have to wait until after the battle.


The battle was short, but fierce. The biggest fights were on the flanks, and later in the middle of the field.

On the left flank, our men beat back a vicious Romani charge by their elite cavalry.


On the right flank, our elites established dominance over the Romani elite infantry.


The Romani broke, but rallied in the middle of the field, where a ferocious infantry (and some cavalry) battle began.


Finally, with a cavalry charge against their rear, the Romani broke, and we chased them down-again.


The day went to us, as usual.


After the battle, they came to us, once again seeking peace. We accepted.


After they left, the Council met, to discuss what was going on, and how to deal with it.

Antyros per Aedava began by citing the question that was on everyone’s minds- “Why would the Romani attack us when they are being assailed in their own homeland by Carthage?”


No one could figure out the reason, but we did get some interesting news from Councilman Diales:
“Do you remember that huge Epeirote army? Well, a Romani army badly mauled it, and wiped most of it out, including all their elephants!”
Antyros spoke up.
“What does that mean for us?”
“It means that all territory that belongs to Epeiros is up for our taking!”
“You know we can’t do that right now, Dizo. We have our hands full with the Romani constantly attacking us…. wait….. I have an idea. Spargapeithes’s army, which is a bit rundown from lack of training, shall be sent south to take over Epeiros, after we replace Spargapeithes.”

Councilman Kazurus objected.
“Antyros, is that a good idea right now? I mean, you just said how it wasn’t such a good idea, with our hands full with the Romani. Also, why do we need to replace Spargapeithes?”

“Councilman Kazurus, we will send that force south once our border is secure with the Romani. But think of it this way- if we can secure our border with the Romani, and even establish trade lines with them, we can reap a huge profit, considering there are ports in every Epeirote city. Plus, we will be able to fully demilitarize southern Hellas, cutting costs! We need to replace Spargapeithes per Rekidava because he is getting old, and he sent Tarsa a request to be removed from command, probably personal reasons.”

“What about sending Borat’s army, which has been moved out of Demetrias to guard the border with Pontos, to take over Epeiros?”

“And risk Pontos ravaging that sector of our lands? Noting doing. He stays there.”

“With all due respect, Antyros, this is a council, we shall vote.” Said Councilman Tauros.

The vote was taken if we should send Borat to take over Epeiros.
“The ayes are 27, the nays are 58 (5 councilmember’s per settlement). The motion is rejected.”

“Sorry Kazurus, He stays there. I am confident our Vasil can defeat any Romani invasion by himself.”

“So when do you think we can send Spargapeithes’s replacement and his army to invade Epeiros?”

“As soon as the Romani are no longer a threat to us.”

“And that will be when….”

“Don’t worry. I have everything figured out- we will break our alliance with Epeiros, try to get one with the Romani, and get military assistance from the Romani against Epeiros, not that we need it much. Now, we will vote in favor of it.”

“The ayes are 71, the nays are 9, and 5 abstain. The motion passes.”

[gamegeek2]

Yay, Borat!

[Charles the hammer]

I would like to say this is a great AAR. This is the first one ive read. I hope to see the what happens next. Also what other AARs would you recommend.

[gamegeek2]

I would like to say this is a great AAR. This is the first one ive read. I hope to see the what happens next. Also what other AARs would you recommend.

Oh! Oh! Read Mine! Read Mine! (see below)

Yeah this is a good one. Kinda like mine actually, except more popular. Great story with some humor, though more humor than mine.

[Hooahguy]

Chapter 43: the Illyrian War- Ambrakia

In the winter of 211, we broke our alliances with Epeiros and Carthage, a move questioned by many.


After some careful deliberating, we made an alliance with the Romani.


But it didn't last, and they withdrew their signatures a few months later.
Tarsa said, “It doesn’t matter- they will be next on our list of defeated foes.”

The Epeirote government was getting suspicious of us, so they withdrew their ambassadors from Buridava. Concerned that they would gear up for war and raise a huge army before Dula per Skaidava, the replacement for Spargapeithes per Rekidava, could get there.


So Tarsa sent Borat, who was itching for a fight, to take over Epeiros.
We declared war on Epeiros, and so began the Illyrian War.


Borat attacked a medium sized army near Ambrakia, the Epeirote capital, in the spring of 210.


A small detachment of the garrison of Ambrakia surprised us from the rear. We sent our Triballi Infantry as well as our Thraikians to deal with them, as well as some Thessalian cavalry and Skythian Cavalry to help them.


It was very heavy fighting.


Our Thessalians took very heavy beatings when they clashed with the uber-elite Epeirote bodyguards.


But we routed them, and our men returned to our lines.
Seeing their ambushing force defeated, the main Epeirote held back from engaging our army.
So we went to them, and they retreated before us.


Borat watched from a distance as they marched forwards, and kept saying to himself how he had misgivings about this battle, for it was fought on their favorable terms, not ours.


But a hundred yards after, they turned and charged, surprising our men. Very heavy fighting began, and didn't stop for a long time. Their elite phalangites held down our spearmen while their cavalry tried to flank us. But it didn't work, because our cavalry engaged their cavalry before they could hit our flanks.


We killed the first Epeirote general at that time.


The elite phalangites held on until our Thraikians charged them from the back.


A bit after we killed their second general.


The enemy began to rout, as usual.
)

The day was won.


But it was a costly battle.


We followed the remnants of the enemy army into Ambrakia, took over the city with little fight, and treated the inhabitants with our usual compassion.


Seeing that Epeiros was training a new army in Thermon, the last Epeirote stronghold, Borat took his army, left a medium-sized garrison in Ambrakia (Epidamnos wasn’t a threat as of yet), and laid siege to Thermon.


Once Thermon was taken, we could fully demilitarize southern Hellas, and we would move on to our last few targets......

[gamegeek2]

can i see your current money?

[Hooahguy]

not with me right now.... but i can say its not much.....
lol

[gamegeek2]

"Very nice" as Borat would say.

You should put that as one of your quotes. Like he's looking at the walls, and he's like "Very Nice." Or when he's fighting and slashing his sword, he's like "Sexy Time." I suppose you've seen the movie?

[Kuningaz]

Amazing this is still so cool

[Hooahguy]

ok, heres my financial situation.....


as you can see its very, very limited. once i take over thermon i can disband most of my men in hellas....

[Terror]

This is one of the best AARs here!

"Hi, we're the Hai!"
"Um, hi?"

Brilliant.

The romans wish they wouldn't have to drink Gallic Blend anymore.. but they will... THEY MUST!

[gamegeek2]

Nice Seleukid Expansion there.

[SwissBarbar]

thats the funnies aar ever

[gamegeek2]

No, this is the third funniest, behind the Waste Land and (#1) Join the Army.

However, it is just as good anyways.

[Hooahguy]

Chapter 44: Thermon

After 2 years of besieging the city, a hungry garrison marched out in the mid-afternoon on a sunny summer day.


Both sides were tired from the long siege, but their side more so, and as a result, our lines were disorganized.


The Epeirotes marched out, confident that their formation, thick columns, could back through our lines, breaking the siege.


As they slowly made their way out of the city, our horse archers eagerly let loose with their arrows, cutting down many Hellenes.


When the lines did collide, our Thraikians and Triballi Infantry surrounded the phalanxes.


On the left flank, our cavalry charged the infamous Epeirote bodyguards.


We killed one of the enemy commanders.


When a prisoner we had captured heard the news that the garrison commander was dead, he shook his head and mumbled something about the other commander.
When we prodded him about it, he said that the other garrison commander tended to become insane when confronted with a battle situation. But as long as he wasn’t in battle, he was a decent governor.
We just laughed and prepared for the difficult battle that our men would need to fight to get into the city.

We soon were proven how insane this guy was. Our cavalry sighted him just outside the city, alone with his bodyguard, shouting orders to an apparently imaginary army.


After we pushed back the main force back into the city, our men formed a wall of spears just outside their gate.


After the initial counterattack was stopped, our Thraikians attacked both of the enemy flanks.


Our men pushed to the gate, slaying everyone in their paths.


But they were delayed from entering the gate by a small group of dogged levy phalangites. So we gave them the cold steel treatment.


We took over the gate, and the defenders fell back to the center plaza, urged on by the insane general.



Once we had most of our mobile infantry and some cavalry inside, we reorganized for the final push into the plaza.


When we were ready, we charged down the roads, our men thirsty for blood. I went along for the fun, and to see how quickly they killed the enemy.


Our men attacked the enemy in the plaza. I watched from a distance, along with an injured Thraikian who received a blade through his hand and couldn’t hold his rhompaia anymore, but still wanted to see the battle.


The insane general shouted orders fruitlessly to his men, who were fighting for their doomed lives.


Our men swiftly destroyed the main enemy resistance, along with a small band of levy phalangites who made a gallant, but futile, last stand.


Our men headed for a small group of slingers, who were talking to the insane general, attempting to talk him into some sense and surrendering the city before they die.
They weren't successful, because the slingers died.


Finally, the general was alone. Our men didn't kill him at once, for they were enjoying making a mockery of the man.


At last, a frustrated Thraikians thrust his rhompaia through the general’s heart, killing him. We had taken the city.


We hadn’t paid too dearly for this victory, and got a laugh or two out of it.


Thermon was ours, we treated them with kindness, as we normally did with people so infected by Hellenic customs so backward there was no going back.


A bit after, an Epeirote envoy came to us, begging for peace. We accepted.


Meanwhile, a small force traveled to the trade city of Kydonia, and made it a part of the Getic confederation.


In Asia Minor, the Galatians there overthrew their oppressive Hellenic rulers, and declared themselves a sovereign country.


But one thing really alarmed us. Pontos was no longer our neighbor to the southeast. The Makedonians were.


In 207, an earthquake hit Naissos. There weren't many casualties, but a stone fell and killed Koryllos per Patridava, a family member.

“My Vasil, will you be attending his funeral?”
“Of course, but the question is should I care very much? Wasn’t he the one who kept putting worms in my soup a few years ago?”
“Yes, my Vasil, I believe he was the one. You threw a big fit and swore that you would live to see his funeral.”
“Wow, that came true I guess. Well, to hell with him, he was young and little potential. Can’t do much with a man who gets sick every other day, can you?”
“Very true my Vasil, very true. But won't Antyros per Aedava be offended? After all, he was his brother-in-law.”
“Nah. Antyros was the one who told me about it- in person. He hasn’t looked that happy since his wife had a child last year. Apparently Koryllos was a jerk to him as well.”
“All right then, what about the fact that the Makedonians are our new neighbors?”
“To hell with them too! The last thing I need- another confrontation with them. Not only that, the Romani are approaching with another large army.”

[Olaf Blackeyes]

YAYZZZZZZ!!! FORE TEHZZ CHOAS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok on a serious note hoohaguy i LOVE your work this is the funniest of all AARs ive read so far plz keep teh goodness coming

BTW note: where is that free icecream again?

[MarcusAureliusAntoninus]

Yayz, indeed.
Quite a nice empire you've got now.

[gamegeek2]

Have Borat comment on the weird world he's destroying.

"These Greeks - these people are crazy! Horse cannot vote in dis country! Why not! In Pahlava (about Kazhakstan), horse can vote, but woman cannot. Not that we vote on much. Also, look; they have homosexuals in the street, and they like to have sexy time with a little boy. At least they have no Jews!"

(Just to note, I am not antisemtic, sexist, racist, or entirely ignorant about Kazhakstan. The movie just makes me roffel)

[Ibrahim]

Have Borat comment on the weird world he's destroying.

"These Greeks - these people are crazy! Horse cannot vote in dis country! Why not! In Pahlava (about Kazhakstan), horse can vote, but woman cannot. Not that we vote on much. Also, look; they have homosexuals in the street, and they like to have sexy time with a little boy. At least they have no Jews!"

(Just to note, I am not antisemtic, sexist, racist, or entirely ignorant about Kazhakstan. The movie just makes me roffel)

well, the guy who acted as Borat was Jewish IIRC.

[satalexton]

*starts singing*
In my country there's a problem, and that problem is transport.....

[Hooahguy]

not only that i am jewish, so i would feel guilty of saying things like that.....
but maybe, i will try....

[gamegeek2]

Eh, so was Sasha Baron Cohen...

[ludwag]

In chapter 3, how did you get the Rhompaiaphoroi that eary? And in the first turn, how did you get that many elite skirmishers?

[Hooahguy]

*sigh*

its called RP, or Role-playing.
in my game i pretended that the settlements i started with/captured were already built up, hence why i got the elites so fast.

but its not that bad b/c i gave (at certain times) my enemies some elite troops (using the "create_unit command) to balance it out... slightly....

[ludwag]

What is the rules of roleplaying?