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Thread: The Limerick House

  1. #1

    Default The Limerick House

    I don't know if any of you enjoy clean, clever humour, however this part of the forum seems inhabited by those members who tend to contribute themselves to the community rather than commit rapine upon it, and leave when they have their prey.
    Therefore I would hope there are some here who inspire intelligence, and themselves have been inspired, and can use their wisdom and speedy current of wit to the use of more creative humour than what I have already seen.
    This failed in the, "Humour Thread", and if my advertisement posted earlier hasn't put me in Contempt of Off-Topic Forum, I would like to christen a, "Limerick House".

    Generally, I rule in favour of humour, and certainly in favour of true Limericks.
    I especially would love to see Limericks devised by the poster, instead of well-known ones - in faithful memory of the Irish drinking games!

    If this does take a place with the populace here, I will begin to author my own, (There is never any shortage of words or subjects for a Limerick!), but to start I will issue one quite unheard of, written by a New Zealander attorney, (I will add his name just as readily as I remember it!)

    "There once was a man from Abnostle,
    Who whilst mining discovered a fossil,
    He could tell from the bend,
    And the knob on the end,
    'Twas the penis of Paul the Apostle".


    (I'll now utter a prayer of long life!)

  2. #2
    Tree Killer Senior Member Beirut's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Limerick House

    A new member in The Frontroom did write
    A thread of limericks with humour quite tight
    But the thread won't last long
    If it obsseses on shlong
    T'will be deletion with naught left in sight
    Unto each good man a good dog

  3. #3
    Speaker of Truth Senior Member Moros's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Limerick House

    An axe swinging tree killer called Beirut,
    a guy I never quite fully understood,
    is however the mod
    made by Tosa, our God.
    Guess I'll say that his limerick was good.


    No offence big guy, just the only thing I could come up with.

  4. #4

    Default Re: The Limerick House

    A verse dripping with sarcasm,
    Spewed from the mouth of a dark chasm,
    Well I can't ignore it,
    So you'd best withdraw it,
    And desist from your verbal stark spasms

  5. #5
    Speaker of Truth Senior Member Moros's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Limerick House

    :p I'm starting to like you.

  6. #6
    Tree Killer Senior Member Beirut's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Limerick House

    Tell us who do you speak of dear Glenn
    When you limericked in that post way back when
    You spoke of sarchasm
    That came from a spasm
    And it drove you right over the bend
    Unto each good man a good dog

  7. #7
    Keeper of the Pax Romanum Member TruePraetorian's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Limerick House

    The frontroom sat there quietly and watched
    As two grown men pulled out the stops
    I sat back with a snicker
    As the toddlers bickered
    And opened up a new bottle of scotch


    Ha funny
    Last edited by TruePraetorian; 01-20-2008 at 19:48.
    The Gods envy us.

    They envy us because we are mortal, because any moment might be our last.
    Everything is more beautiful because we are doomed.
    You will never be lovlier than you are now.

    We will never be here again.

  8. #8

    Default Re: The Limerick House

    Beirut,

    You know very well who I censured,
    But I do wish others would venture,
    To write of their mothers,
    Or lovers, or brothers,
    For the sake of my Limerick tenure.

    Therefore, in the eyes of all,
    This cannot be personal,
    Write me a riddle,
    Of a man from Al Weidl,
    Or Jeddah, or Georgia, or Gaul.

  9. #9
    Tree Killer Senior Member Beirut's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Limerick House

    Do I play Nero while the Frontroom is burning
    Do you not think from your rhymes I am learning
    I shall not stand idle and fiddle
    While you acost with great riddle
    And as poets we set stomach's a turning
    Unto each good man a good dog

  10. #10

    Default Re: The Limerick House

    I'm sorry - your poem made no sense,
    But, Beirut I believe you not dense,
    So I'll give you a chance,
    To gather your stance,
    In creativity and present tense.

  11. #11
    Tree Killer Senior Member Beirut's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Limerick House

    You mock me, dear sir, with your pen
    Well then hear of dark futures when
    My pen will do battle
    Causing foundations to rattle
    Prepare for poetry warfare my friend
    Unto each good man a good dog

  12. #12
    Bureaucratically Efficient Senior Member TinCow's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Limerick House

    From a post of mine about a week ago in the Citadel:

    There once was a thread on the Guild
    That was entirely filled
    With posts of pure drivel
    In tones most uncivil
    And so it was eventually killed.


  13. #13

    Default Re: The Limerick House

    Now, you see he has the idea,
    Whereas your threats are unclear,
    You promise war and battle,
    On and on you rattle,
    When I've already won, I fear.

    So I will write you an example,
    Of a proper poem, a sample,
    Study it close,
    The words of your host,
    And answer with something ample.

    There once was a man from Quebec,
    And from him we can only expect,
    To hear him compose,
    Lines rather prose,
    Even if he's moderate-elect.

  14. #14
    Enlightened Despot Member Vladimir's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Limerick House

    Please tell me DevDave is banned from this thread.


    Reinvent the British and you get a global finance center, edible food and better service. Reinvent the French and you may just get more Germans.
    Quote Originally Posted by Evil_Maniac From Mars
    How do you motivate your employees? Waterboarding, of course.
    Ik hou van ferme grieten en dikke pinten
    Down with dried flowers!
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 



  15. #15
    Tree Killer Senior Member Beirut's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Limerick House

    Quote Originally Posted by Glenn
    So I will write you an example,
    Of a proper poem, a sample,
    Study it close,
    The words of your host,
    And answer with something ample.
    An ample solution of rhyme
    Should not take too much of my time
    But limericks are short
    My Bardish cohort
    A true poem has more than five lines
    Unto each good man a good dog

  16. #16
    Needs more flowers Moderator drone's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Limerick House

    Quote Originally Posted by Vladimir
    Please tell me DevDave is banned from this thread.
    A limerick thread, trouble could mean
    Since themes tend towards the obscene
    This thread, it was prime
    For bannable rhyme
    But Dave's nowhere to be seen.

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    Sorry, best I could do
    The .Org's MTW Reference Guide Wiki - now taking comments, corrections, suggestions, and submissions

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  17. #17
    Best Laugh on the Seven Seas Member Good Ship Chuckle's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Limerick House

    In the Holiday spirit...Even if it's a little late.

    There once was a man from Nantucket
    Who was fat, jolly, and scarlet
    He felt far too warm
    And liked snowstorms
    Thus decided to move from Nantucket

    He didn’t have a car or a truck it
    But he didn’t want to quit and say "f*&# it!"
    So he gathered up some reindeer
    Tied ‘em to a sleigh, my dear
    And flew to the pole as he trucked it

    To this day he does not miss Nantucket
    ‘Cause he has got all sorts of junk it
    Which every Christmas eve
    He pulls out of his sleeve
    And gives to the children of Nantucket

    When your mama jokes aren't funny anymore, who ya gonna call?
    Eshmunazar lol

    Laughin' out loud since 251 BC.

  18. #18

    Default Re: The Limerick House

    Well that wasn't quite easily flowing,
    But at last this thread's finally going,
    And people are joining,
    With their jesting and fawning,
    As Beirut is desperately blowing.

    I delight at the sound of this Dave,
    His rhymes sound awfully brave,
    I hope he will grace,
    This lowly place,
    And write me the jokes I crave.

  19. #19
    Enlightened Despot Member Vladimir's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Limerick House

    There once was a man named Dev Dave,
    As a man he was hearty and brave,
    To the Mods he was a fearful sight!
    With a heartful of song and a pocket stuffed with dong
    I know he won't leave us for long


    (It's nice how well long rhymes with dong, don't you think?)
    Last edited by Vladimir; 01-24-2008 at 17:34.


    Reinvent the British and you get a global finance center, edible food and better service. Reinvent the French and you may just get more Germans.
    Quote Originally Posted by Evil_Maniac From Mars
    How do you motivate your employees? Waterboarding, of course.
    Ik hou van ferme grieten en dikke pinten
    Down with dried flowers!
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 



  20. #20
    Finder of Little Oddities Senior Member Makanyane's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Limerick House

    A well written rhyme need not be crude,
    for limericks to be fun without offending a prude,
    talk of things long,
    that don't here belong,
    should be replaced with something less rude......


    (God that was awful - this is more difficult than it looks)
    Not used mods before? Looking for something small and fun?!
    Download the:

  21. #21
    Enlightened Despot Member Vladimir's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Limerick House

    Quite oft' when people talk of money,
    The less mature think it's quite funny,
    With their knowledge of markets quite lame,
    Themselves they have only to blame.
    What do they think of Poo covered in honey?


    Reinvent the British and you get a global finance center, edible food and better service. Reinvent the French and you may just get more Germans.
    Quote Originally Posted by Evil_Maniac From Mars
    How do you motivate your employees? Waterboarding, of course.
    Ik hou van ferme grieten en dikke pinten
    Down with dried flowers!
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 



  22. #22
    Ranting madman of the .org Senior Member Fly Shoot Champion, Helicopter Champion, Pedestrian Killer Champion, Sharpshooter Champion, NFS Underground Champion Rhyfelwyr's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Limerick House

    (Do not be nasty towards your fellow Orgsters in the Frontroom - Beirut)
    Last edited by Beirut; 01-28-2008 at 12:44.
    At the end of the day politics is just trash compared to the Gospel.

  23. #23
    Speaker of Truth Senior Member Moros's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Limerick House

    It seems that the poster above
    didn't spread feelings of love
    but Bierut stepped in
    So now lets begin
    and rhyme about more gentle stuff.

  24. #24
    Speaker of Truth Senior Member Moros's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Limerick House

    In the gameroom there are many thing to do
    Like signing up for CDTC two,
    you really should play it
    I just had to say it
    now go and spread the word too!

  25. #25
    Finder of Little Oddities Senior Member Makanyane's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Limerick House

    The prospect of a large mafia game
    has caused members to go quite insane
    with moderators a spamming
    and poets a hamming
    threads rapidly become quite inane!
    Not used mods before? Looking for something small and fun?!
    Download the:

  26. #26
    Praefectus Fabrum Senior Member Anime BlackJack Champion, Flash Poker Champion, Word Up Champion, Shape Game Champion, Snake Shooter Champion, Fishwater Challenge Champion, Rocket Racer MX Champion, Jukebox Hero Champion, My House Is Bigger Than Your House Champion, Funky Pong Champion, Cutie Quake Champion, Fling The Cow Champion, Tiger Punch Champion, Virus Champion, Solitaire Champion, Worm Race Champion, Rope Walker Champion, Penguin Pass Champion, Skate Park Champion, Watch Out Champion, Lawn Pac Champion, Weapons Of Mass Destruction Champion, Skate Boarder Champion, Lane Bowling Champion, Bugz Champion, Makai Grand Prix 2 Champion, White Van Man Champion, Parachute Panic Champion, BlackJack Champion, Stans Ski Jumping Champion, Smaugs Treasure Champion, Sofa Longjump Champion Seamus Fermanagh's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Limerick House

    Not mine, but written by a pal in High School c. 1980.

    There once was a young lad at Trinity,
    Tried to take the square root of infinity,
    But the number of digits,
    Gave him the fidgets,
    So he dropped math and took up Divinity.
    "The only way that has ever been discovered to have a lot of people cooperate together voluntarily is through the free market. And that's why it's so essential to preserving individual freedom.” -- Milton Friedman

    "The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule." -- H. L. Mencken

  27. #27
    Ranting madman of the .org Senior Member Fly Shoot Champion, Helicopter Champion, Pedestrian Killer Champion, Sharpshooter Champion, NFS Underground Champion Rhyfelwyr's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Limerick House

    Apologies to Glenn, I just meant it in a light-hearted way, didn't mean any offence.

    I did try to come up with a limerick for an apology, but I couldn't come up with any words that rhyme with apology or sorry, and my user name doesn't exactly lend itself to poety either.
    At the end of the day politics is just trash compared to the Gospel.

  28. #28
    Best Laugh on the Seven Seas Member Good Ship Chuckle's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Limerick House

    There once was a man with no life
    well, he did, but it was so full of strife
    so he typed on forums
    to cure his boredoms
    but still can find no relief


    The last word didn't exactly rhyme, but you get the picture.
    When your mama jokes aren't funny anymore, who ya gonna call?
    Eshmunazar lol

    Laughin' out loud since 251 BC.

  29. #29

    Default Re: The Limerick House

    I suffered an absence of note,
    Yet my house is visibly afloat,
    Some attempted offence,
    And were patronised thence,
    But I forgive them for whatever they wrote

    Now though there are some riddles here,
    Good Ship - it wasn't in the middle, clear,
    Moros, you lost it,
    At the end of your slosh-pit,
    So morbidly I shed a little tear

    Beirut has routed from sight,
    For fear or out of spite,
    Will someone attempt,
    To speak contempt,
    Or with their words cause slight?

    There was a soldier from Rome,
    Who under Pompeius had combed,
    All lands near Utica,
    For the gold or booty - ah!
    But Sulpicius had him stoned.

  30. #30
    Tree Killer Senior Member Beirut's Avatar
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    Default Re: The Limerick House

    Neither spite and certainly not fear
    Has caused my absence, my dear
    I like to write
    But five lines is too tight
    I prefer real poems when my pen gets in gear

    It's the same with women as with rhyme
    To play too quickly can be a crime
    Just because you cannot last
    Beyond a moment so fast
    Don't blame the rest of us for taking our time

    So anytime or anywhere
    My pen is up to the dare
    If you ever feel
    To battle with poems quite real
    I stand ready for literary warfare
    Unto each good man a good dog

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